Thursday, October 09, 2008

Unlikely Sequels

Ditching Nemo
Yeah, Nemo is all grown up and still living at home and in sin with his fishy girlfriend Dory. He just hangs around leeching off his over-worried Dad figuring he’s got it made since Dory still has short-term memory loss and he can be irresponsible and non-commital without her realizing it. Every males dream! Anyway, Marlin his father finally catches his mid-life crisis and goes off traveling the ocean all the time trying to ditch Nemo. There are plenty of cutesy songs and lame animation drama to disgust everyone.

The Godmother
This rendition of Mario Puzo’s little known spin off features Mrs. Godfather. And don’t mess with her! Watch as she ruthlessly takes over the Tupperware and Pampered Chef markets. You can bet Don Vito comes running when she calls! When she leaves the severed vacuum attachment in the bed of her rival neighbor you might just throw up a little in your mouth.

12 Wimpy Men
We take the entire jury of the first movie and fast forward them into the same corporate company where instead of deliberating over the life or death of a young man they must collectively sift through endless documents looking for typos. They are subjected to years of Powerpoint presentations and given day old croissants and syrupy sodas as food. They’re paid well but overspend and therefore fear losing their jobs so they work endless hours while their family grows up without them. One of the saddest tragedy sequels you will ever watch…

Hug Club
In this Fight Club sequel, the Narrator realizes that violence begets violence and perhaps he should rethink his approach. Besides, the mouth only has so many teeth to lose fighting. So he deploys Tyler Durden again but this time to start a hugging club. While there are some bumps in the road, particularly with the homophobic and the insanely jealous spouses, this is a feel good movie that brings the franchise full circle. If after seeing the movie you feel the need to hug your co-viewers, please do so responsibly…

22 comments:

Sornie said...

How about "Eating Nemo". It adds the cannibal factor which has been missing from children's cartoons for far too long.

Evil Genius said...

I can't wait until 12 Wimpy Men hits my local theater! I've been waiting for a good cry!

VE said...

sornie - True...sort of A Fish called Nemo...

evil genius - Cry hard for me too...its quite pathetic!

padraig said...

Low Plains Homesteader:

Clint Eastwood plays an ancient, dead tired cowpoke who starts a small farm, catches pneumonia, and dies uneventfully.

VE said...

padraig - Sounds a lot like a daytime western soap for TV...good one!

Memarie Lane said...

I thought Dory was gay?

cathouse teri said...

You need a spanking!

VE said...

marie - She's gone both ways before. That's all Nemo cares about...

teri - You know, I was thinking the very same thing. Will you make them nice and painful? I need the abuse.

colbymarshall said...

What about the Nemo spin off: Plastic Surgery for Gill

lime said...

these will be released roughly around the time rocky 47 and the 19th installment of star wars debut?

cathouse teri said...

I'm all about the pain, babe.

Jeff said...

Iron Oxide Man - Because Tony Stark forgot to use Rustoleum paint, his suit quickly turned to rust. Years later, after several layers of Bondo and grey primer paint couldn't keep it together any longer, Iron Oxide Man's suit disintegrated into a pile of red dust when someone threw a rock at him.

VE said...

colbymarshall - Ha ha. Yes, they could invite all the out-of-work-by-then Nip and Tuck characters.

lime - Hey, the Iraq war is still going and nobody like that anymore so why wouldn't Star Wars keep going like that too!

teri - No pain, no gain! ;)

iron jeff - Ha ha. You know, I had a friend with a car in the 70s that sounded just like Iron Oxide Man...

Kurt said...

Hug Club, indeed!

Serena said...

Excellent sequels. I'm particularly interested in seeing "The Godmother.":)

Dee said...

Love your picture of the day!

VE said...

kurt - Comment, indeed!

serena - Yes, she's a tough one.

dee - The cups runneth over!

Alex L said...

I'd like a sequel to 'the meaning of life'... actually no, I just want to watch that chase scene again.

Hug club sounds good though

VE said...

alex - That is the meaning of life!

Anonymous said...

Didn't they already do the Godmother? I believe it was the Hillary candidacy run.

leelee said...

I like the idea of a HUG club..

HUGS!

VE said...

anonymous - And she was scary!

leelee - We'll you'd have to be president of THAT! ha ha