Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Moderation Game

Be thankful VE doesn’t use his warped creativity to bad uses. There is creativity on the dark side too you know. That Darth Maul…he was such a prankster.

I’ve explored it a few times before. I had that DNA confetti idea to overburden the CSI squad for your crime. I had that super-gluing quarters onto the pavement and then watching as the kids try in vain to pick them up. There were a few others.

So my next dark childish game is called “Moderation”. No; it’s not going to limit your alcohol consumption or anything boring like that. It’s a challenge game to see who among two of you Bloggers can get another blogger to turn on their comment moderation first.

Now most Bloggers hate comment moderation. If you leave comments it feels like you’re being screened to see if you’re worthy enough to be accepted. Like they might even correct your spelling and grammar errors before posting as if you’re some little kid. And most blog owners don’t like having it on but are afraid of spam, or trolls, or leaving the house naked, or something.

Here are my tips for winning the Moderation Game:

Use profanity. Lots of it. And make no sense with it either. Keep it in the childish tone too. Blog owners hate that. Be careful though, some blog owners take profanity as a challenge and may relish it like a warm blanket!

Change your avatar (that’s your little picture) to something truly offensive. Porn is a good start. But be careful though, some blog owners may actually find it arousing. You need more offensive graphics. You know, an extreme-pierced penis or a photo of Hitler doing Mother Theresa doggy style. Dick Chaney S&M. Really disgusting stuff like. That’s sure to get them to moderate. Careful though, you don’t want to just get deleted. You need to be persistent.

More subtle tips…

Get on to a blog that has many commenters. Start replying back to the commenters as if it was your blog and you wrote the post. As if every one of their readers was your best friend. This will surely drive them to moderation after awhile!

Cut pieces of their blog post into little bits and post them as comments throughout the day. Try to paste in the entire post. Even the longest of posts can be re-commented given enough commenters and time.

Use rude and profanity ridden statements in your comments but leave them in another language and see if they try and translate them.

75 comments:

Quirkyloon said...

I love your more subtle hint of replying back to the commenters...that would be my M.O. of blog torture!!

Thanks for the great ideas! I'm always looking out for news ways of hatin'!

LOL

Oh...and I ain't turnin' it on!

VE said...

quirkyloon - Good thing I'm not very ambitious but I'm glad I could provide others with childish behavior tips...

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Quirkyloon - You fucking cunt. Get an original idea for chrissakes.

VE - What a bullshit game. Are you thinking with your cock again? I would never participate in such a shit-for-brains scheme.

The Incredible Woody said...

quirkyloon - Just tryin' to be helpful!

VE - Your mother would be so proud.

The Incredible Woody said...

Aw, man! Prefers beat me to the punch. And did a much better job!!

Elizabeth said...

Ha, too funny! Sounds like the modern version of prank phone calls!

Scott said...

Using profanity in any situation is the best solution to any problem

Jacki said...

Jeg tænk jere blog er lort.

Vil at blive mig i besvær?

Roy Scribner said...

VE - You need more offensive graphics. You know, an extreme-pierced penis or a photo of Hitler doing Mother Theresa doggy style. Dick Chaney S&M. Really disgusting stuff like [that].

Jaime said...

VE - Porn is a good start. But be careful though, some blog owners may actually find it arousing.

VE said...

prefers her fantasy life - Nice combination of attack, profanity and blog owner mimickry. You forgot to misspell though... everyone knows VE is for shit when it comes to proofreading...

incredible woody - There's the spirit. I thought you were me!

elizabeth - If it's childish... I'll figure it out...

scott - Fuck yes it is!

jacki - Aaack. I knew you damn happy Danish people would end up blogging profanities on my blog! And my blog is pretty shitty... thank you! ;)

roy - Wow, you write just like me! Disturbing!

jaime - Ha! I'm already aroused! Keep quoting me to me some more. Ha ha.

Giggle Pixie said...

You lost me after I found out this wasn't about moderating my alcohol use, 'cause then I had to go make a margarita.

Dee said...

i just couldn't do it!
I'm a failure at being bad, even in a joking way. Its the little angel on my shoulder I guess. She beat the tar out of the guy in the red suit. What am I even talking about ? lol

Starrlight said...

You are an evil man, VE. Evil.

VE said...

giggle - I lost myself for spellchecking after the title...

dee - Don't worry Dee, I can mess with the bloggers for you...

starrlight - See how bad I COULD be? Be thankful I'm never serious or motivated...

Jaime said...

VE - Be thankful VE doesn’t use his warped creativity to bad uses. There is creativity on the dark side too you know.

that's all it takes? a few of your own words in your ear? boy are you fucking easy...

Kanrei said...

I find just being myself usually tends to turn it on PDQ. You and SJ tolerate me, but that is about all.

VE said...

jeane - There you go again! Reminds me of when I was 15 and...nevermind...

kan - Now Kan, you have lemmings the world around. We're just the stalking ones...

Scott said...

thanks for the kind words on my blog VE. Keep up the good work over here!

VE said...

scott - No worries...when I like something I say so. Unless I don't that is.

Jaime said...

More subtle tips…

you can't call a man easy and not give him anything... award for you over on my blog.

Beth said...

Is this a hint of what may be expected from you in the future?
I don't think I'd ever turn on Comment Moderation - I'd have too much fun reading the profanity and enjoying the pranks.

VE said...

jaime - I'll check it out. You realize I'm very mischevious when it comes to awards. They won't be displayed but I might have fun with them on a post. Nothing personal of course.

beth - If you can predict what I'm going to do in the future then you know me better than I do. You won't EVER see comment moderation on my blog. Heck, I'll be featuring a spam I received this week as a post next week...

teeni said...

Sometimes a mind is just a terrible thing, period. LOL. Gotta love your creativity. Fun post, VE!

Kurt said...

I like comment moderation. Sometimes my dad leaves inappropriate comments on my blog, and I can reject them.

VE said...

teeni - Or as Jeffery Dahmer would say "the mind is a terrific thing to taste"

The Incredible Woody said...

We could all team up and pick on one blogger - like someone that's in the news or really rich like The Pioneer Woman!

VE said...

incredible woody - Let's all team up and pick on JD Salinger's blog...

angie said...

What wonderful seeds you are planting in the minds of your readers?????? :)

Jeff said...

Holy shit... suddenly I have a crush on Meg.

VE said...

angie - Yes...I'm a pest sometimes. I just sit back and watch the carnage...

jeff - So do all my readers! Damn!

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leelee said...

I could do this all day ya know..


HUGS!!

Gladys said...

I just had a tooth drilled and filled and you guys are making my slackass face hurt.

Serena said...

I HATE comment moderation. How friggin' easy is it to just DELETE spam or otherwise offensive comments? I'm never turning it on and you can't make me.:)

VE said...

leelee - You're killing me! ha ha I was worried you might have a blog stutter though...

gladys - Drilling? Did they find oil? That's the only reaon I'd want drilling...

serena - Here, here! Long live the free comment world...

Kevin John said...

Damn VE, you got the nerve to come over to my place drink half my beer and all you got to talk about is this??
Methinks you should pop some viagra and get off your lazy lounging black (This comment has been deleted by the moderator) and get going on some good sexist humor.

And VE, is it just me or is Meg and Serena pretty hot? I just *love* spicy girls like Megggg...!
Just between you and me I'ld enjoy the hell if we invite the two of them over for drinks and (This comment has been deleted by the moderator), just before we go out for a long dinner under candlelight.
You can come IF you bring the beer.


Forget the comment moderation, it doesn't work.Ever.

yellojkt said...

Oooh, oooh, pick me you motherfucker cocksucking excuse for a blogger.

Have I mentioned what a steaming pile of unfunny recycled crap your "jokes" are?

VE said...

kevin - Ha! You're messing with fire if you're messing with Meg or Serena. You just might not make it with that plan...they're very commanding you know. I just bow down and they let me play my little blogging game...

yellojkt - Man! Now that is some serious abuse! I love it. Recycling crap feels...well...so green! Especially when it steams. Nice job!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

HA these are great suggestions. I'm trying to make my deprechaun a nazi s&m version but the photoshop is not helping me with the whips and mesh shirts.

Janna said...

я не знаю; они говорили о тебе.
болван глупый :)
мы не можем теперь остановиться, ведь мы так далеко ушли!

Anonymous said...

Be thankful VE doesn’t use his warped creativity to bad uses. There is creativity on the dark side too you know. That Darth Maul…he was such a prankster.

I’ve explored it a few times before. I had that DNA confetti idea to overburden the CSI squad for your crime. I had that super-gluing quarters onto the pavement and then watching as the kids try in vain to pick them up. There were a few others.

So my next dark childish game is called “Moderation”. No; it’s not going to limit your alcohol consumption or anything boring like that. It’s a challenge game to see who among two of you Bloggers can get another blogger to turn on their comment moderation first.

Now most Bloggers hate comment moderation. If you leave comments it feels like you’re being screened to see if you’re worthy enough to be accepted. Like they might even correct your spelling and grammar errors before posting as if you’re some little kid. And most blog owners don’t like having it on but are afraid of spam, or trolls, or leaving the house naked, or something.

Here are my tips for winning the Moderation Game:

Use profanity. Lots of it. And make no sense with it either. Keep it in the childish tone too. Blog owners hate that. Be careful though, some blog owners take profanity as a challenge and may relish it like a warm blanket!

Change your avatar (that’s your little picture) to something truly offensive. Porn is a good start. But be careful though, some blog owners may actually find it arousing. You need more offensive graphics. You know, an extreme-pierced penis or a photo of Hitler doing Mother Theresa doggy style. Dick Chaney S&M. Really disgusting stuff like. That’s sure to get them to moderate. Careful though, you don’t want to just get deleted. You need to be persistent.

More subtle tips…

Get on to a blog that has many commenters. Start replying back to the commenters as if it was your blog and you wrote the post. As if every one of their readers was your best friend. This will surely drive them to moderation after awhile!

Cut pieces of their blog post into little bits and post them as comments throughout the day. Try to paste in the entire post. Even the longest of posts can be re-commented given enough commenters and time.

Use rude and profanity ridden statements in your comments but leave them in another language and see if they try and translate them.

Megan said...

That last commenter is a complete moron.

BlondeBlogger said...

Oh my gosh!!! ROFL @ responding to all the commenters as if you wrote the post, hahahahaha!!!

BlondeBlogger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
VE said...

anonymous - Man...you are quite the chatty Cathy aren't you! What a bunch of drivel...

megan - Totally. What a loser...

VE said...

blondeblogger - Fiendishly original, isn't it?

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Oh thank god moderation has nothing to do with alcohol consumption!

The only obscene phrase I know in another language is:
Skata sto matia sou! Which means, "Shit in your eye" in Greek. I use it quite often....

How's that?

BlondeBlogger said...

~Quirky- Hahaha...thx!

~Prefers- Well, if I had one I probably would.

~TIW- I hope so!

~Elizabeth- Prank calls aren't modern anymore?

~Scott- Fuck yeah.

~Jacki- Como se llama?

~Roy- You are going to hell.

~Jaime- Would that include you?

~GP- What flavor?

~Dee- I'm not sure. I have a number that you might able to get help at. :)

~Starlight- *horns*

~Jaime- I also require a herd of camel and a six pack of Yoo-Hoo's. So no, I am not that easy.

~Kanrei- I just drink a lot before I read your comments. That seems to help.

~Scott- Thanks and your welcome!

~Jaime- Unless it involves cash? Not interested.

~Beth- If I told you, then I'd have to sleep with you.

~Teeni- Thank you! I try.

~Kurt- That was me, not your dad.

~TIW- Or someone severly depressed and ugly. Wouldn't that be more fun?

~Angie- Kumkwat seeds. You can never have too much kumkwat.

~Jeff- You meant to say me, right?

~Leelee- I'm sorry, could you repeat that?

~Gladys- It's okay to tell the truth. Bell's Palsy awareness month is coming up soon.

~Serena- Blackmail photographs are on their way to you as we speak.

~Kevin- Who are you and why are you pretending like you know me?

~Yellojkt- Recycling is good for the earth. Are you trying to tell us that you hate the earth?

~TSD- I have plenty of those kind of pics if you want them

~Janna- Где коза?

~Anon- You seem to know Darth Maul a little too well. Did you have an intimate relationship with him? And is this what caused you to torment children on the streets?

~Megan- I know, right?

~BlondeBlogger- You are hot.

~Arizona- Fail. Try again. ;)

ReformingGeek said...

Um......I read the comments and.....was there a post?

gab said...

although thats a cute idea I think I wont partisipate. First using colorful lanague Im trying to stop. and second Im babysitting grands and just dont have the time.

EmmaK said...

Cut pieces of their blog post into little bits and post them as comments throughout the day

all good tips but I just don't understand VE - I blog about 1 hour a day. How do you manage to blog all day and stick bits all over blogs all day. I mean do you have a job? just answer yes or no. No need to say what it is in case you are in the FBI and monitoring blogs for obscene pics and swearwords. But what gives, does your lady wife financially support you? If so I'm sending you a high five.

VE said...

arizona - Well that's something. The only foreign word I know is Chalupa...

blondeblogger - Oh...if only you could do that for each post! ha ha Very nice.

emmak - Yes

VE said...

reforminggeek - Posts are just an excuse for commenting fun...

gab - That's ok...you can abuse and cuss at a later time...

BlondeBlogger said...

Yeah, but the wind went out of my sails when I went back over the comments and realized "Prefers" was actually kidding in her comment and had already made the same joke. *sigh*

VE said...

blondeblogger - Well you get an A for effort. Hers was early on when it was easy. Plus she's under the assumption that my cock actually thinks...

Janna said...

You said:
"Где коза?

I do not personally know any nanny goats, but will gladly give them your phone number if I happen to meet a cute one.

Janna said...

Actually, BlondeBlogger said "Где коза?".... so I guess I'll have to give the nanny goats HER number instead.
It's just as well.
You would have probably just eaten them, like you did Bambi and Thumper.

Janna said...

мне кажется, что всё в порядке.
я очень надеюсь на это; сама мысль об этом пугает меня.

BlondeBlogger said...

LOL @ Janna!

VE- okay that makes me feel better. :)

(going to go translate what Janna said now)

BlondeBlogger said...

Ha! Look at what I just got in an email:

"Are you a 4-H/FFA member interested in sheep & goats or are you a new or experienced small ruminant producer?"

No, I'm not, btw. :)

C from Randon Thoughts and Musings from the Island said...

HAHAHA! OMG...too funny!! VE, I think someone should create a blog award just for you. Perhaps a "Moderation" award?

Bazza said...

Change your name to Anonymous and mention things like Viagra in the post.

VE said...

janna - Ok, you got me! I have no idea what language that is. Is it Romulan? Jedi? Nirvana? Elvish? I hope it was dirty...

blondeblogger - Ha! Well, I'm glad your not into goats and sheeps. I hear they don't bathe often...

bazza - I'd change my name to Anonymous but it takes so long to sign...

VE said...

c - Why thank you! How is that little baby by-the-way?

Uncivil said...

This author has been removed by the post!

VE said...

uncivil - Excellent...I need a break.

Hindleyite said...

I like to pose as the 'comment police' and recite fake blogging laws to miscreants.

Redditted.

Memarie Lane said...

Fuck! I don't have any offensive pictures of myself.

Nothing can make me turn on comment moderation. Nothing!

Annie Ha said...

Phew! I'm glad I don't have to limit my alcohol consumption.. because this game is a lot easier if I'm drunk when I do it...

VE said...

hindleyite - An excellent idea. I see you have the gift for the dark side too!

marie - Don't challenge me, don't you do it, don't you do it!

annie ha - I try to be accomodating...