Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Honestly, Not Another One!

Oh.My.God. Another award and meme. What can I say, bring 'em on. I'll mow 'em down. Maybe Diesel was smart by outsourcing all of his to a Ringwraith. I'd make the gnomes do it but they're already cranky enough.


But this is my second such award for this and now that Jaime and Sarah have both given me this I feel guilted into participating. And they're good nice people. I hate letting down good nice people, I see so few of them. But don't you dare think I'm going to totally play by the rules. Speaking of rules, here they are in fine print for you lawyer types:


When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to said person so everyone knows he or she is real. Choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven (7) friends. Show the seven (7) random victims’ names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Weblog”. Well, there’s no prize, really, but they can keep the nifty icon. Next, in your blog, list at least ten honest things about yourself. Then, pass it on!”


Yep, I made them be in microprint. Eyesight is overrated. Live in the now! Ok, the award symbol...now everyone of these has to have some kind of picture for you to proudly display on your blog. This has one too...and I just couldn't help myself...


Ok, well I'll give you ten truths about myself but I'm gonna go ahead and give you 10 lies to go with it. The world needs balance, people!



10 Truths

I consider it bad luck to walk under street side basketball hoops

I always make my Kraft Mac & Cheese with sour cream and no milk

I won a chess tournament as a kid, and you will not beat me at Boggle…ever

If I didn’t have kids I’d travel the world; and maybe never ever stop

I bought school supplies in bulk and sold them separately from my locker at a huge profit…in grade school

I own over 500 movies, all legitimately; I own over 6,000 songs, all illegitimately

I secretly fantasize of living in a paradise locale off the grid and on the cheap…forever

I almost always get 8 hours of sleep and rarely stress about the typical worries

I haven’t missed watching the Oscars since the late 70s but I hate all other award shows

I can dream sequentially from night to night or I can pick a dream topic for the night

10 Lies

I invented the comb

I have green hair that is braided into the form of a giant pretzel

I have a hole drilled through the Earth’s core in my home to provide sustainable heat

I can sing Stairway to Heaven backwards while playing a left-handed air guitar

I like to ride my mountain bike over the tops of cars during heavy traffic

I like reality TV; it’s the only genuine entertainment out there

I have translucent teeth…because whitening wasn’t enough

I invented the first product to suntan the palms of your hands

I graduated from Hogwarts where I majored in Muggling (Muggle Juggling)

I had all my redundant and unnecessary organs removed to weigh even less and improve my running times



I'm going to pass this lovely award on to:
dooce - Because 1,000 comments a day isn't enough
Dave Barry - Because books and TV and newspapers and a blog for comedy isn't enough
TuckerMax - Because making the NY Times best seller list from a blog isn't enough
Ellen Simonetti - Because blogging about your job and getting fired because of it isn't enough
Peter Merholtz - Because inventing the word "Blog" isn't enough
Dave Winer - Because 12 years of continuously blogging isn't enough
Xu Jinglei - Because 5o million page views on their blog isn't enough

58 comments:

Matt-Man said...

I looooooove playing Boggle. Bring it On. Cheers VE!!

Nessa said...

You award hog.

Sarah said...

hahaha Love it, especially the lies. It is easy for you to proclaim yourself Boggle champion...I would like some sort of proof please!

Jaime said...

i'd like to see you with green hair twisted into the shape of a pretzel. sounds hot

Jeff said...

Yeah, well if I could dream about anything I wanted I'd get 8 hours of sleep a night too. Hmmm, let's see... me and Jessica Alba...

Hey, maybe you could write a "suggest a dream topic for VE" post. There's no way that would produce some bizarre comments.

ReformingGeek said...

That's a great post. Is your kidney still for sale? I could use an extra one.

I'm calling CPS about those illegitimate songs. Poor things.

Congrats on the Honest Crap award and enjoy the subliminal message for tonight's dream.

freetheunicorns said...

Congrats on the awards. Too bad about the comb. If you had invented that, you'd be living in paradise on the rich...forever.

The Incredible Woody said...

You eat Kraft Mac & Cheese?!? Everyone knows that Shells and Cheese rules!

VE said...

matt-man - Figures you'd be good at boggle. But I think I can take you this time. I've never lost a game and I sued to get abandoned out on the online boggle sites. I average about 40 pts on the small board

nessa - I know, I know, I have a whole damn trophy full of them. I'm gonna feature them in every post from now on. Uggh....

sarah - I never said I was boggle champion; I just never lose. Well, I never have; even online. I average 40 pts a small board. Go try a board on your own and see how many points you get? Then do the math. If you can get 50 or above on a decent letter board, then I've got some competition! Of course, true to number 8...I won't worry about it! But thanks for the award; it was fun to do

jaime - Ha! Are you sure you can handle my pretzel hotiness?

jeff - Shhhhh! Now don't clue the wifey-poo in on this. Sheesh! Hmmm... on the suggestion. You're the second person that has now suggested opening up something back to the readers. I'm gonna have to do a special "You Tell Me" post here soon it would seem.

VE said...

freetheunicorns - Yeah, I'm still bummed about that. I hate it when people invent stuff before I thought of it!

incredible woody - Shells? Gah! Actually I've never tried them. But the kids used to get the figure shaped ones and they all sucked. Shape matters! I prefer the tubes!

MJ said...

I'm gonna have to try the mac n cheese with sour cream instead of milk thing...

VE said...

reforminggeek - How'd you sneak in there with a comment? Alas, no kidneys for sale; I think mine is still traveling the world for me. And the dreaming part isn't quite a simple as it sounds. I could dream of Jessical Alba but if I had watched a scary slasher movie then she'd probably end up chasing me with a chain saw all night. I can manipulate...but not control.

VE said...

mj - It's really good. I like my M&C thick, not runny.

lime said...

if you lived off the grid i am thinking you could get away with that green pretzel hairdo. then again, since you get adequate sleep i figure you don't much care.

VE said...

lime - You got it! Back when I bothered to work I auctioned off my fingernails for charity and the women painted them in elaborate colors and then took a picture and photo shopped it to a women's magazine cover and then pasted that all over the building. Didn't phase me a bit.

Dee said...

I can play the air guitar with my toes!

Quirkyloon said...

Another great and funny post done in true VE style.

And don't think for a minute that we don't know about your Muggling hobby. Cuz we do, ya know?

What the heck is Xu Jinglei? Should I be scared to clicky there?

lol VE l.o.l.

cathouse teri said...

LOVE Dave Barry!

Hey, I always wanted to live on Pitcairn Island. But you gotta be a Fletcher Christian descendant or a Seventh Day Adventist... or both. Or have permission from the Queen.

VE said...

dee - You are air guitar queen! Awesome!

quirkyloon - I know, I know. It's hard not to do the muggling. It's so fun! Xu is apparently some Chinese actress and according to Wikipedia her web page has had over 50 million hits. You can find most of these references if you look up "Blog" in wikipedia.

teri - I'd be a cross between Dave Barry, George Carlin and Stephen Wright. Pitcairn Island, huh? Interesting story about Fletcher. Nobody really knows what happened to him on the island. And where have you been? Off enjoying real life again? Haven't you learned...

colbymarshall said...

I am jealous that you graduated from Hogwarts. I am sure this is true even though it was in the lie section...you just put it there to throw us off the trail.

VE said...

colbymarshall - Well the lie is that I never actually graduated. My polyjuice potion so I could pass as Dumbledore wore off right during finals. Oh, and apparently muggling isn't allowed on premises either.

Megan said...

I only play Big Boggle. The small board is for wimps.

cathouse teri said...

Yep. :)

Elizabeth said...

Fantastic! I was looking for a way to make mac and cheese more caloric and higher in fat, now you solved my problem. Thanks! :)

Kurt said...

I won the chess tournament in fifth grade.

Now I sometimes forget the word for elbow.

Jacki said...

Now how do you get 8 hours of sleep????

Oh wait, your kids are over 4 years of age.

And I, too, would travel the world if I didn't have Emma. I'd be one of those people that move somewhere, get a job for a few months, then move on.

VE said...

megan - I find big boggle is just and exercise on running out of time. My quirk with boggle is that I find really big words easily. Put me on big boggle and it just irritates people I play. No, the small board is more of a challenge. Those that come close to beating me do so because they have a bigger vocabulary than I do and use all these words I've never even heard of; I excel in finding ridiculously big words where there shouldn't be any.

teri - I knew it! You go girl!

elizabeth - If you're gonna go there, might as well go all the way!

kurt - Did you study? I studied. I'd use obscurer flank openings like Reti and such. My weakness to chess was aggression. Endless positioning bored me so I would push the position with risky moves to see if my oponent knew what they were doing. The problem with that as I got older; some did. There is a famous game played by Paul Morphy where he sacrifices nearly every important chess piece he has in order to maintain momentum and force control of his opponent. He ends up driving his opponents king all the way down to his back rank and then castles for a checkmate. It's the most dynamic game I've ever seen; would never happen with chess masters understandibly, but still brilliant. I haven't played chess since the early 90s. What is that word for elbow anyway?

Chris Wood said...

Hugely well done. I'm getting drunk tonight in your honour.

Bazza said...

Dreams eh, I've never had one

Roy Scribner said...

VE, it's not right to stigmatize your music collection with the "illegitimate" label. Something more appropriate, like "paid for with your heart" honors your music in a much more appropriate way.

Gladys said...

Ok You left of

The Pie Near Woman because 12000 comments on one post isn't nearly enough or the fact she made the top 25 bloggers on Times list. Who knew taking pictures of calf nutz and your kids would make you that popular.

I wonder if I could get that many readers if I took pictures of kid nuts and cows? Oh wait that would be kiddie porn unless of course it was baby goats then it would be goat porn.

Wait what were we talking about?

Giggle Pixie said...

I challenge you to a Blogger duel! Let me know when you might be coming through Indiana and IT IS SOOOO ON!!! lolol

Janna said...

I can't decide if the sour cream thing sounds gross or genius.

I suppose it could be both.

VE said...

chris - I have a sneaky suspicion you would get drunk anyway. But never the less I appreciate that. Have one for me!

bazza - You probably have...you just can't remember them. I've heard the average dream length is something like a couple of seconds. But I'm no expert there.

roy - You're right, you're right, just because they're receipt challenged doesn't mean they don't sound just as good.

gladys - On one hand I could just write for a living if I were that big I suppose. On the other hand I'd be bummed because you cannot interact with 12,000 commenters. I'd need a lot more gnomes!

giggle pixie - I haven't been through Indiana since 1982. But that is a story all of its own. The challenge will remain out there though! Get practicing!

janna - It sounds gross but it tastes delicious.

Uncivil said...

Honestly....I have never "Boggled"?

unfinishedrambler said...

Boggle: Have you played Scramble on Facebook? If not, you should...and no, I don't work for Facebook. I just thought you'd enjoy it. :) Oh...and Boggle, I could kick your ass. ;)

angie said...

Sour cream instead of milk? Sound really rich and creamy. Bet my kids would love it. Me too, actually. Congrats on your award! :)

VE said...

uncivil - Think of all your missing!

unfinishedrambler - Yeah, yeah, apparently everybody can kick my ass at boggle. I have never been to facebook or myspace before...

angie - Don't forget to add the butter. I don't use nearly the amount of butter they recommend because I like it creamier.

Serena said...

You got yourself a FUN award.:)

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I dream of living off grid, too, but not necessarily in some tropical region. I'd go to wisconsin or oregon or something (I know...there's something wrong with me).

VE said...

serena - It was fun to make. If I can't do anything with them then I don't bother. And as always it was very nice of those that thought of me in the first place. But you know I don't really keep them around to display.

arizona - I'm in Oregon! But my neighborhood is nothing but a grid!

Alex L said...

So you didn't invent the comb... well you'll have to excuse me I'm off to the patent office.

VE said...

alex - Ha! Good luck with that!

Bonnie the Boss said...

I want to live off the grid as well! In the mountains, with no neighbors to hear.
THe list of people you tagged, I only knew who 2 of them were. Did you google them or already have that info in your head?

VE said...

bonnie - Actually there were two I had to look up to get to 7. The others I knew. Well, not personally mind you...

leelee said...

you are sooooo interesting...

no really,you are...


HUGS!!

Maureen said...

Muggling! Awesome!!! Shouldn't that be in the first list???? No?? What do you mean Hogwart's isn't real? Crap.

Anne said...

who's got a locker in grade school? we had those cubby desks.

VE said...

leelee - Think how much more so if I had invented that damn comb!!!!

maureen - It was such a waste of a good word. Muggling. I would so be there...

anne - I had a real locker. Back when they had one for every student even. Imagine!

Kurt said...

I forget.

VE said...

kurt - Now...is that a truth or a lie?

Anonymous said...

those awards
someone got snippy with me one time for not posting it
oy

VE said...

anonymous - I tend to succumb to pressure and feature them in a post...my way...but I make it very clear I will not display them anywhere on my blog. It's a nice gesture but what has it really got to do with my writing?

Venom said...

Hmmm, and I thought I was the only one with dream control...

VE said...

venom - I dreamed you lost your dream control and I was the last one left with full dream control! Muh ha ha

SarahM said...

entrepreneur much?

VE said...

sarahM - I write down entrepreneur ideas all the time. Do you think I ever see any through? Nope...

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