Sunday, January 04, 2009

Brand New Year

Hey, you know what happened other than me sneaking in a new post on a Sunday night when clearly my proper post time is Monday morning?

A new year started! Damn, I was so busy transitioning my stupid blog roll I forgot that we’re in a new year. We need to examine this…

First of all…le'ts examine my progress on the resolutions I made from two years back:

1. Live Forever. I’m doing good on this one! (And the great thing about it is that if I fail…who cares…I’ll be dead!)

2. Absolute Power. Ok, I don’t have it yet. But I did have some Absolute Vodka last year so I’m on my way…

3. Achieve Total Consciousness. Not there with this either. But I did see a Total cereal box at the store. Good enough progress for me!

4. To Get Laid by Every Beautiful Woman in the World. Ok…I was definitely still single when I made this two years ago. Sounds exhausting now! No, the wifey will definitely veto this resolution. And anyway, three resolutions are enough for me these days; when you get older you gotta downsize you know.

And I see now 2009 is going to be Year of the Ox! I’ll have to work up a special song parody for this. Meanwhile…here you go:


Damn that's sexy... Next up…VE will examine the new jewelry fashion trends you MUST have for 2009. You will be SHOCKED! Get the credit card ready…

70 comments:

Alex L said...

I still dont think I've gained half consciousness, from new years eve.

VE said...

alex - Well you're ahead of me...I never had the first half!

Carla said...

Glad to hear you're still doing well at the "live forever."

Megan said...

Ah, but will there still be a post on Monday morning? And will the separation in the blog roll begin?

Are you sure that's an ox? Looks rather yak-like to me?

Chris Wood said...

Year of the Ox? I thought it was Year of the Hot Dog.

You and Bee will have to get your heads together and sort it out.

girlsinwhitedresses said...

Year of the Ox, huh? Why is it that these "year of the ___" always seem to be a funny kind of animal (like, isn't there also the year of the rat?)? Enquiring minds want to know ...

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Achieving absolute power is a worthy goal. So much better than shedding a few pounds.

Jacki said...

Like your previous commenter, I too have wondered why the Chinese used such ugly animals for their "Year of the...." I mean, why can't they use things like "Year of the Siberian Tiger?"

Instead, we get rats, monkeys, oxen...

ReformingGeek said...

I like "Live Forever". Mine is "wake-up every day". Pretty simple. You either do or you don't. ;-)

Jaime said...

Only "some" absolute vodka? You'll have to spend more time this year at the bar. I'll save the stool next to me for you.

Matt-Man said...

I have already had sex with every beautiful woman in the world. I still feel empty. Or maybe I'm projecting and that's how they feel. Cheers!!

VE said...

carla - I prepare every day for it by getting up. It's the sacrifices I make...

megan - Separation? Ladies on the left, gentlemen on the right. Now...you put your right foot in, you put your right foot out...wait, probably not what you were thinking...

Chris - Bee is in a plot to take over the world starting with the Chinese New Year characters. I wish her luck...

girlsinwhitedresses - Even Yaks and Rats gotta have their day...or year...

prefers - And it cuts down on electric bills

jacki - I agree. I'm waiting for year of the naked supermodel...

reforminggeek - Sounds like the same resolution. If you continue to wake up every day you'll live forever! Just don't get a graveyard shift job...

jaime - That's might kind of you. I normally go for the obnoxious fruity rum drinks with the umbrellas but a nice over trendy flavored martini will do just fine too

VE said...

matt-man - Ha! Every woman eh? Time to apply the waterboarding with the wifey-po until she talks! And watch where your projecting that!

G-Man said...

Hey....I can read a Chinese Placemat.
1949...My year.
Year of the OX!!
(NOT the year of the Yak)
:-)

lime said...

ok, how soon is the year of the ox? i think i have a great photo for it.

VE said...

G-Man - He can't help it if he's impersonating a Yak...

lime - You'll have to wait until Feb 7th for that photo

The Incredible Woody said...

You remembered seeing the Total box so there's some consciousness too!

PS - It's a musk ox. Yeah, I watch the Discovery Channel.

Gnomeself Be True said...

I ascended to a higher plane years ago.
It was boring so I'm now back in the mud with the rest of you.

Roy Scribner said...

Is that really an ox, or did you just pull a Grinch on your poor ugly dog?

Kurt said...

VE - a charitable contribution has been made in your honor.

Jean Knee said...

I thought it was the year of the hotdog

EmmaK said...

I thought your ambitions were very mature. Nothing along the lines of 'invent potion to grow 14 inch cock'. I'm proud of you boy!

Memarie Lane said...

You're looking at that last one all half-empty like. If I were your wife, I would respond by saying, "honey, you ARE getting laid by all the beautiful women in the world! Me!"

Gladys said...

I don't know what happened to my comment it pissadeared.

What I said my only goal in this the year of the Hotdog Ox, would this look like a daschound ox?, is to try and keep up with one pair of my 450 pairs of reading glasses.

Growing old sucks big fat donkey....you know the rest.

Bazza said...

Thanks for the assistance with avoiding the cleaning VE, I will try it out next time. It should work a treat, unless wifey reads my blog!

Kanrei said...

I fail in my resolution ever year, but I will try again...

This year I resolve to find a fault in myself in need of change. I am sure I can do it. I would be perfect except for this one failure year after year and I am personally sick of it.

Anne said...

i thought power came before vodka.

angie said...

Ah, doing stellar on the live forever resolution, I see.

I'm anxiously awaiting the jewelry trend for the new year. I think? :)

Thinkinfyou said...

What does your therapist say about your resolutions?

unfinishedrambler said...

I had Total Raisin Bran cereal this morning, so if one of my resolutions was total consciousness, then I'd be good, I think. However, that's not one of my resolutions. If I have any consciousness, I figure it's a good day.

Quirkyloon said...

Live forever?

Like really FOREVER?

Ack. I think a ripe old age of 90 would be a good time to go.

Remember VE nothing lasts forever! hee hee

AND..I'm up to 3 comments now! Just sayin'!

Giggle Pixie said...

The year of the Ox? Awww, that stinks!!

Hehehe!

VE said...

incredible woody - A musk ox, eh? Why is he musking I wonder?

gnomeself be true - Yeah, everything from the higher plane looks like ants anyway. Plus, they still only serve you peanuts in that plane...

roy - Ha! Tempting. Alas, owning a dog requires responsibility and initiative. You know how lazy I am...

kurt - Excellent! Thank you, my friend. Hope you got a tax write off for it too...

jean knee - Yes, Bee is trying to take over China one year at a time

emmak -Ha! Boy, I could devote an entire post with witty comments I'd want to reply to THAT!

marie - Damn straight! Boy, you are really on top of the commenting in 2009!

gladys - You need my patented swivel connecters. They allow your glasses to flip up all cool like on your head or flip down to read. Just simply super glue the connecters to the side of your head...

bazza - Always write about something your wife isn't interested in for the first paragraph of a post. They'll get bored and leave. Then you can post the rest of what you really wanted to write

kan - Well I can't fault you for trying!

anne - I think power comes before nap these days...

angie - No...you probably don't want to...but cannot resist anyway

thinkfyou - My therapist says I'm suffering from dellusions of being interesting...

unfinishedrambler - We've all been there, my friend...

quirkyloon - Nothing last forever...as in that big old blog roll I had last year, huh?

giggle pixie - Especially the musk ox...

Memarie Lane said...

It's this new neato blogroll method, it's easier to stay on top. Although oddly enough, you are LAST currently on my blogroll. :P

Beth said...

I love those resolutions. Why not set your sights on the impossible/improbable ?
The usual piddly resolutions end up just as impossible to achieve.

Kevin John said...

"To Get Laid by Every Beautiful Woman in the World.."

You see, this is exactly what is the trouble with the the StateoftheUnion.
Of course not that, this:
How can I sell a life insurance policy to someone that believes they're going to live forever in this crappy economy?

Serena said...

If I could keep your #2 resolution, everything else would take care of itself and I would be a happy woman. I'd have to draw the line at sharing the power with that ox, though. He ain't so pretty.:)

Elizabeth said...

Oooh, that is a musk ox. They were all over the place when I lived in Nome. Just a hint, if you're on a four-wheeler and one is smack dab in the middle of your path, find another way around. They will. Not. Move. Well, unless they get grumpy and charge you, and that's never fun.

Starrlight said...

Reading my horoscope this is supposed to be "My Year."

I find that vaguely threatening. Dunnow why, but I don't like the concept of planets plotting about me. Jupiter in this case.

*points at the Angry Planet*

I'ma watchin you!

Oh and OOOOO......JEWELRY!

Mike said...

I have absolute power.

And I absolutely will not give it to you.

Deb said...

I am not making this up: I used to hand-paint custom ceramic buttons used on high-end sweaters, used as earrings, etc. The woman with the button company got a call from a woman in Alaska that raised musk ox for their hair, which was turned into sweaters. She needed musk ox buttons designed. I got to detail 500 little musk ox buttons by painting the hair on them, giving them features, etc. I knew you'd be impressed!

VE said...

marie - Errr...yes, I do owe you a visit. I only made it up through the G's over the last two days...

beth - It's all relative...and I hate relatives...

kevin - Ha! You can't!!!!

serena - We call him "Musky"...

elizabeth - I've been to Nome!!! How about that?!

starrlight - Jupiter is plotting against you? Boy...that's heavy...

mike - Can you at least set me up with an Italian villa then?

Bee said...

You can never ever ever go wrong with Absolute Vodka. Unless it's maybe Naked Tequila.

VE said...

deb - 500? 500? That is patience. I'd be drawing a hand gesture of "the bird" after about 100... I am impressed though!!

bee - Don't combine them. You end up absolutely naked...

Dee said...

Ve is a MCP! you only wanna lay with the beautiful women in the world. What about the ugly ones?

~Babs said...

Let's see now,,,what is that old thing,,,,"ollie ollie oxen free",,,
Good thing,,who'd wanna buy one?

By the way: You posted on the 4th cause it was my birthday,,,,but no need to think of me when you get that awesome cool new jewelry thing goin',,,,

Starrlight said...

It is, VE. I am positive it is setting me up for a fall. Never trust a positive horrorscope ;)

yellojkt said...

I'd rather have the Absolut Vodka than absolute power. With the vodka I wouldn't mind not having the power. With the power, I's still want the vodka.

captain corky said...

My New Years resolution is to end up on your blog roll in 2009. So far I'm not on it, but the year is still young and I'm a very patient person.

VE said...

dee - The ugly ones? I've got this cousin...

starrlight - I didn't know they had positive horoscopes. Scary...

yellojkt - You are hurting my head. I need some Vodka...

captain corky - Well...you'll be on it now with this comment! Now I just have to get around to updating the list. Gee, thanks for making me work!

Queen Goob said...

Absolute Power.....I got this one on my kids but that's as far as I got.

padraig said...

I can loan you my absolute power for a year.

It's kinda boring.

Jeff said...

Wait... you're not totally conscious? Well, that does explain a lot.

VE said...

queen goob - Well you're ahead of me on that one. My kids just roll their eyes...

padraig - So your the one that borrowed it last. Don't worry, just because everybody else that's had it has abused the power doesn't mean I will. I probably won't be able to figure out how to turn it on. Does it come with a manual?

jeff - You are quick this year! Did you and Marie go halves in some Super-witty juice?

C said...

Wow! Your resolutions are much more interesting than mine!!! :)

VE said...

c - Impractical ones usually are...

MJ said...

I am an Ox on the Chinese calendar, so where is my good karma and excess money dammit!?!?!?

VE said...

You have to wait until early Feb before it takes effect. I'm sure they're will be a large pallet of cash on your porch come then...

leelee said...

The Ox ROX!

hugs!

VE said...

leelee - Yes he does! Don't mess with him...

Practically Joe said...

There's a pushcart in town selling "The year of the Ox in a Box" ... a bobble headed Ox ... in a Box.
You totally inspired it!

VE said...

joe - Where there's a niche...there's a tacky trinket!

Uncivil said...

What's the differnce between an OX and a buffalo?

BlondeBlogger said...

Hahaha....how did an ox get it's own year?! Well, then there's the rat, too. Weird.

VE said...

uncivil - Dred locks...

blondeblogger - I tell ya...the Chinese are messin' with us.

BlondeBlogger said...

Hahaha! I think you're right! First it was the crazy calendar animals, now it's contaminated toys.

Janna said...

Y'know, I'm here all by myself, all alone the day before my birthday, so lonely that the ox actually looks warm and inviting.

They taste good with barbecue sauce, right?

VE said...

blondeblogger - I don't they they're selling Dali Lama T-shirts though...

janna - Actually, they don't taste very good...I tried a bite in Africa. You'd have to use a LOT of barbeque sauce!

Mrsupole said...

That is one pretty ox and I think it has the power and has achieved total consciousness.

And #4, wow that is just not practicing safe sex and thank goodness you now have wifeypoo to keep you safe.

This is #3.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - Yeah, that No. 4 was just too much work! Oh and...Remember, I am always last...