Thursday, January 15, 2009

Adopt-a-Wrestler

Quick announcement, then you'll get your funny. I'm off to Sun Valley today for 4 days of skiing. I'm bringing the laptop with me but don't know if there is internet connection or not. So...you'll either get posts but not comment replies...or you will. How's that for being completely non-committal!

Now...on with the funny...

AWE is truly one of God’s partners. For years it has been helping professional wrestlers find a home and have a future beyond the ring.

YOU TOO CAN HELP SPONSOR A RETIRED PRO WRESTLER.

Living on less than two steroids a day, many retired pro wrestlers live in poverty around wrestling rings in cities like Detroit and Omaha. It’s a terrible life. Their championship belts no longer fit and the years of pounding and overspending have affected their ability to comprehend normal life after the limelight of the ring.

They are often found trying to give interviews from normal citizens walking the streets. Many get scared and call the police thinking they are attacking them. ‘Flying ring dives’ from the top of parked cars hurt dozens of former wrestlers every year.

But it doesn’t have to be this way

Sponsoring a wrestler for just $1 a day is a wonderful way to help change the life of a wrestler in need and bring hope to his entire community. Being a sponsor will give you the chance to build a new relationship with one special wrestler who will know you by name as you correspond and share your lives with each other.

When you sign up to sponsor a wrestler, we’ll send you a picture of your adopted wrestler along with his win-loss record, ring name, and favorite wrestling moves. You will also get an autographed severed body part from their last wrestling victim.

You will be able to correspond with your newly adopted wrestler. They’re hands are too big and puffy from years of steroids and ring abuse to actually write but through local AWE offices, our staff will facilitate in helping them communicate a letter back to you. In time, you can even participate in a mock post-win interview with your adopted wrestler.

So please sponsor a wrestler now and enter the wonderful fulfilling world of adoption.

50 comments:

Roy Scribner said...

I've been supporting "Playboy" Buddy Rose for years - this is a great cause!

The Incredible Woody said...

I actually share my home with a former wrestler look-a-like. My husband will get harrassed by fans, all wanting an autograph from 'Goldberg'. On occasion, he will break down and sign.

VE said...

roy - You're doing the right thing!!

incredible woody - I want an autograph too. I'll send you a really, really wide belt with a huge buckle to have signed...

*Just Jen* said...

I officially call the adoption of John Cena! Since he runs around screaming "you can't see ME"...No see = no money! Easy enough!!!

Have fun in Sun Valley and try not to add to your list of accidents that I read a while back!

padraig said...

I would never sponsor a wrestler who was best known for uttering incomprehensible profanities.

I want all my profanities enunciated properly.

Quirkyloon said...

I'd rather do the "Rent a Wrestler" for a day aka the RAW program.

That would come in real handy in moving furniture or other large objects.

VE said...

just jen - You called him, you got him. Watch out for his bone crusher move. Meanwhile, I'll try to stay injury free...

padraig - He's a sad case... properly schooling should help him swear like a sailor in time...

quirkyloon - RAW...I like it. But I would discourage you from having them move furniture. They're used to breaking chairs over their opponents and a flashback might occur causing them to toss your recliner over onto your mother or something...

Elizabeth said...

I wish I had some cool AKA after my name.
Like: Elizabeth AKA the Kvetcher.
Or, you know, maybe something cooler.

*Just Jen* said...

Bone Crusher, smusher! I know the 6-1-9! BRING IT!

ReformingGeek said...

What? Say it ain't so. I thought they all became actors.

On second thought, I could use someone to mow the lawn this summer.

Ski a run for me, would you? I'm going on vacation, too, but to a much warmer climate!

Memarie Lane said...

You may jest, but our wrestlers these days need some serious help. They keep doing that murder / suicide thing. I'd like to sponsor some of the ladies of GLOW if they're still around. My favorite were the twins, can't remember their names, but I think they were Hawaiian or something.

lime said...

can i choose the wrestler i want to sponsor? i wanna sponsor jimmy superfly snuka just because his name is so awesome.

Giggle Pixie said...

Sorry, I just can't help out. I'm already giving the last hard-earned pennies I have each month to Starbucks. It's an addiction, people.

leelee said...

What a timely post and an admirable cause I might add. I see you are really getting the word out with Big Box office hits like "The Wrestler" with Mickey Rourke. See there IS work out there for the has beens...and even "the haven't ever been a wrestler" set.

Have fun in Sun Valley..swoosh and

HUGS!!

Kanrei said...

I would love to do this, but I have already adopted three porn stars, two hockey players, and a quintet of reality stars. I just cannot do anymore at this time.

Jaime said...

watch out for the trees that line the slopes.

and can i have the rock?

Gladys said...

First let me ask if I post multiple comments on your post because my computer got a ugly virus, I think it had VD and my son had to fix my computer and I was unable to get to post and I couldn't find you on blogger it kept telling me you didn't exist and now I've missed multiple days and I must be pregnant because I have skipped multiple periods...

Anywho...The LAWMAN. THat is who I would support.

Gladys said...

What I meant to ask you is...if I post multiple times on one post if I get EXTRA credit.

Chris Wood said...

I have tears in my eyes at their plight. You, sir, are a saint.

Take care skiing!

Megan said...

Poor wrestlers.

If you will create an AWE widget, I will post it on my blog.

Dee said...

does buying ring side seats for wrestlemania count as support?

Hope you have a awesome time Skiing! Be careful out there!

Uncivil said...

I'd like to rent a couple of hot female wrestlers myself. Onyx and Raquelcome to mind!!!

G-Man said...

I'm IN!!!
I've been following wrestling since Gorgeous George and Argentino Antonino Rocca!!(He never lost a match you know)

gab said...

k I would but I forgot the name of the wrestlers I do like and they are from way way back when!

Carla said...

If we adopt, can we bring them home? Scary thought.

Serena said...

You should be ashamed of yourself for so shamelessly tugging at my heartstrings. My check is in the mail, damn it; however, my wrestler will have to live with the 62 dogs, 12 multi-national orphans, 6 reformed hookers, 4 homeless nuns, and 22 starving artists I've already adopted.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I will take these wrestlers on. I am the mother theresa of the WWE. I will put self-bronzer on them, shave their pits and chest and perm their hair. Whatever it takes!

Gladys said...

OK I just re-read my comment and I promise I am not a lunatic. That should have said my sentence was pregnant because I skipped so many periods. GEEZE don't scare me that way! Do I get extra credit?

yellojkt said...

What great humanitarian work you are doing! Not every wrestler can be like Hulk Hogan and have a reality series where his wife leaves him for a younger man.

We must work on getting VH1 exposure for all the retired rasslers out there.

Janna said...

The first time I read this, I thought it said "You too can help sponsor a RETARDED pro wrestler."

Small difference, I know.

VE said...

elizabeth - You can have an aka name...I'm sure there's a web site to register somewhere

just jen - You got him! And I made it here safe...so far so good!

reforminggeek - I wouldn't let them use machinery...

marie - I don't think they're glowing much anymore

lime - He's yours! I had a superfly but the zipper got stuck...

giggle pixie - Yeah, that damn Starbucks is killing the effort...

leelee - The Wrestler was the core inspiration for this post...

kan - Ha! Well...you certainly are a giver...

jaime - The rock is yours. He'll get older and fall out of acting...

gladys - Not exist? That's a cure, not a virus! No extra credit...but you can retro comment back to the date listed.

chris - I'm glad you aren't afraid to cry...

megan - Ok...I'll have to work on that when I get back. I've got some snow to ski on first...

dee - No, because those wrestlers are still overspending and thinking they'll wrestle forever

uncivil - I'll bet you'd like to support them...

g-man - Did he sell Almond Roca after wrestling?

gab - We have a nifty search engine to find your down and out wrestler

carla - No, it's best to leave them where they are....avoid contact at all times.

serena - Sounds like a party at your place!!!

self-deprechaun - You are a saint!

gladys - Yeah...so embarassing!

yellojkt - Yes, VH1 is essential to becomming famous!

janna - Yes, I think it's semantics...

Kurt said...

Living on less than two steroids a day, indeed!

Bazza said...

err, no.

angie said...

Hope you have a great trip!

Chris Eldin said...

Did you see teh YouTube "Sponsor an Executive" It's very funny. I think you'd like it.

VE said...

kurt - It's tought to ration you know.

bazza - Come on now...it's for a good cause...

angie - So far so good. No broken bones

chris - I've never seen it. I'll have to check that out...

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I'll go see the new movie, The Wrestler, but that's the extent of my support! Maybe if they'd all cut off those damn mullets I'd be more supportive.

Alex L said...

Do they oil themselves, cause I'm not willing to do that.

MJ said...

Sorry, I already send my dollar to poor kids in Zambia.

unfinishedrambler said...

I always wondered what would happen to Ric Flair. It's good to know that I too can make a difference. Thanks, VE.

VE said...

arizona - mullets are an essential part of wrestling culture. Sort of like mimes and that stupid white makeup

alex - No oiling is necessary. I think they sweat the stuff.

mj - So they can grow up and be wrestlers...

unfinishedrambler - They might even name a wrestling move after you...

Maureen said...

Gak... I cannot stand Wrestling... if hubby even pauses on it during his TV surfing, I cringe.

VE said...

maureen - But the poor oversized wrestlers...think of their pain! ha ha

Starrlight said...

Wrestlers make me want to staple my vajayjay shut. They are beyond repellant :P

VE said...

starrlight - And a great source of blogging material!

Anonymous said...
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RaBT said...

If we order now can we get 2 for 1 with a baseball player of equal or less steroidal usage? ;)

VE said...

RaBT - Sure...and I'll even through in one of those doping bicyclists for free...

Mrsupole said...

I would only sponsor them if they cleaned the house and paid me for doing it.

Okay, #12, this last thingy is hard to do, but the count is up to 12. Phew.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - They've been hit on the head enough that might make good sense to them! Remember, I am always last...