Monday, January 12, 2009

Cutting Expenses in Half

This just in…

Ordinary overconsuming people right here in the USA have had to resort to drastic measures in order to make ends meet.

“I’ve had to cut everything in half” lamented one materialistic zealot we talked to.

Here are some of VE’s tips toward cutting expenses in half:

Start with the house. Half your mortgage will save a lot. You’ll benefit from a wonderful view and have a nice breeze to replace that stuffy feel.

Cut your wardrobe in half. Limit your fashions to only the necessities. It will provide an added benefit of getting you through airport security much faster as well and allow a year round tan.


Your automobile can be very expensive. Move to a half vehicle instead. You save on everything: purchase price, gas, insurance, maneuverability and envy.

Yes…everything needs to be considered when you have to cut things in half. Consider shopping at Half.com too. They specialize in half items….because you either half or half not!

51 comments:

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I would so be wearing cool underwear if I went the plastic bag over the body route.

VE said...

prefers - Yeah, the tidy whities aren't cutting it, are they?

Chris Wood said...

That's true - see through coat = top quality shorts, surely?

Jaime said...

ugh! can't we ban people from going out in public looking like that???

Roy Scribner said...

VE - In honor of this post I only rea...

Kurt said...

Th i th grea po ev.

lime said...

remember flo-jo? i think she started economizing back in the olympics when she wore that one legged unitard.

Quirkyloon said...

VE, nice pic of you and the missus! And do you know where they sell a saw large enough to cut the house in half? I'm all on that! Just need a saw to help me out! I like the clean cut line of the house pic and want my house to look the same!

lol

The Incredible Woody said...

Why black socks? Anything but black socks! Flip flops. Rain boots. Just not black socks!

Anne said...

OK, it's no secret you edit your pictures to prove your points, but I want to know how you did that second one, photoshop out the clothes, but not the undies.

Jacki said...

How about if I only paid half my bills? That would certainly save a lot of money.

Megan said...

Kurt wins.

MJ said...

If you find that saw that cuts houses in half, let me know. I have some "friends" to visit.

Carla said...

I can see we're going to have a rush on clear plastic. What a statement. Not quite sure what the statement is though.

Kanrei said...

Half a girlfriend is pretty cheap too, but I have learned that making a half girlfriend is slightly illegal and they don't last too long after the split, but the savings are amazing!

Memarie Lane said...

just don't cut your kids in half.

Sarah said...

If they didn't waste their money on matching plastic ponchos and umbrellas they could probably afford outfits...or at least decent looking underpants!

Starrlight said...

Can I cut my workload in half?

leelee said...

I think I will take

Giggle Pixie said...

If I cut my husband in half it would certainly save money on food and laundry and such. But I'll have to think on which half I'd really want to keep. :-)

angie said...

How about only be in charge of my kids half the time?

yellojkt said...

Does that van get twice the mileage?

VE said...

chris - Clearly quality isn't what they were going for...

jaime - Yes...we can require everyone to wear the new "Earth uniform". It'll impact the fashion industry though...

roy - Why, tha

kurt - Wh tha yo!

lime - I actually wanted to do a uni-pant but I couldn't seem to find good source pictures to make it happen. Some posts take just too much time for my ambition and my damn brain interface with blogger isn't working!!

quirkyloon - Ha! Nice try...that wouldn't be me with those tighty-whities! As for the saw, probably contact "Old Growth Eliminators Inc."...it's a Bush funded company.

incredible woody - I agree... anything but black socks. But judging from their appearance, fashion isn't a high priority...

anne - It is true, many of my pictures I create for a purpose. But others I just stumble upon and save. That happened to be the case for this one. No idea where it came from. I suspect they are real people that have somehow missed the gene pool elimination processes set up...

jacki - Those darn utilites are so particular. They'll just suddenly shut off your water without warning. Not that it has ever happened to me, of course...

megan - Kur i clev

mj - The saw is good for separating the house with a moat containing sharks too. Good to put the kids on one side...

carla - Well we know it's clearly not a FASHION statement!

kan - Ha! That would cut down significantly on expenses!

marie - Is that how one gets half brothers?

sarah - Yes, unfortunately there is that plastic start up cost...

starrlight - That's easy...quit!

leelee - And then I will

giggle - All depends on how you do the cutting!

angie - That's called divorce and co-households...you really don't want to go there...

VE said...

yellojkt - Yes, but it only has half the tank capacity...

ReformingGeek said...

Halve the utilities by turning down your heater to half what it's running at now, so that would be about 35. Do the same with the hot water heater and water pressure.

Cut your money in half. Spend less.

Oh HELL NO! Just forget it. ;-)

Serena said...

I'm all for economizing and am willing to cut certain corners. I really have to wonder how even a tan-in-a-bag would be, though. Plus, you'd always have to wear nice undies with no holes; i.e., an added expense.:)

VE said...

serena - My spiderman underoos are all in pristine conditon....

The Self-Deprechaun said...

Wow I like those outfits and it seems easy to clean too. If I had inherited the hairsuite gene, I would become a sasquatch if i could or at least have a suit of hair, that could be economical as well.

Janna said...

Their socks match.
Their plastics match.
Their underwear matches.
Even their hair is the same color.

Then... when it came to the umbrellas, suddenly they had to assert their individuality.

Bob: "I want yellow umbrellas."
Mary: "No! Let's get blue."
Bob: "Are you crazy? I don't want an umbrella that's going to remind me of my balls. Here. Take the yellow one."
Mary: "If you don't let me have a blue umbrella, you're never getting laid again, Bob."
Bob: (*sigh*) "Fine. We'll compromise."

Quickroute said...

Half of me wants to tell you what a great post this is so here goes...

Great post x ½

Elizabeth said...

Hmmm, this could be a chance to get rid of half my dogs. I think we'd save a lot of money if we got rid of Fred, my husband's grumpy husky. But then my husband would probably go with him :P

Alex L said...

As long as the half of the house still has the bathroom I'm fine with it.

Matt-Man said...

Are socks really a necessity? Slackers. Cheers!!

padraig said...

Transparent clothing is verboten with tightie whities. Boxers required.

EmmaK said...

They could cut their houses into quarters and still have room to live. I often watch those house buying programs on HGTV when couples with one kid say they need a five bed home with four bathrooms and the TRIPLE garage would be handy. In the UK you would be very lucky to have one bathroom in the house and one toilet!! Americans need to realize that 4000 sq foot is not a 'small house'!!!!

ettarose said...

VE, what about half the sex? Or half the family jewels?

VE said...

self-deprechaun - A suit of hair is fine for any formal occasion...

jannaverse - That is odd, isn't it? You've nailed the scenario though!

quickroute - What does the offer half of you want to do?

elizabeth - And you have a problem with him following? You can get pictures of him just like those 'sponser a child' deals...

alex - you could just pee down some pvc pipe to the neighbors...

matt-man - The socks gotta go...lame!

padraig - I usually go commando with my plastic clothes...

emmak - So true. They all need to try and rent in London! There are hallways bigger than 4000 sq feet here (so you can drive the go cart to the bathroom...)

ettarose - Half the sex? That's called a mediocre marriage. Half the family jewels? That's the Lance Armstrong method...

gab said...

reminds me of the commerical where the lady at the store is cutting everything in half until she gets to the velvita cheese!
I wonder how that car was kept upright? optical illusion?

Practically Joe said...

I half to tell ya ...
My better half has an idea of a half she'd like to get rid of.

BTW ... I had more to say but I'm saving the other half of my comment.

Bazza said...

I just thought this was what happened when you got divorced.

VE said...

gab - I'm guessing it's a very well done photoshop picture...

joe - Good thing your saving that other half because with this economy half your savings is no more!!!

bazza - It certainly helps the process...

Uncivil said...

I'm all for 1/2 work days!

VE said...

uncivil - I'm all for no work days...

Gladys said...

If you cut your house in half do you only pay 1/2 the rent or mortgage?

What about kids? Do you keep the poopy end or the mouthy one? I guess that would depend on whether they are babies or teenagers.

VE said...

gladys - I'd keep the mouthy one. There's always headphones and duct tape...

Maureen said...

You'd think half and half would cost 50% of regular milk, but nooooo.....

VE said...

maureen - WHAT is the other half?

Mrsupole said...

I will only leave a ha o a comm he.

Th is 9

G B.

P ...co pic

VE said...

mrsupole - I think I got slightly more than half a comment...bonus! Remember, I am always last...

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