Monday, July 28, 2008

Name Calling

People’s names….kind of important since you have to live with them for the rest of your life. But in these days of endless possibilities and stooped celebrities that are bored with the norm, we get names like Dweezle, Moon Unit, and Diva Muffin (Frank Zappa’s kids). No, I’m not making those up!

I mean naming your daughter Sunshine…that’s just a bit too much. Nobody wants Sunshine wandering around pestering you after a rough night partying!

Nicole Kidman named her baby daughter Sunday. No, she didn’t name her on Sunday, she named her Sunday! I don’t know what the girl is going to do the rest of the week! And wait until she goes into the ice cream store with her friends. How many “Hey Sunday, do you want a Sunday!” type jokes do you think she’ll get?

Now we’ve got our share of dorky names that kids are doomed with: Herbert, Beauregard, Zeke, Gertrude, and Penelope. If that’s your name or somebody you know, well I’m so sorry for you. Bwahahahaha. Sorry, couldn’t resist…

Let’s consider popular names for a moment. Here are the top 10 separated by more than 50 years.

1950: 2007:
1. James / Linda 1. Jacob / Emily
2. Robert / Mary 2. Michael / Isabella
3. John / Patricia 3. Ethan / Emma
4. Michael / Barbara 4. Joshua / Ava
5. David / Susan 5. Daniel / Madison
6. William / Nancy 6. Christopher / Sophia
7. Richard / Deborah 7. Anthony / Olivia
8. Thomas / Sandra 8. William / Abigail
9. Charles / Carol 9. Matthew / Hannah
10. Gary / Kathleen 10. Andrew / Elizabeth

Michael and William are the only boy names that still rate the list. The girls? Not a single one! Girls are so trendy…

But let’s go even further:

1066:
Boys: Ailmar, Ailsi, Alnod, Brunloc, But, Ingulf, Theodulf
Girls: Alditha, Edild, Goda, Goldyva, Leofrun, Wakerilda

See, not a single name carried forward when you go back nearly a thousand years. But let’s examine these a little closer

Ailmar – Sounds like a microbrew. Probably would have been a popular name in Seattle or Portland if thost towns weren't just large forests with arrow-shooting native Americans then.

Ailsi – What’s with the “ail”? You can call me ail, your you can call me jail or…

Alnod – Come on now. Even I know this is the equivalent of Norbert or Herbert for their day. How could this possibly be popular?

Brunloc – Left over from the caveman days. They were probably the slowest kids around. The kind you could trick going into the T-Rex lair for fun…

But – WTF? Isn’t this a conjunction word, not a name? How’d you like to be a walking contradiction? I can only imagine the jokes these kids must have had to endure. Ok, if they were royalty that probably didn’t happen lest you get beheaded…

Ingulf – Some of these names even I couldn’t have made up! Imagine living down in Louisiana back in the time and somebody says, “Where’s your son?” “Oh, he’s in gulf swimming” ha ha ha. Whatever. Seriously, this sounds more like an eating disorder…

Theodulf – The Theo part is fine but the dulf part has to be that era’s version of ‘dork’ for sure. Do you think they shortened it to “dulfy”? Made them sit, fetch, and roll over? Just wondering…

Alditha – She probably married Alnod and they created some sort of accounting system using rocks and twigs or some other boring pursuit. Their whole family tree is a walking birth control commercial I bet.

Edild – Ok, who else secretly added an “o” to this name? This is a woman for her times. A real independent type… ha ha

Goda – I actually like this one. First of all, your name starts the same as God. That can’t hurt. Then, it just sounds cool. I’m sure Goda’s were the popular girls I couldn’t date as a teenager. I’d have to wait until I had 1,000 chickens or whatever they coveted before they’d look at me. Or until I finally filled out and they’d had enough of the popular shallow guys…

Goldyva – Probably the rich celebratramps of the time! Anyone with the word ‘gold’ in their name is from a privileged family or their blindly optimistic.

Leofrun – Huh? A girls name? They must have secretly been rough, brawly laborers with a name like that! Plus, you shouldn’t have a name that contains an astrological body.

Wakerilda – Sorry, but I’m not wacking her ANYWHERE… I just couldn’t look somebody straight in the eye and not laugh at this name. I just couldn’t.

51 comments:

Mrs. R said...

My brother-in-law wants to name his kid Horace...I should send him over to your blog, maybe he will see the error of his ways. We can't seem to convince him that "Horace" gets his kid's butt kicked in the 2nd grade...and 3rd, and 4th and...

lime said...

how about naming them according to how it sounds to holler the name in anger. can you say it with authority?

Anne said...

The year I was born my [real] name was #4 on the list. There are a lot of us out there.

Anne said...

you have to use middle names to make the authority thing work.

Bee said...

Ha ha! It's a good thing I don't have kids because I might be guilty of name torture!

My real life name is Bianca. Me and that Jagger chick used to be the only ones and now I hear my name everywhere! I hope it goes out of style soon.

VE said...

mrs r - Horace? Nooooooo. Ha ha. Yes, send 'em my way. I'll convince him that is the wrong thing to do!

lime - You are right...I just cannot with some of those names. Especially those really old ones.

anne - Funny how names get so trendy. My daughters is quite trendy but my son's there are only a couple still

anne - Works for assassins too...they always have middle names in there.

bee - Wow, Mick Jagger is your Dad?!! How cool is that! ;) Actually, I don't hear that name out my way much so perhaps its more of a regional trend...

Alice said...

Dammit. No one put these names in my baby name book when I was trying to name my kids. Unfair.

Yes, my name is Arizona said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yes, my name is Arizona said...

Well.....my daughter's name is Sunday and my name is Arizona. My daughter is named after my husband's mother, whose real name is Kiriakoula (pronounced Keer-ee-ah-koo-la), which is Greek for "little Sunday" (loosely translated). Neither one was born on a sunday. My name is just weird and I've never wanted to go to the state of Arizona because that's extra weird. I won't even tell you my son's real name, but I can guarantee he won't get his butt kicked because of it. ;)

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

And I love the picture of the day. Redneck calimari...I'm going to make it for my husband. He'll love it!

angie said...

I'm absolutely shocked that 11th century names are not still on the top 10 list. :)

Kurt said...

I googled ALNOD and came up with this fine lad, born in 1066:
Jordanus Alnod Cilt Sheppy.

VE said...

alice - Think of all the useful 11th century names you've missed now! They'd certainly be 'unique' if used these days...

arizona - Ha ha. I knew somebody would have somebody named the same as one of the ones I make fun of. Yes, I think you should avoid taking a vacation to Arizona. It's gotta be like the whole matter/anti-matter touching or something like that...

Michelle Ann said...

I think that your whole life can hinge on what your parents name you...it's an awesome power that many have abused.

That said, I have a friend named Bartholomew Bloom. I shit you not...How could they do such a thing????

VE said...

michelle ann - Bartholomew? Bwahahaha! Hope he cuts it to Bart at least. Otherwise unless he's going to have a polo career he's going to get beat up with that name...

leelee said...

I knew a girl once named Fern Philapot..swear its true.

I looked at the sign hanging in my local Supermarket Deli, you know how they have the managers photos and names??

Deli Manager: Linda Cheeseman

swear its true...

HUGS

cathouse teri said...

I'm so glad to have you back and giving us the fantastical nonsensicals we deserve!

You seem refreshed. ;)

Nessa said...

Wasn't Wakerilda the inventor of Wikipedia?

Yeah, I know it's not funny, but my name didn't make any list, ok.

Bonnie the Boss said...

Admit it you made up those names from 1000 years ago. How the heck would you know that?
I have a cousin who worked at a local children's hospital and they had a list of awful childrens names.
Clamidia, Peach blossom, are two I can remember. Do those names come with a pole and some pasties?
About Ms. R's comment. Do they call him Hore for short?

Megan said...

I am just a leeetle suspicious of this post coming so soon after the wedding. ;)

Practically Joe said...

My wife's name is Domenica (meaning Sunday in Italian) her maiden name was a derivative of the word Prosciutto (an Italian ham) so ... before I married her she was "Sunday Ham"

VE said...

kurt - I think he went to school with John McCain...

leelee - I can't help but laugh about Fern's name. Wow. I feel so bad for her...

teri - I'm back with the usual nonsense! Yes, I do feel refreshed. It's great to truly unplug for several days. I tried to comment on your post but my computer just sat there stalled. I'll try again later though.

bonnie - Actually, one would expect me to just make up such facts as popular names during that era but in reality, I did research that and those are the actual names! Cladimidia...sounds like female anatomy to me...

megan - Ha! Nice try. No, I'm properly tutored so THAT isn't happening!

joe - Ha! That's funny. Of course, I'm sure you didn't call out that fact while you were dating her did you! Italian women can seriously hurt you, you know!

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I grew up with a guy whose name was Richard Head. And yes, his family called him Dickie. I swear its true. He became a car salesman and when I was 22 I bought a car from him...didn't know he was a car salesman either. It was a chance meeting. My mom was with me and confessed she always thought I was making it up. But that day, she met Dick Head and knew I was not lying!!

VE said...

arizona - Ha ha. I've met a LOT of Dick Head's in my life unfortunately! So get this one: My son's first name is Harrison and my grandfathers first name is Richard. My mother actually suggested we use my grandfather's name as his middle name. Yeah, right. Shorten both of them and you get Harry Dick...

Lori said...

My husband overheard an argument - the man claimed he was not the father of the baby thus he named her Iesha. Sound it out and let your mind fall into the gutter!

VE said...

lori - Ha! I must be slow though today...I actually had to think there to work that one out.

Jocasta said...

Great post! We have just had here some names that were not allowed published. Tulla does the hula from hawaii, number 16 bus stop, violence (for a girl), and fish and chips (twins)

Love the commenting rule for your blog role - looking forward to working my way up the list!

Anndi said...

Ina Goda Davida: a song about three sisters...

I so added the O *gigglesnort*

Bonnie the Boss said...

Clamidia is a venerial disease. I probably spelled it wrong though. Sometimes I am just not in the mood to go look for the dictionary!

Jeff said...

I'm actually surprised the current list of names are as normal as they are. Where's all the Jaydyn's, Caydyn's and Aydyn's that seem to be taking over the world these days?

I'm sure that "But" guy was the butt of all the jokes!

Serena Joy said...

I'm pretty glad I wasn't around in 1066. I'm also glad I don't have to name any babies today.

Hope you had a wonderful wedding and trip.:)

ChrisEldin said...

OMG! Where did you dig up the 1066 names? Soooo cool!!! I'm going to copy and paste somewhere..
:-)

Matt-Man said...

Wasn't Theodulf the son of Cliffduf de Huxtable, Deliverer of Newborns? Cheers!!

VE said...

jocasta - Welcome. I always reply to blog comments so look for those if you're the kind to come back. Look for the date on the count tally; I do the count by hand to ensure it's one comment per post. I usually update the tally weekly.

Oh, and those names are quite bizzare!

anndi - I knew you'd add the O! ha ha

bonnie - Yikes...talk about tracing that back to the source...

jeff - Those adyn people, they'll be some blog humor post in about a thousand years...

sj - Yes, we had a wonderful time. I'm glad you weren't around in 1066 either...damn you'd be old!

chris - I don't really know, I just started searching for old names and found a compiled list just waiting for me. Now if only that would work for photos...I'm forever searching for just the right one only to be thwarted...

matt-man - Ha! Good one. I think you're right. I'm glad he was the deliver of new-borns...I'd hate to see the old-borns...

colbymarshall said...

Now I'm thinking of having a child named Theodulf, just to see what happens...

Quickroute said...

Try a nice Irish name like this list

Carla said...

Whew, 1066. For a minute there I thought you said 1966. Crazy.

monica said...

wonderful post - I really enjoy your blog. sitting here all alone in the office - everyone else is on summer holiday - and your blog lights up my day, making me laugh.
Congrats on the marriage and the birthday !!

when I was naming my kids I had to make sure they were pronounced the same way in both Danish( the dad) and Norwegian(me the mom) and ended up with Tobias and Sofie - the english pronounciation differs though...

Alex L said...

The guy from 'Tool' the band, named his son 'Devo'. But my nickname is pretty close to one of Zappas kids names, and almost everyone calls me that.

Anette said...

In Norway, Odd is a common name for men, and imagine if he's called Strange as a surname! they are both common names..

Carla said...

I have a cousin who thought her name was Damnit Judy.

VE said...

colby - Ha! Good luck with that. Be sure to dress him up in long flowing robes like Moses...

quickroute - Wow, there's a whole plethora of names to make fun of...that is if the Irish wouldn't beat me up. The only safe one was Art and it rhymes with fart!

carla - And the funny thing is that in 1966 you probably could have used any of them and everyone would have thought it was groovy...

monica - Thanks. Of course I associate Sofie with Sofa and then I want to be lazy and find a bag of chips to munch. I can't imagine trying to find a safe name across multiple nationalities. I'm sure my real name means bonehead in several countries...

alex - As long as the didn't "whip him"... Oh, and I'm going to guess that everyone calls you a weasel!!! ha ha ha

anette - That's really Odd! This is what happens with too little sunlight all winter... ;)

carla - That's funny...

cute baby said...

The worst celebrity baby name is Pilot inspector.

VE said...

cute baby - Wow, looks like you're the source for names. I was going to use Pilot Inspector to name my kids but somebody already used it. I'm leaning toward Vacuum Doily instead...

Alex L said...

WEASEL... keep guessing

Jacki said...

You'd love some of the more traditional Danish names...some are a real hoot. Like Mads for instance. It's a girls name.

VE said...

alex - Moonshine?

jacki - Mads...well that makes sense since females are all mad! ;) Plus I think I could get away with making fun of their names because Denmark has the happiest people on the planet...

Alex L said...

Pretty much, I'm known around my circle of friends as Moonie, or Moondogg (note the double 'g'), Moon, some variation of that...

VE said...

alex - Aha, then I got it pretty much right on the second try. And don't be moonin' me either!

padraig said...

"Madison" I never understood. Also the "-den" crowd.

Caden, Braden, Kaden, Cayden...

VE said...

padraig - I don't understand those either. People hang out in dens to play poker and talk fishing stories not raise their hand in class...