Saturday, January 10, 2009

It's Not Easy Being VE

Yeah, that's right...I snuck in a Saturday post while you weren't looking...

First of all, I audited the blog roll and it's correct through Thursday, Jan 8th now. Those are set in stone...I won't be looking back to any more comments on those. Can't say I didn't warn ya! Remember, you can back comment if you want your tally but only to the date I have there. Also, you can put in 5,000 comments on a post, it's not gonna increase your tally! One tally per post.

Ok, that out of the way, it is a new year. That has implications. Something happens to VE nearly every year. Don't believe me? Check it out:

2008: Three broken ribs skiing, possible broken toe (well, it looked black and blue for a week or so)

2007: Allergic reaction from antibiotics leaving my entire body in a rash while hiking in Death Valley. I had a cobra snake spit venom at me in Africa but nothing happened.

2006: Bus caught on fire while in Costa Rica; left us stranded on remote highway.
Rioting in Sao Paulo Brazil right as I’m there for work

2005: Divorce. Staff infection in Brasil (got it from swimsuit chaffing while at the beach)

2004: NOTHING!!!!! Wohoo

2003: Sprained knee (one ski didn’t make it by the out of bounds marker and wrenched…)

2002: Engine caught on fire while flying back from Brazil over the Amazon and had to make an emergency landing in Guyana.

2001: Adult Chicken Pox. Shingles (cause by the Chicken Pox)

2000: Crashed inline skating down a big hill in Brazil; road rash patch the size of a dinner plate on my butt/leg

1999: Super typhoon Zeb in Taiwan

1998: Boogie board accident in Maui (caught an inverted wave that snapped my neck and cut my eye on the beach…lucky I’m not paralyzed from the incident…)

1997: Broke my arm in five places inline skating (have plates to this day). Attacked by two Rotweilers while walking my son in the neighborhood (it’s a crazy story…)

1996: Got an Echo virus and was in bed for two weeks (it’s a common kids virus but really rough on adults…worse sore throat of my life)

1995: Benign tumor above my left eye (successfully removed…probably sun related)

1994: Hit by a car bike riding

1993: Hit twice by cars: once bike riding, once inline skating

Ok, that’s 15 years and only one free and clear year. I can look back at the prior 15 and it’s just as bizarre: nerve damage javelin throwing, viral pneumonia, heat exhaustion white water rafting, Earthquake, broken bones.

Like I’ve said…it’s not easy being me…

59 comments:

Kelley said...

Dude, you just don't learn from your mistakes do you?

Don't leave the damn house!

And I don't see Ebola on that list. That would be truly hard core.

Megan said...

Stay indoors and post on all seven days?

I mean, damn, dude. Talk about living life to the injuriousest...

BlondeBlogger said...

I so don't feel sorry for you. All I see is blah, blah Maui, blah, blah, Africa, blah, blah, Brazil. :)

Memarie Lane said...

Don't forget blah blah Costa Rica!

ReformingGeek said...

Uh....I've said before that I absolutely refuse to travel with you and if I find out you're on my flight to anywhere, I'm outta there.

;-)

Jaime said...

wow. maybe you should stay indoors and watch a little more tv. all this travel is hazardous to your health

Roy Scribner said...

Right on! Living safe is so..."normal."

The Incredible Woody said...

Wow - just think of all the cool stories you have to tell us!!

Quirkyloon said...

Dang VE! What happened did you piss off Voo Doo Royalty?

You need to go UNDO whatever it is you did and beg, plead for forgiveness.

Offer her your first born or something...or SOMETHING!!!

Makes me REAL glad that I'm not VE!

BlondeBlogger said...

LOL @ Memarie....exactly!

Kurt said...

The comment count thing is stressful. Just sayin.

Angie said...

Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!

VE said...

kelley - Actually, I seriously avoided the places where ebola was breaking out. The thing is...I always seem to live through it

megan - Injuriusest. Nice word! Probably has a picture of me next to it...

blondeblogger - Well...if somebody asked you to snap your neck in order to go to Hawaii, would you? If they told you gangs will take over Sau Paulo, Brazil while you are there and that your planes engine is going to catch fire over the Amazon on the way home...would you still go?

marie - Don't forget Russia...oh wait, I didn't mention that story...

reforminggeek - Well then don't go to Florida or the Carribean in April...

jaime - I'm sure the TV would explode...

roy - And the conclusion is...I'm not normal

incredible woody - Well I do have that. I'm a shoo-in for campfire stories

quirkyloon - That's what I need...and UNDO card.

blondeblogger - If you don't go out and see the world, how can you have new disasters and injuries?

kurt - Only you make it stressful. Or is that only you can prevent forest fires. Something like that...

angie - I have a high pain tolerance...

BlondeBlogger said...

Wait...you knew I was kidding, right? I'm just jealous of all the places you've been. :)

But yeah, major suckage on all the bad things that have happened to you. And my answer would definitely be no!

Alex L said...

VE's to do list
-Get bubble
-Live in bubble

gab said...

so from 1993 to 2004 is what about 11 years? and we are only in 2009 so from 2004 until 2015 it seems you will have more of the same. Man thats sucks big time. So lets see buy more life insurance, then buy more insurance to be a little safer then maybe buy some more! Then you at least will be covered for just about anything right? But I agree with Alex....live in a bubble!

gab said...

sorry make that 2011. I forgot the years between 2004 and now!

Megan said...

You spelled it wrong...

How dare you misspell my made-up word?

Bazza said...

Yes but think of all the future blogging opportunities.

Chris Eldin said...

With so many exciting accidents happening to you in the past, you've really ratcheted up the excitement for this year!
hehehe
:-)

Hope you can drop by the Book Roast this week during the launch!

Giggle Pixie said...

Good Lord, man! As they are known to say in the military, "Whose mess kit did you piss in?" LOL

Have you looked into the possibility of an exoricism? I'm thinking there's some evil spirits inside you that are intent on causing you harm!

Or maybe you need to visit a Voodoo Doctor to have him lift a curse that's been put on you. Yeah, that's the one! Hurry, while it's still early in the year! :-)

Hale McKay said...

Only one incident-free year out of 15?

Dude, you need to nail a horseshoe over your doorway. Keep a supply of rabbit foot key chains around.

Hopefully 2009 will be a good one for you. (Then again it is only the 11th of January!)

VE said...

blondeblogger - You thought I was serious? I'm never serious. I'm usually childish and prankish...

alex - My luck...the bubble would collapse in my sleep injuring me.

gab - That's looking like one of those math story problems. A train leaves from... I'll just stick with hopes of good luck...

megan - I knew I should have cut and pasted...

chris - I suffer for good stories and the entertainment of my readership! ha ha

giggle pixie - Perhaps I suffer to prevent others from suffering?

hale - I'm hopeful!

HeyJoe said...

2009: Joe takes out a life insurance policy on VE.

Elizabeth said...

For me the scariest would have been being "Attacked by two Rotweilers while walking my son in the neighborhood."
When I take my mutts for walks around here I always carry bear spray. Not for the bears but for the darn loose dogs that want to pick fights with mine.

Elizabeth said...

For me the scariest would have been being "Attacked by two Rotweilers while walking my son in the neighborhood."
When I take my mutts for walks around here I always carry bear spray. Not for the bears but for the darn loose dogs that want to pick fights with mine.

Dee said...

YAY FOR 2004! 2005 I'm not buying the whole chaffing swimsuit thing! Sorry about the D but then again you are happily married now and so the D is actually a good thing? no?

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I'm glad you are still alive. I think you need to live in a bunker or when you go out, you need to be a bubble suit or kevlar. But this is all fodder for your posts. So in a sick way, pretty good material.

Beth said...

May 2009 be gentle on your beleaguered body.
At least you have never sustained any serious damage to your sense of humour!

BlondeBlogger said...

Oh, good! Phew! :)

teeni said...

Just wanted to say that I found out about your blogroll through Memarie Lane and I love your way of doing it so I've adopted it as well and will post about it on my blog in the next day or so. You will see the incoming link.

Oh yeah, and please be more careful this year than you have in the past. That's quite a list you have there! :)

Janna said...

So, if you completely avoid all sports, animals, international travel, and ski resorts, you should live a happy and fulfilling life.

You'll slowly go insane while sitting by yourself in a locked room, but hey. No more broken bones or crashed planes.

Marvel Goose said...

Next time you are in Brazil you should get a Macumba high priestess to whip up an amulet for you.

lime said...

holy crap! all i got are 3 car accidents, 2 anaphylactic episodes, and a mangled left arm. i bow to the master of mayhem and self destruction.

Chris C said...

that's it?

Practically Joe said...

Except for the couple of cars that hit you ... all your accidents were on non-motorized sporting equipment.
Maybe you should take up drag racing, dirt biking or jet skiing ... it may be safer for you.

Matt-Man said...

Awwwwwww mannnnnn. Shingles. Dude, I feel sorry even for you. I hear those are painful.. Cheers VE!!

Chris Wood said...

1998 sounds like a particular bummer, but you don't know bad luck. Last year I spilled a full glass of wine (sniff!).

monica said...

hm, reading your blog makes my life seem so..... boring. But you know, better safe than sorry ( uh, I know - yaaawn...)

Jacki said...

I finally figured out what you do for a living...you are an extreme adventurer for the Travel Channel. One of those guys that hangs out with local tribes and eats chocolate-covered termites.

VE said...

heyjoe - 2010...Joe retires in luxury off his life insurance policy...

elizabeth - Did you know I walked around a trail right into a bear up behind Juneau? I've written about it before. Dogs, bears, leopards...it doesn't seem to matter

dee - It wasn't so much the chaffing...men's swimsuits can do that if you're swimming in salt water and then hiking around a bunch without the benefit of rinsing in fresh water. It was picking up staph somewhere and then it was quite difficult to get rid of. Took several years to really get it out of my body. What a pain.

self-deprechaun - I'm moving to the eight sub-basement level of my bunker and sleeping in a kevlar bubble. I hope there's internet connectivity...

beth - Yes, thank goodness for that!!

teeni - Excellent, hope it works for you. I've found it was a pain in the butt to transition the list to a brand new year. But that is because I update mine manually so it only keeps track of one tally per post.

janna - Seemingly so except that toe that looked like it was broken happened because I stubbed it right in my family room on a piece of furniture. I just can't win...

marvel goose - Excellent idea. I like my amulets with cheese and mushrooms...

lime - Of course I'm taking down notes....don't drive with lime...

chris c - Hey buddy, you can't HANDLE all of them! ha ha

joe - That's a weird theory you have there. It just might work!!

matt-man - Yeah, and they're heave to install, up on the hot roof and all...wait, were you talking about housing projects? (yeah, they hurt)

chris - Ha! That's not bad luck, that's a tragedy! I hope it didn't land on your white shag carpet!!

monica - I'm sure somewhere people are doing energetic adventurous stuff without incident and then having a lovely noodle salad with laughing happy friends...

jacki - Termites actually taste like carrots. You don't necessarily need the chocolate but chocolate is good on most anything...especially if you put it on chocolate!

Anne said...

you need to stay out of south and central america

MJ said...

Try staying at home for once sheesh.

Carla said...

I'm sure that something happened in that year that you're saying is clear. You were probably just so traumatized that you're putting it out of your mind.

VE said...

anne - They put me on travel alerts bulletins...

mj - But I did get attacked by the Rotweiler's two blocks from my house while out on a walk. Go figure...

carla - I'm actually traumatized that nothing happened that year. I feel so incomplete now.

Starrlight said...

Ok dude....you totally need to post any and all travel informations regarding trains and planes. Cause I think we'd all like to be sure we are not traveling with you ;)

angie said...

If so many of the things didn't happen in exotic vacation places, I might actually feel sorry for you. :)

VE said...

starrlight - That would be helpful to a great many people!

angie - I could tell you about the time a gang tried to car jack me in Oakland, CA. That's not very exotic...

Sarah said...

That is a lot of bumps and bruises! Holy moly. Let's hope all your limbs are intact in 09!
I cannot believe you got Shingles! I guess you never had chicken pox as a kid huh? ouch!

VE said...

sarah - Benefits of being an only child I guess...

ettarose said...

VE, it's official you are an accident waiting to happen. I thought I was bad, pulling a running lawnmower on top of me as I fell 6 feet down into the creek. Minor s$%t compared to you.

VE said...

ettarose - I would never try and pull a running lawnmower over me. We have blankets for that sort of thing! What were you thinking? ha ha

Uncivil said...

Tally Ho!!!!

VE said...

uncivil - Tally late! But within time for credit still...

Gladys said...

I think you need to wrap yourself in bubble wrap, pad your rooms and not leave your house. Oh and NO COOKING!

VE said...

gladys - Now the no cooking suggestion I might attempt

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Mrsupole said...

You truly are an AWTH and I am glad you had at least one good year.

So are you saying these comments do not count if I do them this late. Well one thing you can say is that at least I am trying to be last since you said I can't be last. Do I get brownie points for trying.

#8

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - Yep, I'm saying you can't sneak back into the archives and get credit with comments. That's why i have a cutoff date on my blog roll. But I enjoy the comments nonetheless. Oh, and remember, I am always last...