Friday, January 16, 2009

Coyotes Adapt

The trouble with most of the endangered animals? They’re behind the times. They’re so stubborn. They refuse to adapt.

Coyotes adapt. You don’t see coyotes on the endangered species list. They’ll never be there. Because they adapt. They’re still adapting.

While tigers are still stalking wild gazelles in the last 20 mile block of unfarmed land in Asia the coyotes have converted suburban parks to a pet buffet…

While elephants travel miles through the desert looking for bamboo shoots across lands too harsh for greedy farmers to take advantage of, the coyotes are dressing up as little people and ordering lattes in Starbucks.

While sloths are relegated to remote jungle islands and refuse to move, coyotes and getting into Petco late at night and holding wild parties.

Animals are going to have to adapt to survive. Hippos can easily blend into the suburbs with the careful application of a wig and bikini from Lane Bryant. Utilizing park lakes and oversized public pools, they’ll be able to survive free throughout their lives.

Rare talking parrots can make a great income in the customer service sector…

Monkeys have proven for years they are capable of leaving the trees and starring in films. Researchers feel they would be equally adept in politics.

47 comments:

Kanrei said...

Coyotes cheat! I watch TV and have seen the Coyote on more than one occasion order products from ACME! With a friend like ACME, no one goes extinct.

Quirkyloon said...

You forgot to mention how coyotes help keep the cat population under control.

You got tons of roaming cats? Time to rent a few coyotes from Coyoterminators. You can rent them for a few hours or a few days...you choose! And with this special coupon..you get 15% off with your first rental!

HA!

VE said...

kan - Everyone knows Coyotes aren't Cheetas...they're nearly extinct!

quirklyloon - You should be writing my posts! Ha!

Memarie Lane said...

What about those stubborn geological formations? Will they never learn?

*Just Jen* said...

Coyotes ROCK! I claimed one as my own when I lived in the desert of AZ! Until HE ate my cat! :-(

The Incredible Woody said...

I always hated that damn roadrunner. Poor Wile E.

Roy Scribner said...

This is so true - my folks golf with coyotes in Peoria, AZ all the time. Evidently the coyotes like to nap in the sun, and the golf courses are their preferred spots. The upside, of course, is that there is no stray pet problem in Peoria!

padraig said...

Coyotes are Marines.

Improvise! Adapt! Overcome!

Elizabeth said...

I always have seen coyotes as punk teenage kids. They have such an attitude.

Bazza said...

I don't need researchers to tell me monkeys would be adept in politics, I know monkeys are adept in politics, particularly local politics.

Kurt said...

Perhaps an Indian parrot could get a job in customer service.

Giggle Pixie said...

We live in town, just a few blocks from the Notre Dame campus, in a condo community. Our unit backs up to a small strip of wooded property. We even see coyotes coming up around our patio here, and we can hear them out in the woods at night. They DEFINITELY adapt.

And as for them ordering lattes in Starbucks? I've suspected this for some time, so thanks for confirming my suspicions. They're the ones that butt in line and buy tons of sugary goodies to go along with their sugar-laden drinks!

LOLOL

EmmaK said...

I wrote something very similar about this here asking my readers what is the point of the vast majority of animals like the koala (the answer was: to pee on tourists). Animals must learn to earn their keep if they want to stick around.

Jaime said...

that coyote never really seemed to adapt...he kept buying more toys from Acme, but he could never beat the roadrunner. if he wanted to adapt, wouldn't he go after dinner that was a little slower and easier to catch?

oh wait. did you mean REAL coyotes?

Kevin John said...

"Researchers feel they would be equally adept in politics."

They would have to adapt to parasites, leeches and unmentionable virial scum, but all in all, we might get a better deal.

Good point VE.

leelee said...

Blogging even from sun valley!! I'm impressed...why even YOU adapt..

HUGS!!

Gladys said...

Yes it is evolution at it's finest isn't it? Why the last time I was on the beach some people actually mistook me for a whale. They thought that Shamu had developed cankles and learned to walk. I AM NEVER wearing that black and white bikini again@!

Chris Wood said...

Monkeys have been in politics for years. Thought everyone know that ...

Janna said...

They're not endangered?
Really?

Why don't we start eating them, then?
They might be really good in fajitas.

Though, for all we know, this is what Taco Bell has been serving us for years.

Mmmmm.... "Steak" chalupas.

Megan said...

I've never seen bikinis in Lane Bryant.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I saw a hippo turning tricks down the street in f-me heels and a tube top. Those whore hippos.

VE said...

marie - What makes them form in the first place? What do they have to prove

just jen - Smoooth. He worked you for the cat from the inside...

incredible woody = Yeah...but how many road runners you see compared to coyotes

roy - Yep...coyotes know where the good life is

padraig - They should do a special Survivor coyote edition

elizabeth - Yeah, but teenagers are scrappers too

bazza - But if the researchers didn't tell you they wouldn't have a job

kurt - They'd make excellent customer service

giggle pixie - They're driving up the prices of lattes you know!

emmak - How dare you write about something I do earlier than me. Good one...

jaime - They only made that cartoon to gain sympathy for the stupid road runner

kevin - Researchers need something to do

leelee - The skiing is exhuasting. It's like doing a full season in four days. These runs are way long. I have to pace myself...

gladys - what are whales going to adapt to?

chris - We're slower over here you know.

janna - This explains a lot. I always wondered what chalupa actually meant.

megan - It's in the special section...

self-deprechaun - Hey...they gotta survive too...

Carla said...

I'd like to see pictures of all this. Especially the hippos blending in. I'm visual you know.

Serena said...

We all have to adapt. If the hippos and the monkeys can do it, surely the wiley coyote can.:)

lime said...

i know a few snakes who are highly adaptive too. fortunately the blade of a shovel to the neck often does the trick.

gab said...

when I stop laughing maybe I can leave a comment!

Annie Ha said...

unrelated to this post, your stupid thought of the day is something that has irritated me for quite some time now

nursemyra said...

so that's where my parrot's been moonighting

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

There was a coyote in Chicago (in my SIL's neighborhood) two summers ago and the cops surrounded it and shot it. Sad, very sad. But, the cops had a good time.

Alex L said...

'Monkeys have proven for years they are capable of leaving the trees and starring in films. Researchers feel they would be equally adept in politics.'

Rats as well.

MJ said...

^ Snakes too.

carlae said...

...and scientific experiments too.

ReformingGeek said...

It's amazing where coyotes can set up housekeeping. Have you checked the basement lately?

The rats rule the world, especially in politics.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I say we Cougars rule!

VE said...

carla - Yes, I'm visual too but I had to adapt around my ski trip....sorry.

serena - Oh yes, that was just Wile E's day job.

lime - Yes, that blade of the shovel thing works. I had to use that once with a rattlesnake

gab - Too late. ;)

annie ha - Its so true isn't it?

nursemyra - Hope you get half of that income...

arizona - Sometimes adapting doesn't work out so well...kind of like when George Bush took office.

alex - Yes, rats even have love songs written for them. Go figure...

mj - Snakes are quite adept. It helps being spineless you know.

carlae - It gives researchers a job you know

reforminggeek - Fortunately I don't have a basement... but I suspect they've been sneaking up to my rec room and playing pool...

prefers her fantasy life - Cougars are like the Jedi of the animal world... rarely seen but don't mess with 'em.

Alan Smithee said...

Alan Sithee would like to thank you for his commenting bribe. You da man.

Jeff said...

Coyotes are smart too... Maybe even smarter than a lot of people. For example, you don't see any of them up here in MN in -25 degree weather.

Dee said...

BRAT i shop at Lane Bryant LOLOL

Quickroute said...

Coyotes with pepper sauce - Korea - yummy!

VE said...

alan smithee - Was that a movie quote?

jeff - Yes, all the smart people left there long ago ;)

dee - Oh now Dee, you know how juvinile I am...I could have said Big Lots instead I suppose

quickroute - Yeah...even some coyotes don't adapt...

Maureen said...

My daughter, a Starbucks barista, can verify that yes, indeed, coyotes DO in fact hang out at the Bucks. That can be the only reason for some of the attitude she gets from some customers.

Uncivil said...

Snakes have proven over the years, that they can slither out of their holes and hold public office!

VE said...

maureen - That's the real problem with coyotes...it's the attitude. If they would just be a little more caring...

uncivil - I think they even enjoy doing so...

Starrlight said...

Little Doggie, Big World at Starbucks. I love it!

VE said...

starrlight - It feels like they're in line sometimes...

Mrsupole said...

Ditto to what Uncivil said. And the sad thing is they never stop slithering.

#13, I am working hard here.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - I think they're republicans... ;) Remember, I am always last...