Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Those Damn Year End Bucket Lists

So after yesterday's fashion post it would seem several readers need "Puppies and Rainbows" again...
Sheesh...

Now that we're in a new year I’m seeing them all over the blogsphere. You know, the list of things you must accomplish in your life in order to be considered interesting. Or whatever. They did a whole movie about it awhile back called the Bucket List. All the things you should do before you kick the bucket. Strangely enough actually kicking a bucket is not on the list.

Of course it’s ok for you to create your own list. But imposing these canned lists on people is ridiculous. I don’t want to sing a solo starring in my own musical on Broadway! And I don’t want to feel incomplete by not being able to ‘check off’ something I never wanted to do in the first place.

For all those people who create these “you’ll feel like a loser” lists, here, I got one of my own for ya…

1. Build a dung ball in your garage and just before it’s too big to get out, roll it over to your least favorite neighbor’s home

2. Dig a tunnel through the middle of Everest and when asked why state “because it wasn’t there…”

3. Catalog every hair follicle on your entire body and then change all your passwords to your pet mother’s maiden name plus the total number of hairs

4. Run the chunnel between Britain and France on New Years Eve wearing a black T Shirt with a white dashed line going vertically down the middle.

5. Tie helium balloons onto your lawn chair and establish a neighborhood altitude record

6. Get kicked out of every library in the United States for excessive yodeling

7. Have liposuction done only on your big toe

8. Go to a Vegan Convention wearing a bacon strip necklace and order barbeque ribs for lunch.

9. Adapt perpetual motion into a practical energy source available at your local Walmart

10. Drive a Chariot through Manhattan wearing a Toga and providing Ben Hur quotes to passerbyes


There. My 10 should equate to more than their 100. I wish them good luck!

66 comments:

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I don't have a bucket list, but I do have a list of my top ten bloggy crushes on my post today. And you made the cut.

*Just Jen* said...

Sadly, I tried #5 when I was little and even 30 balloons wouldn't lift my chair! LOL Love your list!

VE said...

prefers - I hope I wasn't crushed too badly...I need to be able to ski at Sun Valley next week...

just jen - You should have borrowed one of those Macy's parade size ones...that should work. I keep one in the garage. It's hard to inflate though....takes a lot of blowing.

Chris Wood said...

No. 4 is seriously overrated. I did that. Damn trains.

Bucket list? That's a great idea. Don't know why I haven't heard of that before, except that in the UK we only just got toothpaste.

lime said...

#3, what about the alopecia patients?

VE said...

chris - Well at least you guys had the Beatles and Led Zep. What do we have? Britney and Paris? I'm glad toothpaste has finally arrived though...

VE said...

lime - Yeah...they get a free checkmark. Good luck to them on Everest without any hair though...

ReformingGeek said...

Are the puppies gay?

Anyway, keep it simple. For the losers list, have an 'L' tattooed to your forehead, a little off-center.

VE said...

reforminggeek - Of course not. It's learned...right? ;) You'll have to help me spell it right for that tattoo when I get mine...

Matt-Man said...

I'd like to hire a hooker and have her pretend that she is my girlfriend. We wouldn't have sex. I'd pay her to go to dinner with me and when we were done eating, I'd say:

"Our relationship is over, but don't feel badly. It's me not you."

I've always wanted to turn the tables. Cheers VE!!

Jeff said...

And whose dung do you plan on using?

I already did number 5 when I was a kid. I set the neighborhood record of 0' 0". Hey... no one has been able to beat it since.

Kanrei said...

What if I have already done those things? I won't tell you where the tunnel is as to ruin your fun.

Illness is destroying my usual quick wit today and my pounding head is making me cut this short, but I cannot fall behind in the blogroll damnit, illness or no!

Sarah said...

As far as #10 - Drive a Chariot through Manhattan wearing a Toga and providing Ben Hur quotes to passerbyes...I would imagine someone has already done that, being it is NYC and all. You know those crazy NY'ers! :-)

The Incredible Woody said...

Damn, I feel like such a loser....

Quirkyloon said...

I wouldn't be able to make a dung ball...my husband would get to it first! He is a "composter."

Need I say more?

AND...I know I am the inspiration for number 6. How did you find out about that?

LOL

~Babs said...

Since I already missed the chunnel thing (sigh),,,,,
I vow to have my arse in this computer chair each day.
Well,,,,it IS a start,,,,hope I'm up to it,,,

Jacki said...

You forgot a picture of a baby. It's pictures of rainbows, puppies and babies that make people happy and blogs popular.

Memarie Lane said...

Cupcakes are good too. And donuts.

I think I'm to much of a "wherever you go there you are" kind of girl to have a list like that. Who cares if I never make out with Richard Gere? The dream I had last night probably surpasses the reality anyway.

Starrlight said...

God I hate those lists. I just wanna shake people and tell them to put down the pen and go, I dunno, LIVE.

That said I am fond of the Vegan one. Because Bacon is proof of God's existence.

Gladys said...

Here is my bucket list

1. Slop bucket
2. Feed bucket
3. Water bucket
4. Mush bucket

Yeup that's about it.

Elizabeth said...

I don't have a to do list, but my dogs do. Apparently they want to become proffessional couch sitters. They are well on their way!

Anne said...

Hey, Can I ride on the chariot with you, sounds like fun, but not in the winter, i don't think slush and wooden wheels go together very well.

Kurt said...

I saw the last three minutes of The Bucket List. That was enough.

VE said...

matt-man - Ha! Sounds like internet dating to me...

jeff - I can't be bothered with dung details you know...I just come up with the ideas. I leave it to you to implement

kan - So THAT was you on that chariot. Get well, my friend!

sarah - I tried it in Omaha but nobody was out on the streets after 6pm...

incredible woody - But I put puppies and rainbows in there too...

quirkyloon - The first compost box I ever made was so pathetic. It was about a foot high and I proceeded to pile 6 feet of lawn clippings and leaves into it. Then...it fell apart. Whenever my ex used to bring it up we would laugh so hard we couldn't breathe. Oh, and I heard about your yodeling from that yodeling pickle I got at Christmas...

~Babs - That's a big task. Sometimes I go back in time and add other secret posts you know...

jacki - I knew there was something missing. Damn. It's like coming up with those 11 secret herbs and spices for KFC.

marie - I think I can arrange for you to make out with Richard Gere...now I want to know all about this dream you had...

starrlight - You want to do the bacon/vegan one, don't you? I'll bet a lot of bloggers are signing up for that convention right now!

gladys - That's an impressive bucket list! Just don't kick them...

elizabeth - Can I come over and train with them? I feel I have some skills in this area...

Maureen said...

OMG... I had to laugh out loud at number 4.... I could just see YOU doing that VE.

Starrlight said...

I do. But I want to sub out the plain bacon necklace for a Voodoo Donut Maple Bacon Bar scarf. Is that acceptable?

Chris Eldin said...

Ahhhhh.... Ben Hur! That was on a few nights ago. Can't get the boat drums out of my head...

The black t-shirt one is hysterical!!

VE said...

maureen - Yeah, it is something I'd probably attempt...and fail...and break something as a result. It's a new year...I'm due for a new catastrophe...

starrlight - Excellent choice! We made national news with that local offering! Thank God Portland has a few interesting things...

VE said...

chris - The T-Shirt...that one I can pull off...

Starrlight said...

Yes Anthony Bourdan (the only man I might willing marry) fell in love with them when he did the Pacific Northwest No Reservations show.

Dee said...

I LIKE NUMBER 4 except for the running part.

Megan said...

You know, I don't think I have ever owned a bucket, but this list is the best one I've seen yet.

Even for someone who has jumped between two ships in the Bering Sea...

MJ said...

I actually think #6 would be ridiculously fun to accomplish.

Anne said...

btw, my toes don't need lipo.

Roy Scribner said...

Aw, look at the cute puppies, LOL! I wonder if anyone's run the chunnel? I would think that a lot of French people would want to, but what do I know?

G-Man said...

Dung Ball?...I dunno.
Does a piece of shit car count?

K9 said...

i like 5 and 8 best!! i really want to try 5. seriously. maybe a sturdier chair tho. happy NY!

Bazza said...

There's not a lot you can add after 37 comments, other than "you're completely bonkers mate"

colbymarshall said...

Rainbows and puppies, but no unicorns? I am sad.

girlsinwhitedresses said...

Uh oh. I did one of the "100" posts on my blog. But I'm a nice person, really :)

Serena said...

I have no bucket list. I think I'll just latch on to yours for a few vicarious thrills.:)

Memarie Lane said...

Well, it was pretty much just me making out with Richard Gere. In real life he's probably too slobbery and worried about his manicure.

Gladys said...

VE. I was just reminded by Kahuna that I left off
Piss bucket. I thought it was included in Slop Bucket but I stand corrected.

Believe me that is one thing YOU do not want to do. Kick the Piss Bucket. Not good!

Beth said...

I kind of like #7. It's doable.
Not necessary, mind you, but doable.

Giggle Pixie said...

I sooooo needed those puppies and rainbows!! THANK YOU!!!!

And that's one hell of a list! I'm definitely not that ambitious. Now, there are a few OTHER folks I'd like to see running through that tunnel with the black t-shirt and white dotted line painted on the back...would that be wrong? hehehe

gab said...

lol nope I will just be me. I only have one thing I really want to do before I die and thats visit England. Oh and Hawaii. Guess that was 2! lol

Angie said...

Should we have a bucket list??? Where does a person begin to make one????

VE said...

starrlight - Well if it's good enough for him, so be it!

dee - You can walk, it makes it just that much more daring...

megan - Like I say...stupid is as stupid does

mj - Helps if you can actually yodel...but not exactly necessary...

anne - Ha! Thank goodness!

roy - Yeah, the French...they don't know any better

g-man - Only if you can physically roll the car around like a ball...

k9 - How about a nice recliner chair with a drink cup holder and a mini-dvd player?

bazza - And proud of it!

colby - Unicorns are just too horny for me...

girlsinwhitedresses - Ok, we'll let you slide just this once!

serena - Better bail early before the grizzly accident though...

marie - Good call vetoing the slobbery...

gladys - You forgot chum bucket. I learned that one from SpongeBob

beth - Probably the least risky and obnoxious one...

giggle pixie - I can think of a few too that I'd like to have run it while I'm cued up in the monster truck...

gab - Wow, I've been to both....I guess I can die. I feel so completed now...

angie - A. Purchase bucket. B. Made up ridiculous stuff to do. C. Place bucket on head

Alex L said...

I have no buckets so no list. I do have a jug checkbox though.

VE said...

alex - Get another one. Then you'll have jugs. Then you're going...

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I think I can do number 6 because I like to yodel. Seriously. Even my son yodels. However, neither one of us is any good at it so it tends to make our dogs howl...

VE said...

arizona - Somebody should have gotten you that yodelling pickle for Christmas then!

angie said...

Theirs can't possible touch yours......:)

leelee said...

Your list rocks...I'm stealing it!

HUGS!!

Queen Goob said...

I am SO adding number eight to my list.....you mind?

VE said...

angie - And we're thankful for that, aren't we?

leelee - Steal away. But if I get arrested yodeling at the Library of Congress because you were doing it the day before....

queen goob - I'm going! I'm gonna wear that Far Side pork chop outfit to the convention...

Bonnie the Boss said...

I might even have to visit when you do # 10 let me know.

Carla said...

I think yours is the most interesting bucket list I've seen yet. Bravo.

VE said...

bonnie - Don't tempt me to do that one...I just might!

carla - Got to keep it lively you know...

Uncivil said...

Bucketlist number 1. sat on VE's Blogroll!

BlondeBlogger said...

Is yodeling code for something else?

VE said...

uncivil - It's coming though...cutoff for retro commenting...

blondeblogger - It might be...but I usually go running screaming before I can decipher it

Janna said...

ANY yodeling is excessive yodeling. ;)

Love the idea of the bacon strip necklace.
I could probably do matching bracelets, too.

VE said...

janna - Good idea on the bacon bracelets. That way you can greet their limp vegetable handshake with them...

Mrsupole said...

A bucket list, is it a blue bucket or a red bucket, or a white bucket. I think a red represents hell and a white heaven, but maybe the blue means you are just stuck floating in the ocean.

This is #5.

Gee this is hard work trying to play catch up.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - It's a translucent color so whatever color you bring to it is what color it is. Now of course you realize you don't get credit for really old comments, right? Oh...and...Remember, I am always last...