You know that second National Treasure movie? Oh, come on, the one the secret book that only Presidents see and put things into? The book passed from President to President?
Well, I just happened to be in the Library of Congress checking out books the other day and wouldn’t you know it but I ended up checking it out on accident. Yeah, the library is so inefficient they let me check it out!
It’s actually not on the Dewey decimal system because only organizational freaks use that system. I think books should be thrown and stacked and shelved wherever. Quit spending all your time making it logical to find something. Books should be earned! They should be discovered! But I digress…
Well anyway, there I was looking at “Oil Refineries around the World – The Pop Up Book” and there behind it was the President’s Book of Secrets. That crafty George Bush, putting it under the oil expansion section of the library and then placing a democratic logo on it…he knew nobody would find it and touch it there!
It’s a lot less impressive than you would think. It’s so old they’ve resorted to duct taping the entire outer cover for it because let’s face it – duct tape is the only thing that is going to hold together over the long run! The inside cover was also weird with some strange photo designed to confuse would be lookers.
Oh sure, the secrets were all there. There was enough material here to make even conspiracy theorists doubtful. Sssshhhh…let’s sample a couple:
No, the Iraq war wasn’t about weapons of mass destruction, terrorism or even oil. It’s secretly about sand! That’s right. Our sand supplies on the USA oceanfront are dramatically depleted. We’ve been shipping sand back here secretly for the entire war. The resort industry pays dearly to keep their beach sand! Without it, our economy would wash away, like sand through the hourglass…
No, it doesn’t harbor aliens or advanced military technology. It’s the destination of the underground sock and pen network. Secret routes all over the country are constructed to help socks escape the laundry and pens escape their daily drudgery. From here an extensive product protection program renames them and gives them new, more interesting opportunities.
Actually, it wasn’t JFK in the car at all. It was a stunt double that John used so he could retire and go swinging with Marilyn Monroe. No, Marilyn’s death wasn’t real either. They devised an elaborate plan to get away from it all. John had only wanted to be President to get the babes and it was just too much work after that. Besides, Jacki could be such a taskmaster about chores in the White House. Sheesh!