Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Wonders of Gas Barbeques

After the whole wrong barbeque and bad customer service disaster I posted earlier many of you have asked how that went. Let me share with you a little follow up story. Once upon a time...

I was just over at the Home Depot and I happened to notice a big smiling picture of the store manager and a phrase that said “At our store people come first”. That is one of those sayings that means nothing. Nothing! Think about it…if people didn’t come first, then what would be coming first? Wild animals? Pets? Aliens? Plants? Ridiculous…

And why would I be at Home Depot? It’s the barbeque experience and well let me draw you a diagram…

You might have to click on this picture to really appreciate the absurdity...

That’s right…and guess which path I took along it? And guess how many times I went around that loop in the diagram? That would be one loop for each of the following:

- Couldn’t get end cap off house gas outlet without ripping apart side of house

- Home builders said they loosened end cap; still couldn’t budge it (am I a wimp?)

- Home builders removed it but the universal connector was too small to fit (surprise)

- Home Depot said to call the gas company (of course they would)

- The gas company said it would charge $100 to come out; try a barbeque store

- Barbeque store had the parts but not the tape to seal it (I didn't even know these existed)

- Home Depot had the tape to seal it (back to the scene of the crime)

- Leak test worked successfully (thank the Lord)

That’s right…eight friggin’ laps on that stupid loop! I’m tired and dizzy! Next up…getting the hot tub set up and working…what do you guess…25 loops?

40 comments:

Kanrei said...

A word of advise- pay people to do these things for you. The smartest thing I ever did was realize I am an idiot when it comes to putting things together. A hot tub I would not even try to start...

Kanrei said...

Doh...see how stupid I really am. The word is "advice", not "advise".

Kurt said...

Classic flow chart!

VE said...

Kan - But even when you pay them you have to babysit them five times over because they keep doing it wrong!!! I don't know which is worse at this point...

kurt - You can apply it to many things in life...just change the activities, it'll still apply.

Roy Scribner said...

VE, you did not Assign Logistics Early (ALE), resulting in a heavy reliance on Big Box Quality (BBQ). You have Described the Unfortunate Purchase Event (DUPE), but you did not Implement Decision-based In-depth On-site Training (IDIOT), in order to mitigate Outside Organization finger- Pointing Syndrome (OOPS), resulting in an inability to Cook Your Angus (CYA). It's quite simple, really.

leelee said...

the Chart is grand. But for me...the simplest most direct (and usually the costliest) route is for me...I'm starting on the left and going directly right.

The money is nothing compared to the aggravation!

How are those burgers tasting now anyway?

HUGS!

scarlet-blue said...

So when are you sending the invites out for the BBQ and hot tub party? Are you having sausages?
Sx

Jeff said...

I'm just surprised you're still alive to blog about it. How exactly do you perform a "leak test" on highly flammable gas anyway?

VE said...

roy - Ha ha ha. I knew I should have stayed in that acronym class back in school. I left a CUL8R note though...

leelee - Normally that's my path too. I don't know how I went down the other path but once I got on it...well...dammit...I'm gonna finish it! But at least the burgers taste good now!

scarlet-blue - Oct 11th. Everyone is invited! Oh yes...I'm a brat so my sausages will be large and juicy! Ha ha ha

jeff - The key is to get a really long gas line and wheel it over to the neighbors at night for the leak test.

colbymarshall said...

I always get freaked out when my hub fires up the bbq- I can just see it blowing up the entire house. I have to just wait inside and pretend he's not out there using it.

Quickroute said...

Not very green I know but they only use coal or wood here - I love the flowchart

The Incredible Woody said...

Sounds like you'll be needing a few beers to relax!!

Jacki said...

ACK! Visio diagrams!

Anette said...

Love the flow chart!
next time: please make a fire!

VE said...

colby - Me too...I freak myself out. But now that I have properly tested it and it is working...it's simply the same as turning on the gas stove in the kitchen. I like that simplicity.

quickroute - The problem I have with those is I'm not patient and I don't like a lot of prep. Wood and coal need time to heat up properly and they require prep before cooking.

incredible woody - Oh yeah! Big time.

jacki - Ack...not! I hate Visio. These were done on Powerpoint - THE tool for the useless management people...

anette - There is something just so satisfying in a fire. Must be all those camping experiences and just general DNA imprinting from my cave man ancestors. But I can't deal with the prep and wait time...

Sarah said...

If you followed my dad's school of thought you would stick with an old fashion charcoal BBQ and simply set the entire yard on fire each and every time you used it. Yes you would spend quite a bit on grass seed but would not have to perform any more leak tests.
The hot tub set up - god help you - I am imagining 57 loops.

GC (God's Child) said...

at that rate you better barbecue all year round

Serena said...

I agree with you that you have to babysit them, but I'm with Kan -- pay somebody else to do it. I'm all for preventing blood pressure spikes and premature brain explosions.:)

VE said...

sarah - Ha ha ha...I can see the destruction in my mind already. 57 loops? You're scaring me...

gc - Oh yes, I intend to. We don't have really cold winters and it's under a very nice covered patio and all I have to do is turn it on now.

VE said...

serena - I used to think that way too...until the people you pay to do it flake out on you and it requires more work than if you'd done it yourself the first time. You just cannot win anymore!

Chris C said...

I like how at the end it says "Enjoy the ease of barbequing dinner"

Comparatively speaking of course.

VE said...

chris c - Yes, I should have put a corallary comment that 'your ease may vary'...

Evil Genius said...

Good lord, do you even have any energy (or inclination) left to BBQ?

Raven said...

Funny. Thanks for visiting Raven's Nest and leaving the wordzzle. You're welcome to leave your posts in the comments. I'm not going to read what you wrote until next week because you used next week's words and I don't like to read anybody else's until I write my own. I hope you'll join in again even if only in the comments section. WOrdzzles are fun, aren't they?

Mr Farty said...

Ok, you've completely lost me. Propane gas is already a gas (the clue is in the name), so why do you need a conversion kit?

Not that we've had any BBQ weather this year, sigh.

VE said...

evil - Ha ha ha. I don't care if I collapse with my last breath trying to flip that burger...I'm gonna enjoy that barbeque!

raven - I couldn't help myself. I saw it on Anndi's blog and it reminded me of another blog that used to have a contest like that. I participated in two but then it suddenly disappeared (blogs do that). Yes, those are fun. Sorry about jumping ahead on words...I guess I mixed up the progression there. If that's next week's then perhaps I'll tackle the challenge ones later on since I'm now ahead of myself.

VE said...

mr. farty - That's what you get for living in Scotland!! But the conversion kits are needed because apparently the natural gas they pipe through homes here flows at a different density or rate or something that requires a larger hole where it is ignited to a flame. You have to go through the entire barbeque and replace each one of them from the small hole to the bigger hole. Then, you have to replace the hose that connects the fuel to the barbeque because they're 'different'. I should have just slapped that Home Depot when they said the conversion was 'easy'!

Maureen said...

Maybe it would be just easier to turn vegetarian and eat everything raw....

Glad you didn't blow yourself up, though.

VE said...

maureen - I'm afraid I'm too much of a meat eater to do that. I'm not much on raw meat...

padraig said...

Down with air quality, use charcoal.

It's the only way to be sure.

VE said...

padraig - I just hate using charcoal. It takes forever to heat, you have a limited optimal temperature with it, you have to ultimately dump them somewhere after using them. Ugggh!!!!

Matt-Man said...

I have always found charcoal to heat things with little effort. Cheers!!

VE said...

matt-man - I must need to go to charcoal school. I find them messy, slow, and am lazy and don't want to get rid of the spent ones. I must be missing something...

Megan said...

You aren't just trying to delay the housewarming party, are you?

That flow chart is fantastical, by the way...

Alex L said...

well your under thirty loops so thats a start, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Carla said...

I hope those steaks were tasty and worth every bite...

Chris Wood said...

Your tenacity in this clearly doomed endeavour fills me with hope for some maligned reason.

Good luck with the steaks.

MJ said...

The diagram is quite helpful. I would have given up and gone out to eat...

Bee said...

You know what you should get?? One of those *husband* things. I have one and I never have to do any of that stuff.

I am, however, the grill master when it comes to grilling.

VE said...

megan - Oh no. The party is definitely Oct 11th. I'll be hanging out with a fruity rum drink all day long! Stop on by!

alex - 30 loops is a LOT of patience! Heck...one loop is enough patience for me normally but somewhere I move from patient to stubborn.

carla - Fantastical! Oh yes. On button cooking! Finally...

chris - Yes...I suffer so you don't have to! ha ha

mj - Normally I would have too but the going out to eat had been used too many times by that point.

bee - I need one of those wives that ENJOY doing that kind of stuff. But their like natural blondes in Mexico...hard to come by.