Thursday, August 28, 2008

Making History Happier

You know, the thing about history is that it’s only about 60% accurate on average. Some of it is much less. So why not just change some of our violent past and try to remember it with happier thoughts.

Over the long haul, humans don’t tend to remember the unhappy times in their lives. They just remember the happy times if they remember anything at all. It’s like that Barbara Streisand song “The Way We Were”. Don’t worry; I’m not going to sing it…

First of all, we can take some of the most violent historical pictures and try and make them happier memories. Others have done this and done it well. That’s how we got the infamous Lee Harvey Oswald photo.

Well you would think after such a great effort that we’d have a whole bunch of more violent history altered with happy memories but NOooooo. Sadly, nothing has changed for 10 years….until VE takes up the challenge too:

That’s right, we don’t need real time execution violence. Hair styling is both noble and a much more happy memory.

While keeping the essential statement of stopping the traffic we decided that rubber duckies would be much happier than tanks.

More work is needed in the area of making history happier but I feel I’ve done my little part…

40 comments:

Matt-Man said...

HA...The Oswald photo is a killer. Sorry for that bad pun. Funny schtuff, VE. Cheers!!

Kanrei said...

I l ove the Vietnam shot...no pun intended!


Not to pull another Carlin on you, but he once said the world would be a better place if we replaced every cliche involving the word "kill" and replace it with the word "f**k" because a cop f**ker is a much nicer person.

Sheriff, we are going to have to f**k you, but we are going to do it slow and, once we are done, we are going to f**k your horse too for good measure,

NYD said...

Twisted. Funny, but twisted.

HeyJoe said...

That VC execution shot is just WRONG. So why am I laughing?

I used the Lee Harvey picture in a post some time back. I love it. Makes me laugh every time. Lee really looks like he's belting one out, doesn't he?

http://joeprose.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/02/lee-harvey-you.html

VE said...

matt-man - It's not mine though. I don't claim things I didn't do. It really is THE classic of photo shopped photos though.

kan - I remember that Carlin bit now. I think some of my humor mimicks his...in a small and feeble way

nyc - Every so often I like to walk a little further on the other side of the fence so to speak...

heyjoe - It is the quintessential photoshop job. I'll check out your post...

Kurt said...

The one on the bottom never officially happened.

Kanrei said...

I cannot even count the ways his thoughts have influenced how I see the world. Seinfeld wrote after Carlin died that every time a group of comedians gather and discuss ideas for future jokes the conversation always ends the same way: Carlin already did that and did it better.

It is never bad to be compared to G-d once in a while, is it?

Megan said...

Ooh, you are bad.

colbymarshall said...

Oh, VE...sinfully delightful, as always.

VE said...

kurt - I know...they couldn't get their ducks in a row ;)

kan - True, so true.

megan - Bad boys...we are hard to resist though...no? Ha ha ha

VE said...

colby - Hey, at least I didn't take Pooh to the dark side! ha ha ha

EmmaK said...

I adore your politically incorrect humor. I have much to learn. I bow to you oh master.

Roy Scribner said...

Ha, ha! Kurt for the win.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Oh, that first one is sick. And haven't you seen the New Yorker cartoon, with a snowman holding a blowdryer up to his head, and another snowman rushing up to him, yelling, "Harold! No!"

Jeff said...

I think you're finally starting to quack up VE.

VE said...

emmak - If anyone is politically incorrect, it's me. I'm not even politically in-the-know. I'm not even historically in-the-know. It's just utter nonsense!

roy - That Kurt, that Kurt. I'm gonna get that Kurt...

suburban - I know, I know. That first one is sick. Blow dryers are so harmful on your hair...

jeff - That's a fowl thing to say about me!

Rick said...

Very funny blog - I'm going to have to book you, or rather bookmark you and return. Thanks for the laugh.

Rick said...

P.S. Bruce Lee for sure.

VE said...

rick - I'm in awe with your drawing talent. Thanks for stopping by. Yes, I picked Bruce Lee too. It was a hard call because being from Oregon Steve P. has a soft spot in my heart but Bruce needs to come back and kick Chuck Norris ass like he did before! Then we'll see who their writing all that funny tough stuff about...

Les James said...

I believe you're correct about remembering the bad times in a better way. Everytime I've had to go to Portland, I return to Central Oregon with a smile on my face and very fuzzy memory of where I was. Once I found a bike in my grill and have no memory of how it got there.

VE said...

les - Ha! That's dark humor my friend...particularly since Portland has been besieged with bicycle fatalities lately. Central Oregon huh? I grew up rock climbing at Smith Rocks and have a cabin outside of Madras...

leelee said...

I'm laughing

I always laugh here

I think I am losing my mind

Happily I appear to not be alone

whew

HUGS!!

Serena Joy said...

Yeah, I like the Happy Pictures better -- and the way you're changing history this week.:)

Jen said...

I love the thought of
rubber duckies instead of tanks...

that would ROCK

Quickroute said...

I think giant rubber dickies are more scary than tanks!

Chris C said...

Wow seriously, great idea! This needs to go viral. Freaking hilarious hehe

Dale said...

You've done something VE, I'm not sure what but something for sure.

Les James said...

Weird, I used to be a climbing guide. By the time I got here, I'd pretty much stopped climbing and got heavy into whitewater.

Still don't know where the bike came from. There was a name etched in it though, T. Potter. Mean anything to you?

Jeffrey Ellis said...

Dammit you bastard, you've really thrown down the gauntlet now. These are brilliant.

Sornie said...

I think this is how certain countries (China) actually portray history to their citizens. You could be on to a lucrative career here but the job is in China and is paid in lead paint.

VE said...

leelee - Yes, insanity loves company! I think...

sj - Must be civic week for me or something! Let see: Go back in time and correct wrongs...check. Alter historical photos to remove violence....check.

jen - You still have to be on your toes with Rubber Duckies that size. They can get unruly and their squeaks are quite loud and painful if not curtailed.

quickroute - It is mighty scary to see anything that large particularly in the fake aquatic category...

chris c - Yeah, viral. The only thing going viral around me is probably some flu in the neighborhood. But thanks for the encouragement. I shall go forth and blow it with high confidence!

dale - That's the amazing thing with VE. He does things and everyone else must figure out what it means...cause he doesn't know

les james - Bwahaha. You ran over the mayor? Was in one of those special intesection things they have here now? Climbing guide? Wow. I was just a climbing bum. I got up low 12s in difficulty but it trashed my finger joints. I was just on the Rogue for 3 days back in July too. I've whitewatered in many countries...

jeffery - I always throw the gauntlet...but it usually just hits my own head...

sornie - Really? I could move to China and live in smog and do my craft in lead paint? I wonder if I get to eat bugs and fish heads too. This is sounding better and better all the time...

MJ said...

:) Those are great!

VE said...

mj - Thanks. I would have done more...but...well...I'm lazy

ChrisEldin said...

Rubber duckies! YAY!
:-)

angie said...

Yep......you've made your mark here in cyber space.

Alex L said...

Strangely enough that Rubber ducky photo is the exact one the chinese public saw.

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I love the rubber duckies! The world is really f***ed up, isn't it? Make love, not war. Of course, then there'd be more complaints about the size of the population.... as Gilda Radner used to say, Its always somethin'!!!

VE said...

chris - Careful, their squeak is pretty lethal!

angie - I have. Oh there it is...right in between those other 63 million bloggers

alex - Yes, but I'm sure they had it pink or some ridiculous color!

arizona - Gilda! I'll have to go back in time and save her too! If its not one thing its another...

Maureen said...

Crap. Now I have Babs on the brain...

"Memries, may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget.
So its the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were."

And I am NOT crying.

VE said...

maureen - There you go...I knew SOMEBODY would have to sing that...