Monday, February 23, 2009

I've Been Around

I have a cubicle at work. There are those desolate times when my employer drags me by my heels to my cubicle to actually hold me accountable for that fat paycheck they provide me. Of course I do my best effort at screaming about the unfairness of it all but in the end they expect some level of work output. I don’t understand it; isn’t nothing the new something when it comes to work output?

My cubicle; it’s filled with a collage of postcards from places I’ve been. People who I’ve never met (it helps if you come to work to actually meet people) come up to me all the time mesmerized by the collage and the locales.

Brazil, Germany, Alaska, Indonesia, Italy, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Chile, Dubai, Singapore, England, Kenya, Peru, Philippines, Netherlands, Russia, South Africa, Belize, the Lost city of Atlantis, Rivendale and on an on. Ok, I added those last few to see if you were actually reading my nonsense.

I have been around. Yeah…don’t even try to go there; I know what you’re thinking. But I have. I’ve been to over 40 countries and 30 states. Some people never leave their state or even their city. You’d think they had a large ball and chain wrapped around their ankles. Oh, that’s probably kids and spouses and relatives and mortgages and on and on. Well, we all have to prioritize I guess. Misery or Adventure? Let me think, let me think.

Of course it’s never that easy to classify is it? How can I not classify being chased in my car by guys with baseball bats that just want to beat the shit out us because we provoked them while cruising the local strip because we were ‘bored’ as adventure? How can I not call my two plus week African safari and ocean resort trip a misery when I got food poisoning on the way back and spent 6 straight hours in an airplane bathroom throwing up? No, it’s all relative to the experiences I guess.

I’ve decided I’m going to attempt writing a book on all of my zany adventures and misfortunes. I figure I’ve got more than a few wild campfire stories to tell about my life and most of them are pretty outrageous and funny. Question is, would anyone be interested? But in the meantime of pondering that, here are some short lessons I’ve learned the hard way while traveling:

Having the entire airline flight crew rush to the front of the plane and disappear only to reappear carrying their red operating manuals isn’t a sign of good news

Red lights are only guidelines in some cities and having your driver fly through a city green light at 70mph does help establish who’s got the right away but doesn’t always prevent crossing motorcycles from laying down their bikes to avoid crashing into your car

When the power goes out in the city and fries your laptop and leaves everything dark, your cell phone works as a great night light until they issue you your very own wax dripping candle (should you want to hot wax your arm or storm the local vampire castle or something)

They will let you on a flight going to the wrong country in some airports. Luckily most flights are overbooked and somebody will argue with you about who is in who’s seat and you’ll avoid a potential awkward snag in your itinerary.

Branches can fall from city streets at any time. They usually injure…

53 comments:

Kelley said...

Bragger.

You haven't been to Australia. So technically you haven't been anywhere.

And you are probably too much of a pussy to be able to deal with our wildlife anyway...

:P

Matt-Man said...

You should work for a travel agency. You make globe trotting sound so glamorous. Cheers!!

nursemyra said...

Red lights are barely a suggestion in Vietnam

Dee said...

i have tons of your posts to catch up on,
Rivendale? see I was reading.
I don't think I would like to go to Africa, the whole thought of it freaks me out

The Incredible Woody said...

You've been living my dream! Except for the 6 hours of puking part.....

ReformingGeek said...

I hope you write a book. I will be the FIRST to buy it (since I'm never your FIRST commenter).

I want to hear all about how you got to the Lost City and what you did while you were there.

My MIL did the 6-hour puke thing on the way back from China. She was too sick to get to the commode. She had to do it in the bag. ICK!

lime said...

i'd totally read your book. i love travelogues when they are filled with humor and i know yours would be.

i had the food borne illness discussion with a travelling partner in bolivia. i was far more adventurous in what i was willing to eat than he was. i am of the opinion that for the sake of the experience a risk with montezuma's revenge is ok. i'll avoid something that has a good chance of giving me a parasite though.

Jaime said...

how do you get to a lost city? since you're traveling to imaginary places, your next trip should be to hogwarts - you could write a whole series of books about those adventures.

angie said...

yOU SHOULD definitely write that book....and not just a travel survival guide either.........:)

Kurt said...

I personally knew two people who were killed by falling branches.

Quirkyloon said...

A VE book?

Wow! Yippee!! And if you haven't been to Gondor than....well...you know!

HA!

That will be a book worth buying! And if you need one of those blurbs written? I'd be happy to do it.

Quirkyloon says, "VE is a must read book, he truly brings good things to the travelling life!"

See?

VE said...

kelley - Oh sure...now you show up! ha ha. I am saving Australia for 2012 when my kids are a bit older and I can go for several weeks. It's been at the top of my list for a long time. I just hope you didn't burn the damn place down!

matt-man - I try to forget all the airline hassles...it comes with the choice

nursemyra - Ha! And in Amsterdam they're not only a suggestion but an invitation!

dee - I've been to Tanzania, Kenya and South Africa. I would highly recommend Tanzania and South Africa. South Africa had some of the most beautiful locales I've ever been to and Tanzania was inviting and spectacular. I actually felt safe in both places.

incredible woody - It's interesting how many people dream of getting out and seeing the world and how few actually do. I know a couple that make very little money and yet he's been more places than I have. He has this passion for going on the cheap and knows how to do so better than me.

reforminggeek - Nice try...that wasn't the answer though! I had to puke in the bag too before I made it to the bathroom. You should have seen the look on the two that sat next to me when I asked for the barf bag...

lime - Yeah, I could do without parasites and I'm happy to report that's one thing I haven't gotten. I'd like to avoid malaria too. Oh...and death. Death isn't good either...

jaime - It helps if you're lost. Oh, and I'm sure if I delved over to fiction and wrote about Hogwarts then JK Rowling would be chasing me in the future. I've already been chased by Oprah and the Library police. It gets exhausting...

angie - I'd been thinking about how to weave in some of my travel adventures but telling those stories is a bit longer than the format for a blog so it needs either a different blog or a book. If I don't think there is actually a book worthy amount or flow then I'll expand this blog with another menu item dedicated to that. We'll see. But the nonsense will stay here...

VE said...

kurt - I've seen the legislative branch fall before...

quirkyloon - They're always fighting in Gondor... And thanks for the great write up! You should be a PR agent! Now I just need to shut up and write...

freetheunicorns said...

Write the book man. Then, with all the royalty money, you can finally take that trip to Rivendell

VE said...

freetheunicorns - You're right. It's so expensive getting to imaginary destinations...

Elizabeth said...

I'd buy your book. I don't like to travel, but I love reading about other peoples adventures!

VE said...

elizabeth - Not all adventures are necessarily fun...but they do make entertaining stories once you'd healed/recooperated...

Anne said...

have you considered applying for The Amazing Race? I'm sure you'd do well.

Quickroute said...

Impressive for a yank! me - 43 states and 51 countries and planning to add a few in the next few weeks - yeah I'm showing off!

Giggle Pixie said...

You TOTALLY need to write a book! I'd buy it!

Jacki said...

I agree with everyone else here. I'd buy your book. I don't know if I'd read it, but I'd buy it. ;-)

I know I have a lot of traveling to do to catch up with you, but I plan on it. Of course, you have like 20 years on me.

leelee said...

write the book...I'd buy it.

wait a tick..I thought you said you only worked 1 day a year..I know I read that somewhere...what's this "cubicle" bs..you are so NOT a cubicle kinda guy!

HUGS!

Gladys said...

The answer to your questionis YES I would throw up for 6 hours in an airplane toilet to have an African Safari. I survived an 11 hour flight with a case of what can only be classified as the burning runs from hell. I will never eat Argentine Beef in Amsterdam again. I'm sure it was the beef. No really...

Roy Scribner said...

Ah yes, getting the "thumbs-up" from the crew member, after you bring to his attention the fact that the outboard engine is on fire. Good times, good times!

VE said...

anne - You know, I used to watch that. One year...I had actually been to 60% of the locales they were at. Thtat would have been an advantage for sure. I think when you do a lot of travel, you do build up a logistical skillset to handle a lot of the kind of things that they have to do on that show. Of course, the challenges are something completely different.

quickroute - I knew I'd hear from you Mr. Travel! Yes, you are a much bigger nomad than I am for sure. Had I no kids I'd probably be out there doing all that too.

giggle pixie - I'm working on it. No really...I am.

jacki - Yes, I do have 20 years on you and thanks for bringing that up! ha ha And as a peer of your parents..."Brush your teeth and stay out of trouble!!!"

leelee - I know...I know....the one day a year worked well last year but in these economic times I have been discovered more. People keep asking where I am. It's quite depressing to be wanted at work again. As for cubicles or offices...I have had them both. I know it sounds crazy to envision me sitting in a cube...and well it is crazy because all you'll get me to do there is blog anyway...

gladys - I'm thinking you were partaking in a different sort of meat in Amsterdam! Perhaps too much time in the coffee shops too? (for those of you never there...they don't really serve coffee). I would agree with you...though it was a miserable trip back...I still wouldn't trade it. I wanted to see the Arican migration while there are still an abundance of animals to see.

roy - Yeah it's funny how your mind races to the inevitable fact that there really aren't any places to land a large plane over the Amazon without the words "fiery tree crash" being included into it. We were fortunate to make it to Guyana though. I didn't drink the Koolaid while I was there though.

Serena said...

Matt-Man's got you pegged. Write a travel book, then go to work for a travel agency. I hear the perks are great.

Beth said...

Have you ever been on a trip that didn't include some zany adventure and/or misfortune? You have some great memories there!

Uncivil said...

Wow! Some folks really have the life! And all I can do is travel the world via this darn PC!!!!

VE said...

serena - Yes, if only it paid well. Guess my priorities aren't quite all geared to travel yet

beth - Alas, not too many. My last trip to Belize/Guatamala didn't have anything but it's one of the few.

VE said...

uncivil - Hey, that's better than nothing! Lots to see and explore...even if virtually.

Nessa said...

If you do not board your connecting flight because you are in a duty free shop, they will not hold the plane for you.

VE said...

nessa - That's so un-customer service of them. I mean really!!

Kevin John said...

VE,
Fascinating! I've been around, but not to those places. Have you thought of doing an E-book on Lulu's? Charge $5 or so per?
I would also back you providing you included some of your exploits in Amsterdamn (and pics).
You're a great writer VE and it seems like you have a alot of support. I dare ya.

yellojkt said...

I've been to over 40 states but less than ten countries. I have a ways to go to catch up with you.

VE said...

kevin - I'm aware of Lulu's and other such ways to create one. I haven't decided the how yet. Right now I'm just writing. Just writing will give me an opportunity to actually critique what I am writing and to figure out how much material I have and how it shapes up. I'll deal with one thing at a time. I've already written 3 pages so at least I'm not staring at a blank screen.

yellojkt - I enjoy all of your travelogues. It really doesn't matter how many you've been to. That is just as Kelley and Quickroute described it...a bit of bragging. No, it's the passion of the explore and experience that matter. I know you have that; I've read it!

Janna said...

Rivendell was nice, but so was that place with the orcs and the fiery pit of molten lava and the evil and mayhem and destruction.

I guess Rivendell would probably have better postcards, though.

Megan said...

Write it!!!!!

VE said...

janna - I see you like the exciting places to go too!

megan - I am, I am. I wrote 3 pages today. It's a start...

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Well, let us know when that awesome sounding adventure book comes out.

Alex L said...

I've been out of my state three times... I think thats enough for me.

VE said...

nannygoats - I certainly will. Knowing me...something ridiculous will happen just writing it

alex - Hope it was to Bora Bora...

Sarah said...

As someone who got a horrible viral infection on her last night in Florida a few years ago and had to fly home pale and nauseous (after spending said last night in the ER) I would answer NO! I would not trade 2 weeks of fun just to get sick on the way home.

VE said...

sarah - That doesn't sound like any fun. You need a VE Sufferer club pin! I'd actually take the trip if given the choice. I know by now that something is going to happen anyway...might as well enjoy some of it.

GC (God's Child) said...

re question in picture
why do I have to trade? Can't I have both?

VE said...

gc - Good point. It's not really a trade...it's a trade off. You can have puking and vacationing if that is your goal!

Maureen said...

Holy crap. Red binders are NEVER a good sign. Anywhere.

VE said...

maureen - I didn't think so either. I had that thing where your stomach drops because you know it's all gonna be very very bad.

Starrlight said...

Mine is a pastiche of pictures from calendars I have had. Kandinsky and Great Authors. And about 10 years of my kids art work.

Carla said...

Let me know when that book of yours is out.

VE said...

starrlight - Excellent. Anything is better than the bare cubicle!

carla - I surely will do!

Mrsupole said...

Yes, there are many who never travel more than a 100 miles from where they were born. You are a very lucky person to have traveled so much.

But I just wanted to ask, have you ever lived in another country? Now that is a different thing altogether.

VE said...

mrsupole - True...living in a different country is another things all together. I anticipate that happening to me within the next 10 years. As soon as my kids are off on their own, I'm traveling the world and living in different places for awhile

disa said...

一葉情貼圖片區,情趣用品,情趣,色情漫畫,情色網,情色a片,情色遊戲,85cc成人片,嘟嘟成人網,成人網站,18成人,成人影片,成人交友網,成人貼圖,成人圖片區,成人圖片,成人文章,成人小說,成人光碟,微風成人區,免費成人影片,成人漫畫,成人文學,成人遊戲,成人電影,成人論壇,成人,做愛,aio,情色小說,ut聊天室,ut聊天室,豆豆聊天室,聊天室,尋夢園聊天室,080視訊聊天室,免費視訊聊天,哈啦聊天室,視訊聊天,080聊天室,080苗栗人聊天室,6k聊天室,視訊聊天室,成人聊天室,中部人聊天室,免費視訊,視訊交友,視訊美女,視訊做愛,正妹牆,美女交友,玩美女人,美女,美女寫真,美女遊戲,hi5,hilive,hi5 tv,a383,微風論壇,微風,伊莉,伊莉討論區,伊莉論壇,sogo論壇,台灣論壇,plus論壇,plus,痴漢論壇,維克斯論壇,情色論壇,性愛,性感影片,校園正妹牆,正妹,AV,AV女優,SEX,走光,a片,a片免費看,A漫,h漫,成人漫畫