Thursday, November 20, 2008

Eagle Eye

Has anyone seen the movie Eagle Eye? It’s out in theaters right now. I don’t want to give away the movie but basically the plot has two seemingly random people suddenly ‘activated’ by a voice on their cell phone and has them do requests and all the while controls a ridiculous amount of electronics and surveillance equipment.

For example, the guy hangs up and is going to flee from the train he’s on and the person trying to control him suddenly calls every cell phone on the train informing that person that he’s so and so and is wanted for such and such. They control stop lights, have unlimited camera access, you name it. There seems to be no escape…

I like that idea!

I think it would be fun to apply this concept on my kids…let’s try some script writing…

(Son’s cell phone rings)

Unknown voice: “VE son…you have been activated”

VE son: “Huh?”

Unknown voice: “You will proceed to shower, do your chores and then do a stellar job on your homework along with the extra credit material or we will erase all of your Guitar Hero, Rock Band and Tony Hawk skating data which would include all high scores, all character build ups and all game things that took you 120 hours to release for play in the game. You have 30 seconds to comply”

VE son: “Errr…what was the middle thing?”

Unknown voice: “Exit friend’s house and mount BMX bike toward home. You now have 20 seconds to comply.”

VE son: “Oh yeah, well I’m shutting you down!” (son turns off cell phone)

Suddenly the smoke alarm engages right above where son is sitting and the excessive intensity of it causes an expensive family heirloom vase next to him to break leaving him looking like the guilty person in said incident.

He looks over at the microwave. A message is flashing across it “VE son, you have 12 seconds to proceed out rear door through garage before being caught red handed by the mother”

He runs through the kitchen to the door into the side of the garage but as he opens it the garage door begins to open up and a car is waiting to pull in. Glancing across the room to the mounted TV he can see the CNN reader board on the TV saying “VE son, cut right down hallway to closet. Enter closet and close door. Open up crawl space hatch. Proceed to the SE corner and squeeze through ventilation door below wooden deck”

He complies narrowly missing the mother who had just descended from downstairs mystified by the commotion of noises. He also misses the father who had just arrived home early from his God-forsaken job early because nobody would notice him gone.

As he makes his way around the house and gets on his bike he begins to think. “That’s just a bunch of random; I’m gonna go to the park instead.” Veering off in the wrong direction from home toward the park, he notices that outside the mattress store the guy twirling the sale sign is actually twirling a sign that says “There is a policeman driving your way. He has been notified of your vandalism incident and provided a photo download. Cut through abandoned orchard toward home if you do not wish to get arrested.” (script note…yeah, this would be a very large sign to be twirling…)

In the nick of time he’s camouflaged in the tall grass as he descends along a faint overgrown trail. “It’s time to get to the bottom of this,” he thinks to himself. Clearly this is an evil prank his sister has devised.

He proceeds toward home noticing a billboard along the way that says “VE son…you must shower first…and be sure to use soap.” “This has gone too far! My friends can see that billboard,” he mumbles as he storms into the house. “Hah, just as I thought, there’s nobody home. Time to sneak a snack.”

Into an oversized bowl he pours a bunch of Alpha-Bits cereal and pours on the milk. But suddenly he realized that the cereal has formed a message in the bowl. It reads “You have one minute to begin showering or Rock Band is back to factory settings.” He lurches back in disbelief and runs up to the Play Station system in the computer room. The disc isn’t there! He notices the computer is on with a video cam of his Rock band disc and a device with a screen that reads “Reformat: Yes or No”.

In a panic he runs upstairs and takes a shower. On the label of the shampoo is the message “Don’t forget behind the ears” and then on the conditioner it says “Proceed to clean up, dry off, change into clean clothes, and clean your room.” Yeah…it was on the back label…

Begrudgingly he complies and runs up to the room cleaning and then surveys the mess that is his room and wanders over to play his radio instead. As the song on the radio ends the announcer comes on saying “VE son, you have approximately 10 minutes to complete the room cleaning and head down into the dining room. Should your room not be clean or should you be late you’ll be back with beginner level scores on Guitar Hero.”

“How can they tell,” he wonders as he looks out the window at the sunny day he’s missing. Little does he know that a satellite is bouncing a picture of the room off the aluminum roof of neighbor’s storage shed. When he tries to shove everything into his closet he notices the etch-a-sketch message “Hiding messes will not comply with the fundamental task requirements.” He completes the room cleaning and makes it to the dining room with 20 seconds to spare.

Noticing the large crystal tray of potpourri on the dining room table he sees a pattern in it. It reads “Remove backpack from under table and complete homework with extra credit assignments.”

“Something is not right here” he thinks to himself. “This is too complex for sister. Dad was working on installing that new beta version of Network Nanny. Could it be that the beta version was actually networked into everything and executing an evil plot toward child control?”

If only he could reach his old Gameboy system and hack into the nanny program. But it was in the office and clearly somebody was watching his every movement toward compliance. And lets not forget that his perfect 100% score on expert level for “Knights of Cydonia” on Guitar Hero were at stake here.

Breaking the pencil lead on purpose he uses it as an excuse to go to the office to shapen the pencil and manages to grab his gameboy. Then through a clever technique of looking like he’s using his calculator while instead hacking his gameboy he’s able to uncover the realization that the Network Nanny beta program has initiated Operation Cleaver Family and outlines a routine of orderly conduct, clean rooms, happy attitudes, button up shirts and car vacations.

No way was he going to let this happen! He runs down toward the computer to unplug it for good. But the security system activates and locks down all door access. Using the same trick of the crawl space escape provided to him earlier he is able to escape the house and enter the office through the open window dad always keeps open because the room gets too hot when all the equipment is on. In a desperate attempt at self preservation the Network Nanny overwrites the keyboard functionality. But before it could suspend the mouse, VE son has activated a Microsoft upgrade process. Clearly an untested Microsoft oversight, this renders the Network Nanny version useless; trapped into the blue screen of death. A quick reboot and backup recover brings the computer back on line without the software and chaos in the household is restored.

The end

31 comments:

Dee said...

That was great!

VE said...

dee - A long wordy one today but I wanted to get the story out in one post. I predict a small comment audience today...

Jeff said...

Well done. Very intense story! It reminds me of the other most implausible movie plot I've ever seen... "The Game" with Michael Douglas and Sean Penn. That movie drove me nuts.

Mother Theresa said...

Oh yeah, those Microsoft upgrades will screw you every time. But even with the threat of upgrades, I think I'll have to look into that system for my kids..."you have 10 minutes to do your long division problems or we will activate a self-destruction program in your DS." Brilliant! ;)

Memarie Lane said...

come up with something that works on a 5 year old and then maybe i'll be impressed. :P

VE said...

jeff - Ha ha, yes, I remember the Game. Impossible to predict where it was going. The BEST for that kind of "I don't know" feeling without all the ridiculousness is the original 'Slueth' movie with Michael Caine and Lawrence Olivier. I wish I'd never seen it so I could see it fresh again.

mother theresa - I drew the line on the car vacations; the other stuff was fine...

marie - Darting them will provide a relaxing couple of hours of peace...

ReformingGeek said...

If only life were so easy ;-) I'm texting the subliminal messages to Hubby now.....

That was a good story. I felt like I was watching an episode of 24.

Well maybe not. Ne heads were cut off and Chloe wasn't whining.

Carla said...

What a nightmare that would be to live. You're son would probably come out of it with post traumatic stress syndrome.

VE said...

reforminggeek - Yeah, if I cut off his head in the story I'd have to take out the garbage myself...

carla - I think most of my readers have that POST traumatic stress syndrome from reading my nonsense! Good pun there!

Megan said...

Yes, that would be quite a large sign to be twirling.

This is a great story! I'm busy adapting it for World of Warcraft users (i.e. Megan's son).

lime said...

if you ever figure out how to make this foolproof you're going to be a very wealthy man.

VE said...

megan - Haha ...yes, feel free to adapt away for your own manipulation!

lime - I have so many opportunities to be wealthy and so little inclination...it's a curse!

Giggle Pixie said...

Who needs to see Eagle Eye? You should have submitted this for a screenplay!! lol

VE said...

giggle Pixie - You know the irony is that my cousin IS a comedian and makes millions off humor writing and movie scripts. I don't think he's had a single screenplay produced though. I haven't seen or talked to him in over 10 years though so its not like we sit down and yammer about comedy or anything...

Lauren said...

Glad you're not MY dad! HAHA! Your comment on my blog today really had me laughing hard.

Kimberly A. Suta said...

I would love for your blog to be a part of blog4reel.com – the world’s first blog-to-film competition. It’s free! All u do is link this blog to blog4reel.com for a chance to win 2,000!

– Kimberly (co-creator)

VE said...

Lauren - Well I'm glad then. It looked like you could use some humor (and some friends) today.

Kimberly - I'll check it out; I enjoy losing competitions as much as the next guy. How'd you find my blog; I thought I was an urban legend?

Serena said...

Boy, that could get dicey pretty fast. You know, you could write a whole horror movie script around that premise. You could, for example, have your version of Robo Cop encounter your newly redesigned, technology-savvy Children of the Corn. Something to think about.

eve cleveland said...

VE....
Hmmm, yes it has potential. I'm so happy they invented Guitar Hero. My son's also have huge scores. I make flacid threats to erase them, this could give real power. We as parents have so little to take from them now that they can download any tv show any time now.
Can you program me to do the laundry AND fold it?
Eve

VE said...

serena - Oooh, yes, a horror hilm...I like it. Sort of a high tech invasion of the body snatchers or something.

eve - Yeah, thank goodness for Guitar Hero and Rock Band. My son is playing Expert on both so he REALLY wouldn't like all those scores and that work to go away. I can program you to do laundry...or your blog will be going away. You have 25 seconds to comply... ;)

Jacki said...

Now that took some thought! I wish I could text subliminal texts to Peter....

Bee said...

I see Kimberly A Suta found you too. So sad, I thought I was special!

Pffft! VE son has thumbs! I dare you to write another of these with my dogs as the heroes.

VE said...

jacki - You know the weird thing though...I just sat down and started writing it...one sitting, no editing. And it shows! ha ha ha

bee - Ha ha ha. Dogs might be a challenge for sure. The rule in Hollywood anyway is to never work with animals; they outstage you every time!

VE said...

Bee - Oh and that video site...it looks legit but it wants real. Not everything on my site is necessarily real. Well, my name is an alias and while sometimes I do document real, other times I just mess with things for humor. Plus, it just looks like another voting popularity thing. I hate pimping for voting. I just did that with the humor blogger of the year thing and I don't think my readers want to read a lot of me pimping myself for some other thing. Uggh. I'll stick to writing the material and responding with those willing to comment...

Bee said...

Nah, I'm not gonna do it. I feel the same as you regarding voting. I'll put it up there once but that's it. Also, I need my job. If it comes out that I talk about my coworkers they might get a little pissed at me! ;o)

VE said...

bee - Job? You don't need your job, you just need the money it creates. THAT is the difference! You need corporate sponsorship!

monica said...

LOL :o)) Wonderful ! Just what I needed on a Friday afternoon !

Anette said...

Its a classic! I could just feel his desperation! And the threats, loosing all the save's... that probably is the most severe thing that could happen! Is he the same age as my son by the way? (12)

VE said...

monica - Perfect then! Have a nice weekend!

anette - Ha ha, he's exactly the same age. How'd you know? ;)

Sarah said...

From what I have heard about Eagle Eye I think I would rather see the movie about your son! :)

VE said...

sarah - It's much shorter. You don't sit there for two hours...