Friday, January 23, 2009

Obama's First Days in Office

Let's try out some political humor...seems like everyone else likes to do it...

President Obama indeed had a busy first few days in office. In addition to the well publicized efforts he did on his first day such as a White House Salary Freeze which many staffers took to mean free popsicles in the White House cafeteria, there were other less publicized things:

- He pardoned the suicide terrorist geese that brought down the Airbus 320 jet into the Hudson river saying “The quilt of America is stitched in goose down…”

- His plans to have the detainees from Guantanamo Bay participate in an upcoming world wide boogy board competition was inspiring. “With all the water boarding they’ve been subjected to, they should do quite well.”

US President Barack Obama's first day on the job started at 8.35am when he stepped into the Oval Office to find a note on his desk. It was marked: "To 44, From 43," a goodwill gesture from the outgoing president George W. Bush. Most speculate that 43 was a generous representation of Bush’s IQ while the 44 for Obama represents the 44 things that Bush stole from the Oval office right before vacating.

Mr Obama then savored the moment, spending 10 minutes inside the office alone. VE investigators got an exclusive mind tap into Obama’s thoughts at that very moment (compliments of the Bush Homeland Security Act)…

“Damn…Bush stuck his gum under the desk! What a slob”

“And look at all these tic-tac-toe games in the drawer…he lost every game.”

“I wonder if I’m authorized to put a basketball hoop up on that wall. That’s got to be a foul shot distance from the desk…”

“Now where did Clinton say he put those girly pictures?”


Addressing the turmoil in the Middle East, Mr Obama spoke with four leaders including Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas.

Obama: “Hey Mahmoud…Come on now…just go over and give them some hugs! Let’s end all the conflicts. Hugs are good.”

Mahmoud: “This Winnie the Pooh tactic will not end the suffering and injustice.”

Obama: “It worked in school. You guys need more mother influence in your lives.”

Ehud: “It’s not our way. Our way is to hold grudges for millenniums.”

Obama: “We'll talk some more. I’ve got to go check out the white house. I never got the full tour as a Senator…”

In addition, Obama issue two memos:

1. My car is still parked over by Dupont Circle…can I issue an executive order to override the inevitable parking tickets?

2. The Republicans have all these fancy zero gravity pens around that seem to be out of ink. Have them replaced with the Democrat zero gravity writing instruments (pencils).

Yes, the days are busy for the new President…

56 comments:

Gladys said...

You forgot one.

In a surprizing turn of events Mr. Obama visited the Washington Monument and then left by walking on water across the pond, then promptly ascended to the White House.

Quirkyloon said...

I heard his reply to Ehud was slightly different.

"It's not our way. Our way is to hold grudges for millenniums."

Obama: "Word."

Jaime said...

Didn't he also mandate that the Chief Justice read the presidential oath of office off note cards? I think that was right before issuing a directive for casual fridays in the white house.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Hahahahahahaha!

Pres. Obama always looks like he's saying "You just don't get it, do you?"

I'm really glad he pardoned those geese. Now can he bring them back to life?

padraig said...

Poor Roberts, you have to feel for the guy. He's head honcho on a court that sometime in the next three years is going to be hugely against him. He has 30-40 years of writing minority dissenting opinions ahead of him.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Does that make me sound like a republican or a republican't?

Roy Scribner said...

“The quilt of America is stitched in goose down…”

VE for the win! And come on, parking in Dupont Circle???

Elizabeth said...

He pardoned the geese? Were they being held in some bird jail somewhere?? I didn't know we had those. :)

The Incredible Woody said...

It's all about the damn birds. They are out to get us. The attacks on jets, the bird flu - what's next?

VE said...

gladys - Good point. They don't like to publicize that fact. It confuses the athiests...

quirkylook - Ha! I'll let you write my political posts from now on.

jaime - Casual Friday. Hilarious. I'm all for that.

arizona - Yes, but he's trying to downplay his 'bringing back to life' skills. He'll need them for the economy...

paidrag - Guess that'll be his lot in life. It's not a lot, but it's his life...

roy - Yeah...that was lame. I was too lazy to look up a credible street in DC...

elizabeth - They're super secret. They fool the birds into thinking they don't have their wings anymore and then simulate in throwing them off cliffs...very cruel. Obama will be shutting this one down too.

incredible woody - I don't trust them at all. They've been pooping on us for years...

Kanrei said...

Has Obama found Dubya's flash cards yet? I just am not willing to let go of such a great punchline as Dubya just yet and I really don't think Obama will do as many stupid things. We are in for a very uncomedic 4 years.

Chris C said...

Geese are vile, evil creatures who hate humans.

If he pardons the geese I am so moving to Canada. Wait a minute...

VE said...

kan - This is why I'm glad I don't do a lot of political humor. Half the source material is gone now...

chris - Ha! Clever man. They do hate humans...but can you blame them?

Chris Wood said...

Bush's IQ is 43? You sir are generous.

Sornie said...

You nicely captured the overall dry sense of humor Obama has with the captioned pic. And we need more humor in these tough times. Look for my "inventory reduction sale" soon.

VE said...

Chris - Did I say 43? I thought I had typed 4.3! Oh well...

sornie - See...some things are still free!

Dee said...

don't forget he was thinking.....hehehehehe How I got here the media only knows!

VE said...

dee - Like with many things its not about content but about popularity. I think he has some content in him though. We shall see...

Serena said...

{{sigh}} It's gonna be a long four years. Oh, well, at least Obama can speak English and appreciates the value of goose down.

Kurt said...

“It’s not our way. Our way is to hold grudges for millenniums.”

Ha!

mberenis said...

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VE said...

serena - Yes...most people underappreciate the value of goose down. Tragic...

kurt - Kind of Kurt-like humor, huh? I try...

mberenis - Bah! I'd only end up spending the money. Let somebody else have it. I'm far too unmotivated to be really rich...

Bonnie the Boss said...

Have I mentioned that you make me giggle? Thanks! Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Queen Goob said...

Did we get the list of all things stolen? Sounds like VE better get busy compiling that one.

"Hey Mahmoud…Come on now…just go over and give them some hugs!"... LOL

leelee said...

love it....this was better than Hardball!


HUGS!

Janna said...

I dunno if Clinton left any girlie magazines, but there might still be some suspicious stains on the underside of the desk in the Oval Office.
Right next to the gum.

VE said...

bonnie - Giggling is allowed here.

queen goob - I'm afraid that list is classified. I'll put the gnomes on it and see what they can dig up...

leelee - I never play hardball... one might get hurt...

janna - He never was much for cleaning up, was he?

gab said...

all I can say is LOL.
It might mean that it will take him a long time to actually start working on our problems. Although I think since we made a lot of the problems ourselfs then we should fix them. So how do you think we should start?

unfinishedrambler said...

Hey, you are like one of the things in my recent post by using the word "Obama." Good job.

I think you missed your calling as a political humorist.

C from Randon Thoughts and Musings from the Island said...

LOL! The captions for the first photo cracked me up.

After reading this post, it's clear that you should switch occupations and become a political humorist.

VE said...

gab - You should offer personal bail outs for your neighbors. Joe down the street out of eggs? Bail him out. Sid and Mary can't afford cable TV? String a splitter from your line...

unfinished rambler - I like to take a stab occasionally at things I'm awkward at...political humor is one of them. Its tough competition out there in that space...

c - But then I'd have to follow politics...and they never seem to know where they're going. It would probably drive me crazy...

Giggle Pixie said...

He pardoned those geese? Ha! Rookie mistake. Now they'll just keep bringing their family members here from Canada in flocks and the carnage will only get worse.

VE said...

giggle - Maybe he can make the Guantanamo detainees manage them...

RaBT said...

Clinton put the girly pics in the secret compartment that Nicholas Cage found in National Treasure, clearly! ;)

Megan said...

Dubya can write?

colbymarshall said...

*SNORT*- boogie boarding/Guantanamo/waterboard comment is too funny for words!

VE said...

RaBT - I did a post on Book of Secrets. It's in my Best of List. I don't remember seeing them in the book but you might be right about the compartment.

Megan - I think he had a ghostwriter

colbymarshall - Thanks...I thought everyone missed that one or it was just dumb...

Alex L said...

Yeah but has he fixed things yet... one day already, he needs to get a move on.

Bazza said...

Who is this Obama guy then?

Beth said...

And they said the opportunities for humour would diminish with the departure of Bush...
Not so!

lime said...

i am pretty sure you are right about the IQ estimate.

and may i say, i bow at the master. this was damn funny.

VE said...

alex - Well if they'd stop hosting events to celebrate he probably could.

bazza - He's the guy with more vowels than constinents in his name...

beth - Well they're there; they're just not as easy...

lime - Why thank you. Political humor is a stretch for me; I don't follow it at all...

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I knew Bush would stick bubble yum under the table. Maybe even inside the Abraham Lincoln Bible. Obama is busy making sure his cabinet is full of really good basketball players just in case world peace issues will come at the fate of a playoff system with other countries and their leaders. How great would that be? The fate of the world would depend on Obama's jump shot!

VE said...

self-deprechaun - Ha! It's not the game I'd worry about, it's the rowdy spectators with the nuclear weapons...

Kevin John said...

I am reporting you all to the ACLU,Homeland Security and PETA.

You're screwed now.

Maureen said...

Buwahahahahaha.... love the caption. Did they EVER get it right?

Uncivil said...

You remember that last post about comment moderation?

http://barackobamasucks.net/

VE said...

kevin - Wait...I have a note...

maureen - Who knows. Why does it matter anyway. Like somebody is going to come by later and say...oh, it wasn't said right and therefore you're not president...

uncivil - There you go again. King of the Repulicans to the last! ha ha

yellojkt said...

Dubya left some coloring books in the Executive Washroom.

VE said...

yellojkt - Bet he couldn't even keep within the lines...

Hindleyite said...

"He pardoned the suicide terrorist geese that brought down the Airbus 320 jet into the Hudson river"

Time to dig out the "Impeach the president" placards. Might have to scrub the word "Kennedy" off it first, though...

Stumbled.

Memarie Lane said...

That looks round to me, not oval, but I didn't do too well in geometry.

VE said...

hindleyite - I would guess you are a Republican! ;)

marie - I saw the original Star Wars movie for the first time during a field trip from my Geometry class. First and only time I enjoyed a math clas...

Carla said...

I'd like to see that list of stolen articles. Hmm...

VE said...

carla - Due to ongoing litigation they cannot yet be revealed...

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