Wednesday, November 12, 2008

This Just In...

This just in…

The sixth Harry Potter movie will be moved out again; this time to May 2017. While the last move was a purely tactical move designed to avoid embarrassment should “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” be more popular, this current move is more strategic.

“We figure there are only three movies left (the last book is so big it required two movies to make sense of the whole series) and no more books coming out we need to stretch this out as long as possible,” quoted a source close to the film (he lives in the same neighborhood where the film is currently being stored).

Hey, Star Wars waited over 20 years to follow up with the next movie, it wasn’t any good and it made a fortune. We don’t think we can wait that long but then again, we have three movies to milk this with. Meanwhile, we can be selling toys, and all sorts of crap to keep the interest alive.”

This just in…

In a major corporate move, we have just learned that Harrison Ford has changed his name to Harrison Chevy and will be promoting Chevrolet in ads. “Hey, I can’t get a lot of other work at my age now,” the actor was quoted.

This just in…

Cricket has been named as the sport least understood in the USA. “I don’t understand,” begins one quizzical pudgy American. “Why do they keep running back and forth?” We overheard this dialogue recently:

Sport Guy 1: They have those stakes like in croquet.

Sport Guy 2: What’s up with that flat bat? You could hit anything with a bat that wide!

Sport Guy 1: I don’t like the name at all. That was Buddy Holly's group!

Sport Guy 2: What the hell is with that swooping pitch they do?

Sport Guy 1: Maybe there is an invisible beast they have to arch the ball over?

Sport Guy 2: Maybe we should just go watch some football…

35 comments:

lime said...

hey but with cricket you have sanctioned breaks for meals and they have fun terms like chinamen, googlies, and maidens.

VE said...

lime - Well I wouldn't mind me some maidens! ;) ha ha

Chris Wood said...

The main appeal of cricket lies in the fact that it's outdoors, you can drink beer, it takes ages and if you look away, you probably won't miss anything.

And NOBODY understands the rules of cricket. I played it throughout my youth and haven't the faintest idea.

EmmaK said...

I don't understand cricket and I'm British. In fact I used to live next to Lords Cricket Ground in London. The thwack of the balls against the bats lulled me to sleep many a time.

unfinishedrambler said...

Actually I don't understand jai lai (sp?) either. Can you explain that phenomenon to me, please?

VE said...

chris - Ah, outside and drinking beer. I see...it's all just a big disguise to party!

emmak - As long as it was providing necessary sleep therapy I guess its ok!

VE said...

unfinishedrambler - jai lai...hmmmm...I'll add that to the list for next time. Perhaps they're just misspelling it: Jail ail... That's it, it's a prison game...

The Incredible Woody said...

Isn't that what most things are - just a big disguise to party??

Jacki said...

Yeah, but as good as Harrison Chevy is, I am not sure he can save GM from the brink of disaster.

Memarie Lane said...

cricket is my mobile service provider.

QuirkyLoon said...

Who is Harry Potter?

By the way, that's quite a Bush song you got there.

It reminded me of the Titanic song...it went on and on and on!!!

tee hee

Good job!

MJ said...

You forgot to add the *grunt*s and *pounds chest* in there.

Megan said...

Cricket has the best terms ever. If I ever get a chance to suggest a VE topic, "Cricket Terms the VE Way" would be where I'd go.

'Leg before wicket' is probably my favorite...

ReformingGeek said...

I love Harrison Chevy. Sounds about right to me. Harrison Saturn just won't work.

Yeah, it's going to feel like 2017 by the time the last movie is finally out.

VE said...

incredible woody - I think so. Work is the definitive party disguise. It keeps us out of housework...

jacki - So you don't think "Indiana Jones and the cars that suck lots of Gas" is a good working title to save the company?

marie - If you don't get reception do you get to smack it with one of those big flat bats? That could be very satisfying...

quirkyloon - I try to stay fairly faithful to the original songs when I parody and that song happens to be a friggin' long one for sure. But I suppose all the ridiculous stuff Bush has done over 8 years probably warrants an even longer song!

mj - You seem to be noticing different chests than I do... ;)

megan - If I'm feeling adventurous I might even take you up on that. It's been a little while since I opened up the request lines, hasn't it?

reforminggeek - Ha ha. No, Harrison Saturn will not do. That's just too out there!

ChrisEldin said...

LOL! I'm trying to read the HP books right now for the first time. Maybe I'll wait for all the movies to be in.

Regarding the Easy Button (that cracked me up, btw), my kids BEGGED me for that thing when it came out. $5.99. Plus tax. So I let them each get one. Until they kept hitting it over and over again and one day they both 'accidentally' broke when I tried to play with them.

:-)

ChrisEldin said...

Your picture of the day is hysterical!!

Roy Scribner said...

I really liked Harrison Chevy in that Groundhog Day movie. Sometimes I feel just like that guy!

Giggle Pixie said...

Typical Hollywood.

*Sits on floor with bucket and makes up and down motions with hands, as though MILKING a cow..."

Anndi said...

Harry who?

VE said...

chrisedlin - Yeah...those buttons should have said "This is obnoxious"

roy - Harrison Chevy in the Groundhog Day movie? I thought that was Bill Murray...am I missing something? I do feel like that guy sometimes too though...

giggle pixie - Ha ha...I don't know that I'd want to drink THAT milk...

anndi - Judging by their actions...that would be Harry HOUDINI!!!

Roy Scribner said...

Doh! I'm having a Clark Griswold moment today.

justacoolcat said...

This just in: Roger Moore is 81.

VE said...

roy - Hopefully it's the one with Christie Brinkley...

justacoolcat - That's way older than 007! He better make another Bond movie before he dies...

Serena said...

I don't get cricket, either. It might make more sense if Harrison Ford-Chevy played it in Harry Potter costume.:)

VE said...

serena - True...I think he'd be up for that at this point in his career...

yellojkt said...

I've been watching Australian Bikini Cricket. I don't understand the rules, but I could watch it all day long.

Alex L said...

As long as Emma Watson is in the next movies I dont care when they come out... shameless I know but who cares.

Cricket has to be in your blood for you to understand it, its an ancient and mythical game that you can play drunk!

Bunny Hugger said...

You mean Hollywood isn't bankrupt yet? DAMN.

VE said...

yellojkt - Yes, I think that is something I could definitely get into! ;)

alex - "Cricket has to be in your blood..." So it's like a virus or bacteria then?

bunny - No...they sold their souls to stay afloat though...

Alex L said...

actually yeah kind of like herpes, you may not display always the symptoms but sure as hell its there ready and waiting.

Carla said...

Hmmm...thinking.

VE said...

alex - Ha ha ha. Brilliant...

carla - Now why would you want to go and do THAT? You've read this stuff, does it look like I ever think (or proof read)?

colbymarshall said...

If that HP thing had been true I'd kill myself. Or someone else. lol

VE said...

colbymarshall - Probably somebody else...like the studio execs...