Thursday, December 11, 2008

VE's Annual Christmas Present Picks for 2008

Yes, it’s that time once again. Time to give you my recommendations for Christmas presents. I know it’s late but with the economy down the drain they’ll be more than happy to ship overnight just to get your business.

So, without further ado…




Yes, every year this is a tradition here at Fantastical Nonsense. I’m sure it’s already shaping up to be true…



What child should be without a Pole Dancing Alarm clock? Get ‘em started early in life…



These formal napkins are great for those that cannot tie a tie (or don’t even own one). Guaranteed to make everyone look stupid.


How many times have you had to first slice the pizza and then serve it? Now thanks this useless gadget you can do it all at the same time! What a time saving device!!!



Show your cell phone how much you really love it with one of these nifty cell phone beds.


Another tradition around here is the Dog Poop calendar. You’re gonna need a calendar. You already know it’s gonna be a crappy year. What makes more sense? It features a lovely photo of dog poo in some majestic setting for every month.


Got gold lying around the house but worried somebody will steal it? Feeling like your money isn't doing it's part but too afraid the auto makers and banks will take it if you put it somewhere? Then this solid gold data hub is just the thing for you...


That’s right…when have you said to yourself, “Gee I wish I had a light coming out of my ear.” It’s especially good when talking to your teacher or boss. Aim it right into their eyes…

Nothing says you care for your loved one in this time of giving like these squirrel claw earrings. These are 100% organic too!



Now you too can own your very own yodeling pickle. Yodeling pickles are much rarer than dill or sweet pickles. As with all objects of this specific shape we must caution to please use only as intended.

A great gift for office parties. This is what team bonding is all about. Always a good social introducer gift...


One for the gals...now thanks to PeeMate you too can spell your name in the snow while you go anywhere you like outside.


For those of you that like to spend quality time in the bathroom...try this handy present. Sure to improve your putting (club not supplied to porn star purchasers...)


Yes, all the gifts you need for even the most difficult of relatives and people you have to suck up to. No, don't thank me. It's a service I provide every year just because I care for you all!

41 comments:

Jaime said...

those are the creepiest earrings i have ever seen!

Quirkyloon said...

VE where do you get these pics? Amazing!

My faves...the pizza scissors and the tie bibs! Oh and the yodeling pickle!

Hilarious! Just Hill-ari-us!!!

By the way, thanks for "caring" enough to help us out!

VE said...

jaime - Nothun but the best from up on the ridge!

quirky - I'll admit...it's getting harder to find good weird gifts. There were a lot of great humor bloggers doing the same this year. Somebody beat me to the pickle yesterday even though I'd had this one waiting for Friday for about a week.

padraig said...

Some of this stuff is just kooky... but two person underwear?

Really?

I mean... what? Who thought of THAT?

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I love the earrings!! Does that make me weird?

Brad said...

I have a ten spot that says this was all in your closet...

...and the undies were used.

ReformingGeek said...

Yeah, my shopping is not going well this year. Thanks for helping me out. I think my cousin is getting the pickle and my brother is getting the pole dancer alarm clock. Yippee.

Larissa said...

Wow, VE... the pole dancer alarm clock *really* caught your attention to list it twice, huh? Hehehe...

And MAN, I need me one of those yodeling pickles! Do you think they're waterproff so I can hide it in the pickle jar in the hopes fending off any would-be pickle robbers? =P

Megan said...

Fundies? Fundies?!?

Chris Wood said...

That yodelling pickle is stunning! I hope someone gets me one of them!

VE said...

padraig - Kooky is as kooky does. I have no idea where these things come from or why...I just present them for your consideration! ha ha

prefers - As long as they aren't still twitching...

brad - Dammit...your in my closet, aren't you? I keep telling you Brad...it's ok to come out of the closet! ha ha

reforminggeek - The pickles and the clock are going fast!

Larissa - Ha ha. Thanks. That just shows how good of a proof reader I am. I had the post done but added a few late additions and did it really fast this morning. You are officially on my editing staff!

megan - Twice as fun as undies!

chris - It's the first of an entire yodelling food line up...

Kurt said...

Afterward, your child will always feel sleepy at the strip club.

Roy Scribner said...

I'm pretty sure I've seen the formal napkin model pushing a shopping cart around, downtown. Maybe I'll hook him up with an ear light.

VE said...

kurt - Ha! Good point. He's gonna get in trouble when playing tetherball at school too.

roy - That's very thoughtful of you. It gets dark so early this time of year. It's so hard to get good homeless models you know.

MJ said...

Oooh, an earlight! A flashlight for the bluetooth carrying wannabe douchebag!

Jacki said...

But I thought all the fun happens once the underwear come off?

And what in the hell would anyone do with a yodeling pickle?

Giggle Pixie said...

WOW! Do you REALIZE how many SECONDS that pizza slicer/server will shave off my mealtimes? How can I ever thank you for finding this for me - now I'll actually have time to learn that second language I've been wanting to learn for so long!!!

Orion said...

How can that pizza serving-ma-bob-thing-er really save me time when i have to use carpel tunnel scissor action to get the job done?

...i'd definitely take a few of those buttons though.

Gnomeself Be True said...

The pee mate solves one of the two issues that keeps women from rulling the world...the other being the inability to get along in groups of 3 or more for any length of time.

Nessa said...

You find the most amazing things.

lime said...

it's hard to decide which gift is scarier, the squirrel claw earrings or the peemate. they are both incredibly disturbing. but if i had the money and knew where to get it i know someone i could get the commode putting green for. bwahahahaha.

Serena said...

Those are some scary looking presents. I'm afraid to ask where you find this stuff.:-)

eve cleveland said...

VE...
That pee mate is a huge mess, trust me.
Eve

Deb said...

How much would you like for those squirrel earrings? Name it. I'll even pay the shipping.

Alex L said...

I can't work out whether i'm more disturbed by the yodelling pickle or the pee mate.

Uncivil said...

We actually have the "Dog Poo" calendar in our office bathroom!
Each month even has the name and picture of the doggie poo contributer.

Carla said...

OMG, Where do you find this stuff? Fundies??? And those squirrel earrings were pretty creepy.

VE said...

mj - Yep...another toy!

jacki - But now you can have fun IN the undies too. I have no idea what you do with a yodelling pickle. Admire it?

giggle - Gracias!

Orion - You should have by now already replaced your real arms for bionic upgrades. Come on...original parts? How old school...

gomeself be true - Those two things are a fail safe. One could potentially be solved but just in case, the other never will...

nessa - Even I was amazed this year...

lime - Oh Lime...you don't want the peemate because you want the putting green!

serena - I'm afraid to tell you...

eve - I suspected as much. Plumbing innovations just aren't that easy...

deb - Ha! I should have known. I'll contact the hillbillies and check...

alex - It would be a shame to lose our gender dominance in the ability to pee our names in the snow...

uncivil - Excellent! You know quality poo when you see it...

carla - I find it so you don't have to!

unfinishedrambler said...

VE: I'd like that light on earpiece for my wife. I think she'd be quite amused by it, having me shine the light in her face all the time.

VE said...

unfinishedrambler - Light in the eyes always improves marital relations!

Megan said...

I took a photo today of some neighborhood signage that is begging for a post by VE.

How do I get it to you???

Jeff said...

If you're looking for something for me, I'm in for the gold USB hub. AND... it'll cost next to nothing these days too!

Mother Theresa said...

We haven't had much snow this year, so the name writing thing kind of loses it's charm. But the yodeling pickle, now that I just have to have. Do they ship to Spain? ;)

Starrlight said...

I like the fact that you placed the pickle and the fundies together. Great product integration =)

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I just finished my X-mas shopping with these picks to click. My wife is getting the PeeMate b/c I don't have enough pelvic dexterity (i'm taking some pills though) to spell out our names in the snow accurately. Also, with this, we can leave the toilet seat up at all times. Great!

VE said...

megan - Send it to ewelter1 at comcast dot net

jeff - Smart man to go after the Gold. That's what the olympians do.

mother theresa - If they bothered to come up with that yodelling pickle do you really think they'd have shipping restrictions?

starrlight - You caught that huh? I like to be subtle sneaky sometimes...

self-deprechaun - You need shorter names. That's why I like 'VE'. Call her 'O'. There was a story of O, I believe...fairly erotic too. I like the added benefit of always leaving the toilet seat up though...good thinking! I'm adding you to marketing or sales...not sure yet.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

You are right, the screen name is too long. If you go with "VD", then I will go with "STD" as my nickname to complement. We can be partners in crime and you better believe that I can sell anything including burning sensations while using that PeeMate. Holla!

Sarah said...

The yodeling pickle is pretty fantastic. Might have to give that out as the family grab bag gift this year instead of the Starbucks gift sampler I bought!

VE said...

Self-Deprechaun - Sounds like you have it all figured out! ha ha

sarah - Nobody can resist that pickle voice...

leelee said...

k..I kinda like the Tie Napkins...too funny... and the pizza slicer server is right up my alley...

where can I order?


HUGS!

VE said...

leelee - The funny thing is that you can actually order ANY of these products. Kinda scary, huh? But don't ask me about details, you know how I am about details...