Monday, July 07, 2008

No Contact with the Outside World

Did you see that story and photos about the tribe in Peru that has never been contacted by civilization? That’s right, the tribe lives in the Amazon jungle and has no knowledge what-so-ever of the outside world.

That’s right, they don’t know about the benefits of good wicking performance sports wear. They don’t know about TV or phones or cars or practically anything. I sense they know about the airline industry from the photo because they are shooting arrows at the plane. Let’s face it, who wouldn’t want to shoot arrows at the airline industry.

Of course, this year in their tribe all red is in. That poor person in all black…that was last year’s fashion. Imagine their embarrassment when they went to the village in last year’s paint!

And while it is amazing that in this day and age there are still civilizations out there that haven’t been contacted by the rest of the world, there are actually still over a hundred such tribes.

But VE investigators have discovered something just as amazing. There are towns right here in the USA that exist and have been locked into a decade and never escaped. We must keep the locations of these towns a secret lest they be influenced by the world around them.

We found such a place where the town folks are living in 1975. They still have boom boxes and listen to Wolfman Jack. They have 8-Tracks. They cash in green stamps at the grocery store. Their appliances are avocado green. They have shag carpeting.

They say things like “far out”, “can you dig it”, “in your face”, “keep on truckin”. They wear leather visors. They wear clothes with huge collars. They have bell bottom pants. They drive Gremlins and Pacers.

But this town isn’t alone. We found another that was straight out of 1986. That’s right; they had Sony Walkman’s and listened to their cassette tapes. They had big hair and wild colored parachute pants and trendy clothing.

They were listening to Euro sound music. They drove VW Rabbits that were even still driveable! They said things like “airhead” and “totally” and “barf me out”. They wore swatches and played Pac Man at arcades and had Foosball tournaments.

It’s difficult to blend into these environments without exposing the outside world to them. One of our investigators forgot to silence his cell phone and it nearly cost him complete exposure. There was a scene where they investigators were laughing so hard at the drive up photo booth that they nearly hauled them away as crazy people.

There are organizations trying to help keep these folks from outside exposure by mailing them albums and leading them on to believe that ABBA is still touring and stuff like that but it is difficult. Sadly every day in states like Kansas and Iowa towns are getting exposure to the outside world that is changing their ways forever…



35 comments:

Sunshine said...

You had to go there, didn't ya? Throwing out my beloved Iowa as a "hick" backwards state.
*sigh*
I do not wear a loin cloth, however ABBA will always be one of my favs.

iamnot said...

I wish I still had my Gremlin.
V8 engine in that little car...it kicked ass...in a completely out of control, handles like crap sort of way that nearly got me killed a few times.
Still...

Lori said...

WHAT!?! You mean Abba isn't on tour???

VE said...

sunshine - See, loin cloths are in this year! Sorry about the Iowa diss...had to pick some state; it was a random choice.

iamnot - Ha! You can make everything from long ago sound better. "Slums were much more scary back when I was a kid..."

Matt-Man said...

You speak of shag carpeting like it's a bad thing. You are such an elitist. Cheers!!

Kurt said...

He went to the village in last year’s paint, indeed.

I sold my Honda almost two years ago, but it still had a cassette stereo in it, which worked perfectly. if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

Kanrei said...

Won't you take me to Funky Town! I want to live in that 70's town! Where oh where is it?

Did you know there were parts of my hometown of Miami that do not realize what country they are in?

Kanrei said...

PS- Iowa violates the "Vowel Rule." Any state with more vowels than consonant is in league with the Devil. Nothing personal.

VE said...

matt-man - Ha! You know how I like linoleum...I've got it wall to wall and even on the walls!

kurt - I agree in principle, but then I wouldn't be able to download all my songs illegally for free and play them in the car without a whole lot of hassle. It's not easy to find the latest releases on cassette!

kan - Sorry, I cannot tell you because I'm secretly selling all their goods to collectors of 70s memorabilia. You'd cut in on my profit margin! I agree on the vowel/consonant rule. Idaho and Ohio are guilty of that too. Perhaps Mississippi can load them some consonants...

damon said...

I actually grew up in a house with blue shag carpeting on the WALLS!
(maybe that's where wall-to-wall carpet got it's name!?)

We had no Gremlin though, green VW van was our ride.

Megan said...

I think that tribe in Peru is a hoax. How could they possibly have got body paint the same color as a 1970's car?

VE said...

damon - This explains a lot about you! ha ha. Shag walls...that's weird.

VE said...

megan - Ha! Good point. And besides, I saw tourists that red in Belize too. Just takes one day snorkeling without sunscreen....

leelee said...

oh no...I had better tell my husband that his
Huckapoo shirt


and Sweet Orr bells are no longer in fashion..

Damn and he looks so hot with his Pukka Shells too..

DAMN!

VE said...

leelee - Don't worry, what comes around goes around. It'll all be back in fashion eventually and the newest generation will think THEY came up with it first. Hah!

Sunshine said...

You'll have to take up the vowel issue with the Sioux who inhabited this region, they named a whole lot of stuff before all the Europeans showed up, shoved them aside and gave them casinos as compensation.

angie said...

I did see that article, but wasn't aware of those other "civilizations"! :)

MJ said...

Guh! Gag me with a spoon! :D

Quickroute said...

Any 60's towns out there? I need some free love and lsd!

RED MOJO said...

Wait until they find out about Obama!

Memarie Lane said...

The town I grew up in was stuck in 1979 or so throughout my life. Then all of the sudden the housing boom hit and they were jolted into the 2000's. I wonder if they'll regress now?

Anndi said...

Don't knock parachute pants... they come in handy when you need a hamac.
Besides, kids nowadays still look like they took a dump in their pants. Mind you the skin-tight spandex of bighair rock days gone by aren't anything to bring back either. Unless you're a "member" of Spinal Tap.

Serena Joy said...

There are a couple of towns like that hiding out here in VA. I'm not divulging their locations because they really don't want any help from those airhead do-gooder organizations. They like their big hair and totally groove on ABBA.:)

VE said...

sunshine - Oh sure, blame it on the native americans! ha ha

angie - Few are aware...and that is why everyone is working to protect them...

mj - Hey, you've been to one of these towns, haven't you ;)

quickroute - Alas, their residents are all in retirement homes now...

red mojo - That might send them into permanant shock. Avoid this at all costs. Save these towns!

marie - See, another perfectly uncontacted town that got influenced by the outside world. Heck, gas is probably over $4 there now too...

anndi - I think kids do take dumps in their pants. They have busy schedules and advanced diaper technology now-a-days...

sj - Ha ha. Who can argue with big hair and ABBA music!

Anndi said...

Look where it got the astronaut... just sayin'.

VE said...

anndi - True...very true. That just ruined my whole dream of being an astronaut. Well, that and those shuttles blowing up too.

Jeff said...

I don't get it. Are you saying you got busted having ABBA as your ringtone?

VE said...

jeff - Yeah, that isn't so much the problem as actually having a cell phone. To those poor people trapped in the 70s...it's as foreign as a Star Trek communicator device.

Alex L said...

I heard that lost tribe were who the smurfs were based on...

VE said...

alex - Hey, you're right. I see Papa Smurf in the bushes...

VE said...

lori - How'd I miss you here? ABBA was recently all together at the Mamma Mia premiere. When asked if there might be a reunion they said "never".

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

Wolfman Jack was pretty cool. And avocado green isn't so bad when you think about what the 80's brought! I have to admit I really like ABBA....

VE said...

arizona - I liked Wolfman Jack too

Maureen said...

OMG. I have "Far Out" on my post yesterday.... gad.

VE said...

maureen - Don't worry...we'll air drop some pet rocks into your town...