Thursday, September 25, 2008

Solving the World's Problems

How VE solves the world’s issues in his attempt to enjoy a fruity rum concoction at his local pub…

Conversation with highly obsessive political friend:

VE: Come on, let’s go get a drink
Hyper: I need one but who has time what with all the problems we have going on here in the states and across the entire world.

VE: You worry too much. I suggest a fruity rum drink with lots of umbrellas…
Hyper: Worry? How can you not be worried about the federal deficit, the stock market, the Iraq War and the dozens of other major issues going on right now?

VE: Because you all are over thinking again. Keep it simple. Like getting a drink
Hyper: Simple? Ok, you solve the federal deficit issue!

VE: Ok…let’s see…according to today’s stats the federal deficit is at 9.5 trillion. Subtract 9.5 trillion and you’ll be at zero. Simple. Let’s get that drink…
Hyper: What? You can’t do that. It’s waaaay more complex.
VE: Over thinking again…

Hyper: Ok, what about the Iraq War?
VE: Pull out. There…done. Let’s go and get that drink….
Hyper: You can’t do that. The implications and exit strategies are complex.
VE: Over thinking again….

Hyper: Then what about the Health Care Issue?
VE: Give everyone free health care. Done. Let’s head out and get that drink…
Hyper: You can’t do that. Somebody’s got to pay for it. It’s much more complex.
VE: Over thinking again…

Hyper: Oh yeah? Then what about global warming?
VE: Stop polluting. It’ll correct itself. I’m thirsty…
Hyper: Right. Like that’s possible. It’s very complex because it affects industry and jobs and everything.
VE: Over thinking again…

Hyper: Well then what about –
VE: Stop! Listen, I’ll save you the dialogue:
On schools: Reduce the class size, increase the quality, make it a priority. Done
On energy independence: Invest and promote clean alternatives. Done
On nuclear proliferation: Disable the existing nukes and don’t build more. Done
On gun control: Stop making them and take away the illegally used ones. Done
On every other damn issue: Simply fix it. Done

Hyper: Ok, let’s get that drink.
VE at the Pub: I don’t know whether to have the Rum concoction that comes in the bowl and has two floating umbrellas or the fruity rum drink inside the pineapple with the nifty fruit pieces toothpicked onto it to make it look like a person or…
Hyper: Over thinking again…

30 comments:

Jeff said...

These are the clearest solutions I've heard so far. Just be careful or someone will put you on the ballot as a write-in candidate and the next thing you know you'll get stuck having to implement all of this. Just saying.

Jeff said...

Oh, and... FIRST! w00t!

Memarie Lane said...

Do you have a campaign button?

Kanrei said...

Priorities...if you can affford a drink then you have nothing to worry about yet.

The Incredible Woody said...

I'll take the pretty blue drink with the plastic fish jumping out!! Oh, wait - I've already had a couple of those... What were my choices again?

Roy Scribner said...

I'm down with a drinking platform. I plan on studying the issues tonight, while my poor Beav's are getting pummeled by USC.

MJ said...

Rum - now that's a campaign promise I can get behind!

GC (God's Child) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
GC (God's Child) said...

now I'm thirsty
oh, what should I do about the guest list for my wedding being kind of long? Should I just not invite people who don't like rum or are too young to drink it?

VE said...

jeff - Yeah, that sounds like it would cut down on my fruity rum drink time significantly.

jeff - I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I??

marie - No buttons, that's what I'm going to use all the fruity rum drink umbrellas for

kan - Except getting my drink without interruptions!

incredible woody - Exactly! The choices are complex...

roy - That's good advice! You know, the beavs could win...and I could get elected too... ha ha ha

mj - Compliments of the new pirate party. They are firm supporters of rum and at least they're up front about stealing the tax payer blind...

gd - Of course. Those people that cannot enjoy a nice fruity rum drink should not be invited. After that if the list is too long prioritize by reception gift potential and then lop off the list where it feels the right size and then claim zoning regulations limited you as an excuse to the rest of them. Or do like I did, invite nobody. It's easier...

Mona said...

wow! easy solutions to complex problems!

Got overthunk!

I am ashamed to admit it VE but I think you are talking to your mom... ( That hyper person)...

lime said...

go for the skewered fruit...done

lime said...

oh and in response to your name that tune challenge left at my place...paul mccartney filling the world with a little love song

Megan said...

So that's why the rum's gone...

VE said...

mona - Ha ha. Hey, mom, can I have $15 for the movies and what's for dinner?

lime - Perfect. See...I needed that simplification. Glad to see you got the tune right too! You're just on a roll!

megan - Dang....who told you!

Jacki said...

I need to make a shirt that says Vote for VE. Sorta like those Vote for Pedro shirts.

VE said...

Jacki - Ha! Yeah...my speech would probably be as inspirational as Pedro's too and I probably couldn't afford Napolean to dance at mine...

Kurt said...

I second that idea. Then I wouldn't be the only one wearing one.

VE said...

kurt - Come on now. The creater of 'take it where you shake it' surely likes to stand out on their own!

Evil Genius said...

Rum is always the answer. :-)

VE said...

evil - I agree. After after a number of them even those that don't agree will...

Serena said...

Forget the pineapple. Go with the umbrellas. In fact, ask for triple umbrellas. And extra rum. Everything will look better to you and, more importantly, you'll feel better.:-)

angie said...

I like how you can carry on such a deep conversation and yet still not forget to go back to that fruity drink. :)

bitchlet said...

Being broke here means having cheap rum sold as OLD MONK. Rum is really like a monk isn't it?

The monk who stole my political consciousness.

Qelqoth said...

Alcohol: serious business.

leelee said...

VE FOR PREZ!

HUGS!

VE said...

serena - Thanks for that simplicity!

angie - You have to have serious focus on your rum!

bitchlet - It's a sad state when you have to drink cheap rum. But even cheap rum is better than no rum! And those monks...they're always stealing something! Damn them!

qelqoth - Here, here!

leelee - Ha ha. I'll take the Camp David visits but all that work...it seems like a lot of work!

justacoolcat said...

Are we drinking yet?

VE said...

justacoolcat - Oh yes! When you have to solve world problems you really need to!

Mona said...

wow! is that what moms are?

A bank and a servant....