Thursday, August 07, 2008

You are all in my Meme Film

Oh.My.God. Quickroute over at Paddy in Buenos Aires went ahead and tagged me for one of these theme memes. Does he not know? Does he not care?

First of all, I was the one to suggest changing meme’s to themthems so you could place blame. It’s the American way after all.

Then, I just thought I’d go ahead and have some fun with them (like this one) in the same vein as a few other talented bloggers. Lime over at House of Lime comes to mind. She shreds those questions up! Then there is the ever present Diesel over at Mattress Police and his Grundir tag protection system. I roll closer to Lime. A meme tag is like an invitation for anything-goes blog fodder. I’m up to the task!

The Task: If you had to select celebrities/actors to play the parts in the story of your life today (including yourself!), who would it be and why - can be based on looks or personality!

The Rules: List the people who would play you and all involved. Give credit to the person who tagged you. Link your answers to the original blog (trackback?) Nominate four more people to have a go.

On with the show:

Ok, this is going to be a 3D silent fictional comedy documentary with lots of CGI and only published in Beta tapes and Laser Discs (just to piss people off).

Let’s get on with the casting. Since I’m nearly as private in my real life as JD Salinger I’m going to use my blog life to cast this movie. That means that many of you are in the show and will become the characters I choose for the reasons I make up. And don’t even THINK about whining about whom I choose to play you! You can create your own retaliatory sequel. For those of you that didn’t make the movie…you were the technical staff that made it all possible behind the scenes…you’ll get a reward at some obscure hotel near a rarely used airport and then never be heard from again. Sorry about that…you should have commented here more!




Jack Nicholson will play me. Not the fat naughty Jack we know and love now but the lean, quick, unpredictable Jack of the 1970s when he was at the top of his game. You never knew just what he would do or say!


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Stephen Wright will play Kurt. They don’t look like each other AT ALL but I can’t think of a better straight comedian to play Kurt. Kurt will play a cartoonist visiting from a major American city and I’ll never be able to tell if he’s serious in what he tells me.
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Mary Tyler Moore will play Serena Joy. She’ll be working in the office that I am supposed to be working at too but never seem to show up even though they keep paying me and promoting me. She’ll drop by to correct my messes and talk sense into me after I screw up my day. Every day. She takes valium to cope…


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Sharon Stone will play Red Mojo. She’ll be my lesbian sister and we’ll be telling inside jokes about all the guest characters that wander into the movie.
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Kristin Davis (Sex and the City gal) will play Leelee. She’s my long time neighbor that owns a gallery. We trade music back and forth and she laughs at my dating disasters.


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Drew Barrymore will play Jacki. She’s the expat family from Denmark. They own a photo studio and I keep getting in trouble for the ‘nature’ of the photos I send in to be developed. Her wrath has no fury when you get her riled.
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Wilson will play Jeff. Jeff came from Minnesota so he’s always wearing shorts in winter around here (and socks with his sandals). He comes over to play Rock Star and fix my computer’s audio problems. I’m always pulling practical jokes on him.


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Angelina Jolie will play Marie. Marie is eternally pregnant and not in the mood to deal with my nonsense. Plus, she keeps hanging around with a camera in crazy places hoping to prove I have man boobs.


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Benny Hill will play Matt-man. He’s the naughty party guy across the street with all the political signs in his front yard. I keep switching them out with their opponents sign.

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Vince Vaughn will play Kanrei. Kan’s my main school buddy that I play video games with for 16 hours straight until Serena screams at me to come to my senses and stop to eat or something.



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Courtney Love (without the drug problems) will play Kelley. Kelley owns the bar down the street and has a shoe fettish but VE parties with her at the bar when he should be at work. Serena and Jeff always have to fetch him to remind him that most of the world works and he needs to establish reasonable hours even still.


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Jennifer Aniston will play Teri. Teri is the hottie in the neighborhood that flirts with VE for fun but in reality they just end up at Kelley’s bar drinking fruity rum drinks (VE) and dirty martinis (Teri) while discussing life and relationships.
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Gwyneth Paltrow will play Megan. Megan is a younger sister living in California. We have a continual debate on why I hate The Big Chill and why she loves it. There is no end to our debate skills and we continually resort to unique and creative ways to lure the other to their side.


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Shirley McClaine (young) will play Lime. Lime is my fortune teller. She’s always messing with me though and constantly gets me into funny and embarrassing situations for her amusement. I never seem to figure this out and therefore keep going to her.


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Gene Kelley will play Mother Theresa. She lives in Spain now but occasionally shows up on vacation. She likes to say rude things to me in Spanish because she knows that I can’t speak it. I try to translate it in Babel Fish but it never makes any sense.


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Kristen Dunst will play Beth. Beth will play a niece with a fear of bears. I’m constantly putting this large stuffed bear in different places around the neighborhood to scare her. It’s quite funny.


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Kate Hudson will play Arizona. She’s from Idaho and living in Rhode Island. That’s AIR if you’re keeping up. I send her all my joke emails and a lovely fruit cake every Christmas. She sends it back every Christmas. It hasn’t been touched since 1989.


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Carrie Fisher (ala Blues Brothers) will play Bee. Bee also works in the same office and she rues the fact that I’m not there and keep getting promoted. She is forever seeking a way to get back on me.


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George Clooney will play Alex. Alex came from Australia and is disgusted with life in America. He has 12 kids and is miserable about it. He works in a middle class position and spends his time one-upping the neighbors in our neighborhood. He’s forever got the latest techno-gadget.


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Elaine (Seinfeld) will play Maureen. Maureen was the ghost writer for all George Lucas’s Star Wars movie and is irritated that the world doesn’t know it. She spends her day in our IT department happily answering help desk questions even though she runs the whole department. I like to tape a black piece of paper over her monitor screen and say that it’s broken.


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Russell Crowe will play Iamnot. He’s an ex-Navy retiree that takes Pulitzer-prize photos but then won’t submit them professionally. He’s got a hottie wife and is always exhausted from their extra-cirricular activities.


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Danny Bonaduci will play justacoolcat. He’s a DJ that keeps getting in trouble for something he said on the air. VE likes to go down to the studio and make strange music mixes to slip onto the show just to irritate him.


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Heidi Klum will play Chris. She’s a real estate novelist who never had time for a life. She’s talking with Davy who’s still in the Navy and probably will be for life….wait…that’s the Billy Joel Piano Man song….sorry about the tangent there…


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Colin Farrell will play quickroute. He’s always on some travel adventure and making VE jealous because he isn’t. Occasionally they’ll get together for some beers and then throw up. It’s good fun.


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Meryl Streep will play Nessa. She disappears for months at a time but then when she’s back it’s like a tornado. Many an adventure trying to restrain her.


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Reese Witherspoon will play Colby. She’s a Southern Belle acting on Broadway. I’m her obsessed fan and she cannot seem to get rid of me. Even the restraining order didn’t help much because I find creative ways to pester her.
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Natalie Portman will play Carla. Carla gets to play my ‘good conscience’. I frequently ignore her or ditch her even though I know she means well.


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Ray Romano will play nyd. He’s another neighbor that gives sound advice that makes sense to me but ultimately I don’t adhere to and end up in some stupid predicament. He also makes good pizza.


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Fran Dresher will play elasticwaistbandlady. She’s another neighbor that knows EVERYTHING that happens around the neighborhood. I go to her for all the good gossip.


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Neil Diamond will play Joe. Joe is a mortician and is in my book club. That only means that I copy off his book reports since I never took the initiative to read or report.


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Lakota will play herself. Who am I to going to replace THAT with?! I’d be crazy! Alas, all of her scenes were cut out but the good news is that they’ll be on the ‘Naughty Uncut’ version.


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I’d fill you in on the script but that’s a big Hollywood secret. So I can’t. There’s nobody to tag because you’re all in the damn show!

87 comments:

Jacki said...

I'm cool with Drew Barrymore playing me, she's great! And quite attractive. Although, I think she has poor taste in men. All her boyfriends have been rather ugly.

But reading through the cast of characters has me real curious about what the movie would actually be about. Is it like Seinfeld...a movie about nothing?

Jeff said...

Great themthem VE... you knocked it out of the park with this one! But how did you know I wear socks with my sandals? I don't think I've ever revealed that.

VE said...

jacki - Whew. I didn't want the wrath of jacki on me...you'd probably send that husband of yours over here looking for me! ha ha. No, you are right, it's pretty much about nothing...how fitting is that for my blog?!!!

jeff - Thanks. Oh, come on now, I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday. VE knows many things...he just doesn't know what they mean...

Memarie Lane said...

The only one I disagree with is Carrie Fisher for Bee. I think Bee needs someone with more "oomph."

cathouse teri said...

Who could complain about those choices! They are all great! So creative, you are.

We have a Kelly's Tavern just down the street. Yeah, the bastards spelt her name wrong on the sign.

Meet you there at noon.

Cheers!

Matt-Man said...

Y'know, VE...You cinematic skill lies in your ability to be ironic and go against the temptation to hire mirror images to portray each player.

I mean, you have a funny, dead, British guy playing me, when all the while I am none of those things. Brilliant!!

By the way, could the script include a nude love scene between Leelee's character and mine? Please? Cheers!!

lime said...

part of me wishes i got someone hotter than young shirley maclaine, but part of me thinks it is hilarious because my husband hates her so much. bwahahahaha. i think i will run with being the irritant. it suits me. and i love the role you gave me. problem causing fortune teller. all i ask is that you include an extended, steamy love scene between alex and me.

what a hoot this was fun. and i am so glad you are amused by my own meme shredding.

Sornie said...

That would be a trainwreck of a cast for a movie. ANd anything with Bonnaduce is guaranteed to tank or lead to a very bad VH1 reality show.

VE said...

marie - I know, I know. But this choice will just piss her off. I could use the abuse! ha ha

teri - Noon at Kelly's it is. I expect those martinis to be DIRTY!!! ha ha

matt-man - I knew you'd appreciate the challenge of having a dead british guy play you. And for you, I'll add in the nekkid scene and include it on the 'naughty uncut' version!!! Of course, Leelee is going to have to weigh in on this too...

HeyJoe said...

Yea baby, YEA! Neil Diamond! I RULE!

Nice job VE. You da man.

VE said...

lime - There seems to be a trend toward steamy love scenes in my movie. I'll go ahead and include that one in the 'naughty uncut' version too. As long as you don't have Shirley transforming into any of her former lives during it! I knew you'd be up for messing with me as a fortune teller though. Yeah, your meme shredding always cracks me up!

sornie - That's ok, its either a straight to video production or it'll be a series that lasts waaaay too long

VE said...

heyjoe - That's right Joe! And this is the month to be Neil...Hot August Nights...you know.

HeyJoe said...

Oh, and thanks for putting me right next to Lakota. Neil LIKEY!

VE said...

heyjoe - Ha ha. Lakota sounds like that Carpenters song "...just like me, they long to be...close to you." She has that affect on people. I'm not sure why... ;)

Quickroute said...

Well I'm very impressed!
You should do themthems for a living

p.s. I only throw up after milk!

VE said...

quickroute - That's true...you're Irish. Ok, we'll make a last minute script change and just say you watched me throw up (I'm not Irish).

Bee said...

HA HA! That was awesome VE!

I love Carrie Fischer because she is unexpectedly bitchy! YAY!

And also, my revenge for you always getting promoted over my hard working butt is to send you my brain dead assistant. She'll fix you right up! :o)

Bee said...

Thanks Marie!!! :o)

Megan said...

Gene Kelly sure has changed.

Megan said...

(That was me in haughty Gweneyth mode!)

Jacki said...

Where did I get this reputation of having a hot temper? My Sicilian background?? I guess it fits...I'm extremely nice until you get me mad. Just ask my sister's baby-daddy. This past weekend we kicked him and his mother out of our house during his weekly 3-hour visit with the baby. They did something that pissed us off. So out they went!

VE said...

bee - Ha! If you gave me your brain dead assistant you'd lose half your source for blogging! And then we'd be hanging out together drawing rainbows and ponies and going out for ice cream and re-engineering the time card punch machine to only display in Roman Numerals....fun stuff like that.

VE said...

megan - Ha! Good one! How did that get there? I'm still laughing...I think I've been singing in the rain a bit tooo long! I'm gonna leave it...I'm afraid of bloggers formatting weirdness to try and correct it

jacki - Ha ha. Like I responded to Jeff earlier...VE just knows things. I don't know why. Anyway, I'm gonn keep on your nice side because you should never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line...

Megan said...

Hey, it is the privilege of siblings to correct each other in the most public way possible! (I'm touched that I am actually in the family.)

Great work with this meme, bro!

VE said...

megan - Thanks sis...I see you've chosen a most public embarrassing way to do it. Excellent. Almost as publicly embarrassing as The Big Chill... ;)

angie said...

This was pure genius. :)

VE said...

angie - Thanks. You're moving up the blog roll pretty fast and the upper tier comes with priveleges. I don't know what they are but they're there! You might make the sequel...

iamnot said...

Ok, I'm digging the Russel Crowe casting, but I'm lost on the hot wife keeping me "busy" part.

Could you just write me in to a love triangle with Kirstin Dunst and Courtney Love?

You can have drugged out psyco-Courtney kill me
when she walks in on me and Kirstin in flagrante delicto.

Make it as bloody as you like. It'd still be worth it.

Matt-Man said...
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Matt-Man said...

You mean that you didn't mix up Gene Kelly with Grace Kelly on purpose? I had assumed you did it on purpose. Ha. That's Classic. Cheers!!

Kurt said...

You're right. Steven Wright doesn't look anything like the male model who portrays me on my blog, but there is a similarity between my writing and his line delivery.

VE said...

iamnot - Hey, I tried to write you in with a hot sex life...I really did. But tell you what I'm going to do. I'll make some 'special' script modifications for the 'naughty uncut' version.

Sheesh, the way this movie is getting edited by the cast, it'll be on some porn channel...

VE said...

matt-man - It was some sort of strange Freudian slip I guess. Actually...did Freud even wear a slip? Hey, and this movie is getting edited big time in the comments here. It's like some sort of celebrity orgy! You picked the right movie to star in I guess...

kurt - I thought you might approve. As my No 1 commenter...that was important.

Michelle Ann said...
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Michelle Ann said...

Well, I am going to go old school for my character... I think Rita Hayworth could do me some real justice. She's what they used to call a broad!

As for my romantic interest...George Clooney. He has little to do with my significant other, but I might as well aim for near perfection

VE said...

michelle ann - Ok, Rita Hayward it is then. So other than getting it on with George (who is in high demand in this movie) I'm curious to know what your write-in role is in this?

leelee said...

OMG...you so nailed this...I love it..and I LIKE my character being played by Kristin Davis. I'd like to think though its more the Kristin Davis in the later years of Sex and the City, when she lets her hair down a bit more.

Speaking of which...I am all for doing a nude scene with Matt, but not Benny Hill ;-)

Brilliant as always VE!

HUGS!!

VE said...

leelee - Yes, you can have at Kristin in any way you want to portray her. And we'll let you do the steamy scene with matt-man...he's about as in demand as George Clooney in looking at his comments section! ha ha

leelee said...

Yes..I'm intrigued..and since HE requested it..who am I to deny him?? I ask you!

VE said...

leelee - You can't deny him! Think what he'd post then. He's just too clever for his own good. ha ha

Dee said...

i don't know many people on your list but it only intrigues me into reading their blogs. I don't know if I see Jacki as Drew Barrymore tho.....Jacki is WAY cooler than her and prettier!

VE said...

dee - She was ok with it though. It's hard to assign actors to other bloggers. Try it. That's sort of why I just took the top 30 commenters to do; it's just too much to try and go further down the list...

Knight said...

Holy crap! You did an amazing job. This sounds like the most exciting life to lead.

Maureen said...

Har!!!! Woot! I am doing an Elaine dance in celebration of my part! (Get outta the way, these legs and arms are "akimbo"!!!)

And *I* would have known that Dustin Hoffman wasn't in Star Wars either. (Damn that George Lucas).

Great post there VE.

Alice said...

VE - you have one amazing mind. And a lot of free time.

Well done!

VE said...

knight - Thanks. Best virtual confusing life I could come up with!

maureen - Do the dance. Do the dance...to heck with Lucas...

VE said...

alice - Thanks. I timed it. It took me 24 minutes to compose and type it, 32 minutes to get all the picture and another 41 minutes to get the damn blogger formatted with links and spacing and all that. Just over an hour and a half. It was worth it.

Serena Joy said...

Your movie has a stellar cast, for sure. And I'm pretty happy with my role -- and much relieved that it's not porn. I WANT some love scenes, though! You know what's going to be even more fun than the movie? The cast party afterwards!:) This may be your most ambitious post yet, and well worth every minute you spent on it. Bravo!

ChrisEldin said...

Holy Cow! This is much more productive than what you do in real life, whatever that is...

Sooooo happy Neil Diamond made it in. Just love that. A song is in my head now, "LA's fine, the sun shines, most of the time....." I do know them all by heart.
;-)

ChrisEldin said...

OMG!!!! You have Heidi playing *me*!!??!!! I thought that was some other Chris, and almost didn't click on it.
I love you, man. (see, it doesn't take much. But it's real)
;-)

NYD said...

Now I know whatt it feels like to be an actor watching the credits for your name.
This was a whole helluva lotta fun.
I really enjoyed reading the descriptions and now I think I'm going to pay some of these people a visit.

It was also pretty cool being Ray Romano. I didn't know who he was at first but after a quick search I found out that I'd seen him on one of my trips back to the states.

Good choice V, we both lived near each other when I was a kid.

justacoolcat said...

You really had Danny Bonaduci play me?

Really?

Megan said...

I love coming back later in the day and reading more comments....

VE said...

sj - Whew, glad you liked your casting. I picked on a few of my commenters. Ok, ok, you can have a love scene too! Sheesh. Everybody is in to that!

chris - Ha! I keep telling you, I don't have a productive life...other than this

nyd - Ah, that's pretty cool, glad he was like a neighbor!

justacoolcat - Sorry, man. There has to be a fall guy...

megan - Yeah, it's beena wild ride today, huh?

Annie Ha said...

I can dig Gwenyth as Meg.

VE said...

annie ha - Good. Less hate mail for me that way...

Lakota said...
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Lakota said...

LMAO!!!! oh VE honey, you have out done yourself here. what a wonderfully...well... scripted post. ~grinning~ Now come a little closer so i can thank you properly for including me on your casting couch... i mean in your cast. Even if i did get "XXX'd" out by the uptight suits. We'll just keep that extra footage for special ocassions, shall we? ~smooches baby~ you made my day... hell, my month. :D

Michelle Ann said...

Ve-I am thinking if Rita Hayworth and George Clooney were together there wouldn't need to be any other characters or even a plot line. Hell, forget it...might as well just make it Rated X. I would never leave my bed...ha ha!

colbymarshall said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
colbymarshall said...

I had to delete my earlier comment because I wrote something ridiculous when I wasn't thinking--what I meant to say is that it makes my day that you chose Reese to play me! I love her! And, I might borrow this meme for my own blog coming soon!

G-Man said...

Well cast VE...
Cecil VE deMille!!!!

Chris C said...

whew! Dodged another meme.

VE said...

lakota - Those dang uptight suits! They ruin all the fun. Glad I made your week/month! It was fun. We'll save that 'special' footage...

michelle ann - I should have just called the whole thing orgy-fest I guess...

colby - By all means, meme on! Glad Reese was acceptible...

g-man - Thank. Cecil Ve Demille...good one!

chris c - Mental note...chris wants a meme...

Annie Ha said...

i think i gotta do this one. but i think its gonna take a lot of thinking. and i've had much too much vodka for that tonight. or maybe just enough vodka...

Alex L said...

Hey, Clooney, nice, creative casting but I'm not arguing... 12 kids, thats the most in the neighbour hood isnt it.

Kelley said...

Dude. You trying to tell me I am nasty??

In all the movie scripts that Boo writes I am played by Cameron Diaz or Milla Jovovich.

But I guess that is cause I can reach over and wring his neck, all I can do is shake my fist at the computer screen at you VE.

But I own a bar. Awesome.

Mother Theresa said...

I really hope you mean Grace Kelly, not Gene Kelly! I might just really have to start saying rude things in Spanish if you cast Gene Kelly to play me. Now Grace Kelly...that I can hang with...but it would have to be her in her prime. If she were still alive, she'd be, what, around 90? ;)

Maureen said...

Oh, and I had to thank you for placing me between George and Russell.... *sigh*

Now THAT's a sandwich!

Aunty Belle said...

Heh!! This was a riot! Loved it--an' I ain't so big fer memes--but it were real fun, VE.

IS I the onliest one who's seen how ya have mostly blogger babes is yore cast??

SarahM said...

this was hysterical.
And i am glad youve chosen celebrities post-breakdown for my favorite charachters. although i wonder.
Would amy weinhouse(sp)play me? lol.
around, but too f-ed up to pat attention?

Kanrei said...

I love your cast and am happy with Vince, as long as it is "you are so money and you don't even know it" Vince and not Aniston Vince.


Another classic VE post. I am going to start looking out for the lame ones instead because the awesome posts are getting too easy to find.

VE said...

annie ha - Or maybe not enough!

alex - I thought it ironically fitting to cast you as Clooney but with 12 kids. Bwahahaha.

kelley - It's always bittersweet dear! You KNOW how I had to mess with ya! (but I did tell the wifey-poo that you'd probably kick my arse for my selection...)

mother theresa - Ha ha. I don't know how that happened. Obviously I meant Grace. It was written before I found the photos so I obviously searched and got the right photo. Oh, and of course its the prime younger Grace...say Rear Window era. See what it takes to lure you out into blogdome these days!!

maureen - Wow, you're right. You really came out of this movie doing well! I can see now you'll be waiting for the sequel!

aunty belle - Welcome. Yeah, did you notice all the babes? Bummer, man! Ha ha. No, but it seems I have more female readers than male. It's probably some sort of watch group designed to protect society... (actually, the top 30 commenters from my blog got in the movie with a chosen actor to play them). Commenting here has its priveleges...

sarahm - I tried to not be too cruel on these although justacoolcat is shaking his head still at Danny Bonadui. That was probably too cruel. I think giving you Amy might be cruel too. I mean she weighs like half a normal person and I'd feel like I only did a half ass job...

VE said...

kan - Yes, you can pick the Vince that fits you! He's a bit all over the board isn't he? I really gotta get back to just some normal good old fashioned VE humor. I can't even keep this kind of a standard...

padraig said...

> Gwyneth Paltrow will play Megan.

That's a fascinating choice. It's always interesting to see how people interpret people *you know* through some other meta context. What made you pick Gwyneth?

Anne said...

am i missing something, why are there wrong pictures with some people?

VE said...

padraig - It's very, very difficult coming up with who should play who particularly when you are assigning it to bloggers whom you don't really know that personally. I went through her blog posts and things she said, chose, or featured weighed in on it. The rest was mostly just my own first non-impression of what I visualized her to be...

VE said...

anne - If you are referring to Gene Kelly vs Grace Kelly, that's just a mistake that became a running joke in the comments and I was too afraid to fix it. I don't know of any other mistakes (perhaps spelling...I always make those).

Carla said...

Great cast. Hmm...do I have any advice to give you that you're likely to ignore? Let me get back to you on that.

Dale said...

I'm heading for eBay now or a Betamax! Awesome!

Beth said...

A niece. Hmmm... Your niece? Is this movie set in Deliverance territory?
Thanks for the honour! (And for the heads up.)
BTW, I didn't have to THINK about whining re: Kristen Dunst - the whine came automatically. My teeth are straight!

VE said...

carla - Ha! Advice is like.... oh, never mind

dale - How did I know you'd still have a betamax player!

beth - See...you go off to a cabin and you're going to end up with stuff like this! Payments...there are always payments!

Yes, my name is Arizona said...
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Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I think Sissy Spacek should play me....

VE said...

arizona - Ha...why did I just know that link would go to the blood soaked Carrie. Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays!

RED MOJO said...

You obviously spent a lot of time on this, and it's very good! I love being your lesbian sister played by Sharon Stone!!!

Too funny. I do love to people watch and play, guess my profession, or guess my favorite beverage, fun/mean games like that. I can't wait to see the movie.

Am I wearing underwear? Bwahhahaaa

VE said...

red mojo - Good point, hadn't thought about the underwear bit. Probably not though; underwear is so predictable...