Monday, December 15, 2008

Baby Alive

Every few years there’s a toy that’s so popular it’s stupefying. This year it’s Baby Alive.

Yeah, that obnoxious doll that actually poops and pees so you have to change her. And kids are clamoring for this?

I don’t get it. Did somebody tap into some child psychology secret? If so…let’s expand the line…

Baby vacuumer
Baby dishwasher
Baby remodeller
Baby chef
Baby garbageman
Baby yardperson
Baby Billpayer

The list could go on an on. If we can get kids to WANT to change poopy diapers I think we can get them to do anything!

Baby tax preparer
Baby Christmas Card doer
Baby Oil Changer

Imagine if we can isolate the root cause of this psychological effect. We could expand it to our spouses then.

Wifey Football food caterer
Wifey Poker caterer
Wifey Pole Dancer

Husbandy List-Doer
Husbandy Shopper
Husbandy Sentimental Guy

We could even extend it to the relatives

Mother-In-Law hermit
In-Law missionaries on location
Mother Day Care
Father Loan Approver

I tell you, there’s no place we can’t take this…

Neighbor silent ninjas
Lawyer empathizers
Political Idealists

What a powerful concept…and to think it started with a doll

33 comments:

Roy Scribner said...

This response courtesy of the Baby Blog Commenter doll and may not accurately reflect the views of Baby Blog Commenter doll's owner.

Memarie Lane said...

I could do without Husbandy Sentimental Guy. My husband's already like that, and I am about at sensitive as a tank.

The Incredible Woody said...

I can live without the Wifey Pole Dancer - somethings just ought not be on display!

PS - I had a Baby Alive - worst Christmas gift I ever had!

EmmaK said...

Yeah, it can backfire though. I always encouraged my 5 year old to cook and the other day she surprised me by 'cooking' pancakes in the kitchen while I was still asleep. Obviously I had disconnected the smoke alarm because it goes off every time you light a candle. So obviously the pan was chugging out black smoke and it was all a bit of a nightmare and I kind of blame that Barbie cooking set I got her that made her believe she could actually cook unsupervised!

VE said...

roy - Perfect...

marie - You need their custom design your own doll...

incredible woody - We have the pole dancing videos...muhahaha

emmak - Ha! You probably won't want the baby hunter doll then...

Quirkyloon said...

Oh VE, this is another funny!

By the way, what a coinkadink that you should talk about Baby Alive. I have two boys 11 and 5 and I keep "threatening" them that this is what they are getting for Christmas this year!

Oh the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth! It ain't purdy.

I like to emotionally torture my children...sometimes!

bwahahahaha

MJ said...

Even if my mother-in-law were a hermit, she would still be a pain in the ass...

ReformingGeek said...

What about something that would disconnect everyone's wireless device while I'm driving in their vicinity? WOW! Folks would actually have to drive. Actually, they would probably crash their cars trying to figure out why their device isn't working!

leelee said...

It poos? ewwwww..and kids WANT this? does it projectile vomit as well?

HUGS!

Jean Knee said...

In-Law missionaries on location
is my favorite

VE said...

quirky - Emotionally torturing your children is every parent's God given right!

mj - Perhaps as a hermit crab...on a foreign beach...

reforminggeek - The problem is that you need your own personal set of roadways!

leelee - That's Teen alive that does the projectile vomiting...

jean - And waaaay far away...without phones or transportation or email...

Anndi said...

I'm not so sure I want stealthy neighbors.

Megan said...

Just the name of the thing pretty much creeps me out. Baby Alive? No, uh uh, we don't want any satan-possessed dolls in our household, thanks but no thanks.

VE said...

anndi - Would you settle for quiet ones?

megan - I don't think the baby-dead ones that looked like zombies sold as well.

Michelle Ann said...

I had one of those...You feed it this goop and then the goop came out the butt. And from that point on, the doll smelled funny.

Worst present ever...explains why I never had children

Kurt said...

But we had Baby Alive when I was a kid.

Serena said...

Oh, yikes! That doll would scare the pee out of me, especially if I stumbled over it in a dark room. Looks like one of the Children of the Corn.:)

Quickroute said...

Chuckie ....anybody? Bride of Chuckie? .....anybody? - no taste *sigh*

VE said...

michelle ann - Ha ha. That's what it IS...a subvertive effort at population control!

kurt - I know...but what is it that makes it so damn popular now? And why do kids even want this? We must find the answers!

serena - And you can even feed it corn and it'll poop corn on the cob for you! ha ha

quickroute - Might as well give 'em Chucky. A pooping doll is just as scary.

HeyJoe said...

The kids and I get a big kick out of the commercial for this latest "must have" doll.

Just another reason for parents to spend too much money trying to find that must have item on Ebay or the like.

Giggle Pixie said...

How about Baby Bathroom Scrubber?

Or better yet, Baby Stand-In for those nights when I have a headache!

haha!

VE said...

heyjoe - Yep...another dumb mania

giggle pixie - Now that last one is a bit perverse!

Jeff said...

Does that doll barf on you too, just after you've put on a clean shirt?

Huh... my GI Joes never did crap like that. Literally.

Marvel Goose said...

when my kids were younger and we were moving beyond pampers, baby wipes, and Desitin Ointment they were fascinated with poo and pee. Their favorite book during potty training was Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi (translated from the Japanese). They had the thing memorized. Do you know that only one mammal walks while it poops? I can see why a pooping baby would be such a hit -- gives them a chance to loosen up any poop anxiety that Freud said would constipate our id all our lives.

colbymarshall said...

Ugh...my disgust over this product is high. And I'd HAVE to be high before I'd buy it.

Alex L said...

When are they bringing out a doll with hoopng cough... that would really impress the kids.

Kelley said...

Dude, I still have the original Baby Alive from the seventies.

She is awesome. Cause I left her out in the sun and her face melted off and you can see all the metal bits of her jaw. So that totally makes her like the Terminator or a Zombie or something.

Matt-Man said...

How about...

Baby, Who Grows Up Sleeping Around in Search of the Love She Never Could Get from Her Dad, Alive.

Hell, I'd buy that. Cheers!!

Chris Wood said...

This idea could just run and run. The domestic suggestions are particularly good!

VE said...

jeff - That's another reason why you should never put on a clean shirt. You learned that as a pre-teen! You just forgot that lesson later in life.

marval goose - That Freud...what did he really know about my poop! But Everyone Poops is a classic!!!

colby - You could just leave it alone and call it "Baby stinks with burning butt"...

alex - I'm gonna blog about that disease. It's too weird!

kelley - Metal parts? You are so old! ha ha. It can't be a zombie doll unless it's angry though. Probably terminator...they never could get the job done.

matt-man - Ha! We lost you at 'sleep around'!

chris - Excellent use of a pun there! It does seem to go on though...

GC (God's Child) said...

baby get me cheaper car insurance

VE said...

gc - There's already a baby on TV doing stock...why not insurance...

Anonymous said...

lol i would defnetally buy the baby garbage man lol