Thursday, July 10, 2008

Hopefully Not Coming to a Theater Near you (and other drivel)

I'm gonna give you my humor blog post and then I'm just gonna spew a bunch of drivel afterward. Why? Because then Kurt won't have to comment "That wasn't funny". Unless of course the humor part sucks that is...

So, here's the humor portion:

VE investigators are always on the lookout for major disappointments coming to a theater near you. Here's a few projects we hope they don't deliver on:

Oceans 32,638. This time Daniel Ocean’s big con is on the public: Using the entire acting profession to make stuff up that we will pay to see. Everyone’s take? A lot more than the viewing public will ever make. Then to top it off, they’ll get together and give each other golden statues for the cons and then charge corporations to advertise while they televise it to us.

The Deported. It’s like The Departed except none of the former stars are in it because they all died. So they hired B-rate actors and reference the A-rate actors they couldn’t get. It all takes place at the Mexico-USA border in California. The main guy is a homeland security agent that plays a Mexican illegal immigrant working in secret as a border guard when he is actually a triple agent in that he’s selling identities to Iran but the twist is that he’s really a quadruple agent because he’s in the Taliban and all the information on the IDs he’s selling have been changed to cartoon characters all the while he’s bringing in shoe bombs.

Wall Mart. That’s right; Wall E goes back to the retail facility where he was originally sold. This film is cute but has a serious message to everyone about corporate policy, employee rights, and the greed of privately owned companies. Perfect topics for the entire family…

Jelly Man. He’s like Iron Man, just squishier. The head of the largest supplier of jelly donuts in the world is taken hostage and forced to create donuts to sell on the black market. Instead, he creates a jelly superhero costume that is also edible in the event of starvation. The jelly goo is so thick that no bullet penetrates it. The whole event causes him to re-evaluate his career. Perhaps Jelly donuts aren’t healthy? Is this what he wants as his legacy? His genius abilities focus on using his jelly goo as security borders around prisons. No prisoner can escape the thick goo… But his partner is greedy and tries to take over. The final scene is so disturbing you’ll cheer in your seat as you discover the real reason most donuts have holes…

Here's the drivel part...

Funny, I passed my two year anniversary just over a month ago with not a single word. I passed my 500th post about a week ago without even noticing. Have I really written that much nonsense? I've probably thrown away at least another 100 or so post ideas just in comments on your folks blogs. No biggie; there's always another idea...

I see a number of folks are resubmitting some of their older material over the summer. Interesting concept. I'm sure there are a number of good things I've written when I had only iamnot reading my blog and it would be easy to offer those up again I suppose but it's not my style; I feel I'd be cheating myself. I put my 'best of' out on the sidebar should anyone really have that much time to read something and anyone can peruse through the archives. It's sort of like reading old National Geographics at the dentist office...but without all the good pictures or pertinant stories...

I see that Diesel has updated Humor-Blogs again. I guess he really is working toward a fairer way to rank things there. I have to give him credit; the site looks crisper than ever. Now you can theoritically vote on anyone's post by using three different smiley type icons. He tallies the points of all of these over a given period to rank the humor blogs. That seems fair. I wonder though, given that perhaps 60% of my reader blog roll are humor-blog members, about a number of things:

- Though you can link to humor-blogs to rate something; would you bother to?
- You cannot rate something without signing into the site as a member. That is an attempt to avoid cheating by allowing only one vote per member. Do you find that a hassle not worth taking the time to rank?
- If so many of you also have blog posts to be rated and given the more ratings you get the higher your ranking is there a feeling that if you rate a bunch of your fellow members their blogs will go up and yours will not?

I've thought about blogs and readership for awhile now. I see a lot of people really care about how many are reading and commenting on their blogs; others do not. Would I really want a thousand readers reading mine? Reading, sure, but commenting no. It's only because I enjoy commenting back and feel compelled to visit their blogs. The larger I get; the more impossible that becomes. That's where burn out happens; you do more and more and more until you can no longer sustain it and then it finally gets to be too much and you abandon blogging completely. No thanks, I'll stay where I'm at. I'm sure my blog is as funny as any of those other humor blogs and I don't need to see it listed way up to prove that. The single biggest thing humor-blogs provides is a place to find other funny blogs but I've found enough already and I know I can always go back there should I run low...

Drivel complete...

39 comments:

Mrs. R said...

Some of the blogs on humor-blogs.com lack the humor...

Yours is funnier than a lot of the blogs of their members that I've checked out. I think you've got a pretty good method going here, I wouldn't change a thing. :)

VE said...

mrs. r - Thanks. I was going to do a month long intensive expose on why fingernails sometimes have those little white spots but perhaps I should just stick with my original method...

iamnot said...

I sympathise with the readership level problems.
I've actually had to limit my page views to 50 a day and allow no more than 15 comments.
Since HS, I've been working hard to restrain the enthusiasm for my wit and charm that would make me just too popular.
So far, so good.

Memarie Lane said...

I agree on all points.

VE said...

iamnot - Ha ha. I know, you'd be monster blog without that governur on there. And who really want 10,000 obnoxiously witty commenters like your or me on their blog anyway!!

VE said...

marie - Really? I rarely even agree with my ownself! Wow...

leelee said...

lol...at last comment.

I can't imagine trying to keep up with 100 blogs..or even 20 for that matter ;-)

I tend to visit maybe 5-10 per day on a good day..I like to always respond to comments..I hate when I comment somewhere and it just sits there..without a reply..

It's like "HI" and you get that dead eye stare...its so uncomfortable..what's up with that?

Can you believe I have never seen even 1 Oceans movie..not even the original. I keep meaning to..

Your blog is funny ..consistently..love it.

HUGS!!

Kurt said...

I don't think I'd want a ton of readers, because I would have to be careful about what I write.

Jacki said...

Why is it those movies sound soo much better then what is out there right now??

Oh, and about blog readership. I don't think I could keep up with 1,000 readers. I'm not Dooce. I like having the "personal" connections to those whose blogs I read and those that read mine. It's fun. I want my blog to stay fun. So I have just stopped worrying about how many people read my blog.

iamnot said...

One of the reasons I limit my witty comments over here is because I can't afford to lure to many of your massive audience to my blog.
Even a small percentage of your popularity would overwhelm me.
I do see now how Jacki found me...so I'd better stop now.

Quickroute said...

I don't know how you manage to post daily and visit and comment on so many blogs. I think you must have outsourced this stuff to Mumbai!

Mother Theresa said...

I sure hope they don't make Jelly Man, because at some point I am sure my kids would force me to watch it on DVD. The rest I don't really care about since I never get to go to the cinema anyway, but if somebody babysits I would willingly go see any one of those films.

About Humor-blogs, I'm not sure the system will work. It's probably much fairer, but I think a lot of people won't bother to log in to rate people's posts. I know I won't, because I have enough trouble finding time just posting and trying to visit my favorite blogs. And even that is getting to be too much these days. Still, you have to hand it to Diesel for trying to make Humor-blogs a better place. I don't know where he gets the energy to keep it all going. Your blog is just perfect; enough people to make it fun, but not so many that it loses that personal touch. I don't really like visiting blogs where there are hundreds of comments, because you can never tell if the author even bothers to read them. As for my own blog, I like having some commenters, but I'm with you on not wanting thousands.

Chris C said...

I've tested the limits of the new ranking system and it's three votes per blog. You also are not limited to how many blogs you rank, just how many posts per blog you can vote for.

One thing the new system will do is create grouping-up of blogs to rank each other. The only downside to that is if you piss someone off and they down-rank you.

Megan said...

I'm in the "hassle not worth taking the time to rank?" club.

I'd like to see the Deported. I wonder if there is a twist ending you are not telling us about, and he's really a quintuple agent?

Sornie said...

The "Oceans 564,735" sounds like a plausible concept. You better get crackin' before some Hollywood stuffed suit steals your idea. I have a Sony Handycam if you need some help filming.

Maureen said...

Oh, yeah... agreeing with you wholeheartedly here. I try to respond to every comment too, so I love my little group of regular readers. And you're right; occasionally I'll find a new humor blogger at the site, but I am not vying for top spot there (not that I ever could in any stretch of the imagination).

I love the give and take you have here and would be really sad if that went away because numbers got overwhelming.

Kanrei said...

My two year is tomorrow. I still only have three readers too (and my mom is one of them), but I look at quality over quantity. You and SJ have been with me almost since the beginning and I write to entertain the two of you mostly.

Your blog is consistantly funny and I am in awe of it daily. Congrats on two years! Here is to 100 more!

Kanrei said...

PS- Movie plots? Did I inspire?

VE said...

leelee - Thanks. I'm over 100 and I know some folks that visit here often don't get a return visit from me quite as often just because it is big. I can actually process about 40 blogs with comments per hour but this being summer and all, that hour or two isn't necessarily there...

kurt - You were probably my initial inspiration for purifying my blog. You subscribe and pimp no lists and yet your blog is consistantly funny in that Kurt style I enjoy.

jacki - There you have; the personal connection! It's everything...

iamnot - Ha ha. I know, you of all people cannot afford more overwhelming things. I'm just glad you maintain what you do and you stop by here.

mother theresa - Boy, isn't that true about being 'forced' to watch some kids movie. I can't tell you how many of those damn Pokemon movies I had to endure over the years... I think you hit the nail on the head about humor-blogs; it all depends on what you are looking for. If you're trying to keep that personal connection via comments then too much readership is a bad thing. If you're just looking for an audience, then anything and everything you do to promote probably doesn't hurt it.

chris c - Interesting. You're limited to how many posts on a blog you can rank. That seems odd.

megan - Ah, nice try trying to divulge my twist ending. You have no idea how many twists I can put into it!

sornie - Just stick around, I'm a walking stealable source!

maureen - Agree completely. Don't worry, I'm not changing...

kan - Yes, you absolutely did inspire that post. SHould have given you the credit but I didn't realize it until you said it. Thanks!

lime said...

i want to see the jelly movie. yes i do.

as for blogging critical mass. i think i have hit it. i don't want any more witty readers that i will feel compelled to follow. i only want boring, dull, barely literate types to become new readers and commenters because their blogs won't tempt me.

VE said...

lime - Funny how you don't hear a lot of bloggers sayin'; I don't have enough blogs to read and comment on but you hear a lot of them lament on getting higher visit counts. It goes both ways...

Queen Goob said...

Yeah, you really have really written that much nonsense....but that's why we love ya. I've never been to Humor Blog but don't tell anyone, 'kay?

Happy belated anniversary and you know what? That Jelly Man sounds AWESOME, I would actually pay to see that movie....sorry!

Serena Joy said...

With or without the ranking and votes and tallies, your blog IS a humor blog. It's funny (AND well written), and it keeps me coming back. I certainly hear you on the growth/obligatory visit ratio. It can quickly become overwhelming, resulting in burnout.

And now on to your movies. Sorry, I ain't going to those movies. I wouldn't mind playing with Jelly Man, though. I love the sound of squish.:)

Anndi said...

I like jelly...

Alan Smithee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kurt said...

Thanks!

Bee said...

Being one of those listed on Humor-Blogs I have to be honest here.

I originally joined for traffic, which I did get. Then I met a lot of cool people. You being one of them. I was on a happy high when I was #1 for a few days but now that I'm going down in the ranks, I actually feel better! That's not to say I want a bunch of jackasses giving me sad smiles out of spite but I feel like I can go back to being me. Which is weird because I din't STOP being me. Does that make sense?

I have helped a couple of other bloggers set up their feeds so they can participate and then clicked on them because I genuinely believe their posts were funny.

I like to share the love! ;o)

Bee said...

Oh, and I will keep the link on my posts for H-B but will only make them click by subliminally messing with their heads.

Bee said...

Just kidding! I failed Subliminal messaging 101.

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm still a humor-blogs member but I don't whore it up in my posts and beg for clicks anymore. I don't handle competition well and I found myself getting kind of bitchy about it and then I stopped and thought, "Really? You're going to get petty about other bloggers? It's not like you're making any money off this."

And then I decided that I want to blog just for the love of writing. Any comments I get are just extra gravy for me. And YOU are always a great commenter, VE!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I just made up a song about (spermicidal)Jelly Man and Trojan Man walking around, hand-in-hand.

Alex L said...

Holy crap thats a lot, I can hardly think of two posts a week, I cant imagine how you and diesel and the like post almost every day.

VE said...

queen goob - Thanks...nonsense is as nonsense does. Just ask my gnomes, they'll tell ya...

sj - Thanks. Everyone seems to LOVE the jelly man!

anndi - Me too...and apparently from all these comments, we are not alone!

kurt - Ha! You fell for that? No, just messin' with ya. I've got nothing but respect for cartoonists

bee - No, I see the allure. I remember being in the top 20 at one point long ago so I know the feeling.

elastic - Here, here...agree with you. I'm afraid to hear your song!!!

alex - Posting 6 days a week was a creative experiment for me. I wanted to see what writers and marketing people and other creative types had to do everyday. Could I come up with something each day? Could I take requests? So far, two years later I guess the answer is "yes". Although I do feel I had a lot of fresher ideas last fall and early this spring. Summer is difficult to do it well. I can see why some scale back and some post older reruns.

Nessa said...

I think you are funny. You make me gawfaw many times. I hate voting and have never found popularity contests revealing of talent.

Bee said...

See, for me it’s not the allure to be on top otherwise I wouldn’t click on other people or advise them to put the link in their post and then help them with their feed. I don’t take myself too seriously and have been happy to be on the front page but have been conscious that one day I would be in the 50s or lower and that was okay with me too.

I don’t think I whore up H-B on my blog because I don’t really pressure people into clicking for me (other than family if they know what’s good for them! ;op). I try (with *try* being the operative word) to make some funny comment about clicking over there but I’m not too upset when people don’t.

I was actually surprised to be ranked where I was all this time considering I don’t have hundreds of readers.

I guess it can be considered a popularity contest but there has to be a solid reason why 15 Minute Lunch is always #1. I would say he is popular because of his writing talent and ability to keep you amused and interested in his point of view or memories.

I also believe that people find you as amusing and you'd be fighting top billing with Johnny V. The both of you crack my shit up!

VE said...

nessa - 'never found popularity contests revealing of talent'. And that's good because I've never been popular or known to reveal talent...

VE said...

bee - It was fun to see you at numero uno for awhile; ahead of the biggies. Johnny get more traffic on his blog than I get going downtown during rush hour. But it is funny though. I think he went viral when he did that 1970s fashion post. All his stuff is funny but that was one for the books! I don't know that I've ever laughed out loud at a post more than that. I really don't fault anyone for what they do or put on their blog; it's their blog. Although I do give Diesel a lot of shit when he gets into that self promotion mode (my book, my blogs, my...ha ha ha...but he's a talented writer too)

RED MOJO said...

Congratulations on 2 years and 500 posts! I enjoy your blog, there's something easy about it. Thanks for being here.

VE said...

red mojo - Thanks! Personally, I can't say there is always something easy about it for me though. Sometimes it isn't quite that easy!