Friday, January 02, 2009

VE can write these commercials too

Ok, time to move back into straight up humor...VE style! And yes, it did snow again today...damn...

One of the things about being snowbound (not that this snow is much though) for the most part is that I’ve actually watched some TV. I’ll have to post separately on all the crazy things I’ve observed having not watched much at all the last several years. But that’s for another day.

No…I thought the new Comcast commercial was pretty fantastic. You know, the one with the analogy of the rabbit. Watch it here…I’ll wait.

Ok, for those of you that didn’t go to the link because you’re at work and don’t want to get busted and you’ve been supergluing your neighbors tires to the driveway instead of watching it on TV here’s a rough idea of what it is:

They take a rabbit and keep adding to it in order to make it faster; thus a great analogy for their new high speed whatever. Here’s the textual copy of the commercial:

A rabbit
A rabbit genetically modified
And bred with a panther
A rabbit genetically modified and bred with a panther with turbines attached
A rabbit/panther with turbines backed by an unusually strong tailwind
On ice
The rabbit/panther thingy with turbines on ice shaved
With a cold-forged high-glide surgical razor
The whole rabbit/panther/turbine/hairless/razor/turbine scenario driven by an over-caffeinated fighter pilot
With a lead foot
All traveling down a ski jump
In Switzerland
Under better than ideal conditions


Brilliant! I love that commercial. Nice job whoever does the marketing over at Comcast.

But wait-a-minute. I can do this too. Let’s take my scenario with their customer service. Now I felt pretty special a week or so ago at just cracking their system and getting an actual person. But it needed technical escalation and a call back to me.

Let’s write a new commercial to represent their technical customer service call back scenario

A sloth
A lazy sloth
Retired
A lazy sloth retired with that disease Stephen Hawking has
In the advanced stage
A retired lazy diseased sloth wearing astronaut diapers
Hung over
On Sunday morning
The whole sloth thingy living remotely in North Dakota
On a sweltering stifling summer day
A lazy hung over retired diseased sloth wearing diapers trying to get to a public phone through stifling heat
In an unusually strong hot headwind
Uphill
On a dusty gravel road
Stuck behind a donkey plow


Yes, my friends at Comcast, VE can write these commercials too. Now just give me the audio visual department and I’ll finish it off for you (or finish you off).

83 comments:

Carla said...

That one might be kinda scary to watch, but I'm sure you'd have a great following.

VE said...

carla - Well...horror flicks seem to do well, perhaps I can get in with the horror following with it

Memarie Lane said...

A blog
A blog infested with gnomes
And full of silliness
A blog infested with gnomes and full of silliness of fantastical proportions
A silly gnome blog of fantastic proportions
With photoshop
Blah blah blah
Under better than ideal conditions

Harder than it looks, isn't it?

VE said...

marie - You've outdone yourself now! Awesome. You are officially on my writing staff. I'll ship your red gnome hat! ha ha

The Incredible Woody said...

I can't seem to get past the rabbit breeding with the panther....

leelee said...

A sloth
A lazy sloth
Retired
A lazy sloth retired with that disease Stephen Hawking has
In the advanced stage
A retired lazy diseased sloth wearing astronaut diapers
Hung over
On Sunday morning
The whole sloth thingy living remotely in North Dakota
On a sweltering stifling summer day
A lazy hung over retired diseased sloth wearing diapers trying to get to a public phone through stifling heat
In an unusually strong hot headwind
Uphill
On a dusty gravel road
Stuck behind a donkey plow
........on a cell phone in India with a bad connection

Mother Theresa said...

Okay, it's 7pm, I'm drinking champagne while I check my blog, so I can go with the sloth. What are you waiting for, VE? It's clear where your talents lie. ;)

Megan said...

What's technical escalation?

lime said...

i bet you could sell that to comcast as an ad highlighting their competition.

well ok, if i worked at comcast you could anyway.

angie said...

I can't believe all the snow you've gotten. Amazing. I think? :)

Looks like I'm going to have to work for my spot on your blog roll....a challenge is always good! :)

Happy New Year!

Bazza said...

You're onto a winner here, I can think of quite a few companies, who could use this!

Annie Ha said...

It is 2009 and I am leaving my first comment.

Serena said...

I don't know which scares me more, the diseased elderly sloth in adult diapers or the rabbit with panther powers. I'm kind of glad we don't have Comcast in my area.:)

Roy Scribner said...

Memarie Lane for the win! LOL

VE said...

incredible woody - Yeah...you don't really wanna think about these things. Try not to visualize. It helps when you have ADD like me. What was I talking about?

leelee - Yep, I know all about India. Did you know it's hard to get a good hamburger over there?

mother theresa - I should, I should. But you know how I hate real work...

megan - That's their way of saying "I don't know anything so I'll stall you in the hopes that somebody else will"

lime - That's a good idea! They'd probably just steal it from me and then disconnect my service...

angie - And with your readership, I don't know how you could keep up. Yikes.

bazza - Sadly, you are correct. Far too many...

annie ha - And you've done the right thing! Don't you feel good about it now? I thought so...

serena - They are both disturbing. Probably why I like the ad. I'm a bit disturbing too!

roy - It was good, wasn't it? I love it when she comments like that...

Quickroute said...

Q. I'd like to speak to the sloths supervisor.
A. - Oh you the mean the supersloth? - he's even more slothish than me!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

Sadly, I think your depiction is often true of Comcast customer service. Now it make a lot of sense as I visualize them retired,dehydrated,and getting diaper rash in North Dakota. They always sound listless but always ready to be extremely unhelpful and to eff you over as you hold your ankles, which they do and they are not gentle.

ReformingGeek said...

I'd say that Comcast is a little full of themselves with that commercial. I'm sure they're smoking some special stuff while writing it, too.

Yours is much more realistic.

I like the Stupid Thought. Water-in, water-out. All systems go.

MJ said...

Heh.

You could have also given the sloth a lead foot - a real one though...

BlondeBlogger said...

Hahahaha!!! That was hilarious!! And for once in my life, I am at a loss for witty words. You and Memarie stole all the witty for today.

Giggle Pixie said...

I hate getting stuck behind that donkey plow. Especially when it's sweltering out.

Damn that Comcast customer service department!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

New blog title - VE's Fantastical Memarie!!!

carlae said...

That's slothtastic~

Susan said...

Uggh ... don't get me started on Comcast. We switched to satellite several years ago, because Comcast seemed to raise their rates every couple of months. I have to laugh when I see their commercials now.

VE said...

quickroute - Supersloth! Yes, isn't that the truth!

self-deprechaun - Yeah...they don't really advertise about that part of their service, do they?

reforminggeek - Yeah, water they smoking! ;)

mj - I have a lead foot in the car...

blondeblogger - She can't be beaten today...

giggle pixie - Yeah, seems like I'm always behind the donkey plow too

prefers her fantasy life - She's taking over! I knew it...

VE said...

carlae - I like it!

susan - I got stuck with them and customer service is not exactly easy

Starrlight said...

Gosh you talked about Comcast customer service and I suddenly want Chicken Masala and naan. Wonder why?

unfinishedrambler said...

Sorry about the snow. It's been sunny here. :)

I have no counter ditty like some of the more creative types earlier, but I did enjoy yours.

VE said...

starrlight - I wonder if ALL customer service will be India in the future. Maybe they can rename the country...

unfinishedrambler - You don't need to be witty at all. Just look at me!

Elizabeth said...

Ha! That was too funny. I'll have remember to visualize this next time I'm getting frustrated with cutomer service.

VE said...

elizabeth - Yes, do so but be careful, if they hear you laughing they'll just go slower...

yellojkt said...

Verizon is the same only the sloth has two broken legs.

Jeff said...

That whole shaved rabbit-pather thing is kinda creepy if you ask me, and really doesn't make me want to buy Comcast. And what exactly is he drinking there in the beginning? Tequila?

GC (God's Child) said...

we were in the t mobile store today and they were very quick to take our money to ship a phone to us
how slowly do you think the phone will get here?

VE said...

gc - It's probably on the donkey plow...

Alex L said...

Wow that sloth has got some problems... still its nice of comcast to be an equal opportunity employer.

VE said...

yellojkt - And all those damn Verizon network people are clogging up the road...

jeff - True, it doesn't make me want to buy it either. But I still like the commercial for some reason. You know, "Where's the Beef" never made me want to buy a hamburger. I think some of the funniest or most intriguing ads don't really do their job, it's more of its own art form...

alex - True, having a disabled slot is big points for that...

Gladys said...

oH PLEASE air this commercial and do so during the SuperBowl! Then after that you can air that video of the old lady with the hammer beating the shit out of her local cable company! I would vote for it to be a CLEO!

Sunshine said...

you just amaze me with your talent... you really do...oxox

Dee said...

my fav comment???? Maries!

Deb said...

Is North Dakota in India?

Kanrei said...

Happy New Year VE!

padraig said...

Wait... you live in North Dakota?

OH, now I get it. The Customer Support guy is the sloth, and he's calling you... not the other way 'round.

Here endeth the snark.

Anette said...

Poor rabbit, he needs a break! Anyone's got a carrot?

Diesel said...

Yes! I have no experience with Comcast's customer service, but if they're anything like Verizon....

VE said...

Gladys - Maybe I can hack into the commercial feed with my own commercial. It would be fun...until that 20 year jail sentence I guess.

sunshine - Thanks! Did you know that somebody cropped off your head in that avatar picture? How rude of them!

dee - I laughed when I read that one. Very creative of her.

deb - Well shouldn't it be? I thought it would help balance out population. There are too few people in North Dakota and far too many in India.

kan - It's gonna be a good year, my friend. I'm even going to try to push and have a year without broken bones or some freak event that I happen to be stuck in the middle of...like hurricanes, earthquakes...that sort of thing.

padraig - I aspire to be a sloth most days. Sometimes I succeed. But no, their customer service is the sloth this time. And actually, I've NEVER been to North Dakota. I know, it's hard to believe what with all the attractions that draw people there.

anette - Do half panthers eat carrots or do they just stuff them in their kill?

diesel - They are. Except Verizon has all those network people following you around and creating traffic jams so you can never get anywhere...

padraig said...

I think VE should plan his first fan convention in North Dakota. See how many truly dedicated fans there are :)

VE said...

padraig - Good idea! The rooms should be cheap and available!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...brilliant!...

VE said...

phrankie - Thank you. I need to get on over and visit this year. Let me catch the blog shuttle...

C said...

Yes, you definitely should take up writing commercials, VE :)

Great photo of the day. I need one of those pets! What other varieties do they come in? Do they have any pets that clean their own litter boxes???

BTW, Hi Diesel! Sorry I've been away from the blogworld for way too long :( I'm off to your blog soon!

Jeff said...

Hey, wassup with all these other people ahead of me on the blogroll? I'm not sure I'm liking all this competition all of a sudden!

Quirkyloon said...

ack.....

I resemble the sloth...no lie.

AND... this being without a pc totally SUCKS!

A virus
A virus
A PC virus
No healing for you
No medicine for you
No doctor for you
Life sucks

girlsinwhitedresses said...

You have new snow? I guess there are some advantages to living in the midwest, then :)

leelee said...

I'm with Jeff...Me neither..I liked being Number 3....I can't let up can I...not for a second!

HUGS!

leelee said...

I'm with Jeff...Me neither..I liked being Number 3....I can't let up can I...not for a second!

HUGS!

leelee said...

OOPS! I didn't mean to send that twice...

HUGS!!

VE said...

C - How's the baby? Nice of you to make it over when you are so busy now. I have no idea what kind of dog that is. I'll it Swifter...

jeff - Waaaah! Ha ha. No, it's just that it is the first of the year and everyone has the same tally so it goes alphabetically after that and you chose unwisely in naming your blog. You should have used Aardvark at the beginning somewhere...

quirkyloon - I wondered if you'd make it back. I know you have PC problems and such. You can still back comment to the 1st up until this next Friday and get credit...

girlsinwhitedresses - It was all for show...a dusting on the lawn and none in the street.

leelee - Stay dilligent, the first of the year there are always a lot of bloggers with the same score. It works itself out. You should change your blog name to AAAAAA Thoughts and Meanderings. That'll do it...

Jen said...

my first comment of the new year
on VE's blog!!!

My comment is
that I have no comment at this time

other than
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Thinkinfyou said...

Finally some truth in advertising!!

Uncivil said...

2

Uncivil said...

Oh, and Happy New Year!!!!!LOL!!

Maureen said...

Well, thanks for the link and description. I haven't seen that commercial up here.

And I think your version should be televised; you need to get some connections with their competitors.... you could make millions!!!! (okay, maybe not millions... but maybe they'll let you be part of the crowd in the next ad.

gab said...

We've had to go back to Comcast much to our dismay! The first day back our computer uploaded faster than we ever saw and the next slow again. I just dont know anymore but I agree with your "commercial" it hit the truth on the head!

Jacki said...

HAHHA! As a current ComcASSt costumer, I can attest that this is so true! They are so bad when it comes to their services.

Kevin John said...

This could undoubtedly be applied to the Capital One Inc. resolution department or the latest episode of what we currently call the U.S.'Congress', but why go there?
But why not? As a matter of fact I'm copying this to send to Cap One on my latest $325 bullshit charge, then send it to the assholes in Congress for giving our money away to that idiot Pauls...opps sorry, I slipped.


Excellent VE! You are in my favs.
This was brilliant.

VE said...

jen - Oh sure, take the fifth! Ok, I'll let you off easy...but only because you find weirder stuff on the net than I do

thinkinfyou - The truth is out there! They just won't televise it...

uncivil - We're right to the point this year, aren't we? ha ha But happy 2009!

maureen - Maybe I could play both sides without them knowing it...

gab - That sounds about right. Then they can say you saw those blinding speeds. What they neglected to say was it only lasts for a day!

jacki - And the irony of it all is last night I backed into a comcast truck that was parked in the dark in the "No parking at any time" spot just outside my driveway. Take THAT comcast!

VE said...

Kevin - Ha! Yes, I feel a long line of potential ad targets here. Congress at the top of the heap...

colbymarshall said...

Ah, VE, you should get a job doing this. I think you've found a special talent!

VE said...

colby - Did you say...A JOB? bwahahaha. What...you mean they'll pay me to be childish?

Practically Joe said...

The donkey plow better describes my Comcast connection.

~Babs said...

Over caffeinated with a lead foot on ice. Sounds like my Christmas trip to Dallas,,,,,,,,,,

Anna Lefler said...

Woot! LOL!

I haven't even seen the original and I know yours is better...

Happy New Year!

:^) Anna

Chris Eldin said...

I thought I replied to this! I know I read it already!
LOL--this was soooo funny!!!

Happy New Year!!
:-)

Bee said...

Yeah, it's pretty good, but... is the diaper slowing him down more because of all the poopsy in there? I think we'd all like to know.

Angie said...

Thanks a million for letting me know about my picture and my cropped head... since then I have come out of the closet!!! heee hee hee : )

sprinkle4 said...

The whole sloth description: when in the world did you meet my husband?!?!?

Kurt said...

10 cents.

VE said...

joe - Yep...me too

~babs - Yeah...but did you wear one of those fancy figure skating outfits?

anna - Well...definitely more accurate...

chris - You probably replied in the parallel universe just to my right...

bee - Slow poo or not slow poo, THAT is the question. We may never know...

angie - But the closet is so warm and inviting...don't overlook the benefits of a good closet. They're much cheaper to purchase too what with all the foreclosures...

sprinkle4 - SlothCon 2008. Nobody actually made it though...

kurt - Over-achiever...and that was last year. You never know what VE might decide this year. I might send everyone one rhinestone for every comment this year. You just don't know...

Janna said...

So if the sloth and the rabbit mated, would everything be back to normal again?

VE said...

janna - Ha! Yes, I suppose so...

Mrsupole said...

Until you find this I am last, ha ha. And now this makes two. Funny, funny commericals that you do. And you thought I could not read.

So add this one 2.

God bless.

VE said...

mrsupole - You can read? Read this: Remember, I am always last...