Monday, June 30, 2008

Jeff Goldblum

Ok, back to the unfinished requests. Today's comes from Kurt who want's a post on Jeff Goldblum.

There are probably so many movie facts you don’t know about Jeff Goldblum

His first movie was the original Death Wish starring Charles Bronson back in 1974! He played Freak #1….a coveted role.

He was in the movie Nashville. He played the Tricycle Man…another coveted role.

He was in Annie Hall. He played the Lacey Party Guest….yet another coveted role!

As you can see, based on this incredible resume he was eventually given the lead role in The Fly back in 1986 and was part of other big movies like Jurassic Park and Independence Day. But let’s face it; The Big Chill was his downfall. Doomed to star in that feel good movie cursed him to have to:

Play a bit role in Man of the Year (yeah…that awful Robin Williams film)

Play a “party guest” in Incident at Loch Ness. A party guest? You’d think he could at least get a starring role in something like this!

There were many other winners I’m sure you’ve never heard of:
Spinning Boris
Fay Grim
Legend of the Lost Tribe (where he was the voice of Robbie the Reindeer)

Need I go on?

Poor Jeff. I’ve always liked him but he seemed too smart for his own good. That nervous kind of smart…

Now my other major concern with Jeff is his size. He’s 6’4”. I don’t know what that is in metrics and I’m too lazy to convert but that’s pretty tall. That’s got to be a foot taller than that midget Tom Cruise.

Awhile back he started working out with weights. Now he was very skinny at first:

But he kept at it. He started packing on the muscle with the help of protein powder and crazy health stuff like that

He got in with the wrong friends though. Roger Clemens, Sylvester Stallone, East German swimmers… The steroids were adding up...

They were getting out of control. Soon he couldn’t even get into his house. He had to live under a canopy in his back yard….

He started losing control of his anger and the those seaweed steroid protein shakes really started leaving him green all over.

But eventually through intensive deinflation exercises, anger management and plain yogurt injections his skin turned pasty again and he went back down in size to his usual EWWWWW body….

52 comments:

RED MOJO said...

Poor Jeff, I do really like him. I think he has a lot of charisma. I wish they'd give him something decent. Buckaroo Banzai was great, but other than that...

justacoolcat said...

When he was bulked up right before the Hulk size he actually played a party guest at one of my parties. He crushed a tray of snacks, and bench pressed my grandma, but aside from that I think he deserved an Oscar.

VE said...

red mojo - Me too. He keeps playing these "too smart for everyone" kinds of roles.

justacoolcat - You have the BEST parties. I was going to benchpress your grandma too but opted for a fruity rum drink curl instead...

Alice said...

I've now lost my appetite looking at the muscle shots. Bleh.

But that's a good thing...I hardly ever lose my appetite. Thanks for the unintentional weightloss help!

Queen Goob said...

I particularly like him in Earth Girls Are Easy. Julie Brown must have been SO proud!

Megan said...

Yeah, but he was in Buckaroo Banzai, so all is forgiven.

VE said...

alice - You're welcome. Always glad I can provide a service! ha ha

queen goob - Who said Earth girls are easy anway? I want to have a talk with them...

megan - Sort of like Paul McCartney's early Beatles work excuses him from "Ebony and Ivory"?

lime said...

i am so glad i already ate my lunch. the steroid look is disturbing.

VE said...

lime - Sort of builds a case for drug control, huh?

Bee said...

Jeff Goldblum is one ugly brother sticker.
I don’t give out the title of *ugly* to just anybody.

I know we need actors of all types but to put him in a leading man role is to make me want to pierce my eyeballs with a mechanical pencil.

Although, he was brilliant in Jurassic Park.

Megan said...

VE - Yeah, sort of like that.

cathouse teri said...

I have a total crush on Jeff Goldblum. I have a weakness for men who are over 6'2" and are veri veri smart ~ can't help it.

VE said...

bee - I think you might look hot with a mechanical pencil eye piercing! ha ha

megan - Oh, I get it now. Sort of excuses M. Night Shyamalan for everything he's done since The Sixth Sense too then

Teri - Now of course Jeff at View from the Cloud is going to read this! Oh brother! ha ha Anyway, most of the popular actors are actually quite short; he's a rare exception to that.

Kurt said...

You forgot to mention his captivating performances in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Igby Goes Down, and Independence Day.

Bee said...

Well of course I’d look hot. There is no *might* about it. ;op

Knight said...

I thought he was great in Igby goes down. I think he is screwed because of his height. You have to get taller leading women, taller kids, taller camera men. It's such a pain in the ass.

Alan Smithee said...

Don't forget his television series Raines.

Serena Joy said...

And now he's replacing Chris Noth in Law & Order. Can he pull it off? I have my doubts, especially after seeing your "muscle shots.":)

VE said...

kurt - The Life Aquatic...I just couldn't get into that movie. I thought the Royal Tennenbaums was funny but this one was too slow; Jeff or not.

bee - Fact then, not opinion eh? Ok; who am I to argue that!

knight - You're right, you're right. I've heard of wide lense but not tall lense...

alan smithee - I refuse to acknowledge Television. From this point out I'm just going to pretend it doesn't exist (unless I need to use it for a post that is)

sj - I saw that. He's got his hair all slicked back now like some sort of mafia guy or lawyer (and who are we kidding...they're both in the same group type).

Anndi said...

Some day I'll need therapy after coming here...

VE said...

anndi - Me too!

C said...

LOL! This post had me laughing so hard I nearly cried.

Ewwww...the muscle shots!!!

For some reason, whenever I think of Jeff Goldblum (which isn't very often, by the way), I always remember him best for his role in "The Fly". Gah! I was 11 years old when that movie came out!

Nessa said...

I always found Jeff Goldblum sexy.

Quickroute said...

I loved 'the fly #1'. It all went to pot after that! Never realized he was Death Wish. may need to go re-watch it now!

leelee said...

awwwww...and I kind of liked Jeff Goldblum...

why do you dislike The Bill Chill so much???...that's what I want to know..huh??? how come???

HUGS!!

Bonnie the Boss said...

Yikes!! Need I say more?

VE said...

C - Not very often? He's gonna be disappointed!

nessa - Even with 8ft biseps?

quickroute - I didn't know he was in Death Wish either. I haven't seen that in a looong time. They're redoing it in 2009.

leelee - Now, now. I said I liked him too. But that doesn't stop me from making fun of him. Oh, and as for the Big Chill...I just never believed they were real and that people talked that way all the time. Also, dumbest movie title related to the movie EVER (well, I can't prove that but it's gotta be way up there along with Phantom Menace).

VE said...

bonnie - No, yikes covers all

Jeff said...

Not bad!... considering the subject matter you had to work with. So why did Kurt want a post about Jeff Goldblum again?

And Teri already spilled the fact she is stalking me - now that she knows I'm over 6'2". I like a woman who says it like it is!

VE said...

jeff - Yeah, I thought that was one of the tougher of the suggestions. I have no idea why Kurt suggested him other than I had just done a bit about The Big Chill. Oh, and Teri likes tall guys that are smart. I haven't broken her the bad news yet! ;)

cathouse teri said...

Maybe they just gotta be more smarter than me.

Matt-Man said...

I wonder if he is a method actor, thereby developing a straw like proboscis and regurtitating his own food when he played The Fly?

I wonder...Cheers!!

leelee said...

ok..ok....

and thank you for not pointing out my typo:

Bill Chill ---- D'OH!


HUGS!

MJ said...

This post made me crack up. I really just don't like the guy - except maybe in Jurassic Park, because he played a spaz not unlike how he is in real life.

Lori said...

Talk about sand in all your crevices - Ewwww!

Sornie said...

Personally speaking, Jeff Goldblum creeps me out. He's so twitchy and on edge. He needs some sort of relaxant. Or less coffee

colbymarshall said...

How bad Man of the Year was: I don't even remember who was in it besides Robin Williams.

VE said...

Teri - It's always good to surround yourself with smart friends. You don't learn anything the other way.

matt-man - Regurgitating his own food? I knew I shouldn't be drinking my morning juice when there is a comment from you to read. Cheers.

leelee - Bill Chill. That were funny!

mj - Really? Is he that spazzy in real life?

lori - EWWW. Ok, I think you had more W's in yours...

sornie - Imagine if he did drink coffee!

colby - Good point. Why didn't they just be realistic and call it Bad Movie of the Year!

Mrs. R said...

I will never be able to watch a movie with Jeff Goldblum in it again...

VE said...

mrs. r - Not that you could before...

Anonymous said...

Just happened by and had to comment since the topic was Jeff Goldblum.

I think he has a sexy voice and have thought for years that it would be a good one to have on a computer or On-star...

I also may have first noticed him in Earth Girls Are Easy. It's a classic in my book.

Nice post.

VE said...

anonymous - I've never heard him sing...thanks for stopping by though.

Kurt said...

I suggested Jeff Goldblum because he is one of our best actors.

VE said...

kurt - Well you should have avoided suggesting him to me then. You should have known I'd do something riduculous and unfair!

iamnot said...

Once again, I find myself asking "what does he do for a living?"

VE said...

iamnot - Good question...I thought he was an actor.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I've always had a thing for nerds. My current favorite celeb-nerd is gap-toothed Jemaine from Flight Of The Conchords who bears a striking resemblance to Jeff.

I also struggled through Earth Girls Are Easy twice just because of Jeff.

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I liked him in Jurassic Park. He's kinda weird, though.

VE said...

elastic - Now what do you find in nerds that is so appealing? Taped glasses?

arizona - I thought he did pretty good in Independence Day too

HeyJoe said...

Forget that troll Goldblum. Who's the blond honey on the beach with him?

I am SO behind in my blog reading. It really is quite stressful.

Anonymous said...

Anon again. I haven't heard him sing either, but could listen to him talk all day -- and night!

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