Sunday, February 15, 2009

Mime Hating

Mimes. What is it about them that most people hate? Is it because the French like them? For me it’s the over-dramatization. Or it’s the “look at me” attitude of it all. WE HATES THEM! YES…PRECIOUS….WE DO.

But even still, I have a perverse pleasure in dreaming up ridiculous scenarios involving mimes. The exercise is all for the purpose of enjoying seeing them humiliated or harmed in some way. It’s not that I’m a violent or malicious person but hey, they’re MIMES! Come on…everybody but the French do that. So let’s explore a few ridiculous scenarios:

MIME Football. There is a twisted irony in visualizing mime football. On the one hand you want to enjoy them being pummeled into the ground by a 390 pound linebacker. On the other mimes are so irritating they’d just end up making a blasphemy of the carnage aspect of the game and turn it into some improv comedy art with their invisible boxes and such. They’d never even make contact. No…time to punt that scenario…

MIME Survivor. I’d certainly enjoy watching them eating dung beetles and vomiting afterwards. Go Mimes! I’d roll around in warm blanket of laughter and satisfaction watching them collapse trying to perform some hideous jungle maze involving ropes and blindfolds and swinging from snakes and such. But how can you really satisfy the need for personality in order to vote them off. They all look alike! “I vote the white faced one off”. Bam! The show ends…they all had white faces. Stinkin’ mimes…

MIME Landscaping. I wouldn’t be able to stand it! Two hours of improv involving a hydrangea! I’d just end up running out the front door to push them out of their invisible box and into the laurel bush for fun. They’d only end up mowing the lawn in some impressionistic design anyway. I don’t have art critics coming over to the neighborhood to review my lawn. I have neighbors and HOAs!

The only real irony I enjoy profusely is that because they cannot speak they cannot organize into some picked-on group like every other faction in the world and make us repent our abuse of them. Yeah Mimes!

46 comments:

justacoolcat said...

I hate them because they refuse to speak. Also, they rarely have enough money to make the mugging worth while.

Chris Wood said...

If they took requests, like I'm having my arm chewed off by a rabid pitbull, I'd have more time for them. I think most reasonable people would, too.

Laura said...

Many people seem to have problems with mimes and clowns. Is it because they are just there to entertain us and we can't take it that they don't want to make us cry or get depressed? Do we resent the easy way they get us to chuckle?

VE said...

justacoolcat - Mime mugging is still fun even if you don't make a lot of money though

chris - That's a damn fair request. I can't believe they're so picky...

laura - Mimes are just irritating. Now clown. They are just downright creepy...

The Incredible Woody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Incredible Woody said...

Oops - That deleted comment didn't quite turn out as expected. Tried to a smart-ass little mime comment- didn't work. Damn mimes!!

Middle Ditch said...

Aw, what can I say! I just have never even seen one. So, perhaps I should say .......... No comment

Jaime said...

what about MIME "make me a supermodel"? one or two mime plants in the cast might make the show more interesting

freetheunicorns said...

I hate them because they think they can act, but they can't. And they wear gay make-up and ridiculous clothes.

freetheunicorns said...

I hate them because they think they can act, but they can't. And they wear gay make-up and ridiculous clothes.

Elizabeth said...

Whenever I see them on the street I get embarrassed for them.

ReformingGeek said...

I wonder if working as a mime is like working as a telemarketer? Desperate.

VE said...

incredible woody - See, that's exactly what the MIMEs make you do!

middle ditch - You have been fortunate to not have been exposed. And silence is always the best course of action

jaime - Anything could make that show more interesting. I was personally leaning for naked supermodels but that's just me...

freetheunicorns - You've just described most of Hollywood!

elizabeth - I'm embarrassed that you're embarrassed for them!

reforminggeek - I think you have something...MIME telemarketers and MIME customer service...how irritating would THAT be?

Kris said...

I prefer the simplistic approach, I hate them because they are mimes. That's enough.

Beth said...

I don't hate mimes - I'm afraid of them. (But then, I'm also afraid of marionettes and the Munchkins from Oz.)
The best scenario would be to FORCE mimes to SAY SOMETHING!

Giggle Pixie said...

I find them disturbing, actually. And I'm freaking scared of clowns.

Gladys said...

Mimes fall into the same category as Clowns they are evil and should all be shot on site preferrably before they have had the chance to breed.

Pearl said...

I resent the silence, myself, all smug and nonverbal, like they know more than you do.
Psssssh. Lousy mimes.
Pearl

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

I'd like to see a mime in a show like Man vs. Wild.....

yellojkt said...

And on Valentine's Day, they say "Be Mime!"

Janna said...

I'm fascinated by people's hatred of mimes.
I've gotta honestly say that I haven't had enough exposure to them to know whether I hate them or not.

From what I can tell, they like having things to imitate and mock. That annoys me, so I guess if push came to shove, I'd probably take sides with the anti-mime crowd.

Mockery should only be done in blogging and on late-night TV, never while wearing awkward hats, chalky makeup, and horizontal stripes.

But I'll need to meet one in person before I can be sure.

Janna said...

Although, I just noticed that the mime in your picture is wearing VERTICAL stripes.

Oh, well.
They'll be horizontal as soon as he's laying in the street after someone punches him.

Quirkyloon said...

Don't be hatin' VE!

Mimes are people too.

They have feelings.

LOL

Chris Eldin said...

Hi Ve,

Sorry for the copy and paste of this.... I'll come back and look at your Ode to a Mime later.
:-)

Hi,

I wanted to ask you if you could take a moment and send me an email at my new email address:

chriseldin1@gmail.com

(You don’t have to write anything, I just want your email address for my new contact list, if that’s okay).
The hotmail server where I am has been locked up for over a week, and I can’t access my contact list. I’m sorry I’m posting this on your blog. And I’m also sorry this is a copy and paste letter. Will be back around….
Thanks!! And if you can’t, no worries!

Megan said...

I watched the entire Shaq-dance-in-mimeface last night and survived.

That's gotta count for something?

lime said...

anyone for mime wheel of fortune?

VE said...

kris - Well that does keep it straight forward! I applaud the simplicity...

beth - But that might make them even scarier

giggle pixie - Clowns are evil. Never get in their clown car if they try and lure you when you're walking

gladys - I see we are in agreement on this basic principle

pearl - It's like they've just TP'd your house and you don't even know it yet...

arizona - Now that I might enjoy...sort of a comedy!

yellojkt - And that is why they are bad!

janna - Come on over to the mime-hating camp...we have chocolate!

quirkyloon - Now you have to grant me a few hates. Just a few. Speeding tickets, traffic, work, mimes...

chris - Done!

megan - That which does not kill you only makes you more irritable!

VE said...

lime - Can we throw knives while it spins?

Kurt said...

Plus Mime school is too costly.

MJ said...

I hate them because they're creepy. Like a twisted kind of clown...

Kanrei said...

My issue is the same as MJ's- I just hate clowns.

Bazza said...

I hate them because they're not big and they're definitely not clever.

VE said...

kurt - And they don't say anything anyway!

mj - And that's not good...I agree!

kan - You're in good company!

bazza - They think they're clever though

Nessa said...

Mimes are like bugs and should be stuck with pins and mounted in diorama boxes.

Roy Scribner said...

You know, I'm a big proponent of that United Nations Mime Proliferation Treaty. Princess Di was big into that, too.

Serena said...

Mimes are just freaky. But then, anyone with a dead white face and no voice would be. I for one would certainly plop my butt down to watch 'Mime Survivor.' With no verbal barbs in the picture, it could get downright physical.:)

Jeff said...

What have you got against Multipurpose Internet Mail Extensions?

Quickroute said...

I wish my mother-in-law was a MIME

VE said...

nessa - Yes, some bugs are scary alive but not dead I guess. Those boxes are gonna get pretty big though...

roy - You mean we could just send them to some Island or third world country?

serena - I'm sure they'd find a way to make a mockery of even that show with their stupid little improv acts

jeff - Oh Jeff, if you had a male extension; this isn't the right blog to be bragging about it! ;)

quickroute - Ha! Good one.

Uncivil said...

At least Mimes are quiet....I like quiet!

VE said...

uncivil - Dead mimes are quiet too!

Carla said...

Ya, push them all off a cliff and then bury them under that heart shaped tombstone of yours.

VE said...

carla - That's a pretty damn fine idea. I like it. The heart tombstone for that would be a very mime like thing to do...

leelee said...

(((((((VE))))))))))))'s

PS: I mimed my comment

Maureen said...

MIMES????

I thought this was about MEMES. Which I can't stand either.

VE said...

leelee - Ha! Very clever...I can't believe you were the only one to come up with this. Well, maybe I can... ;)

maureen - Coincidence? I think not!