Saturday, May 03, 2008

Rob Lowe....what a ho

Boy, after the first Nanny accused Rob Lowe of sexual harassment I sent my researchers off to investigate. They’d barely gotten started when the second Nanny came forward. But according to VE sources, this was only the tip of the iceberg.

Apparently there was a third Nanny as well. Known around the farm as “Lily”; Rob Lowe would come around and visit her during certain Farm Aid charitable events. Under conditions of anonymity we were able to talk to her briefly:


VE investigator: How did this sordid affair get started?
Lily: He would come by with the loveliest of Daisies for me. They tasted so good.
VE investigator: But after the flowers, he demanded more?
Lily: Oh yes, he was a baaaaaad boy. I haven’t had this happen since the Sheppard Conference in Idaho…

And so it went. But even further investigations led to more startling revelations into Mr. Lowe’s sexual activities:

Though quite young at 18, Rob was just off the set of the Outsiders and Mother Theresa was 73. In one of her letters found after her death but not published in her written memoirs, it goes on to read “…I tried to tell him our age difference was too much but he kept mumbling something about the Mrs. Robinson scenario. I tried to explain about my missionary wishes and all he replied with was that he didn’t care what position I liked…”

Though not the right time to be addressing such scandalous issues, Hillary Clinton agreed to talk provided we not break the news until after the Presidential campaign was over. We crossed our fingers and said yes and now provide you with this:

Hillary: I told Bill I’d get back at him for that whole Monica instance!
VE investigator: How did he first approach you?
Hillary: He wanted to insert himself more intimately into the democratic landscape
VE investigator: And how was his political prowness?
Hillary: He could cum up with some interesting positions on stuff

We also found evidence in the North Dakota country records office that he and Pamela Anderson had a mock marriage for 27 seconds during a sex taping. Though the tape hasn’t made it to the public (rumor has it that it languishes in Rob’s Swiss Vault along with the 32,000 other women he’s slept with and video taped) there clearly was evidence of wrong doing. VE Investigators are substantiating the marriage license which was scribbled in crayon and signed with lip stick and semen. Quoted one official we talked with “It’s not your usual license by any means, but we just get so many crazy celebrities out here in Northern North Dakota…”
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Ongoing investigations are still being conducted over rumors of illicit activities with the following:

20 comments:

Serena Joy said...

Nanny's kind of cute so I guess I can't blame Rob too much on that count. And I'm sure he was very young and living out a fantasy during the Mother Teresa incident. Baaaad, but if she forgave him, so can I. If, however, he was baaaad with Rosie and/or Amy, I think he oughta be clipped.:)

VE said...

sj - Yes, Lily is a cutie...Rosie/Amy not so much...

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

You just can't have high expectations of a guy with the last name Lowe.

colbymarshall said...

LOL...the daisies tasted good...I love it, haha!

Alex L said...

Well hes got some interesting tastes in women, I'll give him that.

VE said...

elastic - Hadn't thought about it that way...but you're right!

colbymarshall - Welcome. Daisies are quite tasty...so I'm told

alex l - I think he's going for quantity, not quality

Beth said...

The Queen of England!
You go too far!
Although she does look unusually happy and content in that picture.

leelee said...

:-)

How "lowe" can you go????...Rosie???

HUGS!!

VE said...

beth - Now I did say rumor. I don't want to see any 00 agents at my door...

leelee - Not much lower than Rosie, is there?

sprinkle4 said...

"He wanted to insert himself more intimately into the democratic landscape." One, THAT is classic and 2 when I read it I giggled like I was in the 6th grade..."oooh, what he said!"

Amy Winehouse-probably: she looks like a dirty little secret to me

Oprah, no: She likes to be tops
Ditto Rosie

Jeff said...

You'll never get the Queen to talk. Why do you think they call her the Queen "Mum"? And if he ever had sex with Amy Winehouse there would be no way to prove it. Neither of them would remember it.

VE said...

sprinkle4 - You should put that 6th grade giggle out on YouTube. That's funny.

jeff - That queen...she's just SOOO superior, isn't she?

dawn224 said...

You are so twisted. I love it.

C said...

LOL! Oh, VE! Just when I think you've outdone yourself, you go and write a post that blows the rest out of the water!

The Nanny is kinda cute!!! I'm really shocked and disappointed in Rob Lowe though. Why do all the guys I used to have crushes on have to be such jerks? LOL!

Jacki said...

My first though when the Rob Lowe "nanny-gate" stories started, my first thought was "who cares??" But if all the news stories were like this, I would care.

Matt-Man said...

I'd do Lily. I've been with uglier goats in my life. Cheers!!

ChrisEldin said...

Hard to separate the fact from the fiction. So I'll take it all as fact.
Thanks for keeping us up-to-date!
:-)

LOL--that's the most hideous Winehouse photo I've ever seen.

VE said...

dawn224 - As long as I twist the right way...

c - It's been awhile! Bet you still have those Rob Lowe posters...ha ha

jacki - Nobody really cares...just more nonsense...hence my blog title!

matt-man - Ha! Why does that not surprise me...

chriseldin - Yeah, isn't that a great crack-ho Amy W. photo?

RED MOJO said...

He loves me, he loves me not, he loves...aw screw it, nom nom nom...!

VE said...

red mojo - "screw it"...well, you got that part of the Rob Lowe reality correct! ha ha