Thursday, October 02, 2008

A Look at Some of our Candies

Payday. As the cost of a candy bar increases, the amount of taxes in our actual pay checks increase, the cost of our contributions to benefits increase, and our actual pay stays the same I think this candy bar name is becoming more and more true with every passing year. Some day in the near future they’ll just hand you one of these instead of a paycheck. At least it has chocolate...not!


Tootsie Roll. Frankly, I’m amazed this has survived. How is that a candy that looks like a turd can stay in business for the 112 years it’s been around? Don’t get me wrong, I love them though. They’re good for testing for loose fillings…
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Three Musketeers. How on earth did they come up with a candy bar named after these guys? I just don’t see the actual three musketeers sitting down and having a candy bar break between sword fighting and rum drinking. Call me silly that way…


Snickers. These candy bars are so dense and heavy they obviously came from Jupiter! This is the candy bar of choice if your going hiking and don’t take a fancy-dancy “energy bar” one that costs $4.99 and tasted like sawdust mixed with peanut butter. I mean everyone knows that if you’re going to get lost in the woods that snickers bar may be the only thing that keeps you from cannibalism and barbequing your spouse…


Kit Kats. I’ve looked at the design of these and there’s something utilitarian about them. I think in a pinch they could be used to create a dam and temporarily stop rising water. Either that or you can create an impressive Star Wars model with them…






Skittles. I’ve never been comfortable with these because:
a. They weren’t around when I was a kid. That makes them new and I can’t trust a new candy bar. Surely they would have invented all the good candy by then.
b. They have a similar shape and container to M&Ms and so I have a hard time reprogramming my brain that I’m not going to taste chocolate when I eat them.
c. It rhymes with spittle, pittle and little; none of which are good…


Starburst. What I especially like about these is that not only do you get to open the outer package but you also get to unwrap every damn one of them individually. I think this WAS the predecessor activity before cup stacking became popular. Also, technically I don’t think a rush of artificial orange flavor actually simulates a star bursting in outer space. Just saying…

34 comments:

GC (God's Child) said...

the three musketeers candy bar may have originally contained different ingredients
hmm....
you've heard things about coca cola right?

VE said...

gc - Yeah, no telling what they might have used back then...

Megan said...

This fits in well with Kurt's latest posts about hoarding & bartering...getting paid with candy bars is better than some things I can think of!

VE said...

megan - And it's easy to hoard most candy bars because they don't go bad for a long, long time!

lime said...

how about the 100 grand bar? with the economy in the tank and the threat of inflation the name of that candy may soon be the price.

Matt-Man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matt-Man said...

"These candy bars are so dense and heavy they obviously came from Jupiter!"

Ha. I have always thought the same about Snickers but was never able to put it into the words that you did.

Thank you for crossing one thing off of my mind's to do list. Cheers!!

Jacki said...

I would like to see you make a Star Wars model out of a Kit Kat.

And hey, don't knock Skittles! I love those things. I am not a chocolate fan, surprisingly.

Roy Scribner said...

Chocolate in a Payday? Heresy!!!

I think it would be fun to design a candybar - maybe a chocolate-covered Payday would be a good idea?

VE said...

lime - Good one! Ha ha. I agree. A hundred thousand in the future will be the equivalent of a 1950s dollar soon. My kid's kids will be buying a car for $250K by then I'm sure.

matt-man - That's funny. I'm glad I could remove "to dos" from your brain. Leaves more time for partying...

jacki - What? No chocolate. I'm pulling your female license...and don't let your European family and friends know that. Crazy...

roy - Doh! That's it...you are now my official post editor/auditor! Good catch.

Kurt said...

The KitKat in England is really good - it tastes like chocolate. You can get them in Canada, FYI.

VE said...

kurt - Would that imply that our KitKats suck in terms of chocolate quality?

Jeff said...

I don't like 3 Musketeers because who the hell needs a candy bar that has nothing but foam inside?

VE said...

jeff - Good call. "There light and fluffy". Yeah right. They're cheap and wimpy. I'm gonna send Snickers over there and stomp on them!

angie said...

Starbursts are my favorite too. Cuz I personally love unwrapping each one and then finding the wrappers all over my house for the next hour.

Quickroute said...

Trivia: Snickers used to be called Marathon at least in Europe

padraig said...

re: Snickers

True 'dat. I used to take the King-Size Snickers as my "middle of the day skiing" power boost. 700+ calories of near-neutronium density goodness.

VE said...

angie - On the other hand it leaves a trail to the guilty...

quickroute - I never knew that. Makes sense for a name though.

padraig - That's what I do skiing. Of course it's like biting in to cement if I haven't kept it close and warm.

Serena said...

The only one on the list that I eat is Kit-Kats -- and I love those. I agree with you on Skittles. Yuck.:)

colbymarshall said...

I've never liked the Twix, and for two reasons. 1.) it has that sneaky "x" on the end that is mysterious and has no real purposes 2.)It sounds too much like tricks, which makes me wonder what the trick is and annoys me that they are saying the word in baby talk.

unfinishedrambling said...

I knew there was something about Skittles I didn't like, but couldn't quite put my finger on it.

But have to disagree with Colby at least partially, I like Twix, especially peanut butter Twix. Put peanut butter in anything and I'm soooo there...even if you wrapped a Tootsie Roll turd in peanut butter, I'd eat it.

VE said...

serena - Yes, to each their own. Guess that is why we have so many candy bars

colby - Ha ha. Waaaah, I want my Twix!!!!

unfinishedrambling - See...I'm just saying what everyone else couldn't put their finger on. Sounds like somebody has a PB fetish too...

Megan said...

I really think this could work. See, already I bet the skittles/starburst crowd would probably be happy to trade me their m&m's for my jolly ranchers...

The possibilities are endless...

Joe said...

Bart Simpson and I highly recommend you consider a Butterfinger.
A crispy, crunchy and peanut buttery bar covered with chocolate.
DOH!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I'm a Sweet Tarts fan, myself. Giant Sweet Tarts.

The Incredible Woody said...

I'm on the Sweet Tarts bandwagon - especially Chewy Sweet Tarts!!!

scarlet-blue said...

They all taste better after being dunked in a nice hot cup of tea . . . . well all except for Starbursts . . . they're not so good with tea . . .
Sx

Sarah said...

It is amazing that a candy that resembles poop has been around so long...tootsie rolls are my fav! Do you remember when they used to sell them at the movie consession stands? Why oh why did they take them away?!

VE said...

megan - You are clearly the queen of candy bartering methodologies!

joe - One of my own personal favorties too! But sometimes I'll eat a caramelo bar and start sweating and go into a candy coma...

prefers her fantasy life - Giant? How big? Like the kind you can't even fit into your garage? The kind like are left in the park and then you just gnaw on them like a salt lick?

incredible woody - Are there a kind you don't chew? They just sit in your mouth until you can't stand it anymore and you spit them out...

scarlet-blue - I can see that. Yeah, the Starburst won't taste good in tea because you have to remember to take those damn individual wrappers off again...

sarah - I do remember that. It is a tribute to Tootsi Rolls that they can look so damn ugly but remain popular. I really like Tootsie Pops though. I look like an idiot as an adult with a sucker stick hanging out of my mouth but oh well...

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Ugh. I hate Tootsie Rolls. They taste the way they look. I could eat Snickers bars all day long, though.

bitchlet said...

My personal favourite is Snickers, but I haven't ever tasted many of the chocolates on that list.

Carla said...

We do have good Kit Kats. I've never even heard of Pay Day. Ha.

VE said...

arizona - Obviously you've been to Jupiter then...

bitchlet - Probably because nobody outside the USA is stupid enough to purchase them...

carla - Pay Day is this check you get every week or so for that mindless effort they call work... ;)

Bonnie the Boss said...

~ The only things starbursts are good for is tongue dexterity.
~ 3 musketeers melted down and poured over icecream yum!
~ Tootsie rolls are like eatable clay. at least that is hat my kids think.