Tuesday, June 03, 2008

EV Will Answer Your Questions…

You know, if you play VE backwards he turns into the abbreviation for ‘evaluation’: EV. That’s right, and that feeds in well towards Jacki’s blog post request to answer the unanswerable.

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Why is stuff on a ship called cargo, but stuff in a car/truck called a shipment?

See, the problem here isn’t in the answer of these specific questions because everyone knows that nobody drives in driveways and nobody puts cargo in their car (unless it’s escargot that is…ha ha…ha ha…never mind).

The problem stems from the dyslexic editor at Webster’s Dictionary. Seems both words came in at the same time and this person simply erroneously slipped their meaning when one of his Cheetos dropped and diverted his attention to detail. The rest is blog fodder!

Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

Going back to medieval times Charles nickname was “DamnthatfuckingCharleslies” as noted by the princess. It was later shortened to “Char lie” and eventually stuck together as a nickname. Given the original nickname, this was indeed shorter and therefore called “short for Charles”.

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

Excessive masturbation. That’s always the answer.

I could go on but I….errr…have something to attend to….. EV out.

29 comments:

EmmaK said...

Another query: why can only a handful of contortionists give themselves oral sex? If we were all able to do it I reckon the murder/divorce rate would be cut in half. what say you?

Bee said...

VE! Your answer for why white palms don’t tan scares me since mine are super white! What will people think? Maybe I should invest in some self tanning lotion.

VE said...

emmak - The contortionists are there to show what is possible but not obtainable. They're like a concept car. The rest of us have to suffer with the standard equipment. Besides, the moment that happens for the general population...there goes our species...everyone will be at home blogging and receiving oral satsifaction!!!

VE said...

bee - You HAVE been bad, haven't you?...ha ha ha. Just wear gloves all the time; nobody will know.

Manic Mom said...

I'm trying to think of illogical shit I always wonder about... OH, I got one, like why in the hell do they have Braille in an elevator and how do the blind people know where to feel for it? Huh? that to me makes NO sense.

And signs that say, No Pets, Only Seeing Eye Dogs--The freaking DOGS CANNOT READ!!!

oK, so I thought of a few!

And thanks for stopping at my mom blog and offering those ating words. I know you just discovered me cuz you probably googled masterbating. ... hahahaha

Memarie Lane said...

When Max is in trouble I call him Maximillion for long, even though it isn't his name. It just sounds better.

VE said...

manic mom - I'd like to say I found your blog from googling masterbation but in reality you can blame Jeff who linked me to Jess whom you commented on.

The Braille in the elevator is just a lawyer trick designed to keep the blind from getting rich saying "you didn't put braille and I couldn't come up..." and then suing. In reality, blind people never use the elevator; they hate going up...not like they can enjoy the view... Oh, and seeing eye dogs can so read those signs...they just play dumb so they won't have to cook or vacuum or fetch a beer at home.

marie - Refer to my prior remark...those dogs are smarter than they are letting on!

Liquid said...

My head is spinning!

Loved it!

Jacki said...

I will never be able to look at guy's hands the same way again.

Theresa said...

We should have a special word for masturbating in driveways and on parkways?

Kurt said...

I don't have a driveway, or a car, or any cargo, nor have I known anyone who goes by Charlie in thirty years.

Megan said...

I have a car but no driveway...

And thanks VE. Now if I see someone with tanned palms I will know to run away, because the explosion is probably imminent...

lime said...

not only does charlie have the same number of letters, it's also two syllables as opposed to one.

VE said...

liquid - Welcome. Spinning heads are ok...until you throw up that is...

jacki - Sorry to spoil that for you. Think of the poor palm readers!

theresa - I agree...just don't give them to the Cheeto guy down at Websters...

kurt - Well you need to get moving there buddy. The person with the most crap wins!

megan - Yes, run fast...run far! ha ha

lime - Good observation. It comes from that 'Charles lies' root source.

cathouse teri said...

Another reason I always wondered about Charlie being short for Charles, it has more syllables. That doesn't make sense.

I was reading your comment at the "cougar" post at Lakota's place, and you said that younger women have beautiful bodies. This disturbs me when a man says this. You mean you don't think women your age have beautiful bodies?

Mother Theresa said...

One can only wonder what Charles must have done to piss the princess off like that. ;)

VE said...

Teri - No, not true. I meant that is the perception out there. I personally shy'd away from younger women when I was dating. I prefer dating women my own age and there are lots with great bodies out there; it's all in preference and persective anyway.

Oh, and the syllable thing...yeah, lime just caught that too. Of course I like to pronounce ever letter as a syllable; it drives people crazy...

mother theresa - You know how princesses are...probably a pea under all the pillows or something incredulous as that...

Serena Joy said...

I'm glad EV is on the job because these are things I've always wondered and worried about. Now I'll be able to sleep tonight, but I AM worried about the state of my palms.:)

VE said...

sj - Ha! Are your palms looking a little pasty? Uh oh.

Mr Farty said...

Regarding the Braille in lifts - I swear I was in one lift where the Braille markings were on the horizontal strip above the door. Smart thinking, not.

Memarie Lane said...

VE- dude, Max is my son, not my dog. :P

VE said...

mr. farty - Above the door? What if a blind Oompa Loompa were to get in?

marie - Well...oops. It's those little details that get me every time! ha ha Oh, and the same thing applies; those toddlers are smarter than they're making out to be!

Quickroute said...

EV you are ill - in fact you are EVIL! ok it's late and I just couldn't think of anything else!

Matt-Man said...

I do get tan palms, but that's only because prior to masturbating, I cover my wanker with ferrous nitrite. I like the feel AND the look. Cheers!!

VE said...

quickroute - That would make me EVILL!

matt-man - Of course you do! Ha ha

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I love these. The fact that I never realized that shipments should be on ships and cargo on cars makes me wonder how I ever made it through college.

VE said...

arizona - Ahh, partying? That's how I made it.

RED MOJO said...

I am satisfied with the accuracey of all of these answers, but in reference to enmak's comment/query, you forgot to mention that blogging would also decrease by at least half!

VE said...

red mojo - Good point. Blogging would definitely suffer!