Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Things I want to Know

I was reflecting on the 600 posts yesterday. That's an average of 5 posts a week for 2 1/2 years now. That's pretty damn consistant considering in that time frame I've been to a dozen new countries, moved twice, dated, got married and built a house within that timeframe. Good thing I just post nonsense...you can't post sensical stuff on that kind of a schedule! ha ha

Ok, on to the post. Sometimes I challenge myself to come up with those funny rhetorical questions there are so many of. There's a web site out there that has hundreds of these, if not thousands so it's hard to come up with ones that haven't been documented there before. These are my latest...

Do gun owners shop at Target?

Why don’t they allow cell phones in jail?

Do you need a gymnast to tumble dry your clothes?

Can you take the free prizes out of the cereal boxes because they’re free? Seems like otherwise you’re paying for them…

Why do they pluralize sunglasses when talking about only one? Why do you then refer to them as a pair? Shouldn’t you have four of them by saying “a pair of sunglasses”?

Wouldn’t you define an RV as technically an out house if you use it to head out somewhere?

If you’re listening to instrumentals on your stereo, can you really call them speakers?

If you were living on the sun, what would you call your sun roof? Planet roof?

What do dyslexics do when they play YMCA at a dance party?

26 comments:

Brad said...

What did Robin Hood call his father?

(If anyone asks about driveways/parkways, I'm leaving...)

The Incredible Woody said...

I was sooo about to go down the driveway/parkway thing.

BTW - This gun owner loves Targets!! And I rarely miss one.

VE said...

brad - I know...I don't want to see those overused ones again!

incredible woody - Well there it is then...an rhetorical question answered! One down, 8 billion to go...ha ha

Matt-Man said...

Y'know what your problem is? You think about frivolous things. I spent my day talking about things of substance.

Sure, it's good to be funny, but Jeebus Christ man, can't you put that noggin to use helping out humanity? Cheers VE!!

Giggle Pixie said...

The sun roof one made me snort. Out loud. In public.

Thanks for that.

lime said...

as a gun owner i can attest to the fact that i do indeed shop at target. ;)

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

When I owned a gun I didn't shop at target, but now that I don't own a gun I do. That seems a bit backwards to me....

Jeff said...

"I was reflecting on the 600 posts yesterday. That's an average of 5 posts a year for 2 1/2 years now."

Even your math is fantastical!

QuirkyLoon said...

VE...

he brings good things to life!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Megan said...

Yeah, how does VE calculate years?

VE said...

matt-man - Yeah, I was just over at Bagwine and your post on servings sizes is clearly a thing of substance and national importance. God help the world if we were to ever team up; imagine the ridiculous solutions we'd come up with!

giggle pixie - Just tell them today is national 'snort like a pig' day...they'll never know the difference

lime - Plus it helps decide who really will get that last wii FIT they have in stock...

arizona - See, you didn't shop at Target and they took your gun away!

jeff - Ha ha. I knew somebody would question that logic. Let's walk through it, shall we?

52 weeks in a year x 2 full years
That's 104 week. Then, add another 27 weeks to cover the unfinished year. That's 131 weeks of Fantastical Nonsense. Then we divide my 600 posts by the number of weeks in operation yielding 4.5801526. This is a ridiculous number to retype so I simply rounded the decimals to a whole day and given that .58 rounds up, there you yield the 5 days a week average. I tried to confirm my answer with Stephen Hawking but he didn't say much...

quirkyloon - I like it! Think GE would sue me?

megan - With a calculator, of course. Did you really expect me to do all that math longhand? See my response to Jeff for the math breakdown. And believe, when there is math involved, I always breakdown!

VE said...

Oh...and Jeff and megan...there's no way your going to be able to prove I wrote "days a year" vs "days a week" either! I'll just claim temporary insanity...

Taarzaan said...

Dyslexics stay at MACYs.

VE said...

taarzaan - Ha ha. Very creative! I like it...

ReformingGeek said...

Wow! That a busy 2 years. Congrats on the posts! Keep them coming. I need more nonsense in my life ;-)

VE said...

reforminggeek - Oh, don't worry, I still have plenty of nonsense up my sleeves...

Chris Wood said...

Well done on your 601st!

I hope within that 2.5 years of blogging you have managed to avoid all things of seriousness, whenever possible at any rate.

People who try and fix humanity's problems get dour and dull, or Nobel prizes, depending.

BTW that sunglasses one has my head spinning.

Serena said...

LOL! That'll get you thinking. Awesomely funny stuff today. And congrats on reaching #600.:)

yellojkt said...

Brad stole my thunder right out of the gate.

Dee said...

love the picture of the day. I can't even wrap my head around those questions you pose. How you even came up with them to pose I'll never know.

VE said...

serena - I would think you could easily come up with a bunch of these! Thanks

yellojkt - Hey, at least he didn't steal your underwear. That would be more worrisome...

dee - I guess I just do a lot of posing! I'm not opposed to that...

padraig said...

So if a dyslexic gun owner is shopping for cereal at Target, and the sunglasses fall off of their head, do you hear a sound through the store speakers?

VE said...

padraig - Yes you do...it's the gymnast's cell phone coming out from their RV's sun roof...

eve cleveland said...

VE..
Why..is it a pair of pants...I'm double booked today so I can't get into this but.. why do you get your hair cut? Try not to think about anything very hard, that's what I do.
Carry on.
Eve

Anne said...

If you pop corn in corn oil, is that genocide or homocide?

VE said...

eve - I can provide you with an answer to the hair one. Just go back and look at teen VE. THAT'S why people get their hair cut!

anne - I think it called a military promotion...they all become kernals!!! Bwahahaha. Never mind...