Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Mobile Satellite

Thanks to tireless and underpaid VE researchers, now this fall you too can get mobile satellite service with our patented approach.

“Our service is unique. You get quality satellite service anywhere you go with your pets. Plus, they avoid nasty scratches and embarrassing ball-licking incidents when neighbors or friends are around.”

That’s right. Your dog doesn’t have to look stupid with that cone around it’s neck. Instead, make it the envy of the entire neighborhood with our patented satellite cone.

“I used to have to suffer while camping every summer. Now I get all my programs thanks to Rex. The rest is a simple wireless set up locally. Now we always bring the big screen plasma camping!”

Worried you might have dish alignment problems on the go? Not a problem. We have a large staff of over-educated people who couldn’t find any other jobs. They are ready to address any problems you might have anywhere. See here one of our on-the-road repairs:

Next up…how an ordinary long hair cat can replace all your swifter dusting chores…

38 comments:

The Incredible Woody said...

Finally, my dog can earn her keep:)

Beth said...

OMG - one of our dogs had to wear one of those damned things. (Well, not an actual satellite dish...)
I never made the connection - so to speak. But of course, you would.
I'm still smiling!

VE said...

woody - It's about time, isn't it?

VE said...

beth - Now you knew I'd be stoopid enough to make the connection!

Bee said...

I um got distracted by the incredible woody...

What if there's a rain storm?? Will my doggies be drown-free??

VE said...

Bee - Yes, our patented dish allows rain to simply run down their legs. How enjoyable is that?

Quickroute said...

Doesn't the dish need power?
I suppose you could connect a tub to the dogs ass convert the methane emissions!

VE said...

quickroute - No, it works like a watch...the more movement the dog has, the more it stays powered up. We're working on your anal power as an alternative for older dogs...

Matt-Man said...

Sure, that's great, but will I still be able to get my local channels? Cheers!!

Evil Genius said...

What happens when the dog rubs his butt along the carpet? Does that make the channels keep changing on their own?

Ooooh, I can't wait for the kitty duster!!!

Sornie said...

If it receives HD signals, I'm sold on it. Perfect for watching TV while walking the dog. Even better if I had a dog to walk.

VE said...

matt-man - Come on, be realistic. It's satellite! They NEVER get the local channels right. But they do have 25 channels of home improvement for your enjoyment...

evil - Ha ha. That's a good feature. I'll have to get working on it. We currently have butt rubbing tied to the emergency response network...

VE said...

sornie - Sure HD is available for unreleastic upcharges to your bill! Consider our rent-a-dog program too. You get said dog, bowl, some handy poo bags and a dog collar...

leelee said...

awwwwwwwwww

another reason Dogs are truly man's best friend!

HUGS!

Kanrei said...

I love it! I have been wondering how to get Directv in my car and now I know. Do you have fast running dogs by any chance? I tend to drive fast.

Practically Joe said...

I'm not sold yet ... I don't have to groom, feed or walk my current set-up.

iamnot said...

I bet that damn dog has more reliable service than I do!

VE said...

leelee - That's right. They'll even bring you the remote. It'll be full of drool but they'll bring it none-the-less!

kan - No, but you can strap 'em to the roof or add our little auto carts and tow them behind you

joe - As with everything, there are tradeoff. We'll send you our brochure for a spousal kit. You might find that one handy too.

iamnot - Of course they do. Who's more reliable than your dog?

Megan said...

I can't wait to see the digital cable alternative...

VE said...

megan - I don't know how we'll handle cable...but I'm sure it won't be pretty...

MJ said...

My dog's not big enough for that. But he's cute enough to make people forfeit their candy, so that's pretty good.

HeyJoe said...

Hey, how come I didn't get better reception when my dog was coned? I need to make a call to Comcast.

Chat Blanc said...

omg! I have one of those duster cats!!

VE said...

mj - Well then stick with normal cable and enjoy the candy! Can't go wrong with candy...well...until you visit the dentist that is

heyjoe - Unfortunately you were the inspiration for the idea in the first place. Prototype volunter's have their problems you know...

Dale said...

Does he stand still when the porn comes on? Cause that's important.

Kurt said...

There is nothing sadder than a dog with a cone.

VE said...

dale - Ha! Good point. I think they'll stand still unless its the dog porn channel...

kurt - I agree. But then again, there's nothing funnier either.

C said...

LOL! Good lord, VE! This post cracked me up!

I remember how pitiful my poor dog looked when he had to wear a cone. At least if it were a satellite cone, he would have felt as though he was doing something useful!

VE said...

Finally...another useful thing the dog can do. I'm working on getting them to do the household chores too soon...

Serena Joy said...

Sign me up. Even if I can't get a signal, I can play with the dog. I like dogs better than TV, anyway.:)

G-Man said...

Wasn't that a T. Boone Pickens idea?
Maybe Slim Pickens...I get them confused..
Great informative post brother...
G

Alex L said...

Are there any dangers from a mass of radio signals being funnelled directly into my dogs head. And where is my dogs HDMI port located.

Chris Wood said...

Does the dog get good reception?

Jacki said...

I don't have a dog or cat. Can I hook this up to my daughter?

SarahM said...

i alwats feel bad seeing the dogs in thiose things...

now i will feel less bad, because i will also be getting some SWEET new TV channels.

VE said...

sj - Well it sounds like a Win Win for Rin Tin Tin ;)

g-man - People been stealin' my ideas for years! Damn 'em! Or perhaps we're just thinking along the same lines...

alex - Well, the radio signals will eventually kill the dog but dogs don't live long enough to have that impact. And guess where the HDMI port is? Ha ha

chris - Are you kidding? Does the dog crap on the neighbors lawn? Of course! But just spin them around by having them chase their tail if you have any trouble...

jacki - Yes, thanks to our new models we now have spousal cones, baby cones, toddler cones, teenager cones. We've even combined our weeble wobble old people product into a satellite cone. Why those old guys haven't had something that long and hard sticking out in front of them is quite some time...

sarahm - Yeah, and you can throw it on the animal planet channel for them to watch even!

Maureen said...

Har! We already call our Ragdoll cat "Swiffer"!!!

VE said...

maureen - Well then...you won't need to get a cat!