Friday, December 05, 2008

My Most Creative Blog Comment Ever

Most of you know I’ll leave a funny, snarky, witty or utterly ridiculous comment on your posts. Everything I read deserves something. It’s my way of saying thank you. And sometimes I leave some really creative things out on there for you. Normally I just let the blog owner keep them and don't think twice. But I thought I'd share with you what I think is my best one:

My good friend Serena over at Parenthetically Speaking challenges her readers on an almost daily basis with questions or tasks. Last Christmas she had this photo:


Our tasks as readers was to write a short poem on the theme of a “good wife.”

If you click on the photo you will find hilarious facts on being a good wife. Here’s the comment I left:

You gotta have a Christmas theme to the poem though, even if it isn’t about Christmas at all…

Here goes:

On the first day of marriage my new wife gave to me
A seven course dinner for the family

On the second day of marriage my new wife gave to me
A greeting at the door in her formal dress and jewelry

On the third day of marriage my new wife gave to me
A spotless looking home that was clutter free

On the fourth day of marriage my new wife gave to me
A nice roaring fire to rest the bones made weary

On the fifth day of marriage my new wife gave to me
Five….fully….bathed….kids

Four fresh haircuts
Three new outfits
Two piece suits
And as quiet as a zombie

On the sixth day of marriage my new wife gave to me
Six different expressions of happy

On the seventh day of marriage my new wife gave to me
A pleasing desire that showed sincerity

On the eighth day of marriage my new wife gave to me
Time to converse while listening intently

On the ninth day of marriage my new wife gave to me
An evening out with the guys to feel free

On the tenth day of marriage my new wife gave to me
A home with peace and order full of tranquility

On the eleventh day of marriage my new wife gave to me
A pillow on my chair to make me comfy

On the twelth day of marriage my new wife gave to me
An alimony request with a divorce decree

Twelve monthly payments
To address Eleven unfavorably statements
Ten years to foot the bill
Nine beers in the fridge still
Eight hours of me cleaning is a crime
Seven days of overtime
Six tequillas without the lime
Five…screaming….kids
Four lost deals
Three instant meals
Two towels left for me
And a lesson learned on marriage reality


And this, my friends, is just how I roll. I wrote that on the fly in a matter of 20 minutes. Sometimes you get inspired

38 comments:

The Incredible Woody said...

That poem is fantastic!

And about that article, THANK GOD I don't live in 1955!!

VE said...

incredible woody - Yeah, I gave it to my wife as a gift to further her education. Funny...I haven't yielded all those benefits yet...

Chris Wood said...

Interesting to see that advice is still in circulation.

Your poem is inspired. It has inspired me to become a hermit.

(only kidding!)

Shame about the reality creeping in at the end ...

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Fun poem! I gotta me a wife.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I gotta GET me a wife AND a proofreader.

VE said...

chris - Reality happens!

prefers her fantasy life - You need a 50s wife. Try Nebraska...

Bonnie the Boss said...

I was going to ask what fantasy land is this husband living in? Great job on the poem. I am sure hubby will enjoy it too.

ReformingGeek said...

I was reading thru the Good Wife Guidelines and started laughing out loud and I've seen them before. DAMN! I'm supposed to shower before hubby comes home. Cook? Clean? Excuse me? Say what?

I thought my job was to pay bills online and blog all day.

Great poem!

VE said...

bonnie the boss - It's hubby fantasy land. Oh for the good old days of 1955! ha ha

reforminggeek - You realize we've had a stressful day and the home is our haven of rest! ha ha

Matt-Man said...

Ha. Instant inspiration is a great thing, even if it does attack the religious and matrimonial bonds that have made this country great for over 200 years...or something. Cheers!!

Starrlight said...

That was awesome!

Sarah said...

haha stellar poem! I love that article too, it always cracks me up.

Kanrei said...

Priceless and lesson learned! No Marriage for me!

NESSA said...

That is a great poem, but definitely wishful thinking.

Chris Eldin said...

OMG! That is truly hysterical!!! I should send this to my husband...
:-)

Dr Zibbs said...

Just found your blog through Giggle Pixie

Quirkyloon said...

20 minutes? I've been slaving all yesterday and today and I still haven't finished my post! And I,too, felt I was inspired, but I'm still NOT finished!

I want to say you disgust me, but it's more that you amaze me!

I'm so jealous!

Great, great poem!

Megan said...

That is a pretty awesome comment. Although you have left some lu-lu's at my place before!

I read the 'advice'. Pfft.

Megan said...

Is it really from GH 1955?

It makes me kind of sad.

Giggle Pixie said...

Cripes, I couldn't have come up with this in a month! You rock!

Oh, and since I couldn't vote for you more than once, I pimped you out on my blog. Hope it helps!

VE said...

matt-man - Ha ha. Come on now, I'm exercising my freedom of speech rights!! Although reading that good housekeeping article...those rights seem to have been a bit selective back in 1955!

starrlight - Poor Serena though...she gets a rerun today. And I almost never do reruns. I thought it worth posting though.

sarah - Yeah, that article could be one of the highest blog fodder sources of all time. I feel good about responding in an original way to it.

kan - Don't let scare you away from marriage...the abuse is good!

nessa - Are you saying I won't get that 7 course dinner tonight?

chriseldin - All men have that article hanging up at their work. Then, we compete to all aspire to these things... ha ha

Dr. Zibbs - Well welcome then. You're in for a whole lot of nonsense. It's my speciality.

quirkyloon - Sorry quirky...I will say that there are many, many days that I'm not inspired to write a post and so I don't. That is why I mostly pre-write them when I am inspired. My incredible weakness is my lack of grammer and spelling editing. Well, among other weaknesses...

megan - Now Megan, you need to study and build a 10 step program toward achieving those 1955 goals! ha ha. Yes...I have left some doozie comments on your blog. One of my favorites was the reenacting naval battles in my soup comment...

giggle pixie - You are so generous! I'll stop by for a comment!

AngieSS said...

Seriously brilliant!

VE said...

angiess - A definitive moment in nonsense!

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Obviously none of that stuff ever happened since they had to publish a "guide" on how to be a good wife. ha! Your poem describes my dad's life, though! Right down to the divorce decree. So much for that!

VE said...

arizona - At least he had the beers in the fridge then...

Serena said...

Please tell me this is a case of you having an exceptional memory and not a case of me going senile. I didn't even remember posting that. I had to search my own blog for "good wife" to find it -- and your most excellent poem. You do outdo yourself sometimes.:)

Da Old Man said...

Wonderful lyrics. I think I teared up a bit.

Fida said...

I boil with envy. 20 minutes? You just scared me for life!

Practically Joe said...

Jingle Bells
VE smells
50 miles away

See ... I can do it too

eve cleveland said...

VE...
You are so good at that!!!!!! I am not normally one to overuse exclamations marks. But I LOVE it when you do the song thing!!!!!!
I'm still kind of in shock from that old timey article though. Maybe she's got a glock in her apron ;)
Eve

colbymarshall said...

Very good one...thank goodness for 2008 :-)

VE said...

serena - Ha ha...better run, senility is RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

da old man - It's ok to cry! Well...not in baseball. There's no crying in baseball. At least that's what Tom Hanks says...

fida - That's ok, there are some posts with certain pictures I want a certain way that take me FOREVER it seems. Sometimes these parody things...I can just 'play'.

practically joe - Hey...how'd you know? Those egg farts are bad, aren't they? I like your lyric skills...you got it going on!!! ha ha

eve - A glock? I'll bet she's secretly poisoning him little by little in his food! ha ha

colbymarshall - Yeah...you're entitled to be a slave to the corporate world too!

Anndi said...

You're lucky you still have two towels.

Jeff said...

Don't know where it went, but I left a comment here yesterday. Oh well... Don't remember what it was but I'm sure it was hilarious.

VE said...

anndi - Yes, I do feel fortunate about that...too bad they're pink!

jeff - See...it might have been the most clever comment you've ever left...and now its gone!

Maureen said...

Awesome! You really amaze me VE.

VE said...

maureen - Why thank you!

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