Friday, February 06, 2009

The Movies

Crap....hold the phone. I WANTED to feature a review of a review today but somehow life just got in the way. That's the beauty and pain-in-the-ass that life is...unpredictable. So the review will come on Saturday. Yeah...a Saturday post...you'll live through it.

So here's one I had written earlier in the week...

I just got back from the movies. No…I’m not one of those people who haven’t been to the movie theater since the Godfather was in its original run. Actually the opposite; I see quite a few movies throughout the year.

I have a few issues with our theater attending experience…

First off…commercials. We got bamboozled into tolerating commercials. Don’t we go to the movies to enjoy a commercial-free medium? But how can we complain; they’ve got us. It’s not like there are any other film industries to switch to as if it were a cell phone company.

I don’t mind previews. Just don’t show me 800 of them. I didn’t come to watch a movie of nothing but previews. Oh, and incidentally a movie that goes directly to DVD pretty much says, “IT SUCKS!” It’s nice of them to warn us with that kind of standard labeling though.

While at the movies I had to open the ginormous-sized box of Skittles for the kids. They come in this plastic inner bag that simply requires you to use your teeth to open them. I’d love to see a test trial in their offices of them trying to open them without using their teeth….clawing at them in vain with their chewed off fingernails… Damn executives.

I always feel like I’m in that old TV show “Land of the Giants” whenever I break down and have to order crap at the theater. Everything is so large. I should have the safety pin attached to the dental floss to plot my escape in case any of the giants should appear.

Tubs of popcorn are as big as those Chuck E. Cheese ball bins. You know; the ones the kids vomit in and it isn’t discovered until a couple of days later. Drinks are so big they could irrigate the Sahara back to paradise. I especially love the fact that the small drink (which in and of itself is equivalent to a water barrel) costs a fortune but you can get the next size up for only a quarter more. Right! I really need that extra 20 ounces after having to drink enough to fill my bladder twelve times over.

Oh, and let’s not forget that they run the air conditioning in there no matter what time of year it is. I dress warmer for the movies than I do for skiing on the mountain. I’m thinking of bringing in my cutlery so it’ll be cold sharpened. I’ve heard that in extremely cold conditions knives sharpen up really nice. Could be a lucrative stealth business: See a movie, sharpen people’s knives…

Forget about the seating. As I get older I’ve noticed that I can only tolerate the very back seats. They split the seating up now so there’s either the back section for the fortunate few that got to the show 8 hours early only to have to watch the slide show ads 450 times over or the front section for mole people that cannot see anyway. If I looked at the screen from there it would look like a bunch of large pixels.

Ever notice that nobody really mans the film booth in those multi-plex theaters? I was once at a movie and it stopped and nobody fixed it…for quite awhile. They did fix it and we saw the movie. At the end they gave us free tickets because of that. So I went to another movie with those tickets and the same damn thing happened. More free tickets. For awhile there I thought I might never have to pay again! Alas, it didn’t last and so I’m like the rest of you and taking out a low interest rate loan to see a movie with the family.

36 comments:

The Incredible Woody said...

We went to the matinee last Satuday. $25 for a matinee and a small popcorn!! And that didn't include drinks - I carry a BIG purse!

Jaime said...

there is one movie theater somewhere in the country where the owner actually lists the REAL start time of the movie so you can miss the 9 million previews and commercials. he also has kept the prices low enough that you don't need a second mortgage to take the family out to the movies. he's not in my neighborhood unfortunately.

Elizabeth said...

My husband wants ato see the previews. I wouldn't mind walking in a little late, but he really looks forward to them.

Chris Wood said...

I've got it nicely timed at my local cinema - 20 minutes after the film is billed, you'll safely not miss a frame. You may even catch the last few ads and yes, I really hate the amount of previews. Very, very dull.

Giggle Pixie said...

I think the reason the prices are so freaking high at the movies is to pay their electric bill. What the heck is up with keeping the place like a meat freezer anyway? lol

Roy Scribner said...

I would pay to see sumo-ski jumping, how can we get this into the Olympics?

{this comment was deemed too bland to use on Tuesday's post, but I don't want to waste it so I'm reusing it today}

VE said...

incredible woody - That's the trouble with being a guy...no big purse to save $80 with by smuggling in food

jaime - Wow, a realist! I didn't think they existed in that industry.

elizabeth - I don't mind the previews, I just get burned out with so many. And particularly when I've already seen them from another movie.

chris - I could probably do that but I'd have to start gassing it up really bad to get the seat I want by that time...

giggle pixie - I have no idea. Do warm theaters put people to sleep? It would seem expensive to air condition the place all year.

roy - I see you're being green with your comments. Good for you. Alas, I don't think it'll make it to the olympics until everyone can be a sumo!

ReformingGeek said...

As I get older, I'm more sensitive to the volume of the sound and it seems even louder during the previews, which I can tolerate......ONE, not 15. What's with that crap?

I'm with you. I can't sit in the front.

I'm usually seated next to chatty and her friend.

VE said...

reforminggeek - I haven't been hit with the sound issues yet. I do notice that the previews seem to go by so fast they're almost a blur of incomprehensive imagery. I often wonder if its me getting old or everyone experiences that. And don't even get me started on the 5 different "please silence your cell phones" spots that show too. I get it!!!

Quirkyloon said...

Hey stop complaining about the coldness of movie theaters! I love it that way!

It's the only place where my hot flashes are happy flashes!

Ahhhhh...

LOL

Sornie said...

I'm just a young curmudgeon but the prices are what get me. The large tub of popcorn (and I know that it takes at least two zit-faced teenagers to oven the garbage bag of prepared, room temp. corn) costs more than I take home in wages for an hour. Either the popcorn is way overpriced or my job is screwing me.

Beth said...

You either lucked out or forgot to mention the frustration of ending up sitting near people who TALK throughout the entire movie. Makes waiting for the movies to come out on DVD a very appealing option. (And a cheaper one.)

nursemyra said...

I'm a member of our local independent cinema chain (is that an oxymoron?)and I see a film every week. Hate the ads but enjoy the previews.

Despise people who talk and/or eat noisily at the movies. My solution is to utilise the head swivel accompanied by the icy stare, it's usually enough to stop grown men from scrabbling around in a chip packet. Of course it helps if you've also conquered the art of emitting steam from your ears at the same time.

Don't click on this link if you're squeamish but Ian from Letters Home posted this movie ad recently...

http://lettershometoyou.wordpress.com/2009/02/05/what-i-learned-on-a-london-long-weekend/

VE said...

quirkyloon - It's hard enough in summer but to do it in winter is just insult to injury...

sornie - I try to time it right after dinner or simply avoid the temptation to snack while there. It's wasted money really.

beth - I've pretty much lucked out. My cousin once stood up and screamed at these people to "Shut up". I wish I had been there...he can get really loud when motivated

nursemyra - Wow, that ad is pretty damn edgy! Ha ha. You see a movie a week? I think you see more movies than I do! I own over 500 movies...all legal. I typically only see those movies worth seeing in the theater. Some movies I can definitely wait for the DVD...

Megan said...

I have to save up to go to the movies. We don't go to very many any more...

Gladys said...

I don't go to the movies very often because I'm married to a "movie talker". You know the guy who sits in front of you and talks all the way through the movie while his wife crawls under the seats. Yes that's us. Gladys and Kahuna stop by and say Hi next time your at the theater.

Janna said...

It's been a loooong time since I went to the movies.
I think the last one was Lord Of The Rings. The 3rd one.

I almost never get drinks or snacks at the theater. The money I save may someday pay for a private island somewhere in the Caribbean.

Kurt said...

I never buy the crap popcorn or giant sodas. In my youth, I used to buy Raisinets, tho.

I joined the Regal Crown club, and I occasionally get free crap popcorn and sodas and a free movie about once a year.

VE said...

megan - Just sneak in the back door as people exit. Worked back when I was a teen...

gladys - Two words: duct tape

janna - Errr...that was a few years ago. Studies show there have actually been one or two movies worthwhile to see on the big screen since that point in time... ;)

kurt - Raisinets RULE!!! Good call. Well, until they started costing $3.50 a box that is...

Uncivil said...

Movie theatres I can do without....always wait for it to come out on DVD!

Thinkinfyou said...

You didn't say what movie you saw. What was it?

Kevin John said...

Yea, same here with the economy who has $35 just to take the fam to a movie every week?
Crap, I can go to church and get blessed for that!

But it is fun to go every now and then.If it gets boring you can sit in the back and throw spitballs...hee hee

Alex L said...

If i go to the cinemas, I only go on tight arse tuesday. Half price tickets... but other than that its not worth it.

Mike said...

Back in the old days in my little shit town, you had two choices of movie theaters:

1) The one that smelled like piss or
2) the one out of town.

I'd take the piss smell over the damned commercials now a days.

VE said...

uncivil - There are a few I've been glad I saw on the really big screen. I've got a couple of really big screen TVs at home and even still...they aren't the same.

thinkinfyou - That particular one was Inkheart with the children. Before that it was Slumdog Millionaire and before than Benjamin Button. The culmination of the three got me to the post

kevin - Spitballs are always available anywhere you go...that's what is so great about them

alex - Now I know you have to cross the scaulding outback and battle diesel truck sized gators and poisonous snakes just to get to the theater over there ;)

mike - Ah...the good old days! Back when they had double features so you could really savor the urine smell. I wish I had lived in a little shit town...

lime said...

the commercials are what really gripes me. i've paid for a ticket, i shoudldn't have to sit through commercials. and i am cheap enough that we walk down to the dollar store, load up my purse with snacks and never buy the concessions goodies.

Jeff said...

I don't mind the previews so much. It's like getting 5 mini-movies for free. Plus, they help me decide what movie I want to see next.

My pet peeve is when I sit down and my shoes stick to the floor and they make that "scriiiick" sound everytime you lift up your foot. I also hate when it's a relatively empty theater and right before the movie starts, people come in and sit directly in front of you which takes away your ability to slide your feet between the seats in front of you and stretch out your legs. Jerks.

VE said...

lime - I remember being incensed when they switched movie companies and they swapped red vines for twizzlers. The audacity of it all!!!!

jeff - Ha! Well some of us need more leg space than others! That does suck though. I usually have my feet all draped over the back of those seats like I own the place to avoid just such a situation.

Hale McKay said...

I got turned off by movie theaters when they buckled under the pressure to change the oil they used to pop their corn. I used to love movie theater popcorn. Cutting back on trans fat might be healthier for us - but it doesn't make the food taste better.

The last movie I saw at a theater was Raiders of the Lost Ark - and the popcorn was good.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

Before I had kids I used to go to movies every week by myself and loved it. I don't know that I could tolerate it now that there are a million commercials in the theater. I Tivo so I can skip commercials and I buy bootleg dvd's when I want to see something still in theaters. That way I don't have to watch the crap before the show!

Chris Eldin said...

Dude! You sound like that old guy they throw in at the end of Sixty Minutes...
:-)

So, what movie did you see?

Squirrel said...

I like going to the movies alone, because everyone I go with wants to sit down front or in the middle, and I LOVE the very back row. I also like getting there early, bringing my own snacks and being silent (all this is impossible when I bring a friend)

Squirrel said...

I dont mind some of the adverts-- I tune out the annoying ones, no bother.

Serena said...

Like everything else these days, going to the movies just ain't what it used to be. I don't mind previews; they clue me in on what I might want to see next. But the commercials are an abomination.

Carla said...

Ha, you should visit our movie theatre. (seriously...would love to know what you'd say about it). A make work project from the depression, fits over 750 movie goers. Tear in the screen...you'll actually think it is the dirty thirties.

VE said...

hale - Raiders? Wow, that's like back when there were still drive in theaters!

arizona - You're tivo addicted. I'll send some soliciters over to get you used to commercials again...

chris - Andy Rooney? Yeah, sometimes I come off like that, don't I? That movie was Inkheart.

squirrel - Not if you bring duct tape!

serena - And as usual, we have to just put up with it

carla - Do they show really outdated movies too?