Sunday, January 25, 2009

VE does not Understand Fashion

Hey, I think I'll be sneaky and put some funny out here over the weekend...

What is up with fashion shows? I mean, I watched The Devil Wears Prada. I think I understand the industry based on one movie. I get it.

Ok, I don’t get it. Come on now. You know this model is saying “Yes, I’m gay, but I’m not THIS gay. What is this designer thinking?” to himself just before he collects his gazillion dollar paycheck.

Oh, and its part of the fall/winter collection showing in Paris right now. I thought I understood the French finally. I watched Amelie. I read the sub-titles. I get it.

Ok, I still don’t get it. What in the hell is this? Forget for a moment that the model looks eerily like a mannequin and focus on the “dress”. Wow, thank God she has some coverage for her FEET! This is a wondrously practical dress for those that have a perfect body with butt ugly feet. Probably corns and toe jam and a whole meal down there. Uggh. Imagine the tan line you’d get from this outfit. I don’t recommend it for your local 10k run either.

Oh, maybe it’s a statement piece. A dramatic in-your-face statement. I understand that. I saw Strictly Ballroom. I understood the over-the-top dress wear. I get it.

Ok, I’ll never get it. And even if I did, this is just plain FUGLY! She looks like she’s doing some new exercise with that material bent around her neck. Is this some resistant metallic material and she will get back muscles bigger than Arnold had?

Let’s not focus on the model’s Banzai Pipeline surfing hairdo for a moment. I believe only anorexic models and Barbie dolls could fit into that mid section. The only positive thing about this is that it only goes down to the knees. Thank GOD they didn’t continue that cement freeway section thingy on the see through legs concept any further.

I’m thinking there’s enough material at the top that this must be some kind of transformer outfit that turns into a tent with sofa and large screen TV should you get stranded somewhere.

Fashion…I just don’t get it…

55 comments:

Jacki said...

Don't worry...I read all the fashion magazines and I still don't get fashion. It's a useless industry.

Bonnie the Boss said...

Hey, the reason you don't get it is because you are normal. and probably don't watch a lot of America's Next Top Model. I imagine you have better things to do with you time.
I like the transformer tent comment on the last outfit. Hee hee
Maybe it is a disguise for her alter ego.

VE said...

jacki - Do you read them like fiction then?

bonnie - Americas Next Top Model? People actually watch that? Are they mud wrestling? Because otherwise I don't understand the lure...

Elizabeth said...

I sorta like that black dress thingy. Totally impractical for Juneau, Alaska, but kinda cute.

The Incredible Woody said...

I'm with you. I don't get it. I think I'll just stick with a pair of jeans, t-shirts, and flip flops. May not look good but that I get!

Gladys said...

Let me congratulate you for your excellent taste in clothing. I often wear a garbage bag cinched by an alternator belt. I complete the outfit my attaching two plumbers helpers to the bodice to give it that Madonna-esque feeling. My foot wear consist of 27" heeled cowboy boots with spikes coming out of the toes in a Dominatrix meets ass kicker fashion.

Yours Sincerely,
Gladys Von Fustenburg
Designer to Breastney Spears and
Perish Whortin

Janna said...

Hey, for a gazillion dollar paycheck, I'd probably wear ridiculous garbage too.

My schedule could look like this:

10:00am: Wear comfy black stretch pants and a soft cozy black top with a warm jacket.

11:00am: Drive to fashion show.

12:00noon: Eat double cheeseburger for lunch. Watch all the supermodels choke down three lettuce leaves, then hear them express guilt about "pigging out" as they run to the bathroom to throw up. (Note: Try not to let this affect my enjoyment of my chocolate milkshake.)

1:00pm: Change into "designer" outfit consisting of an aluminum foil bikini, a neon pirate hat, and a belt made from freshly-removed chipmunk hearts (still beating) strung onto old extension cords.

1:30pm: Parade my new outfit in front of critical gawking media folk, who will then take approximately 1,236,704 pictures for their articles on "the new hottest trends".

2:45pm: Change back into my comfy black stretch pants and the rest of my "real" clothes.

3:05pm: Collect bazillion dollar paycheck and laugh heartily all the way home.

3:47pm: Check VE's blog and leave comment on new post.

VE said...

elizabeth - You mean you wouldn't wear it to the King Crab Shack?

incredible woody - That's about my dress. I wear shorts and sandals about 5 months of the year. I'd probably do so longer but it isn't super warm here.

gladys - You should be in the fashion biz! You'd be rich. ha ha

janna - Bwahahaha...but doesn't the aluminum chaffe? Sounds kind of itchy. I see you get to the important things in the end though! ;)

Bazza said...

Does anyone actually buy and wear this stuff? come on hands up out there.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Bazza - I believe sales in fishnet stockings went up after the release of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Oops. I forgot to swear and misspell something.

Jeff said...

If I ever met a woman wearing that 2nd dress I'd invite her over to my house and give her a tour of all the rooms with hardwood and tile floors. Then I'd thank her for helping sweep up and ask her to leave.

ReformingGeek said...

You are so brave, trying to understand fashion. That stuff makes my eyes hurt. Do real people really wear that stuff? Maybe it's just the aliens.

HeyJoe said...

Just so I'm clear, are you saying that first outfit is NOT in fashion, because I've gotta say it looked stunning on my in the 3-way mirror.

Art and fashion; both Greek to me.

Uncivil said...

Jeeeesh! I was just getting over Michelle Obama's inaugural Canary pee yellow frock and now you hit me with this stuff?

teeni said...

I think it is done just to give the designers their only chance to openly laugh at beautiful, sexy, thin women who otherwise wouldn't give them the time of day. There is no way any woman in the everyday workforce would wear any of that crap.

nursemyra said...

the top picture is all about auto asphyxiation - the designer is definitely channelling the late British MP Stephen Milligan

I'd totally wear that second outfit on a Friday

lime said...

sweet fancy moses that first one is the stuff of nightmares!

yellojkt said...

I also thought of Rocky Horror Picture Show when I saw that first photo. A very, very, very gay Rocky Horror, if such a thing is possible.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I like the second dress and would probably have worn it when I was younger. It has a beautiful silhouette. I even like the third one if you take off the collar. The first one....well, quite frankly, I think it needs a dog collar and a leash. I don't think its that kind of fashion show, though!

Giggle Pixie said...

It's sheer insanity! But apparently that's what gets the big bucks. The crazier, the better.

Whatev.

freetheunicorns said...

Sometimes I feel like the runway models are wearing leftover scraps of cloth. Then some clown pays a zillion dollars for a piece of clothing no sane person would ever wear in public and I'm back to not getting the fashion world at all.

Kurt said...

Dialogue Between Fashion and Death

Fashion: Why, I am Fashion, your own sister.

Death: My sister!

Fashion: Aye; don’t you remember that we are both the children of Frailty?

Death: What have I to do with remembering — I, who am the sworn enemy of memory?

Fashion: But I remember the circumstance well; and I also know that both of us are alike employed continually in the destruction and change of all things here below, although you take one way of doing so, and I another.


- Giacomo Leopardi [1798-1837]

Memarie Lane said...

Um, this is a comment.

gab said...

OMG did that last one even have on underware?
Sorry but those are down right FUGLY!!!!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I can't believe you found that exact outfit that I wore to my wedding with the leg stocks that guy is wearing and all. It brought back some memories and much better than the leather chaps I'm wearing now. Thanks VE.

dani c said...

Hey...why is my husband wearing my lingerie ? Huckleberry

Megan said...

I don't get it either.

Quirkyloon said...

VE Wears Prada!

Have you considered writing a movie script? I really think you should.

You would do it justice I'm sure. Then once you saw your own movie...you would totally UNDERSTAND everything!

Matt-Man said...

If a guy in a mental institution has designed those he would be confirmed as crazy...If a designer in Paris does the same thing he is considered to be visionary. Cheers!!

VE said...

bazza - Apparently I don't have any French readers...

prefers her fantasy life - Shit! I can't believe you already gave up the swearing!

jeff - That's a good idea. She's gonna be popular!

reforminggeek - That's it! The aliens are sneaky coming here as fashion models...

heyjoe - Ha! I should have known you'd try it on...

uncivil - Now you know I'm gonna shock and offense your eyes from time to time

teeni - Well they have a pretty wicked sense of humor then!

nursemyra - Ha! And you'll give a whole new definition to casual Friday with that!

lime - Hmmm...I didn't know that Moses was sweet or fancy. Learn something everyday...

yellojkt - I don't think that is possible

arizona - Leash...ha! Yes, that's a totally different kind of show...

giggle pixie - It's like being asked to come up with something as random and stupid as possible...

freetheunicorns - If you get...you're French, excentric, insane or just stupid

kurt - Interesting...I had no idea death and fashion were related!

marie - Um, this is a response!

gab - Well I zoomed waaaay in...just to check...you know.

self-deprechaun - That must have been some wedding!

dani c - Perhaps there are a few things you don't know about him. Make an inventory of make up and clothes daily...

megan - Nobody does...ok, except the French...

quirkyloon - I've been told I should write one before. But then again I've also been told to go to hell. It's difficult discerning which advice to follow and which not...

paris - Imagine what the guy in the French mental institution is desinging right now!!!

*Just Jen* said...

OMG! I love the black dress, but I think a nice sexy little bra and thong would look better underneath!

Jaime said...

I will never understand fashion. Not the designers who create these monstrosities, the people who pay WAY too much money for them, and the folks CRAZY enough to prance around in this stuff. I just don't get it... give me a pair of jeans and a ratty college tshirt any day!

Dee said...

i don't get it either, but I've never been accused of being fashion forward. sigh

Dee said...

i don't get it either, but I've never been accused of being fashion forward. sigh

leelee said...

oh man VE you post these weekend funnies..and I keep missing them. At this rate I will be down at teh bottom of your blog roll..I canonly hope some of the other commenters..like goon vacation for a monthso I can catch up...

HUGS!!

Annie Ha said...

Fashion is a disease... as contagious.. as...

VE said...

just jen - Well I'm all for that!!!

jaime - You had a college with a rat for a mascot?

dee - There you go stuttering again! ha ha

leelee - Just keeps ya guessing. You're in plenty of time to get credit for it

annie ha - Excellent use of a "The Natural" quote...

Alex L said...

Well I'm not going to to explain it if you don't get it!

Chris Eldin said...

Speaking of fashion, do you like my new clothes?

hehehehe
:-)

leelee said...

whew!

i'M TRYIN'HERE

HUGS!

Queen Goob said...

Geesh - the least they could have done was shove a sock in that guys thong.

VE said...

alex - Oh sure, hold out on me now!

arizona - You'll be a hit at the next Parent Teachers Association meeting...

leelee - And you're doing well. You only missed one post this year. The ranks will thin as the year goes by. I think.

VE said...

queen goob - He looks like he's lacking, huh? Probably why they chose him to wear that ridiculous outfit...

angie said...

I frequently don't understand it either. The pieces you picked are perfect examples. :)

Starrlight said...

I have always thought there is a certain aspect of mind fuckage in haute coutour!

Practically Joe said...

That second dress is definitely for women with cankles.

Maureen said...

Completely beyond my comprehension as well... I just don't get why they would even make these things; do they actually SELL them???? Boggles the mind. It's like some sort of one-ups-manship of who can crank out the wierdest outfit. That first one wins.

VE said...

angie - Yep...that's why I picked them although there were PLENTY of options...

starrlight - So there just messin' with us, huh?

joe - Ha! You nailed that one!

maureen - I agree. Are you sure you don't want to wear one of them over the winter in your town? They were all from the fall/winter line!

Carla said...

I worry about those who do get fashion. Yikes.

VE said...

carla - The thing is...nobody gets it; those that think they do are just plain crazy.

Anonymous said...

I think the designers are the aliens. Have you ever seen anyone actually wear any of this hideous crap? Ok, I may have seen the first guy in the girdle and nylons in LA one day....but aliens are often spotted in LA.

Look up some Japanese designers and photos of how those folks wander around the world. Big Dr. Seuss hats, super short skirts over tights and thick wool leggings over lacy anklets, and wool upon wool, landing at 110°F temperatures in Guam or Bali.

I am convinced that designers have coke for breakfast, and I don't mean a-Cola...and smoke dubies throughout their designer day doing poppers and lsd or something. They are all nuts. What is scarier is that there are so many trend-followers!

VE said...

anon - Yes, it's the trend followers that are the scary thing. Wouldn't want to be singled out for having your own style...

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