Friday, June 13, 2008

Things we Take for Granted

Hey everyone, thanks for all the comments. I'd respond but it's way too nice out. I had to rearrange my ride connection so I'm taking advantage of the internet cafe. I thought I'd go ahead and post something I had pre-written. It's a trajedy to go a full week without VE nonsense you know.

Having a wonderful time...sunny and 90, nice trade winds. Just got done snorkeling with Manta Rays, sharks, and barracuda. Time for a dip in the pool. Meanwhile, here's a post...enjoy...

Things we Take for Granted

It’s like The Matrix. You blindly go through your day that is so routine you don’t even stop to think about some of the most basic things. Fortunately I have done that for you.

Here are a few things we take for granted:

“Have a nice day” Oh sure, I was walking to work, stopped to get an orange juice and some smiling cashier says that. Damn, I was all set on having a terrible day. I’d been looking forward to it. Now he had to go and ruin it by commanding that I have a nice day instead.

“No game playing” You’ll see this on every online dating profile out there practically. What were they thinking? Gosh, I was going to write to her and mess with her psychologically but…oh crap…they don’t allow any game playing. Guess I’ll have to go find somebody else and ruin their life instead. Right!

“In the spirit of…” everybody says this at work. What the hell does it mean? Why not just be direct instead of telling everyone you hear dead people? The dead don’t like to be bothered. Exactly how many dead people are nice? Ok, Casper the ghost. But that’s all I got. Not good odds. All the spirits are gonna do is mess with you and tell you lies anyway.

“Have fun” How many times do you get this when embarking on a vacation? Wow, I’d made all those flights to Fiji, reserved that ocean side room, booked all that entertainment but I forgot about setting up fun. Now what am I going to do? I’ll be leaving tomorrow. Crap; how could I have overlooked such an important detail?

“Can I help you with anything else?” My favorite retail store question. Why thanks for asking, could you take a look at my feet, they’re really drying out from these sandals and I could use somebody to grind off the dry skin…

“so to speak” What the hell does this mean? Take this example: He’s a professional so to speak. Now is that like a weak attempt at a coded lie meaning he’s an idiot and don’t use him? These are just confusing words designed to make my head hurt trying to translate into normal people speak. Good grief…I have enough trouble translating slang to normal speak…I don’t need this babble too!

25 comments:

Memarie Lane said...

I'm the one that tells the cashier to have a nice day, and they always look at my like I'm high or something.

Dale said...

It is what it is. I didn't just say that.

Kurt said...

I want to snorkel with manta rays.

damon said...

Have a good one.
Take it easy.
Workin hard?

....where's my gun.

Serena Joy said...

Oh, good, you got access. Those babbleisms bug me, too. Especially the "Will there be anything else?" They always ask me that at the bank after I've deposited my pitiful little paycheck and I'm standing there thinking, "Anything else? Like what? Do you want to give me a load of money or something?"

Jeff said...

Here's the exchange I hear multiple times a day, and it drives me insane:

Person 1: How'r you doing?
Person 2: Good! How'r YOU doing?
Person 1: Good!
Person 2: Good.

variation: How's it going?
etc...

Quickroute said...

I want to hear about your luggage going missing and food poisoning and .....just kidding - hope you're having a well deserved break! - chill!

Jacki said...

I remember snorkeling with rays in the Florida keys as a kid. THAT was so much fun!!!

NYD said...

In the spirit of everything good about taking time off for a dip with the rays and sharks I just wanted to remind you that there is no game playing whilst among the fish and to be sure to have fun on your trip. If there is anything else I can do for you to help increase readership, just let me know. In am, so to speak, the kind of person who likes to help others.

NYD said...

Oh, yeah....Have a nice day!

Megan said...

Dude!

Theresa said...

"No game playing" is code for "Before we even meet, you must promise not to confuse, disappoint or hurt me."

cathouse teri said...

My mother and I have two different takes on "Have a nice day."

I say, "If you insist!"

She says, "Don't tell me what to do!"

ChrisEldin said...

Do you really do online dating? Can you post some funny material from this pursuit?
:-)

I missed coming here! I always come away with a laugh. The Rubik's cube you invented is ingeniuos! And is that naked blogger you? Just wanted to know...
;-)

Kelley said...

'cover this off' that is what the idiot high end managers say, when addressing us via video linkup thingy. What the HELL DOES THAT MEAN? I am sure someone said it once and they were all, yeah that sounds good.

Beth said...

Would it be safe to say that I do, in fact, wish you all the best and hope you have fun?
Because, truthfully, I really do...so to speak.

HeyJoe said...

Sounds like you're having a nice time. Continue to enjoy. And just as you're returning I'll be cruising to Mexico.

Good times

leelee said...

Hope your having fun...ohhhh I KNOW you are...

VE = FUN

HUGS!

Preposterous Ponderings said...

I have taken too many things for granted and have suffered greatly because of it.

Mr Farty said...

My pet hate is "going forward". As against what?

I'd rather be told to have a nice day by someone who doesn't mean it than told to piss off by someone who does.

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

The people at our health insurance company always end conversations with "is there anything else I can help you with" and I always want to say, "Yes, help me pay this astronomically high premium!" Sheesh.

Megan said...

VE - Have you noticed? It lives on without you!

colbymarshall said...

It's true, because sometimes you go somewhere and checkout, and the cashier doesn't even speak to you AT ALL. This happened to me the other day- check out a huge cart of groceries, paid, got receipt, and never heard a word.

Uncivil said...

I used to cringe every time I would here my ex-wife say "Make it a nice day"!
She said "one doesn't just have a nice day....you have to make it a nice day"!

So, I made it a nice day.....Divorce......that's what I call " making it a nice day"!!!

My favorite part was the hall sex!

We'd cross paths in the hallway!
Fvck you.....
Fvck you too.....


nahhhh...just kidding...the sex was great......that was the best part of the whole deal....only time I had a nice day!!!!!

VE said...

marie - Of course they're all 15 years old and only have a learners permit...

dale - You did and you shouldn't!

kurt - Not every one can...go ask the Crocodile Hunter...

damon - Aren't you glad they've given you the path toward enlightenment

sj - That's a good one. Tell them, no there will be nothing else....it's revelations!

jeff - That's sounds like a cross between Office Space and Groundhog Day. I'm so sorry...

quickroute - You just want to laugh when I talk about the wonderful roads...

jacki - Yeah, it's fun here in Portland too...except they get pissed everytime I smuggle them in and trap them in the hot tub...

nyd - I think you've covered them all in one breath...sort of like burbing the alphabet. Cool!

megan - Dudette!

theresa - What's NOT confusing about the opposite sex! Ha ha

Teri - I love it...such a glass half full kind of analogy

chris - Ha ha. Yes, I've got stories about online dating. I'll try to do another post on that. Look in my "best of" under the one that says "Match Game Part 1". It's the first of a four part post on how to fill out the application for match dot com. No, the naked blogger isn't me...but I have been known to blog naked ;)

kelley - That's a new one to me. The only cover I know about management is that they are covering their arses!

beth - Another one breath cliche! Excellent. You may also move on to burping the alphabet now...

heyjoe - Sorry, no out of country enjoyment while I am doing the same. Says so in my contract...

leelee - I like your math skills!

preposterous - Granted, I have suffered too for not taking as many of your things as I should have

mr. farty - Not me! I'd respect the guy telling me to piss of; he didn't sell himself out!

arizona - Next time ask them to help you out with one of those fancy X-Ray machines, they sell well on the black market...

megan - I can see that! Wow. It feels like my wake...

colby - And all the time they were thinking..."She's got a dangling booger...try not to look"

uncivil - You crack me up...hall sex...