Monday, January 19, 2009

An Editing Expose

VE investigators have done it again. An amazing cover up expose. No…they aren’t exposing themselves either…

It seems that for years, the world of publishing have been covering up their embarrassing failures coming from the editing departments. Yes, in a secret vault hidden deep under Iron Mountain VE’s investigators have become the first ever to penetrate this fortress and uncover rare original book manuscripts proving once and for all that many of our most famous books were indeed completely wrong…

The Catcher in the Rye was actually The Catcher Got Hit in the Eye.

The Lord of the Rings was actually Loud are the Rings

The Grapes of Wrath was actually The Graves of Rats

Atlas Shrugged was actually Atlas got Shagged

To Kill a Mockingbird was actually To Cook a Mockingbird.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was actually The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Ford Galaxy

Naked Lunch was actually Baked Lunch

Of course all of these titles needed a cover up with a complete rewrite. The Graves of Rats could no longer be a journey about a lonely rat down on his luck in Nebraska. They improvised and rewrote it. Atlas got Shagged could no longer be classified as light erotica once they removed all the sex and filled in with an additional 900 pages just to confuse anyone of suspecting their cover up.

51 comments:

Beth said...

So that's where my submission went. I thought it ended up in the slush pile. I'd be happy to do a re-write and I'm okay with a title change.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Isn't "The Sun Also Rises" really "The Sun Also Sets, Especially When You Drink Yourself To Death"?

Just wondering.

Roy Scribner said...

I wondered what happened to VE's Sabbatical Offense!

The Incredible Woody said...

Billy Budd was originally Billy's Bud, about a teen's first experience with marijuana.

VE said...

beth - The manuscript stacks were a bit high in there but I'm sure your classic is in there too!

prefers her fantasy life - You've been there too huh? Yes, it started out just a tad bit darker of a story...

roy - Ha! Yes, even my stuff was originally serious and meaningful...

The Self-Deprechaun said...

Mockingbirds used to be so delicious before they changed that title, now everyone judges me every time when I suggest that for dinner.

Quirkyloon said...

Oh VE, you are treading into sacred territory....

My LOTR will not be mocked!

LOL

Pwn Greenland said...

My favourite version of "To Kill a Mockingbird" is "How To Kill A Mockingbird". It's all kinds of awesome.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I heard The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe was supposed to be The Lion, The Bitch and Her Wardrobe and was actually about a cross-dresser. That sort of thing was taboo, though....

Chris Wood said...

You have cleared up so much, especially William Burroughs.

padraig said...

Atlas Got Shagged would have been a much more entertaining book.

Gladys said...

I heard that War and Peace was actually Ward and his Peas. It was a pop up book but when they re-wrote it they made it all depressing.

lime said...

little women was always called that but originally it was supposed o be about dwarves.

Jeff said...

I'm just glad you decided to change your original blog name... VE's Fantastical Incense.

MJ said...

See, I wouldn't have been able to write this post. Mine would have ended up being entirely made of sex jokes. LOL. Way to show restraint!

Bazza said...

and William Shakespeare's real name was William Shakesaleg.

Kurt said...

Ha!

Sarah said...

Atlas got Shagged - hahaha

Dee said...

Baked Lunch sounds good right about now!

Elizabeth said...

Ha Ha! I needed The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Ford Galaxy last year when I was looking for a new car!!

Chris C said...

So War and Peace wasn't originally named War What Is It Good For?

that old gag...

Memarie Lane said...

One of the greatest fiascos of history is when Darwin's The Origin of Feces was published as The Origin of Species. What was meant to be a description of the lower intestinal tract turned into a theological and scientific debate that continues today. Funny how things snowball like that.

Serena said...

I can rest easy now, knowing that my manuscript is lying safely in a cellar waiting its turn for a new title. I just hope it gets a good, well known one that will guarantee a few sales.:)

Matt-Man said...

You think you're so damn funny, dont ya? Well, knock it off.

Sincerely,

Mary Shelley
Author of, "Frank is Fine"

Giggle Pixie said...

If Naked Lunch had been Naked Bunch, maybe I would have enjoyed it. LOL

leelee said...

hahahahahahahaha:

The Incredible Woody said...
Billy Budd was originally Billy's Bud, about a teen's first experience with marijuana.



hahahahahahahahahahahaha

HUGS!!

Megan said...

Couldn't do anything with Moby Dick, though, I see...

Janna said...

"
The Catcher in the Rye was actually The Catcher Got Hit in the Eye."


Also known as "The Catcher Should Have Swallowed."

Maureen said...

Ah! So THAT explains why Mr Prefect's name was Ford... makes sense now.

angie said...

Wait a minute. I haven't heard of a few of those famous books. I AM out of touch. Crap.

yellojkt said...

Two people already made War and Peace jokes, but I already have mine worked out:

It was meant to be Warren's Piece and it was a porn novel.

Jaime said...

and king lear was originally "king beer" - a tale of drinking and debauchery...

it's late - that's the best i've got...

ReformingGeek said...

Oh, VE, you've done it again. You're exposing all the evils of the world. There will be a special place in you-know-where for you. ;-)

Lord Jim -> Lord of Germany, The story of Hitler's conception.

Carla said...

Ha ha ha haha...Too funny.

ettarose said...

Very good. I really laughed over this list.

Jacki said...

Perhaps you should do an expose of all the celebrity memoirs that have been coming or will be coming out soon. I would love to see what they really were before the editors got to them.

Are you not visiting other blogs anymore?

Uncivil said...

All the President's Men is now called All the President's Peeps!

VE said...

self-deprechaun - Ha! They're very tasty stuffed with hallucanagetic mushrooms too...

quirkyloon - Yes, I love LOTR too...but to really love it you must be able to step back and make fun of it too.

pwn greenland - Ha! That's funny.

arizona - Ha! You could have a lucrative career in publishing!

chris - And I never even knew he was blurry...

padraig - And unless he took viagra I don't think it would have been over a thousand pages...

gladys - How can you go wrong with a popup book?

lime - Ha! They should be introduced to those other seven dwarves...

jeff - I'm incensed that you found out my original title! Or maybe I should just burn some incense...

mj - It's hard to restrain...but I have a lot of 7th graders reading this you know...

bazza - See...we never get the real story on your history over here...

kurt - Once again, you've managed to raise the bar on abreviated comments!

sarah - He also had shag carpet...

dee - I agree!

elizabeth - I'd be concerned about all those miles getting it from the galaxy though

chris c - See...sometimes I laugh at the stupidist things and that song also makes me laugh...

marie - Ha! Good one. I always wondered if Darwin had a lisp...

serena - You are so patient awaiting that complete rewrite! I'd be so nervious...

matt-man - Ha! You clever guy you...

giggle pixie - Some more bunchy than others...

leelee - I always thought Billy Bud was a southern tale up there with Bobby Sue and Tammy Fae and such

megan - Do you really want to go there? ha ha. Whales are BIG you know...

janna - Ha! There goes my elementary school approval rating!

maureen - I'm glad you can make sense of it all. You know me... I specialize in nonsense...

angie - Just watch the movies... it's quicker. They change them again there anyway.

yellojkt - See...you can never have enough War and Peace jokes!

jaime - I'm even later commenting... I'll take it! ha...

reforminggeek - That book ends badly...can we get a rewrite?

carla - I wonder how many of the classics did have title changes before getting published?

ettarose - You're laughing at me, aren't you?...go ahead, admit it...

jacki - You should never encourage me to expose anything. You remember the naked skydiving post...

uncivil - True, so true...

Chris Eldin said...

AHAHAH! I never read Atlas Shrugged. But I'd read the one you're talking about...
:-)

VE said...

chris - And I'll bet it was a much more interesting page turner...

Starrlight said...

Hah! I own every one of those. And what's wrong with those 900 pages from Ayn? I mean really that is a thesis that boils down to the Aristole principal A is A!

And screw Readon and Galt, gimme Francisco for the porn version. Rawr!

VE said...

starrlight - I never actually said there was anything wrong with the 900 pages. Except for that tiny print that is...

Starrlight said...

Oh my God I know! It's freakin microscopic!

Scott said...

to cook a mockingbird and to kill a mockingbird are two separate books, too cook is the sequel. I am surprised you didn't know that VE! Come on man, check your sources!

VE said...

starrlight - I blame my eyesight going on it. The lawsuit should end in about 20 years...you'll get your 30 cents worth...

scott - My sources are gnomes and they have this nagging habit of messing with me. Sorry about that! I'll hide their hats in retaliation...

Starrlight said...

Oh it's a good thing she is dead. I swear Ayn would blow a blood vessel over that lawsuit. The mental images made me cackle a bit.

VE said...

starrlight - I'm hoping she doesn't come back from the dead. Zombies are already pissed enough...

nursemyra said...

I'm with giggle Pixie. I never got past page 30

VE said...

nursemyra - That's a lot of pages! I read the title and the back cover. Then I went for a hot tub...exhausting reading...

Mrsupole said...

The things you uncover are just amazing. How do you get into these hidden societies and vaults? You sure know how to pay people off.

#14. I can so do this. Ha ha, well maybe up to 30 or 40 or 50. More work to go.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - I have the gnomes get in. They just ask so many times it drives people mad. Remember, I am always last...