Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Aren't you Hungry?

Having lunch? Ready for lunch? Well lucky for you I have some special treats that might be waiting for you at the fast food place in Bejing, China!

Traveling does pose its own challenges. And I’m not even talking about airlines or cabs or any of that. No, eventually you travel enough and you’re going to encounter some pretty unusual foods out there.

Now, they’re not unusual for the local folks, but for us fast-food pampered Americans, they are down right disgusting. Let’s sample:

This is like some kind of Jacques Cousteau nightmare! Is that actually Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants deep fried on the left?

Ah, nothing like a good schnitzel! Unless it’s Turkey vulture that is. I mean, come on, vultures feed off of rotting carcasses. That’s not something I want to ingest second hand. Sea Snakes…I could probably eat them, but why? I’ve eaten rattlesnake and it did sort of taste like chicken…between the gagging that is. And Silk worms? Sorry, I’m wormtose intolerant.

Yummy…snake for lunch! Could you add the fangs? I like my snake extra crispy…

Ok, they have suspended dog recipes in Bejing for the Olympics. This is the kind of food that would start me on a fast for quite some time! Barbaric!

You know, I was saying to the wifey-poo just the other day…I could really go for some goat lungs. You just can’t get those at my local Safeway meat counter…

Finally, a way to get revenge on those pesky bugs and stinging creatures…cook and eat them! Do you have any idea what a dung beetle does? Why on earth would you want to eat one then? And I’m not even going to address eating scorpians. Might as well have that with jellyfish pudding and a plate of tarantulas!

Some people like all those gooey, slimy seafood offerings we have here like oysters. I’m not “some” people though. I’d have to order the iguana tail. I’m always on the lookout for new tail…(get your mind out of the gutter…food!)

More bugs. If you eat too many crickets for lunch do you start making those noises?

This is pretty barbaric and sad. Poor seahorses. They probably sell these at their movie theaters too. Right next to the popcorn.

58 comments:

Mrs. R said...

My husband had a deep fried baby octopus once...at a little hole in the wall place in Minneapolis. So you don't have to travel all the way to China to eat stomach churning food.

He said it was really chewy.

VE said...

mrs. r - Yes, unfortunately you can find some disgusting things at very 'authentic' restaurants. I remember a Mexican restaurant in San Francisco that sold cow brain. I had to eat chilled jellyfish at a business group dinner in Hong Kong once...

lime said...

i need to loose some weight. i think i shall return to this post frequently for use as an appetite suppresant.

VE said...

lime - See how useful my blog can be? And you thought it was just full of gnomes and bull...

cathouse teri said...

Well I WAS hungry, but not now! When I lived in the Philippines, there were these little carts that sold the best barbecue something-or-other on a stick. People would suggest to me that it could be dog or cat meat for all I knew, and that the sticks they were on could have been picked up off the ground and washed in shit river first. But I didn't care! That stuff was good!

VE said...

teri - Was the car a Jeepnee? I forget how you spell them but they have all those lights and decorations. I remember that from the Philippines. For business travel, we had one rule about eating from street vendors. You're on your own. Which means you were in deep doo doo if you got sick and missed work as a result. In all my travels, the only time I got sick other than the airline leaving Dubai last summer was from using the hotel tap water in Hong Kong to brush my teeth.

Memarie Lane said...

My brother married a girl from a traditional Chinese wedding, and their reception was something like 12 courses of real Chinese seafood. We had things like shark fin soup, sea cucumbers and anemones, and urchins. And yet with all this very expensive food the beverages were a choice between Coke and Sprite. There were 2-Liter bottles on every table.

VE said...

marie - I've had to eat some of those kinds of foods in China and I must say, I'm pretty whimpy when it comes to slimy like textures in food. That's weird about the soda.

Oh, once we had a whole host of Asian's here in Portland and took them on a sternwheeler dinner cruise and had a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. They all thought the stuffing was disgusting!!!

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I'll take the dung beetles on a stick with a side of fried dog livers.

I'm going to bookmark this page and whenever I feel I'm gaining a little too much weight I'll come back and read it. Its the perfect diet plan...imagine you are eating dung beetles and suddenly chocolate chips don't look so appetizing.

A side note...speaking of dogs...
My husband is greek so we roast a poor lamb every easter on a spit in the backyard. Every year my dogs look at the poor thing and run inside and hide. I think they think its a fellow dog.

Megan said...

I know a guy who tried out for Survivor and made it, but then changed his mind because he knew he wouldn't be able to face the food challenge.

For a chance at a million bucks I'd at least try to choke it down.

cathouse teri said...

I believe it was spelt Jeepney, but you already in the spelling doghouse for misspelling Zsa Zsa, so I won't hold this one against ya. ;)

I never got sick in the Philippines and I lived there for three years.

VE said...

arizona - And you thought those were chocolate chips! ha ha ha

Poor little lamb...Mary will be devasted!

megan - I'd just let the other team win the food challenge. Our neighbors were candidates for the family survivor season but one of them backed out and they couldn't do a substitute so they couldn't go.

teri - Yeah, I'm so far in the dog house for spelling that I'm living in the sub-basement! At least I spelled Philippines correct. That one always messes up people...

leelee said...

as disgusting as all that is...it's all so nicely displayed. If it was chicken, beef or shrimp I'd buy it by the trayful..

I could NEVER eat a seahorse..awwwwwwww..it makes me sad to think about them being caught (and yet I have no trouble with lamb) ~shrug~

HUGS and NO Bugs!

Bee said...

Poor little starfish!

My hubs had one in his tank and I loved watching it sink into the sand. Never did I think, "Hmmm I wonder how Maggie woudl taste breaded and dipped in hot sauce?"

(Maggie Simpson. We also had Milhouse, Krusty the clownfish the second, Mr. Burns, Smithers and Moe Sizlack. Marge met a tragic end when Mr. Burns ate her eyes.)

VE said...

leelee - It is nicely displayed isn't it? Just goes to show that marketing can sell practically anything! Very sad...

bee - You know to simulate an office environment for your pets, just put all the fish into a blender. That'll give them that feeling of stress and impending doom that all workers get to enjoy. Then they'll truly appreciate your hell...

iamnot said...

A DJ in Virginia did a send up of ZZ Top's "TV Dinners" substituting "puppy livers" for the title words.

VE said...

iamnot - Damn, I haven't thought about that ZZ Top song since it came out. That's weird... Ha ha, good song parody though. That's something I probably would have come up with had I been thinking about it...

angie said...

Many thanks for almost making me lose the lunch I haven't eaten. :)

cathouse teri said...

Ya, I had to practice and practice how to spell Philippines when I got there. Always found myself messing it up!

VE said...

angie - It's a good diet motivator!

teri - Well then I'll practice Zsa Zsa for a few years now. It's only fair.

Alice said...

If you haven't seen it already, please go read "Steve Don't Eat It" over at TheSneeze.com. He's got a whole series of nasty foods he's tried and written about that will leave you dying with laughter.

Mr Farty said...

Wot, no rat onna stick? Never mind, I'll just have some of that tasty-looking starfish!

Kurt said...

They suspended the dog recipes?! Now I have no reason to go to the Olympics.

VE said...

alice - TheSneeze? That's one of those big time comedy sites, isn't it? I'll have to check it out...

mr. farty - The US political parties have an exclusive contract for rat-on-a-stick...

kurt - You could join the rest of the pedophiles watching the women's gymnastics there...

Bonnie the Boss said...

Okay, I almost gagged and I did shudder! I am so glad I live in the good ole USA where we only eat pig butts! I do draw the line at penis soup. I saw it once on TV.

VE said...

bonnie - Of course, we also have Rocky Mountain Oysters...and Velveeta...

Serena Joy said...

Oh, gross! Boy, that would shock you into fasting pretty quick. Maybe the answer for people who want to lose weight is pretty simple after all: move to China. If I ever go there, I'm packing a lunch.:)

Michelle Ann said...

You know, I have watched that Bizarre Foods show on the Travel Channel. That guy eats a quite a bit of the male anatomy. Fried, sauteed, boiled, baked, grilled...it's like a horror movie.

VE said...

sj - The irony is that they'll probably never let you take the lunch through security, they don't serve food on the airlines anymore and you'll end up in China starving and ready to eat this stuff...

VE said...

michelle ann - Sounds like one to me. I tend not to fixate on the male anatomy...but that's just me.

The Offended Blogger said...

Oh thanks, I am TRYING to pig out lately and gain weight and your post just set me back two weeks in my quest! I may not eat dinner now.

Then again, dog liver does sound tasty... :p

VE said...

offended - The key is to use short haired dogs...less preparation time...

colbymarshall said...

Ok, seriously...how do you eat the urchin? Wouldn't that be incredibly painful?

VE said...

colby - two words: jello mold

Jocasta said...

My husband did eat crickets while drunk in Thailand and we tried Surströmming in Sweden. Surströmming is fish that's been fermented for years. You have to open the can under water to stop the pressure release from exploding! I would rather eat dung beetles than that again!

yellojkt said...

I was in Beijing last year and went looking for exotic food like that and couldn't find any. My son ate some pig brains though.

Also, my dad e-mailed me those pictures a few months ago, so they've been making the rounds. I do like your added commentary.

yellojkt said...

I also lived in the Philippines for three years. We just drank soda, no ice anytime we were off-base.

Dale said...

Wormtose intolerant is my new defense for everything. Thanks VE!

Jeff said...

Yikes! Those are the things nightmares are made of! Except the squid of course. But only when it's battered, fried and served like calamari.

VE said...

jocasta - Yeah, I've heard about some of those fish dishes in the Scandanavian countries. Pass...

yellowjkt - Yes, I excercised some creative liberties here. I've seen a lot of these in Asia though. Mostly in Southern China and in Taiwan. I'm also very cautious about ice and water when traveling...especially in Asia. The only Asia country I've been to this decade though has been Japan. All my other Asia travel was throughout the 90s.

dale - Glad you could reuse that line. I think its a great excuse for whatever doesn't appeal to you. "Yes, I'm livertose intolerent..."

jeff - These are the kinds of things that they try and get you to eat during business dinners in Asia. I think they like watching Americans squirm...

Bonnie the Boss said...

Oh I totally forgot about the rockmtn oysters. I know people who have actually eaten those. Haven't been given the chance yet. I have eaten haggis and blood pudding though. I should get some credit for that.

monica said...

and also - now we all are in a prejudice mood - the table manners of these Chinese folks ! They sincerely think it is impolite not to fart, burp and champ the food while eating. I'm sure they also chew with their mouths wide open... Sitting at the table with them can definitely also be a diet motivator...

Well, in the west of Norway they enjoy eating Smalahove, which is sheep heads... the best part is apparently to slurp the fat behind the eyes...
d'you still want to come to Norway?

Alex L said...

Well, hindu's must look down on us for eating cow at all so I guess its all perception and culture. I'd eat snake, but none of the other stuff.

Ribeezie said...

I think I just lost my appetite for the week after sifting through these photos! I don't know how anyone could eat any of that...

Lori said...

The guys that work for my husband are always trying to get us to eat cow tongue. Those little tastebud bumps just do me in!!!

Jacki said...

Gross!!! And those poor little seahorses...that is just barbaric! Who would do that to those sweet little creatures??

SarahM said...

umm.. thanks? that was a great diet trick. im officially swearing off ethnic food.

VE said...

bonnie - Blood pudding...errr... I'm suddenly not much of a dessert person...

monica - Eye slurping, sheeps head. I think thats the night to conveniently start my vegan eating habits...

alex - Snake it is then. I'll baste it in some nice goat lung teryaki sauce...

ribeezie - Sorry, I do like to occasionally post a shocker. It's good for diet motivations too!

lori - What is all the big deal about cow tongue and its supposed to be such a good cut of meat. Uggh.

jacki - Errr...the Chinese! The same people that don't mind using lead paint on baby chew toys.

sarahm - See how helpful this blog is...I can totally ruin your eating habits with a single post! ha ha

leelee said...

I just remembered I had a bowl of Thai seafood stew at a local restaurant one night while dining with my family. There was whole calamari included in the stew..as I was eating it, my daughter looks at the spoon complete with squid legs and says " Mom that looks like monster soup"

It was good though...

hugs!

VE said...

leelee - Monster Soup...love it!

VE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dee said...

i never thought I would be one to not want to try anything once till I saw this post!

Mr Farty said...

Hey, I ♥ haggis and blood/black pudding! Mind you, even I couldn't manage cow tongue - imagine eating something that's been in an animal's mouth.

I'll just have a boiled egg.

B'dum tsh!

VE said...

dee - Everyone has to have their limitations!

mr. farty - But you could use the cow tongue to lick up the blood pudding!

Kelley said...

now I don't feel like my jumbo pack of chocolate. I want to donate it to the save the seahorses fund. Cause seahorses rock. The dudes carry the babies. And that is the way it should be.

I hear they do ironing and put the toilet seat down too.

VE said...

kelley - Damn seahorses. Now they're giving males a bad name. Who ever heard of putting the toilet seat down? Ridiculous! I installed urinals on every wall in the house...now that's convenience!

Queen Goob said...

I love me some sushi!

VE said...

queen goob - Sushi to me means squishy...