Monday, September 01, 2008

Virtual Life vs Real Life

Career

My virtual career is booming! I’ve just completed a complex hostile takeover and my stock has more than tripled. If I retired the character right now, I could live on 2 million a year and never run out of money…

My real career is dead-ended. Nobody values an employee in the corporate world these days. Fortunately my job is so transparent that I don’t ever go to work, period. If I retired right now, I’d make it about six months before I’d be on that off ramp with a sign…

Home

My virtual SIMS house rocks! I’ve got a swimming pool in back. I just updated the décor and added a lot of marble to give it an Italian villa feel. Everything is put away and the family is out back doing a barbeque.

My real house sucks! It’s a rental and is falling apart and the landlord won’t answer my calls. I’d buy a house but the market is over inflated and nobody wants to be first to lower their prices to reality. I’ve got a swamp in back due to bad irrigation. Everything is in disarray because if I don’t clean it up, nobody else will. The family is all fighting about what to have for dinner because the barbeque is still broken and there’s a bees nest too close to use it anyway.

Hobby

My blog writing is effortless. I’ve got post ideas popping up left and right. I’ve got a stockpile in case I’m sick. I can write about virtually anything. There are people that actually come to the blog and read them. Some of them even comment!

My real writing is impossible. I’ve got novel idea after novel idea. I’ve written exactly zero pages. I can never seem to make them interesting other then the overall idea. My spelling and grammar, well, let’s hope they’re grading on a curve. A really wide curve…

(ps…don’t worry about me…remember, not everything I write is really true!)

But seriously though, to my non-blogging friends I could have the following conversation:

VE: I write an award winning blog daily

Friend: Wow, that’s amazing. What’s your readership?

VE: I average around 150 per day.

Friend: 150,000? That’s pretty good.

VE: No, 150…just remove almost all the zeros

Friend: That’s it? So you’re saying there are more readers for the commentary at the Fargo, ND newspaper than for your blog?

VE: Yeah, but they’re focused around a town and have no choice. I’m on the internet and there are over 50 million blogs out there. All I can do is broadcast out there and hope people read it.

Friend: So you’re like TV but without much of an audience. Sort of like The Chevy Chase Show back in the early 90s.

VE: Yeah but the upside is that nobody can cancel me for it.

Friend: Well….at least you have THAT going for you.

44 comments:

Maureen said...

Yeah, but VE you are infinitely more entertaining than the Fargo newspaper... I know. I've read it (was there just a few days ago just for the IHOP).

But isn't this the one of the benefits of an on-line life? We can make it whatever we want. Not limited to factors like money, time and opportunities we have in real life.

Which is why there are more than 50 million blogs out here.

But as one of your loyal 150 readers, I must say I am glad you're here to entertain me.

Memarie Lane said...

I occasionally get novel ideas, and then I lose them. The only way I can hang onto them for a bit is if I take bubble baths, because in the bath I have nothing else to think about. Then about two weeks later I'm bored with the whole idea anyway.

unfinishedrambling said...

That's one way to look at it, that the virtual career is booming. That's what I'll tell people from now on. When people at a wedding ask me, "What do you do?" Instead of mumbling about my part-time job as a correspondent for a newspaper (which I did this past week), I can say, "My virtual career is booming!" Thanks for the tip. :)

Les James said...

Wow! Are you lucky or what. You have prized wetlands in your backyard. Any day now you're going to have to move because of the newly discovered breading ground of a rare and protected species, right there outside your bathroom window. In Portland that makes you a hero. Stand proud when the local papers and TV stations invades your home. Your "real" stock is about to go way up.

Jeff said...

I think one of your next blog posts should be about the different signs you would be holding up on that off ramp.

You're welcome.

Serena Joy said...

I'd much rather read you than the Fargo paper. And if I ever have to live on an off-ramp, I hope it's not in Fargo. It's COLD there.:)

The Incredible Woody said...

Better than 15 readers, which is what I hope to gain one of these days!

NYD said...

You could make a movie out of this scenario. Call it The 150.

150 loyalist readers against a hoard of 50 million bloggers.

Folks go for this kind of thing; they do!

Kurt said...

"In the future, everyone will be famous to 15 people."

angie said...

Definitely more entertaining that the average blog. :)

Jeffrey Ellis said...

You bastard, give some of your blog post ideas to me. But good to hear you are coming up dry on the novel, HAHAHAHAH! Oh, me too of course.

VE said...

maureen - It's true...and I'm not complaining at all. I just crack up when I say "I have an award winning blog..." because...well... some other nice bloggers bestowed some viral award on me; that's all.

marie - I have novel ideas and then I have ideas for novels. Usually the former though. I act on neither unfortunately.

unfinishedrambling - If my nonsense does anyone good; then so be it. I feel better...

les - No, actually no wetlands right by the house. It's on top of prime farm land which is now way too valuable to actually be used for farming...I mean lets face it; there's no money in that!

jeff - That's a damn good idea. My first one will be "Jeff gave me my first sign idea..."

sj - That's a great point. Standing in freezing cold makes my pants freeze stiff.

incredible woody - I've been there! I'll get back to visting when this whole move thing is over.

nyd - Excellent! Very clever. I hope there's an excess of blood and violence too...well...at least half of 300 that is.

kurt - You're quite quotable today. I'm sure that quote will be used by 15 people now

angie - Why thank you. Everybody always said I was 'special' not average...

jeffrey - Ha ha ha. You have no idea how many blog ideas I might have. Of course, neither do I...

Alex L said...

I have four books started... none of them near finished, its just easier to keep starting them I find.

Megan said...

You are funnier than Chevy Chase.

leelee said...

wow 150? I'm happy with my 8 to 10..and it seems most of them get to me after som weird google search..like..

Facial Hair
Take your kid to work day
Calculus

Just for the record I have NEVER blogged about any of those things...

wtf?

HUGS!!

VE said...

alex - THere's somebody out there with a middle and an ending for them going "I don't know how to start this..."

megan - Thanks....and almost as funny as a Chevy Suburban having to fill up...

leelee - Those are weird. I didn't know you had to take calculus to be able to take your kid to work. I'll google your blog... ;)

Bee said...

VE, all you need to say is "this very cool chick named Bee loves my blog" and you're golden.
:o)

MJ said...

I'm a little upset that you didn't write about your real vs virtual Mrs. VE.

justacoolcat said...

Google called an they are putting your blog in a restricted status. Unless, you send me money or generate a readership in the 150,000 range your blog will be cancelled and you will have to change your name to Chevy Chase.

Michelle Ann said...

Your blog 'conversation' sounds alot like the one I have with my boyfriend. I don't see how he doesn't understand how relevant this whole blog thing is. One day it will make me a millionaire...yeah, right.

I like my virtual life WAY better...

colbymarshall said...

LOL_ VE, that's hilarious about the blog audience, because I think I've had that same conversation with a friend not too long ago!

Practically Joe said...

My virtual life ... I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
My real life ... I need help getting off the couch.

Kelley said...

I have a novel idea for a novel all the time. But I am usually in the shower or a meeting at work at the time. By the time I get to write it down I have been distracted by the shiny and forgotten what it was.

Um, what was I saying?

Beth said...

Based on your blog (and what you reveal about yourself in it) you have a lot going for you - and 150 faithful readers is nothing to sneeze at! Consider yourself a success in the virtual world.

Kanrei said...

You have me beat by 148 readers so you have that, plus you make me laugh quite often. My virtual life is better as well, except my blogging has been as weak as my real writing and spelling is always optional: there are no spelled wrong words, just extra creative writing.

Dee said...

i like what nyd said. clever.

I for one don't believe for a sec you have 150 readers! Add some zeros for sure!

EmmaK said...

Yeah but the upside is that nobody can cancel me for it.

I adore you! you are the most positive person in the world. I am going to take a leaf out of your book and instead of wondering why pictures of Paris' vagina get millions of hits and my blog gets only a few perverts beating their meat to my prose...I will revel that even one person is reading my drivel!!

SarahM said...

damn straight no one can cancel you!!

isnt it crazy how we can be such degenerates in real life, but awesome online.. ohh the power of fantasy..

Anne said...

If

Anne said...

I leave

Anne said...

a multi-lined

Anne said...

comment, will

Anne said...

that bump

Anne said...

up

Anne said...

my visitation

Anne said...

status?

Anndi said...

There are 149 others? You mean I was never the only one?

HeyJoe said...

Yes, thank God we can't be cancelled for lack of readership. Or maybe not...Maybe we should get cancelled, if nothing else to force us to put our creative energies elsewhere, into say a NOVEL??

Nah.

I have the same problem re: a novel. Well the same problem and a different problem. The same is that I can't make the idea interesting. The different is I don't have the idea.

I suck.

Yes, my name is Arizona said...

having novel ideas is better than having no ideas at all...which is what I have. lol!

VE said...

bee - I don't know...they all seem to be friends with your bonehead assistant! ;)

mj - That's because she's ALL real; there is nothing virtual about her!

justacoolcat - I've changed my name to Chevy Chase...it's easier and I'm into easy these days...

michelle - You can meet me at the virtual pool bar...I'm already having a virtual fruit rum drink in the sun

colby - I'll bet we all have. That's why it seemed so funny!

joe - Me too...too much lifting from the move!

kelley - Sounds like you need a really hot dude to take notes from you while you're in the shower! ;)

beth - Oh yeah, I'm not complaining. I just think it's funny how you can have two distinct realities

kan - I like that idea...extra creative writing. I don't think you can convince Serena though. She's still going to take our misspellings and flaunt them!

dee - He's very clever. He could totally ghost write my blog and make it good!

emmak - Why thank you! I'm actually positive that your stuff is hilarious too!

sarahm - Here's a toast to us degenerates! Here, here!

anne - Well, you certainly
anne - gave it a good
anne - try with all of these
anne - comments but I'm just
anne - too stubborn in my
anne - ranking and therefore
anne - count them by hand so
anne - no matter how many
anne - individual comments you
anne - do on a post; you still
anne - only get one per post.

anndi - I know; I know. Just chalk me up as another one of those bad boys mother warned you about!

heyjoe - That's it! I have the ideas and you can make them interesting. We'll call the partnership "By JoeVE"

arizona - Don't worry though...I have no idea what I'm doing anyway.

Carla said...

Funny!!! Yes, infinitely more entertaining than Chevy Chase, the Fargo newspaper or whoever else.

VE said...

carla - Well thanks. I guess I'll keep at it then.

Anne said...

D'oh!

VE said...

anne - Re....me...Do'h re me!!! ha ha ha