Saturday, July 12, 2008

Charting Oprah

In an amazing discovery, if you plot the size gains and reductions of Oprah Winfrey’s weight there is a direct correlation to many other things.

Here you can see the ups and downs of Oprah’s weight over the years. After correlating these statistics on a chart and then overlaying that with the Teton mountain range, it turns out to be an exact fit!

While science doesn’t have an exact explanation on what this means, there are those that speculate there are other similarities that aren’t coincidence either:

Pork Futures – It would appear that pork future prices follow the exact same chart progressions!

Rolling Stones Popularity – Yes, releases of Rolling Stones albums plotted over a number of years…the very same chart!

Noted one scientist “The fact that it works with a person is rare. Normally we see the ballooning of an individual over time ala ‘the Elvis effect’ but less often do we see somebody bloat and deflate at such a rhythmic pace.”

There is a current study being done at taxpayer expense that is looking to correlate tides to Oprah dress sizes. “We don’t know what it will mean, but we’ll have some really cool graphs on it I’m sure” comments one recent grad student scientist.

VE investigators tried to reach Oprah for comment but her staff simply told us to write a book and submit it to “Oprah’s Book Club”. Indeed, don’t look for it any time soon as VE’s investigators tend to not be very literate…

24 comments:

Lori said...

Wow - your research into this phenomenom is amazing!?!

I am currently experiencing the Elvis effect. I wonder if there is any correlation with Cheetos purchases? Nah, probably not!

RED MOJO said...

My weight chart would look like this
-----v---w--\____/

That looks like a volkswagon pulling something!

VE said...

lori - Nah, Cheetos are nutritious and yummy. All orange food is highly nutritous you know.

red mojo - Can Volkswagons actually pull anything???

Kurt said...

You better pray Oprah doesn't see this.

Alice said...

As a former statistician, I will stand by your graphs and let the general public know that correlation ALWAYS implies cause.

I told someone else that a US Census Bureau header would have made this more official.

Carla said...

Wow! Amazing. I bet the universes secrets are tied up in this one.

VE said...

kurt - Does she read my blog? I KNEW it! Dang, now she's gonna steal my exercise bubble and my weeble wobble idea, and...

alice - I can't even spell statitician! But you're right, that census logo would have helped the credibility...

VE said...

carla - Yes, they are working on Easter Island correlations and even Stone Henge...

Serena Joy said...

Hmmm. Well. Certainly looks like good science to me, and you can't argue with that.:)

leelee said...

I suppose it's better to know Oprah's up and downs, vs her in's and out's

huh?

yellojkt said...

And Oprah's Tetons are mighty Grand.

Jacki said...

Hilarious! I have read many things about Oprah, but never this!

Carla said...

That is funny and alarmingly true. Do you know there's a whole website dedicted to graphs like yours? check it out, they are funny and alarmingly funny too. Here's the addy:
http://graphjam.com/

cari said...

Um... but just to rule out chance.... did you perhaps check it against The Sierras as well????

Megan said...

Thanks for the tip on pork futures. When it pays off, you can come visit me on my yacht...

VE said...

sj - I never argue with science...especially science fiction.

leelee - You got that right! That would no be pretty...

yellowjkt - Ha ha. Good one.

jacki - That's why I'm here; to consider that which no one else would dare to consider

carla - Really? I'll check that out. I might have a new career!

cari - I did but the Sierras are far too young a mountain range to make a fair comparison. I'm looking at an underwater trough as we speak.

megan - Ok, just make sure there is a rock wall to climb on...

Quickroute said...

I think your on to something here. You should be published in the next edition of the Science Journal.

Formerly Fun said...

You know I wanted to post something about the fact that through all of her more recent weight ups and downs, her 'O' Magazine covers always show her thin, but I was afraid to.

http://formerlyfun.blogspot.com/2008/05/girl-gestapo.html

I'm glad you're not afraid of her.

Annie Ha said...

How do you come up with this stuff?! It's fantastically nonsensical.

Alex L said...

Yes but when you overlay that graph on the picture of the last supper by da vinci... oh my god... its incredible!

VE said...

quickroute - I'm sure the answer to cold fusion is here somewhere too!

formerly fun - Welcome. Ha ha. I read your post. Yeah, there was a combination of a number of things here that even got me wondering. First, a lot of people being afraid of Oprah. Then, having the author of a song I mentioned in my post from the day before comment on it. Who would have thought I'd actually have somebody with a number one hit back in the 70s read my blog! Yikes.

annie ha - I see dead people. No wait, that doesn't work. I see nonsensical stuff...

alex - Ha! Yes, the symbology is everywhere. Why that alone would prove that Peter, Paul and Mary are immortal because they were all there at the last supper! And now they sing folk songs. See what happens when you have a thousand years or so to live?

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I'm channeling Jan Brady from The Brady Bunch:

"Its always Oprah, Oprah, Oprah!!!"

SarahM said...

this is why oprah endoreses those weird flip flop things that shape your behind when you walk.._ on the months she forgets to wear the flip flops--- all hell breaks loose!

VE said...

arizona - Ha! Yes, but I've heard its risky making fun of her...

sarahm - Apparently she didn't wear them last month when I got the 'heavy' pictures