Sunday, August 03, 2008

Stupidity

You know, my success at Hollyweird Squares has really spread down in Hollywood. I’m being dubbed the Game Show Guru. They’ve extended me complete control in taking advantage of any game show format I want to in order to amuse my comic interests.

Giving VE power like that is like putting a kid in a candy store. The mind is spinning. Ok, my mind is always spinning…it usually just doesn’t know what for. I think the first one to tackle is Jeopardy.

The problem with Jeopardy is that it’s too intellectual for the masses. It’s like Rubik’s Cube…it makes most of us feel stoopid and inferior. The key in Television these days is to dumb down everything and bring in some good old making-fun-of entertainment.

I give you Stupidity…

That’s right, each and every night we’ll have only the stupidest celebrity guests on the show attempting to answer questions that are so easy, even a fifth grader would know them (oh wait, they already did that bit). Well, it’s still a whole lot of fun laughing at their stupidity so it doesn’t matter. Let’s hone in on a couple of our upcoming shows:

Alex: Guest number one is our current president. Considered perhaps the most ineffective president ever, he is also one of our dumbest. Give a big welcome to George W. Bush…

Alex: Guest number two is a former vice president that is so dumb he thought a game show was some sort of hunting display. Give a round of applause for Dan Quayle…

Alex: Guest number three is a former president and the father of our guest number one. Considered one of the corner pieces to setting the bar low for presidencies, let’s welcome George Bush Sr.…


Alex: Gentleman, let’s take a look at our board and the categories:

Alex: We were going to start with the lowest IQ first but you are all so low that we decided to just go left to right. George Jr., select at category.

George Jr: I’ll try War Mongering for $100 Alex.


Alex: No, that is incorrect. Anyone else? … Ok, time is out. We were looking for “What is delusional?” Dan, your turn, select a square.

Dan: I’ll go with Fruits and Vegetables for $200 Alex.


Alex: No, I’m sorry, that’s not correct.

Alex: I’m sorry, that wasn’t in the form of a question. Time is up, and we were looking for “What is a potato”

Alex: Ok, back with the game. George Sr., it’s your turn, select a square.

George Sr: I’ll take War Mongering for $200 Alex.



Alex: I’m sorry, that is incorrect. Anyone else?

Alex: I’m sorry, that is incorrect. Time is out. We were looking for “What happened on Dec 7, 1941?”


....you can see that VE is going to be a big hit in Hollywood again!

41 comments:

Alex L said...

I cant believe Alex Trebec cant spell potatoe...

Serena Joy said...

Yep, this'll get me watching Jeopardy again. I might even place a small bet with my local bookie on how long it'll take poor Alex Trebec to stroke out.:)

Jacki said...

I look forward to next week.

NYD said...

I think the contestants were at a disadvantage because their speech writers weren't present.

Alice said...

ROFL - you're the best VE!

Great way to start my morning.

bitchlet said...

Does George Bush Jr have jaundice?

lime said...

disturbingly accurate i'd say.

Memarie Lane said...

Amy is totally going to win.

Lori said...

If Amy doesn't win, I'll bet she can stomp their asses.

MJ said...

One of the categories for your celeb version just has to be "whoring". Oh please.

Kurt said...

I can't wait to see Amy Winehouse! She's the BEST!

VE said...

alex - I know, I know. Everyone knows there is a 'toe' at the end.

sj - If this doesn't do it, the celebratramps surely will...

jacki - Next week...where dumb knows no bounds

nyd - Ha! They were quite confused about that fact. At first they were just uttering random words and later through some coaching were able to form rudimentary dumb sentences...

alice - Glad I could provide you with some morning nonsense. After all, Monday is just nonsense anyway.

bitchlet - We should be so lucky! This is what happens without his speech writer when he has to actually try and think...

lime - As soon as he gets out of office, this show could be quite feasible too...

marie - That's if she lives that long...

lori - Probably so...all 85 pounds of her

mj - Whoring...LOL. I think so...

kurt - Once again, it's so hard to tell if you are serious!!!

Matt-Man said...

Ha. Good stuff. They are prime examples as to why we live in a Dumbocracy. Cheers VE!!

Megan said...

My morning is better now.

EmmaK said...

you crack me up..xx

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

Okay, I'm a sort of Republican, but that was funny!

I propose a Democrat edition. Oooh, I know you can use the quotes from Obama who thinks there's 60 states. Or maybe the one where he guesstimates the national income average to be around 150,00 dollars a year. You could pick up his most recent quotable quote where he declared that Americans would save as much gas as we could get by drilling if we just "inflate our tires and get regular tune-ups."

Seriously, there's a lot of WTF?-ery spilling out of that guy.

leelee said...

hysterical!!! well done!! as always...

I'm still giggling!

HUGS!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I'm going to Oregon this week!!! I looked at the weather forecast. Holy crap, it's 40 degrees cooler there than in Houston.

I only own T-shirts and shorts. I guess it's going to be a rather nipply-goose pimply vacation!

VE said...

matt-man - Dumbocracy...I like it. Very matt-man like...

megan - Excellent then. I have done my job...wait...that's work. Aaack...I hate work. Oh well.

emmak - Fortunately I crack myself up too. I'm a regular one man entertainment...no...not THAT way!! Sheesh...

elastic - You're right, I could totally do one on him. But you gotta admit, Bush is waaaay dumber!

leelee - If you can giggle on a Monday, my job is done! Aaack, there I go again with that job word. You know how I avoid work...

elastic - Really? Where you heading to? It's going to be 92 today, 96 tomorrow and 94 on Wed. This is low humidity and beautiful blue sky. I've heard many people say that a beautiful day in Portland can hardly be matched anywhere in the country. Too bad we only get about 90 of those all year...

cathouse teri said...

It's bad enough that politicians are allowed to speak publicly, but to WRITE it down? That's just wrong.

VE said...

teri - It's amazing because I didn't even know these guys could write!

Mrs. R said...

I love it. And is it just me, or does it seem like a funny coincidence that the three stupidest people to roam the Oval Office in recent memory all came as a result of the same family genetics?

VE said...

mrs. r - Ha ha. NOTHING is a coincidence...

angie said...

Shouldn't have a problem coming up with contestants that meet your criteria! :)

VE said...

angie - Yeah, this show could run a LONG time, couldn't it?

Uncivil said...

I can't wait till next week too!
I can see it now!
Paris Hilton says " I'll take oral sex for $1000 Alex!"

You know....I never thought Paris was good for anything until I saw that video! She has some serious talent man!

VE said...

uncivil - Don't sell her short...she went for the big bucks! Bush just took his negative amount and put it into the national debt...

VE said...

uncivil - Don't sell her short...she went for the big bucks! Bush just took his negative amount and put it into the national debt...

Jocasta said...

I'm excited to see I made the blog roll - yay!!!

I've never seen jeopardy (or paris's video)!

colbymarshall said...

If you are a Game Show Guru, does that make you a GaShuru?

Quickroute said...

I can't wait! I am working on a time machine to take me to next week!

Bee said...

Cut Bush Jr. some slack! He was probably throwing up because of the hard questions. He looked a little yellow.

VE said...

jocasta - Yes, I finally got around to tallying a few days for the blog roll. It usually lags back a few days to give readers a chance to catch up and comment. Not everyone visits everyday. You'll definitely be moving up fast as you've been commenting and there's a long list of one or two time commenters

colby - Gashuru? Gazunheit!! I guess it does make me that...

quickroute - You'll have to use your imagination...I don't know if I'll actually do a follow up post on this or not

bee - Actually I think he gets that way from bathing in oil all the time...

Dee said...

HILARIOUS!

captain corky said...

LOL! One day your face will be carved on to the side of a Mountain along with the likes of Wink Martindale, Bob Barker, Chuck Woolery and Richard Dawson.

VE said...

dee - Thanks.

corky - Boy, I wish I had a first name like Wink! They could call my Winky as a kid and if I didn't bathe I'd be Stinky Winky and then I'd be a teletubby!!!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I shouldn't give out my secret secret locale but its somewhere close to Cannon Beach.

My friend who organized the big bloggy lady soiree e-mailed a weather watch forecast that gave lows in the 50's overnight and highs of only 67 during the day.

I'm packing furry socks and furry undies made from genuine Elmo pelt to cope.

Maureen said...

Potato, Potatoe...

That was great VE!

(as was Matt-Man's term "Dumbocracy")

VE said...

maureen - Well I'm one to criticize. My entire blog is a misspelling case-study...

VE said...

elastic - Ah, that's why it is so much colder. It's the Oregon Coast!!! It's ALWAYS colder there. Oh...the water is freezing too. But the scenery is beautiful.

padraig said...

I would watch this show. Heck, I would DVR this show. Day three would have to be stupid internet personalities. I have three candidates in mind, can you guess?