Friday, August 01, 2008

Short Bits

Life as a Tree. I would think life as a tree would be a bit unfavorable now that I consider it for a bit. I mean think about it. You never get to escape your family; you’re pretty much rooted right next to your parents. You’ll never get away with ANYTHING! Forget about stealing the car for a big night out…they never leave (plus you’re not mobile). And don’t forget: Everyone is going to see that awkward woody you have as a teen tree…

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I wonder what the world of juggling is offering up in the future. In a world of I-must-do-something-greater-next-time what are they doing? Sure, you could juggle more balls but do 18 balls really have that wow factor over 15? Maybe the juggler can juggle a bunch of Rubik’s cubes and solve them while he’s juggling them. That would impressive.

How about juggling while walking with stilts across a tightrope that is suspended on each end by ladders tied to unicycles? Then suspend the whole effort in ice and hang it above Times Square. That should do it.

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Do you think people still dial 867-5309 and ask for Jenny? I would think anyone offered that number would be an idiot if they accepted it. Of course, these days most places have to dial an area code too. Perhaps they should update the song. They could take it on the road and then customize it to use whatever area code they happened to be playing in that evening.

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Is the Terminator an oxymoron? There’s another movie out next summer. That’ll be the fourth one! Plus, there’s an ongoing series. Come on, can’t these “killing machines” ever seem to do their job? At this rate, they’ll be slower than the Gilligan Island rescue!

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I wish I got royalties for every time a teenager says the word “like”. If I got even a nickel per use I’d be richer than Bill Gates in about a month…

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Whatever happened to Garden parties? You know, Rick Nelson sang that song about them back in the 1970s right before he died in a fiery plane crash. Oh come on, it was a number one hit.

But I never understood exactly what they were. Did he invite John Lennon over to his garden and have him do a little weeding? That’s a good ploy though. I think I’ll have a garden party and invite all my friends to do all the fall gardening needs under the guise of free beer and finger foods.

Maybe I could expand the theme to laundry party, dishes party, bathroom grout party. It’ll be a hoot!

34 comments:

Jeff said...

Solving a Rubik's cube while juggling would be impressive. I'd actually like to see that.

Memarie Lane said...

Ah, but if you were a tree, you could actually use your roots to cut off your little brother's water supply and no one would ever know.

VE said...

jeff - Just solving a Rubiks cube is impressive to me...

marie - Ha! Good point. See all the creative ideas I've missed just because I am an only child!

colbymarshall said...

Perhaps the juggler could juggle John Lennon, Bill Gates, Jenny Craig, and Arnold, all while balancing on a wicker sofa. That would impress me.

Mrs. R said...

I'm glad I'm not a tree. Just think of all the 6-year-old boys who use trees as their personal urinals.

VE said...

colby - That would be impressive. I'll be John would have a few choice things to say about being brought back from the dead during the whole event too!

mrs r - See, that's what I'm talking about! Good point...

Megan said...

I called Jenny.

VE said...

megan - And what did she call YOU for doing that? ha ha

leelee said...

Hey, I'm diggin' this whole "fill in the blank" party idea.

I like it!

HUGS!

Jen said...

if you dial
867-5309 in RI
you get Gem Plumbing

their commercial
goes to the tune of that song

just sayin'

Jeff said...

Scrambling a Rubik's cube is impressive to me.

VE said...

leelee - I think we can milk that party thing for some time. I suckered my friends into helping me move twice! Fools...

jen - You dialed it just to find that out, didn't you? Ha ha...at least they know how to go with the flow (pun intended)

jeff - Ha! Remembering Rubik's name is impressive to me.

iamnot said...

I believe those garden parties had more to do with weed than weeding.

Lori said...

I got invited to a painting party once. After a few beers, let's just say the painting would have been better if done by a gorilla!!

VE said...

iamnot - You seem to have personal knowledge in this area...

lori - Yeah, those kind of parties shouldn't rely on anything you want to really look nice I guess...

Serena Joy said...

If I thought anyone would come, I'd move all my junk front and center and throw a "treasure hunt" party. My house would get cleaned up and some of the guests might go home happy with their new junk.:)

leelee said...

Serena, I think thats called a Yard Sale...

HUGS!!

Alan Smithee said...

The only garden party Alan Smithee has ever heard of is the one in the song.

Jocasta said...

And think how boring it would being a tree be looking at the same thing for 100 years

Kurt said...

I go to parties in people's gardens all the time; they just don't know it.

VE said...

serena - That's a yard sale!

leelee - Hey, great minds think alike!

alan smithee - Sounds like alan smithee needs to get out more!

jocasta - And not only the same things but the same sides. You might be looking at your dad's butt all that time!

kurt - And they wonder what happened to the plants...

EmmaK said...

being a tree quite appeals to me...food and drink always on tap...perfect for a slob like me

VE said...

emmak - I'll agree with the being lazy part but I don't think I'd want bugs crawling up and down me all the time

Mr Farty said...

The problem with, like, the Terminators is that they run, like, Vista. Like, it's really slow? And crap.

Maureen said...

With a teenage daughter, if I ever hear the word "like" again, it will be too soon... my God, I had to tell her over and over again to stop it. Luckily, she is slowly coming out of that phase.

I solved my Rubik's cube and never allowed anyone to mix it up again after that. It now sits on my shelf at work, a trophy to my geekiest of triumphs.

Chris C said...

"Do you think people still dial 867-5309 and ask for Jenny?"

I can't find it but two competing companies went to court recently to fight over who had the rights to use the digits. If I find it, I'll come back and post the link.

Practically Joe said...

Laundry Party? I'm there! I'll bring the softener (or would that be a downer?)

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

There's going to be another Terminator movie????? Good lord, wasn't T3 bad enough?

Alice said...

"like" is an open sore on the mouth of society.

I immediately call my kids on it if it escapes their mouths.

VERBOTEN!

VE said...

mr. farty - Are they using vista in those terminators? No wonder they're all pissed off...

maureen - Ha ha. If I solved it I'd superglue it that way so nobody could ruin it

chris c - Sheesh...commercialism at every angle!

joe - Well all the party girls like my fabric sheets...

arizona - Remember, they made 6 Police Academy movies...

alice - That's like, so like, responsible of you...like

Sarah said...

I don't think anyone calls 867-5309anymore but I think they should re-release the song and suggest texting it and the teenagers would love it! :) Afterall, texting is the new phone call or something...

VE said...

sarah - Good point...texting would be a good update.

padraig said...

> I wish I got royalties for every
> time a teenager says the word
> “like”.

Pops used to browbeat us with a chant of "LikeYaKnow LikeYaKnow LikeYaKnow" when we did this as kids.

"Like" and "Ya Know" (with or without "what I mean"). Linguistic devolution.

VE said...

padraig - Yeah, somewhere along the 'ya know' just got dropped. I'm sure Like will get shortened in the future too to an acronym of 'L' so kids can text it easier...