Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Other Unfinished Indiana Jones Movies

With the new Indiana Jones movie almost out and covering an era 20 years later, I thought I would share other eras of the famous series:

The Prequels:

Indiana Jones and the Deadly Diaper – This is the earliest of the Indy series. Indy is four months old and not yet allowed to carry a whip. Watch as he struggles to remove his soiled diaper completely on his own. The seventeen minute drool scene is spell-binding.

Indiana Jones and the Golden Lego – As a toddler, Indy discovers a rare golden Lego while building an exact replica of Atlantis with Legos. The golden Lego, said to be the key building block to an entire civilization (though never explained because the writing staff wasn’t good enough to make any connections), Indy must thwart off evil school mates trying to trade him for the Lego by swapping lunches for it. The age old Twinkies and the strange sandwiches they offer up might be upsetting for some viewers.

Indiana Jones and the Machine of Desire – In this teenage Indiana era, he must take on the evil driving instructor and search for the elusive cruising car he has been desiring. Though he has acquired the whip, his mastery of it is far from perfected and well, how he imagines using it is a long way from the tree swing its current used for.

The Sequels:

Indiana Jones and the Mortgage Foreclosure – One of the darkest of the series. Indy has four kids and is actually trying to make it on a teacher’s salary. Out of shape for nearly 15 years in his head, he still thinks of himself as a daring adventurer but slowly regresses into daily drudgery. With an oversized house and inflationary prices, Indy must battle just to maintain their standard of living. The only real action in this film is a heated fight with the coaches out on the little league field where Indy sums up all of his years of battle into one all out tirade with the Coach. It’s not pretty…

Indiana Jones and the Pudding of Peril – A long retired Indy must save the retirement home residents from an evil pudding that has been in the cafeteria refrigerator plotting for over a decade. Watch as Indy nearly breaks a hip. The wheelchair chase finale is one for the books.

30 comments:

damon said...

I can't wait to see the new one. I love these movies.(except for the little Chinese kid - the Jar Jar Binx of the Indy series)

Hey, I heard in "Pudding of Peril", he uncovers the 'golden walker of immortality' and forever yells at kids to get off his lawn.

VE said...

damon - Walker of immortality...good one. Any earlier and it could have been the walker of immorality. I didn't mention the scene where his bowling ball tries to roll him down while he shuffles down the hallway...it's almost as good as the scene in the original first movie...well, except for the lame effects and lack of suspense that is.

NYD said...

What can you say about Indi Jones. He'll probably be making movies after he's dead and gone on to heaven.

Indiana Jones and the journey through limbo.

This is the one where he has to battle with God to let him into heaven even after all the thievery, murder and mayhem he's caused during his life.

VE said...

nyd - Good one. I'm sure that whip of his is the devil's instrument and therefore disqualifies him from heaven.

Michelle Ann said...

Someone, anyone needs to tell Harrison Ford that the Indy ship has long sailed. It's just wrong.

lime said...

i was thinking that in the pudding of peril indy might go looking for the dentures of destiny so he can have solid food again.

Bee said...

Your next sequel series should be Lara Croft…
Oh wait that was done via The Golden Girls.

quilly said...

Out of shape for nearly 15 years in his head

I believe you are missing a comma. For want of such things do entire comedy plots fail.

So, how long have you been jealous of fictional movie heroes? Have you talked to your shrink about this?

Theresa said...

I don't like "IJ and the Mortgage Foreclosure". We don't go to movies to watch stuff like that. Reality sucks.

VE said...

michelle - Yeah, I think we should leave the action stuff to younger folks...I don't need to be cringing worry about whether he broke a hip doing that stunt.

lime - That's a good one...dentures of destiny. I'm sure they can add another scene; I mean how much footage can you show of the retirement home anyway.

bee - Ha! Why were they Golden anyway? They looked pretty white haired to me.

quilly - Go looking for punctuation errors in my material and you'll have a FULL TIME JOB! Ha ha...oh, and no jealousy; just being a realist.

theresa - Yes, that one is a real downer. Nobody but the critics will see it and they'll love it of course because it is so down...

Mr Farty said...

Indiana Jones and the Grammer Nazis. Its got too be a winner.

btw, it's spelt "caber" :-P

VE said...

mr.farty - Oh no, you're one of them. It's like Invasion of the Body Snatchers: Grammer edition. Every one but me is in on it. Doh!

Beth said...

You saved me time and money with your excellent reviews. Not looking forward to seeing either those prequels or the sequels - especially the sequels. (Too close to reality.)

Serena Joy said...

See, this is how movies should be. They should tell the WHOLE story, from the cradle to the grave. Or to the wheelchair, anyway. I can't wait for the whole set on DVD, especially the one where a slightly doddering Indy sets off to find the Ark of the Ensure.

VE said...

beth - Yes, better off watching SpongeBob cause he's funny!

sj - The box set starts out in reel to reel, goes through Betamax and VHS, laser discs, DVDs, blue rays, and ends up in holographics.

HeyJoe said...

But is it NAZI pudding??

VE said...

heyjoe - No, they passed the baton to Al-Qaeda. It's their pudding.

yellojkt said...

And the last one is Indiana Jones and the Dirty Depends bringing the whole saga full circle just like the Planet of the Apes series.

Mother Theresa said...

How about Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Everlasting Zit Cream?

captain corky said...

Don't forget Indiana Jones and the Double Digit Gallon of Gas, coming out in the Summer of 09.

Mr. Fabulous said...

Damn it, this was a great idea for a post, I wish I had thought of it...

Jacki said...

I must be one of the few people not excited about another Indiana Jones movie. Actually, I have gotten so used to not going to the movie theater, that I am no longer interested in most movies these days. I'd rather read.

Good post, btw.

Anne said...

retired Indy? has he been making deposits into his 401k?

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I've got lots of deadly diapers over here....

RED MOJO said...

This new movie should be a riot, I can just picture him trying to escape the blades of a crashing helicopter on his lark!

VE said...

yellojkt - Excellent...an endless loop...sort of like hell

mother theresa - Really? That exists?

captain corky - File that sequel under the Horror section

mr. fab - You did. I stole it from you and then erased your memory...

jacki - What? No movies? But the popcorn is so fresh...

anne - I don't think he's been making deposits but I think he has been taking a depository

arizona - Aha...so you're the source!

red mojo - That's true...

Colin Campbell said...

Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Crematorium The Final Passage

Maureen said...

Hah! You know, you're not far off... according to a recent interview, GL and SS have rejected about a dozen scripts for the next (this one) movie... one even included a ... wait for it...

Space alien.

Oh Gad.

I for one can hardly wait to see the new movie.

VE said...

colin - I don't think there would be any more movies after a crematorium, huh?

maureen - A space alien? Is Stephen still trying to find work for ET? Ha ha ha

Kurt said...

The Pudding of Peril, indeed!