Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Fun with the Recent News

The news....I just shake my head in wonder these days. Some of it has to be made up! In fact, let's just make it all up VE style...

The Dow Jones stock took a slight 11,000 point dip to zero today. Analysts said not to worry…”they’re just numbers…”. President Bush commenting on what the government would do to keep the country from full on depression said “We plan on holding bake sales later this week” in response to the latest Wall Street woes. Nobody is really sure that President Bush or any of his staff can bake cookies though.

Britney Spears appears to be back and have received a whole lot of awards at the MTV Video awards ceremony last week. This fits in well because MTV doesn’t play videos anyway so the lack of anything new from the insane singer is understandable. Plus…who wants to be mean to those with mental illness…

John McCain is still seeking a good campaign song. Having first been put on cease and desist by Chuck Berry for trying to use the “Johnny B. Goode” tune during his campaign he quickly moved on to try and use Jackson Brown’s “Running on Empty” but silly McCain…he forgot to get permission again and was promptly sued. Rumor has it he’s still on the prowl for a winner song for the campaign. Here are the latest candidates that VE suggests:
Down in a Hole by Alice in Chains
You Know I’m No Good by Amy Winehouse
Angry Johnny by Poe
Paranoid by Black Sabbath
Of course on the flip side rumor has it that Obama is eyeing Alan Parson’s 'Psychobabble' as their campaign theme…

Hurricane Jinormous is up next and headed for the USA. It is recommended that all USA residents abandon their homes and seek refuge in the event that something might happen. “There’s lot’s of room up in the Arctic Tundra with all the global warming and the lack of oil rigs built there yet,” commented one government official.

Apparently the train operator in the recent Los Angeles train wreck that killed 25 people was reputed to have been text messaging and missed a stop signal. Experts were still trying to decipher the confusing text language to understand more. “It should take a couple of years but with the help of teenage interpreters we should hopefully speed up that process”

32 comments:

padraig said...

lol d000dz, ur train b n mi train

Practically Joe said...

Now in Sports ... The NY Yankees creep up into first place.
hahahahahahahahahahaha.

Kurt said...

"What R U doing?"

"Driving a train"

"Kewl"

Memarie Lane said...

And there's this one: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,423221,00.html

VE said...

padraig - That would be an entertaining investigation...

joe - That's fiction...science fiction...

kurt - You seem quite comfortable with the texting lingo...

marie - Fake lawyers...what's next...fake criminals?

lime said...

we'll be lucky to survive hurricane jinormous and if that doesn't get us hurricane killer will follow quickly to finish us off.

Jacki said...

So now are they going to ban texting while operating a commuter train?

People are so scary these days.

cathouse teri said...

I think there really is a new law being passed wherein you can be pulled over for Driving While Texting. A DWT conviction will carry with it some very serious fines and almost definitely some hard time. Hard time being defined as time without your cell phone. Can you imagine? Talk about cruel and unusual punishment!

Well at least caning is illegal.

Michelle Ann said...

Sorry to say...but for a disaster junkie like myself, Saturday was a stellar day. On satellite we had 24 hour local coverage of the hurricane's destruction and MSNBC kept me up to date on the train wreck.

You know its serious when they bust out Geraldo Rivera and Anderson Cooper.

VE said...

lime - Ha! Yes, Hurricane Killer will be just that. I think we'll get a reprieve with Hurrican Itsy though...

jacki - Yes, I'm sure homeland security will be instituting a security check on all trains to ban cell phones. You'll have to check those into a special "holder" area until after your ride...

teri - Ha ha. I actually have a cane from Singapore. Ok, it's scary because it's a child's cane (ie used on children by parents).

michelle ann - Who boy...Geraldo...did the hurricane suddenly disappear as soon as he arrived (ala like his treasure from the Al Capone safe...)

GC (God's Child) said...

ha ha
those were some good ones up there on the text message

Jeff said...

Thankfully Jon Stewart is the only news I watch, although the "real" news can be just as funny sometimes.

Serena said...

I would urge McCain to go with the Winehouse song. The two of them just somehow seem so simpatico. Then I'd like to see him dump Sarah Palin and replace her with Tina Fey. Tina looks much more like Palin, plus she's funny. They'll need that if he wins. She could probably teach him how to text, too. Lord, Lord, it's a bad day at Black Rock. Can't we get a news blackout?:)

VE said...

gc - Yes, half the fun of posting is just to get the additional funny from the comments!

jeff - Yeah...it's all entertainment these days, isn't it?

serena - Bad Day at Black Rock - I think I've seen that movie...isn't that about this strange event in Australia? Obscure reference there! I'm all for a news blackout!!

Roy Scribner said...

I'm not sure it's PC to make fun of the MTV Special Video Awards?

Uncivil said...

I need you to photoshop a nappy headed pitbull with lipstick on it's rear end!!!!!!

yellojkt said...

I keep trying to come up with a joke that starts "A train leaves Los Angeles..." but I can't think of anything tasteful. Or funny.

VE said...

roy - Ha ha. It's never stopped me before. You want un-pc? Wait for tomorrow's post. That should get me in trouble

uncivil - Ha! Yes indeed!

yellowjkt - I'm sure there's some algabraic formula for one of those story problems...but I'm a bit twisted in thinking that's funny...

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

I love the photo of HIllary in your side bar. Too funny!


I've been trying to learn the texting language for a while now to no avail. I've only recently mastered two phrases: LOL and ROFL. But since they convey the same meaning, maybe they aren't really different?? I think ancient Greek would be easier to learn.

VE said...

arizona - Ha! Good luck on that. I think texting probably IS ancient Greek...

bitchlet said...

Wer do I sign up 4 d tnage vlntr prgrm?

Matt-Man said...

Cindy and John McCain with Sarah Palin and...whatever the name of her husband is, could perform as "Starland Vocal Band Redux" performing that timeless classic, "Afternoon Delight".

They could dedicate it to Palin's daughter. Cheers!!

Alex L said...

'Plus…who wants to be mean to those with mental illness…'

If its britney, I do...

Shrinky said...

Come and be the anchor news reader for breakfast TV, it might stop me sleeping through the alarm so often.

Great post!

leelee said...

LOL @ da pix of da wk..

Its scary..I really am starting to understand txtspeak..

I have to read it out loud when I receive it though...


HUGS!!

VE said...

bitchlet - Dang...you've got text talent! Are you of legal age??

matt-man - Talk about sky rockets in flight...yikes!

alex - Well there you go then. Glad I could help the cause...

shrinky - I'd have to just do the voice; I'd be worse than John Stewart in that I'd always be cracking up and unable to keep a straight face...

leelee - Uh oh...you're going to the dark side. Soon...you'll only be able to communicate with them!

Maureen said...

The only texting I have done is the canned "ok" in replying to daughter....

You should see her fingers fly over that phone keypad. It's just freaky. Especially when I get the bill.

VE said...

maureen - Ha ha ha. Yes, the bill would be freaky! I'm there with you though...I can barely eke out a text message. But then again...I can score 800,000 on our Tron arcade game and they can't. So there!

Dee said...

for the bake sale i'll make my not so famous fry bread

VE said...

dee - Just like the guy with the sign on the onramp: "Every little bit helps". Thanks, Dee, sounds yummy...

Bonnie the Boss said...

I think I have the Alan Parsons tape somewhere. Your not at all bitter or sarcastic are you? I do love it though. LMBO call the interpreter, your son. I have to do that all the time.

VE said...

bonnie - Yeah, I still have that Alan Parsons song too (hiding my head in shame). LBMO...hmmm..."let's be more optimistic"? "let's buy music often"? "Lonely boy marries orange"? I give up... ;)