Monday, November 03, 2008

Dancing in Seoul, Korea with the Matt-man!

I’m going to have to stop having contests. The winners of my last one got full control over Fantastical Nonsense. First humor blogger Chris had me clean his damn garage! Suffer with me through that if haven’t already…

Then, Matt-man himself was the other winner. Matt-man wanted to go out dancing. In Seoul, Korea! No, don’t even go there! I wasn’t dancing WITH him. Sheesh. Anyway…I thought why not! The economy is in the toilet so airline deals must be great right now. They were! But my contest budget was only big enough for a large Slurpee so we needed a slightly lower cost option. I found a great bargain with Rent-a-wreck Airlines.


Luckily Matt-man had to drink all his Wild Irish Rose right there on the spot to get under the 2 ounce regulation. He didn’t even remember the horror when that bird flew into the plane.

Also, he neglected to remind me that Seoul is in South Korea!!! We landed in North Korea. They’re a little more uptight there. Upon asking them “Where’s the dancing?” they escorted us to an interrogation station.

After convincing them that “Yes, we will vote for Nader” we were free to find a place to stay for this night until we could get going South. The hostel was an incredible bargain and we had a lot of fun driving the Hertz-Rent-A-Tank; tanks seem to be the only vehicle one can drive there.

While it was wonderful being reminded of college by getting back to total despair and poverty in North Korea it was time to head south and hit the big town! We stayed at a five star hotel in Seoul! Ok, it didn’t have anything to do with the rating system, it just happened to be the name of the chain. They did keep the refrigerator stocked up. Matt-man wasn’t too keen on all of their choices for dinner…

But we weren’t here to eat! We were here to dance!!! Fortunately Seoul has a happening disco scene still; one of the few in the world. We were there, baby! Bring it on!

Now I on the other hand I had problems. First of all, Matt-man was dancing so good it was being televised. That’s not good for a blogger that wants to keep his anonymity from his no-work job so I had to wear the Howdy Doody mask the whole trip! Second, I couldn’t really dance. Wouldn’t you know it, I got stuck with the robot teacher! Damn.
And that’s the way it was for the entire evening. Matt-man switchin’ out disco outfits and getting all the girls!

Things got a bit stranger the next morning. We’d been dancing all night and I felt the robot was really getting the hots for me. I’d hoped she was fully functional! But alas, the Korean Army had come in to break things up. Matt-man’s dancing was out of hands and the government had had just about enough! Matt-man’s magic continued for awhile as he got the women’s battalion into a rousing number (that smooth talker).

But things turned to ugly later as Matt-man consumed yet another Wild Irish Rose bottle on the way out of town and staged a protest of Seoul’s little known no boxers law. I wasn’t about to give them a sneak peak of my retro bell-bottom boxers! No; Matt-man was on his own for this one. I suppose it didn’t help that I was shouting “I don’t know him…he took me hostage in North Korea…” on the loudspeaker.


Needless to say, we were both exported! Oh well…we got a free decent flight back without any costs at least.

I must say, if you’re going to go dancing with Matt-man, prepare to end up with the robot; he’ll get all the hot good dancers…

39 comments:

padraig said...

> While it was wondering being
> reminded of college by getting
> back to total despair and poverty

That's the best line I've heard in a while. Full point to you, sir.

Matt-Man said...

I just wish they hadn't shown Airplane on the in-flight movie. It gave me nightmares while I was passed out.

One thing about the dog. I was surprised to find how much it tasted like chicken. A little more gamy but, good nonetheless.

I loved it VE...the dancing, the hot Korean chicks, but c'mon? They need to repeal their WIld Irish Rose laws.

Another keeper, VE. Thanks and Cheers!!

VE said...

padraig - The fact that it makes no sense at all or the fact that is the college way? I corrected by typos and grammatical problems as I read it posted. Kept going back and cleaning up. I'd promised matt-man 7:00am today...

VE said...

matt-man - It's all about you today, my friend! Yes, the dog was a little gamy... Thanks, this was fun!!!

Schmoop said...

It's always all about him!! Please VE I beg of you for my sake, do NOT encourage this man!! Great story!!

VE said...

Schmoop - Sorry about that. He did win the contest fair and square. He gets a full day of attention. Speaking of attention...you might want to ask him about some of those girls in Korea! Just sayin'...

Roy Scribner said...

Dancing in Seoul, Korea - wasn't that a big Lionel Richie tune, back in the day?

Giggle Pixie said...

I can't believe cat wasn't on the dinner menu! Hmmm....

And that rent-a-tank thing would be uber cool! I'm just not sure I'd want Matt-Man to be driving one after downing all that Wild Irish Rose. He sure did knock 'em dead with his disco skillz, tho, huh?

You guys. Always living la vida loca. Oy.

VE said...

roy - Probably...I'm still in therapy for the 80s...

giggle pixie - I so wanted to say something juvinile like "we didn't have cat for dinner...there was plenty of pussy all night long!". Oh wait...I just did say it! I'm so juvinille! ha ha

lime said...

i think you were nipping the wild irish rose while you wrote this post. i just wanna know why you didn't share with me,

Megan said...

The only thing missing from this post is the audio of Matt-Man singing My Wild Irish Rose...

justacoolcat said...

A vote for Nader is indeed a vote for dancing.

QuirkyLoon said...

Dance, do, do, do,do
Boogiewonderland.
Dance, dance, dance
Do, do, do, do
Boogiewonderlaaaaaaand!

You two do the boogiewonderland proud.

Who sang that song? Earth, Wind, and Fire or the Commodores?

Gaah!

Kurt said...

I bet that post made a lot of sense to Matt Man.

ReformingGeek said...

I love the plane. Hubby flies something similar. I'm anxious to try this airy version. I also love the dog in the fridge. Surely it wasn't a menu suggestion!!!! The poor thing was just trying to cool off. He had a hot night of his own, chasing cats for local restaurants, cruising the alleys for hot bitches..... ;-)

VE said...

lime - It was purely budgetary. I would have gladly shared with you but my contest budget was woefully small. I stole the complimentary Wild Irish Rose from matt-man before we left anyway (don't tell him)

megan - Don't tempt him with that...he'll actually do it!

justacoolcat - Yes, Nader is about as relevant as disco these days...

quirkyloon - And THANK YOU for planting that earworm! ha ha That would be Earth, Wind and Fire!

kurt - Well it was his request after all and he did win the contest so it is his control. But I doubt this post makes sense to ANYONE!!! Like most of my stuff...

VE said...

reforminggeek - Ha! I know, everytime I cruise the alleys for hot bitches I get really hot... ;)

leelee said...

wooo-hooooo what a pisser!!!

:-)


HUGS!

VE said...

leelee - Yeah, and I'm not the one with my pants down either!!!

Jeff said...

You know, just once I wish you'd take a shot at something fictional. You know, stretch your imagination a bit. All these biographical documentary pieces tend to get a little dull.

Serena said...

And they say disco is dead. Clearly, with enough Wild Irish Rose, y'all managed to have a good time anyway. And ... you didn't dine on the dog.:)

VE said...

jeff - I may take you up on that request and you may regret that I did!

serena - With enough Wild Irish Rose perhaps even the voting would make sense......NAH!!!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...now, THAT'S phfunny!!!!!!!!!Great job!

VE said...

phfranki - Why Phank you! You must have come by via matt-man's blog I presume. Thanks for dropping in!

Chris Wood said...

Nazis in hotpants? Nice ...

VE said...

chris - It's a brave new world...

Quickroute said...

Try North Korea next time - much more fun!

VE said...

Ha! Busted... I had North Korea in the first part of the story!

Practically Joe said...

You were dancing pretty close to the robot teacher ...
It looked more Howdy Woody than Howdy Doody.

Alex L said...

Now thats marching... cripes they're getting some height on those kicks

cathouse teri said...

Can you guys just come over to my house next time? It would be so much more fun!

VE said...

joe - Ha ha. Yes, I felt a real connection with that robot!

alex - We didn't mind at all!!!

teri - Ha! Yes, we'll definitely be over next time. I might not even have to dance with the robot then!

Kurt said...

ps: I won the contest.

quilly said...

But why was he drinking the Wild Irish Rose Bottles instead of their contents?

VE said...

kurt - ps: Life isn't about winning...

quilly - He's a very aggressive recycler you know...

C said...

Tee hee! OMFG! You are a hoot! I'm in a hospital bed with my laptop propped up on my pregnant belly, laughing my butt off as I read this post! The other pregnant lady sharing my hospital room must think I'm insane!

Just when I think you couldn't possibly get any funnier, you surprise me with something like this! :)

VE said...

c - And no blaming pre-natal stuff on me there because the baby is reading the blog...

Thinkinfyou said...

You wouldn't have had to deal with any of these demands if you just would have been honest(and let me win.)

VE said...

thinkinfyou - But then I wouldn't have got to drive the tanks. I like driving tanks...you don't have to worry about traffic snags...