Well, tomorrow is an above average day:
- It's my birthday
- I'm getting married
- I'll be gone from blogging until Friday night as we head off whitewater rafting
No, I'm not kidding! And to honor all of, I'm going to give you one of my wackiest, most original posts ever. It's got politics, it's got celebratramps, it's got fantastical nonsense. It's got it all! Let's see if while I am gone I can top my all time high comment total of 62 for the Albums You Should Avoid for the rest of your Life - Part 2. So spread the word to leave a comment!
Here's your all original VE humor post. It's gonna have to satisfy you for the week:
This is what would happen should VE go into the entertainment industry: We take you partway into the show...
Obama: I’ll take Michael Vick.
Host: Michael, True or False: They just banned eating dog in Bejing, China because of the Summer Olympics?

Host: It is true, X gets the square.
McCain: I’ll go with Paris. No really, I wanna go out with Paris…
Host: Paris. I’ll use small words. What year did copying DVDs first become a problem?

Host: You’re correct. O gets the square.
Obama: I’ll go with Patrick.
Host: Patrick. What can you never eat for breakfast?

Host: Yes, it is correct. X gets the square.
McCain: I’ll go with OJ for the block.
Host: OJ, gloves were invented in 1834. But is it a law for dentists to wear gloves?

Host: Well you are in luck then because OJ is not correct. It is against the law. O gets the square.
Obama: I’ll take Mr. T to block
Host: Mr. T, which of the following rappers is still alive: Tone Loc, Tupac, Jam Master Jay or Easy E?

Host: No, I’m sorry, it was Tone Loc. O gets the square and John McCain is our winner.
Obama: What? See, this is what is wrong with America when a brother would like to a fellow brother. It’s time for a change…
Host: Quick, somebody call a doctor, John McCain has collapsed. I think it was the excitement of winning something. Perhaps his heart.
Obama: I think it was melanoma. Look at how that abnormally shaped mole is spreading. It looks like the one Gorbachev had.
Host: That wasn’t a mole…
Obama: Too bad, at least then he could have got sympathy votes like McCain has.
Host: Well folks, this concludes another Hollyweird Sqaures. Thanks for watching. Hey Limbaugh…get over here. See if you have any medication for this…
The cameras fade just as Tinky Winky and Amy are doing lines of crack in her square…
86 comments:
Ok, I'll come back later and comment on the post itself... but let me be the first to say W00T!!! CONGRATULATIONS VE!!!
That is so cool that you're getting married! I've seen partial pictures of your girlfriend and I must say, she is very partially attractive. No wait, I mean she is very attractive, partially. Nevermind you know what I mean.
Anyway, where are you registered. I simply MUST buy you a gift.
jeff - Thanks. Registered? I've had all my shots... No, no registers...just well wishers...
Crap!
Damn you Patrick!
I threw my shoulder out trying to lick my elbow.
Congrats!
Married?
What'd you do wrong to deserve that?
What? Why would anyone get married? Sheesh! Well, my condolences, dear. :)
Very funny post. I don't think he collapsed because of melanoma, though. I think it was melodrama.
(Abnormally shaped mole. You are so silly.)
practically joe - I know, I fell for it too...oh, I was talking about the marriage thing, were you talking about the elbow licking?
iamnot - Grew up with old fashioned values I guess...
teri - Because I love the abuse, don't you know that? Ha ha
Well, you'll never have an excuse to forget your anniversary!!!
Congrats and have fun rafting!!
Well congrats VE. Rafting eh? you're not gonna pull a Natalie Wood "accident" on your bride during your Honeymoon are ya?
As for McCain, I think he died from boredom while listening to himself.
Have fun, Happy Birthday, Happy Marriage, and Cheers!!
lori - Thanks...it is convenient to remember, isn't it? And it wasn't even my idea. Imagine that.
matt-man - I would but I don't where Natalie is to do so...
Hey, congrats on the getting older and getting hitched! Sounds like you will have one hell of an amazing week!
I liked the fade out best of all. Kinky Tinky Winky is my favorite.
I'll be back to comment as well...but WOW...CONGRATULATIONS VE...I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
HUGS! to you and the future mrs VE
:-)
I guess you weren't kidding eh? I want pictures, and I want to see your man boobs.
I'll come back to comment properly on the post.
HAPPY BRITHDAY AND my condolences to future Mrs. VE! ;op
You are a clever cleverman to get married on your birthday.
knight - Thanks! Kinky Tinky Winky...I like it! Yes, even my disturbed imagination cannot top Teletubbies. WTF is up with that show? Drugs, I'm sure...
leelee - Future Mrs. VE...well, now that you put it that was, it does sound scary for her!
memarie - Ha ha. Maybe I can get a man boob job just to appease you!
bee - Yes, come back. I haven't had my abuse yet. Oh, yeah, I am clever...in that stoopid kind of way that men are...
KABOOM! YOU DROPPED A BOMB TODAY! Happy Birthday! Congrats on marriage I guess! I have to come back to read teh post...shock and all!
Happy Birthday! Mine was yesterday.
Great blog. Couldn't think of more fitting 'celebrities' if I'd tried.
oops. see yesterday's post for my comment of the day.
my scrolly wheel got too happy at your news.
Congrats and happy birthday! Boy what a week for you!
Happy Birthday & congratulations!
er...who won & why???
:D Politics is so bitchy...she will make one jealous dog eat the other over her...!! :D
OK, that post was funny as all Hell, but I am still in shock. Have a great week!
Oh Come on! Everyone knows Tupac is dead.
"Tomorrow is an above average day."
It sure as hell is! Especially the bit about whitewater rafting on a honeymoon!
Congratulations - to both you and your wife-to-be. She must have a great sense of humour.
And Happy Birthday.
(And that was a wacky, original post...)
Congratulations! Oh and I love the picture of Vick with the dog at his throat.
well happy birthday and congratulations. smart thinking to get married on your birthday, now you have no excuse for forgetting.
but seriously, congratulations and best wishes to you. lovely news.
WOW! - CONGRATS! Hope you guys have a great time rafting!
Congrats! Tying the ole knot, huh? Awesome! Have a great time rafting!
I love Hollywood Squares. Its too bad McCain survived years of hell as a POW only to be taken out by a cheesy game show.
Oh, and Happy Birthday!
Woo-hoo! Tomorrow's gonna be a VE Banner Day. Happy Birthday, and have a happy, happy wedding and trip. Congratulations!
You're right, today's post has everything.:)
kan - Yeah, I'd been meaning to break it that I would have to be away yet again and what is more shocking than the truth as to why!
intracerebral - Thanks and happy belated B-Day to you too. I love summer B-days...no other holiday gets in the way and it doesn't rain.
anne - Thanks. I sometimes do that too...but everybody expects me to do something stoopid like that
sarah - On top of it we're building a house. Yeah, can we pile more stressful things into one time period?
mona - Nobody EVER really wins...
kan - Ah, glad you liked it. One of my more impromptu ideas that took a long time to actually create.
kurt - Who? You must be more well-read then I am
beth - Wacky is as wacky does. Yes, this is a week to remember for sure. I'll be back next week for more wackiness though
elizabeth - Thanks. I thought it a nice detail to add the dog... ha ha ha. It's the little things that crack me up sometimes.
lime - Dad didn't raise a dummy! I may be wacky but I'm not stoopid
quickroute - I've heard it's a beautiful river and it's right here in my state. About time I try it; I've rafted all over the world already.
arizona - Thanks. Perhaps if they'd put McCain into a pit while he was playing it would have made him feel more comfortable...
Building a house too?! Oh boy! The only way you could add more stress is if your bride to be was pregnant with quintuplets! :)
oh no! tone loc is still alive? after funky cold medina??? and they say waterboarding is harsh!
wow. married. im so sorry. grrrrrrherherhahaha no im not...congratulations! looks like youve got yourself a fine adventurous woman. enjoy your honeymoon.
damn. nobody called DLR. i wanted to see him jump n preen. grrrherhahaha
fun post. loved your photoshopped dog on mike vick. hey that dog wasnt photoshopped! grrherherha
sarah - You are scaring my now! ha ha
k9 - Ha ha. Thanks. I don't know, that dog seems to show up wherever Mike V. goes. Perhaps I can call upon the squares again and catch those that didn't get respond. Milking a good thing is a Hollywood tradition...
ooh! white water rafting!! I hope you know what you're doing. Don't do anything too risky like not wearing a condom on the wedding night....could be unlucky for some!!
Congratulations! How wonderful and white river rafting? I have been wanting to try that!
DEE
WOW, how can you possibly top life on Wednesday? So getting married and an episode with rough water? At least you get that "rough" part out of the way. CONGRATS!!!!
ps...I LOVE being married.
I'm bummed that David Lee Roth didn't get to answer any questions!
Oh well, congrats VE and best of luck.
emmak - I know what I'm doing on all occasions! I have rafted all over the world before. And as far as a condom goes...don't worry, I've been tutored! ha ha
dee - Thanks. It is a lot of fun and pretty easy if you just go with a guide. I've done some on my own years ago too. But I just like the guided ones these days.
carla - See, I'm old fashioned; I loved it too and will again. Yes, I'm sure I'll have lots of rough water stories.
megan - I thought I might milk this concept again, perhaps with some new guests and allow those that didn't get called on to do so in the future. What do you think?
Congrats on your nuptials. Whitewater rafting sounds like a great honeymoon. And Hollyweird Squares is sheer brilliance.
I knew Tinky was the one who hooked Amy! He once tried to talk me into a dark alley but I said No No No.
yellowjkt - Yeah, the nice thing about whitewater rafting is that any potential problems with the marriage sort of get taken care of one way or another there. ha ha ha.
yay McCain WON! Boo he probably died!
OH MY GOODNESS! Where have I been that I didn't know all of this was happening?!? CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! Let me tell you, that bride to be is one lucky young lady, I tell ya!
Oh,yeah and HAPPY BIRTHDAY as well. Now you know that you'll get at least ONE gift on that day. Hopefully, one of the good ones;)
sj - How could I miss your comment???? Your one of my most consistant reader/commenters! Thanks so much.
bee - I missed your comment too. Very tricky of you commenting while I was replying to an earlier one. I hate when that happens. That was a good move to say no, no, no! ha ha ha. You gotta watch those Tubbies, they are baaad...
dee - It's always bittersweet...
sprinkle - Yeah, and where have you been?!! No, I pretty much shocked everyone... Don't worry, she reads all my posts (and then rolls her eyes) ;)
VE..I forgot to wish you a happy birthday too!
This post was brilliant...I love the pics...the questions, the answers..oh I just loved it all..
really...I did..
HUGS and have a happy wedding/birthday and honeymoon..
wow
Congratulations!!!! Wow. Your birthday will never be the same. Enjoy. And loved the post. Very funny.
Awesome news! Congrats and have a fantastic week.
I love how your mind works.
And let me be the 47th to congratulate you!!!!! And wish you a happy birthday.
leelee - Awww, thanks. We'll be heading out in the morning (Tue)
carla - Thanks. True, but it hasn't been the same ever...I just keep getting older.
corky - Thanks. Weather will be mid to high 80s and perfect clear blue sunny, low humidity weather!
jess - Thanks. I'm just glad my mind even works! The 47th is a special congratulations too because that's my new age. Get it, 'new age'...never mind...
seriously...congratulations! i'll be back to comment later, too...it's LATE!!
Married hey, birthday hey, Cranial endoscopy hey... oh sorry got distracted, congrats on the first two and avoid the last one whatever it is.
They should have gone with tinky winky that lil bastards a smart one I'm telling you.
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
happy happy and congratulations VE darling! I'm so happy for you!
Damn - i can't decide between birthday spankings and kissing the groom... oh well, can I have both for a $100, VE?
Happy birthday Ve!
And may you have a lovely beginning with your bride.
No smarmy comment.. just a smooch!
Oh, well, Happy birthday... have fun rafting... and... and... what was the other thing?
Oh right... congratulations and best wishes for marital bliss.
First of all, happy birthday and congratulations. That's an awesome day.
This post was awesome, great job. The photoshopping must have taken forever.
Happy birthday!
Congratulations!!
Bon Voyage!!!
Wow - you got a busy day of it! Happy Birthday, Congratulations, and enjoy your trip.
p.s. did the ever get David Lee Roth outta there or is he still just hanging around waiting for a camera shot?
Ssshhhh everyone...she's getting ready...takes me about 3 minutes to get ready for anything...
Thanks for all the comments. I have read and I will comment back when I get the opportunity. Just a little busy today...
So cute. :)
I'm wearing black today, in honor of your maritalness. I am hoping for the best. It is my deepest wish that you two do better than... erm... the entire rest of the married world.
(Seriously though, I know at least five very happily married couples. May you be number six.)
Congratulations!!!!!! But, are you really taking your future wife rafting for your honeymoon? Oh wait a minute, I went camping on my honeymoon, so I guess I shouldn't make any smart ass remarks....
Ha ha ha...can you believe it...the family is STILL getting ready. I was BORN READY...just don't know what for...
Oh, and to clarify, the whitewater trip isn't really the formal honeymoon per say. It's a family event for the four of us and we'll be taking a real honeymoon next spring to the South Pacific (think Bora Bora...)
Uh, gotta go for real this time...feel free to mingle among the comments!
Congrats VE!!!!
Love the Hollywood Squares...would love to see Flavor Flav in the mix.
Thinking of you all today...I know you are having an awesome day!!
HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!
Dude, congrats on the wedding, happy birthday, have fun rafting, and very funny post!
Congrats and happy birthday!
This post was well put together. Nice work. FUNNNY stuff. I think this is a birthday gift to your readers.
Holy crap... birthday and getting married??? And you had time to make one of the funniest posts ever? You are amazing.
Congratulations, VE. Have a wonderful time. And ignore those marriage nay-sayers. I've been hitched for 28 years now.
All the best to you and yours.
Firstly, congrats on all your big events!
And this post is hilarious. That's all.
I see you found a clever way to always remember your anniversary.
Congrats!
Congratulations and Happy Birthday. Have a great honeymoon!
Are you married yet?
72 comments!
Congratulations and Happy (late) Birthday.
Patrick being a crack addict explains so much about that show...
Congratulations VE! Obviously you've met a woman who doesn't know about this blog, right?!
We all got together and ponied up 75 comments or so. (It's the least we could do.)
Just adding to the mayhem again. And yes, I think you should do the squares again!
CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I think TInky Winky is hilarious.
Dude! you were not joking!
Happy Birthday AND congrats.
Hopefully we will get the VE version of events when you get back. And seeing you know what I look like, I want a freaking PICTURE!
Hey everyone, well, I was blown away to see the comment count at 77! I'm back. The family is still intact. No Deliverance episodes on the water. I'll put out a semi-serious photo post tomorrow of the rafting trip. Sorry, no wedding photos...they are all with the photographer. Everything went spectacular.
Yay!!
Welcome back, and again, congrats.
Can't wait to see photos!
HUGS!
Congratulations! Hope you had a great day!
Wow, great news and a great post and where the hell was I? I hope it's not too late to contribute, I'm number 81.
Happy Birthday and Congratulations! You old dog you!
I can't possibly respond to each and every comment here. I'll just say thanks for all the lovely comments and I'll go back to responding to your comments from here on out...
fitflops
ugg outlet online
coach factory outlet online
michael kors outlet store
nike air max
fitflops sale
adidas nmd r1
ugg sale
ugg on sale
fitflops sale clearance
20170301yuanyuan
coach outlet
replica watches
bears jerseys
oakley sunglasses
coach outlet
nike blazer
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren
pandora jewelry
20170412
kyrie 6 shoes
air max 270
westbrook shoes
lebron 16
off white shoes
converse outlet store
balenciaga shoes
louboutin shoes
kyrie 3
converse outlet
golden goose sale
hermes online
jordan shoes
supreme clothing
yeezy boost
kyrie 5 spongebob
yeezy boost 350
russell westbrook shoes
moncler
kd 12
Post a Comment