Monday, November 17, 2008

Evolution of Auto Communications

Well I made it. Post number 600! I spent the weekend purging my humiliation from the record list and now I'm ready to move on and laugh at those that did their own. I'll be watching...

On to the post:

It seems to be a never ending cycle…

The need to say something on your automobile…

Sure…cars like this say something all by themselves

But your average blah silver sedan can’t do that all by itself. You need the help of the stupid owner after that.

So then somebody comes up with the bumper sticker. Genius, right? Yeah, you do have to be careful what you wish for. I think you could now cover the entire state of Texas with bumper stickers and not repeat a single one. Plus, isn’t it fun having to look at somebody’s damn opinions and beliefs during your commute?


And if that wasn’t enough, then some conservative suburban idiot comes up with those obnoxious “Baby on Board” signs that were all the rage. What is that supposed to mean? Should I be stopping the car and waiting until your car is a minimum safe three city distance from me or is this a target location for bonus points?

I don’t know but I’ve constructed a special evolution according to VE on those:


It seems just after we got rid of that we started seeing this

Of course, that wouldn’t do. Jesus HAD to step into the ring and duke this out. I mean, surely God would have chosen the back of automobile to wage his war on belief systems!

Of course, after that it was a free-for-all with stuff like this


And while that communication device has mostly died down, yet another one cropped up in the form of ribbon magnets. Taken right from the “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree” song by Tony Orlando and Dawn, we suddenly had these ribbon magnets supporting our veterans overseas. Hey, I’m all for supporting them too but did you have to pick one of the cheesiest songs in the history of music to reference?

And as we’ve seen time and again, others slowly started appearing. Pretty soon we were suffocating from the number of ribbons around us; like some over wrapped mummy. There’s actually a pink and blue one to support genital integrity! I’m not making that up! Now there’s something I’d want to parade around on my car…

Of course, it hasn’t ended here either. The latest trend? That’s right, it’s those obnoxious symbols used to depict the entire family on the rear window. Such as this:

Of course, I like to put this on known homophobic guy’s cars:
They need a little humor in their lives…

Of course, I didn’t neglect the era of the antenna condom…but those didn’t really say much…and I’ve already covered tow balls before

I don’t know where it ends…perhaps it will never end. I still suggest my earlier invention: smart windows (no, not a Microsoft thing…those aren’t that smart) as the end all be all on this subject though.

39 comments:

Roy Scribner said...

What is it with the Kerry/Edwards and Ron Paul stickers? Those things are still all over the place.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

It really is pathetic the way we Americans go out of our way to express ourselves and be "individuals". You would never catch me decorating a car. A stairway, maybe.

cathouse teri said...

Actually, Jesus was before Darwin. :)

It's a crazy world out there. I would be content to have people at least know what the T-shirts they are wearing say!

VE said...

roy - I have no idea either. I sure do see a lot of them still though.

prefers her fantasy life - Did you decorate it in a 'stairway to heaven' theme?

teri - But does that mean he has to 'eat' Darwin? Yeah I'm Jesus was a fish-eat-fish kind of guy...

The Incredible Woody said...

Wasn't Tie a Yellow Ribbon about a guy getting out of prison?? How did that turn into welcoming the troops home?

VE said...

incredible woody - Yep...there's no predicting how stupidity will shape our daily lives...

Megan said...

I want the next post to be about flags. You know the ones I mean...

ChrisEldin said...

LOL at the same sex stickers! And the motherinlaw in the back yard cracked me up too.
:-)

ReformingGeek said...

I loved this post! It's definitely one of my pet peeves to see "religious" decorations on cars with the driver acting like the biggest A**hole you've ever seen on the road.

Unless the bumper sticker is reflecting something that will outlive the life of the car, do me a favor. Don't put it on....cause it's not likely that you'll take it off after the fad has passed.

Check out my poop/pop quiz today. Win fabulous prizes!!!! ;-)

Jacki said...

This reminds me of a SUV we saw not too long ago. It was decked out in about 100 Redskin decals, flags, you name it. There was no bare spot. THEN the couple got out....holy crap! She was even carrying a Redskins purse!

Jacki said...

Oh! And around here people irritate me with their OBX decals. I mean, maybe 10 years ago it was cool to go to the Outer Banks and brag about it. But now? Everyone and their brother goes.

VE said...

megan - Great callout...how could I forget those damn window flags and antenna flags that the sports fanatics parade around when 'their' team is playing. Uggh!

chrisedlin - Yeah...I'm a bit mischevious...could thing I have a lack of initiative...

reforminggeek - That's true...that's why I try and avoid bumper stickers all together. There are some really funny ones out there though; and they are entertaining when you're at a stop light and you've already picked your nose, dug for ear wax. plucked your eyebrows, clipped your fingernails, and checked out all the other drivers around you...

jacki - Good call out. I don't go around decorating myself and everything around me in team colors. A little fan spirit is fine but they don't need to be a giant blinking mobile sports beacon either. The other one that is old is those "my other car is a (insert witty thing here)"

Giggle Pixie said...

I hate the "my kid is an honor roll student" ones. Who the hell cares about your kid? Would you put up a bumper sticker to announce your kid is in jail too?

:-)

Jeff said...

I'd be more interested seeing seniors put an "Old Fart on Board" sticker on their cars. That way I would at least know to ignore their blinkers, watch for random lane changes and not expect them to exceed 20 mph anytime soon.

lime said...

my poor naked car. no jesus/darwin fish, no honor student or candidate bumper stickers, no families, no ribbons for genital integrity or anything else. i guess my car is woefully underdressed.

Chris C said...

wow 600? Nice! Congrats man.

Hmm maybe I should take the one that shows the family and put it on my car. Then I'll place a prohibition symbol (the red circle with the line through it) on everyone but me. That will keep em guessing...

Bonnie the Boss said...

The funniest rear window family I saw was the "Ass family" you know Smart, Jack, dumb.... you gethte point. I cannot even remember where I saw it, but I laughed out loud.

Quickroute said...

and you think we're not going to revisit post 600 - think again

Sarah said...

I never really understood the bumper sticker thing, especially the political ones. Even if your candidate wins, eventually they will be out of office and unless you purchase a new car your bumper sticked is going to be outdated. Dumb!
Don't even get me started on the truck cajones!

Anne said...

precisely why i have no bumper stickers.

VE said...

giggle pixie - That's what I say...yeah, so what! Ridiculous

jeff - That's good advice. That would help a lot. Staying out of Florida and Arizona in the winter helps too...

lime - You are your naked carness! The shame!

chris c - That's a good one! Stay safe in your bubble!!!

bonnie - I swear I lived by them once...well, at least dumb was there. Good one!

quickroute - Thanks, man! What a long strange trip it's been too! Lots of fun though.

sarah - It's true...I still see one going around complaining about how FDR can't walk the walk...

anne - You just have that graduation tassle still hanging from the rear view mirror...don't you? ;)

Megan said...

Ok that "walk the walk" comment laid me out, I was laughing so hard. You evil, evil man.

And all I was coming back to do was wish you happy 600th. Do you know how many jedi you have trained?

Dee said...

i'm tired of the My CHILD IS A HONOR STUDENT STICKERS. Braggers!

VE said...

megan - Ha ha...I wondered if anyone might catch that. I love sneaking in this kind of quirky humor here and there. Man...the amount of material I've left lying in random comments...I probably could have had another 200 or 300 posts around them. Thanks on congrats though...I'm gonna add a little perspective at the front of tomorrow's post.

dee - Yeah, especially's God bumper sticker: My child saved humanity. Sheesh...braggart! ;)

Serena said...

I used to have bumper stickers but I don't even bother any more.

What the heck is genital integrity? Is that when you haven't done anything to cause someone to come after you with an axe?:)

Chris Wood said...

Genital integrity? Wahey, there's a debate!

Carla said...

Yep, never been much for bumper stickers. Kind of like tattoos...perhaps a little less permanent.

VE said...

serena - I was wondering what that was too! I never did look it up...

chris wood - Would make a great post in and of itself, huh?

carla - That's a good analogy!

Maureen said...

I have a Yoda fish! But not on my car; geez, it has to be kept pristine in my Star Wars room!

Maureen said...

Oh, and CONGRATS on 600! Woot!

Alex L said...

600 holy crap on a stick thats a lot.

I'd like to think its a serial killers car. Maybe that says something about me though...

VE said...

maureen - Thanks. A Yoda fish, eh? Hope your not displaying that on it's dark side!

alex - I figured you'd like that one. It just says you'll be enjoying more humor from me in the future and vice-versa!

Matt-Man said...

After 600 posts, you are proof positive that Darwinism is still just a theory. Congrats VE!!

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I stuck a Darwin plaque on my dad's car to be funny (he's an evilgelical)...it didn't go over too well because it took him a month to notice it. And I have not one, not two, but THREE baby on board stickers on my minivan. I want the one that says "Bored" though. It fits me to a T most days.

unfinishedrambler said...

600 posts and all I get is another funny post?!? No giveaway or anything. I feel ripped off. ;)

As always love the posts. Here's to another 600. Cheers.

VE said...

matt-man - Yeah, I know...from the guy with like 890 posts in the same amount of time. Over achiever!

arizona - I've made a fortune off that 'bored' one...well, in my own mind I have...

unfinishedrambler - The key to surviving in this world is to become an expert in at least one thing. For me it's disappointment. I feel particularly satisfied right now!

eve cleveland said...

VE..
I fkn hate those family stickers. I'm not bitter...I have a family that would take up the bumper and wrap around the truck. It's just that I don't care about the family in the Suburban ahead of me.I don't expect them to care about mine. Why do should I care that McKenzie is #16 on the Vikings and their dog's name is Skipper? It's like a braggy Xmas card you don't want.Hey, people, you think your family is cute-not everyone does. K?
Eve

VE said...

eve - Now if they put put their bank account and pin number...that might be useful...

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