Thursday, February 12, 2009

Fish-Bro

It's that time of week again. I signed up for another Theme Thursday. Today's topic was FISH. I linked the list in case you want to check out all the other posts on this theme. Such a generic topic. Ok, I read the topic and immediately wrote this. Took me 15 minutes. I know...it shows.

The Army has a motto of “Leave No Soldier Behind”. The school system has an edict of “No child left behind”. So what of evolution? They don’t seem to. I’m an only child and I’m pretty sure I’d have a brother if it weren’t for evolution leaving him behind. I’m pretty sure he’s still a fish. Why couldn’t evolution have just pushed him a little harder? Land isn’t that bad! It’s expensive but it’s not bad. Ok, don’t count Detroit…that’s just a fringe negative blot on land’s nearly perfect record.

But what fish would my brother be? Would I be able to find him and hug him as this person found theirs?

You know, based on what people think of my blog, they probably think my fish-bro probably has a big mouth. He probably talked his way right out of Evolution High and got set back.

But I don’t blabber at the mouth in real life. I just do it on my blog. So that cannot be him. So how do I find him? If I hung around the ocean more, do you think he would find me? Perhaps come crawling right up after recognizing my nonsensicalness?

No, I think perhaps that is unlikely. Perhaps he was unable to evolve onto land. Perhaps he’s trapped in some aquarium somewhere? That would be terrible. I’d never find him there.

I’m going to just have to chance it and hope that wasn’t the real case. No, I’d have to look at my own characteristics and determine from that just who my fish-bro is. I’m quite a slacker and like to avoid work at all costs. Perhaps fish-bro was wiser than I and knew evolving onto land would inevitably mean getting a job.

No, while this particular fish is a Lazy Fish because it hardly ever moves at all, I just don’t think that was fish-bro’s real intention. I know that I’m fairly clever and quite prankish and playful. I also like the attention. And I think I’ve figured out who fish-bro is

Yes, it all makes sense now. Too smart for his own good. Too lazy to evolve. To prankish to be any other fish than a Dolphin and too attention seeking to not get lured into a lucrative Hollywood TV show deal. It’s my fish-bro…flipper! And I knew this to be true because I used to go around mimicking his sounds to my rolling-eyes-in-disgust friends.

Flipper, I’m sorry bro that I wasn’t as smart as you and chose to evolve. It wish we could have hung out together…tell some fishing tales.

65 comments:

Mrsupole said...

Flipper was my first thought when I was thinking about what to write about for TT-Fish. But then I wanted to write about my fish in my fish tank.

I really liked your fish pictures and if it only took 15 minutes to write the story, then imagine what 30 minutes would have produced.

Good fish yarn!

nursemyra said...

umm... that top photo? the guy looks like he's not wearing any pants! is he molesting the fish?

Laura said...

Are dolphins fish or mammals? If they're technically mammals, would they be mentally fish? So would that dichotomy work for your bro? I guess you would be closer than you thought.

Jacki said...

You are an only child...that explains a lot

That top photo is just disturbing. If that dude had a woman in his life, she'd be asking some questions when he got home.

Speaking of disturbing, have you seen pictures/video of Korean penis fish?

Chris Wood said...

Your lazy unevolved fish brother will just have to learn to pull his socks up and bridge some millennia inter-species divide.

Only fair, really.

ReformingGeek said...

EEEWWWWW! I'm feeling ill and I'm not eating fish today. Bring me a puppy and a rainbow.

lime said...

ya know, i was going to say the same thing nurse myra said. i just can't even get past that picture. i'll be having fishy nightmares tonight.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

It's exhibitionists like that dude that give fish a bad name.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

har har....

Roy Scribner said...

According to PETA your brother is a sea kitten now, so he has evolved in his own little way.
http://www.peta2.com/sea_Kittens/about.asp

VE said...

mrsupole - I'm not sure if another 15 minutes would have helped or not. I either have it or I don't.

nursemyra - You are so observant! I'm not sure...does PETA handle fish cases?

laura - The whole fish/mammal thing...it hurts my head. I need to go watch SpongeBob now...

jacki - She's psychoanalyzing me! She's psychoanalyzing me! DAD!!!!

chris - Yeah, he's such a prankster though...he's laughing while I'm stuck in traffic

reforminggeek - Now, now, it's just evolution...it's not pretty.

lime - I was sure there was a fish version of PETA called FETA but everytime I call I get an order for cheese...

prefers - You you thought THAT fish was a bottom dweller...

mouse - It's what fish tales do...

roy - Sea kitten? That explains the lack of motivation to contact me then. Damn cats....

Quirkyloon said...

Um VE that guy fergot his drawers.

I'm afraid, very afraid...for the fish.

Fish smell.

:)

Cinnamon said...

Shame that schools don't live up to their edict of 'no child left behind'..

Very funny post- had me a good laugh!

freetheunicorns said...

That third pic is freaky. It reminds me of Alien, but in fish form. Put that thing back in the water.

The Incredible Woody said...

I always wanted to live by the ocean, wear cut-off jeans, and have a dolphin as my best friend!

Bonnie the Boss said...

I have to agree with Nursemyra. That man looks like he has no pants on and the fish ...... well
The next two fish are really icky so I don't think they could be you brother.
Maybe he is only somewhat evolved. and is a monkey of some sort.

Nessa said...

Where's Nemo?

VE said...

quirky - It's not the fish's fault. They keep putting on deodarant and it keeps washing away...

cinnamon - It's now leave no child ignored. I don't know how teachers manage the large class sizes

freetheunicorns - I don't know though...what if it starts breeding?

incredible woody - That's the dream. With an Italian Villa, of course...

bonnie - You might have something there. Perhaps he evolved but then got lazy like me and remained a monkey. I'll have to take more jungle vacations...

nessa - At the sushi restaurant down the street...

Elizabeth said...

Now I have another reason to be terrified of the ocean, ugly fish.

Gladys said...

Ok that first picture why is he boffing the fish? Is he trying to create half fish half human babies?

Gladys said...

Oh and I forgot to add... Those are NOT fish. According to PETA those are Sea Kittens.

VE said...

elizabeth - Don't worry...the Bering is too cold for most of these ugly ones. And its not exactly your swimming type sea either. I can't ever remember being in it when there weren't at least 4 foot swells. Usally 10-20 foot ones...

gladys - Sea Kittens? Hmmm...sounds fishy to me...

Megan said...

Yes, you are cooler than me. I wish I had a fish bro!

I think.

Kurt said...

God I loved Flipper.

VE said...

megan - You've got Pat...does that count? ;)

kurt - We all loved Flipper. I would have voted for him had he run in the primaries...

Quickroute said...

some gross photos's but the first one takes the biscuit!

Beth said...

Those first few images? Yuck.
And I'm thinking your brother may have ended up with the better gig.

VE said...

quickroute - It's one up there on the bizarre factor...even for my blog.

beth - I agree. Damn him for holding me back...oh wait, it was the other way around...

Avid Reader said...

Good Grief! You win for the best fish pictures of the day! Incredible! that flipper dude always looked so wise.

Jaime said...

ugh... i'm not sure that i'll ever eat fish again! particularly since now i'll be imagining the pants-less guy molesting dinner

leelee said...

Being the lady angler that I am...I have to tell you that Flipper is a mammal, which is cool 'cuz he is your bro...and as far as I can tell you are a mammal too. So while Flipper can be your bro..he cannot be your fish-bro.

just sayin...


HUGS!

PS: I can't help but think if you add 2 letters to fish-bro you can have fish-broth, which could be a subject for a whole 'nuther nonsensical post..(now you can see why I don't try my hand at becoming a humor blogger..I'm just too random)

runmotman said...

wow, very strange pictures and a strange wish to have a fish brother... maybe your brother is Don Knotts, the Amazing Mr. Limpet?

VE said...

avid reader - Flipper was wise. Better than stuck performing over at Sea World

jaime - Don't worry. It'll pass as soon as I feature some other disgusting topic with photos

leelee - I say they're wrong. There aren't any animals walking around with fins living under water and there aren't any fish walking around getting a latte.

runmotman - Ah Mr. Limpet! Would have been a much older brother if that were true.

Serena said...

Me, too -- I can't get past that picture of the guy with no pants. What is he doing to that poor fish?! You don't suppose he's trying to speed up the evolution process, do you? Sheesh.

Coffee Messiah said...

Well, it's all been said, but alas, flipper never messed around ; )

i don't think.....

Jean Knee said...

dude's doing more than "hugging" that fish

eww

K9 said...

flipper was actually a female actress. its true. i hope your brother isnt currently working at one of those horrible swim with the dolphins theme parks. how would you like to have pink bloated tourists squealing and petting you all day? dont answer that question - its your dream come true, right?

good quip today on orwell. 50 points!

The Self-Deprechaun said...

Wow that one fish looks like my mother in law except quieter.

Kris said...

Daddy, why is that man making love to that fish?

Hale McKay said...

Somebody should have him and that fish to get a room! Maybe he thinks it's a mermaid?

VE said...

serena - I don't think that'll help speed up the evolution process...probably slow it down!

coffee messiah - It's never been proven!

jean knee - Yes, well I can't be responsible...I'm just the messenger.

k9 - Doh...a female? Ok, fish-sis then!

self-deprechaun - I'm glad you could find personal meaning there. I'm touched...well not by those fish...

kris - Ask me in College when we study Freud...

hale - I don't really believe he IS thinking at all...

colbymarshall said...

Oh. My. God. That first fish picture is DISGUSTING. I'm just sayin'.

Janna said...

I had a fish sandwich for lunch today.

Sorry if it was someone you were related to.

Baino said...

Something fishy here . . a dolphin is definitely NOT a fish . .Are you sure that guy is just holding that erm 'fish' . . .

Chris Eldin said...

This all so wrong!
I just heard yesterday..or the day before...was Nemo the name of some famous fisherman? I have to look that up now.

Chris Eldin said...

I just read your "Review" post below, and wanted to say that I agree with you. Jerry Seinfeld once said the same thing. Using profanity for shock value is cheap and easy. And as a writer, I'm all for it when it's part of the natural course of dialogue.
Just wanted to shared my two cents...
:-)

VE said...

colby - Yeah...when hunting for pictures I say "there's the line of acceptibility...and then I cross it"

chris - I'm not sure what the origins of Nemo are...wouldn't surprise me though. Oh, and yeah, I use it on occasion too (I did so with this post) but I don't need to. Long ago in my posts I was using it more and more (sort of contageous to do so) and then thought, this is ridiculous afterward. I decided not to comment back on the review comments; they're all good perspectives though.

Janna said...

On the bright side, you probably won't end up getting caught in a net by tuna fishermen.

Probably.

Uncivil said...

About that guy huggin' that catfish........he ain't wearin' no pants? I don't think he's in it for the hug?

Giggle Pixie said...

That top photo is eerily disturbing...but I like it. :-)

VE said...

janna - You must not be aware of the crazy things that happen to me. I wrote about all of them last year. Here's a link:

http://vehow.blogspot.com/2008/10/who-is-ve-winners-stories.html

uncivil - The hug was just foreplay

giggle pixie - It's high on the disturbing meter for sure

Alex L said...

Yeah I want to know why doesnt that guy have any undies on?

Jeff said...

Man, them are some ugly-ass fish!

VE said...

alex - It's what everyone is asking and I have no idea...I'm just the picture finder...

jeff - You knew I'd bring you the bizarre...

Bazza said...

Are you sure that's a fish in that first photo?

VE said...

bazza - I try not to look at that photo a lot...

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

The first photo of the guy with no pants on and big fish balls really grossed me out. In fact, I can't even look at my husband now. But Flipper made me feel all warm and fuzzy....

VE said...

arizona - Flipper calms all!

Carla said...

That first pic...hmmmm....

VE said...

carla - Some would say when choosing fish pictures for this focus...I chose unwisely.

Dee said...

flipper flipper flipper faster than lighting......no one you see.........is smarter than he......

VE said...

dee - Another flipper fan I see!

Maureen said...

Oh crap, thanks. Now I can't get that Flipper theme song out of my head....

VE said...

maureen - I know...don't thank me!

disa said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.