Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My Interview with a Trendy Author

We here at Fantastic Nonsense have secured an interview with our very first trendy new author. That’s right, his latest book is Obama: The First Seven Hours. In fact, he is the master of getting exclusive tell-all books. Check out some of his earlier titles:

George Bush: The First Seven Hours
Bill Clinton: The First Seven Hours
The Academy Awards Show: The First Seven Hours


Are you catching a theme here? Damn, you are sharp! Yes, he is the master of these ‘first seven hours’ themed books. Let’s get to the interview:

VE: Why seven hours?
Bob: Why not? Seven is a lucky number.

VE: Surely there must be more to it than mere luck?
Bob: Yeah, I was just messing with you. And don’t call me Shirley. Actually, it allows me to go beyond the extra long bathroom session and the booger picking session of my earlier attempts at focusing just on the first hour.

VE: I couldn’t find your earliest book on Bill Clinton
Bob: It went straight to DVD. You can find it in the adult section.

VE: That explains it. I’m only through half of that entire catalog of films…for research of course! What can you tell us about the George Bush Title?
Bob: People don’t know it but it was the very first blank book sold. I believe you even did a post on those blank books that are so trendy and funny right now.

VE: That I did. But let’s take the Obama book for example, how can you make the first seven hours interesting?
Bob: The bigger the star/event the less people care about actual content. I’m guessing 60% of my sales are put straight into a bookshelf or coffee table and never opened.

VE: That’s astounding. Is it that people are impulsive? Trying to impress a date?
Bob: Some of them are. Mostly people just can’t tell what’s good vs what’s crap.

VE: Go on…
Bob: I try and fill my books with sensationalized material and lots of pictures. I’ll be experimenting with popup books in the future too. Anything that might detract from real substance and value is easy and sells.

VE: Bob, you really are a man of the times. Thanks for being on the blog.
Bob: Thank you VE. I’ve looked over your material and you are a master of saying nothing much either.

40 comments:

Kanrei said...

That is beyond funny. I really liked "The Academy Awards Show: The First Seven Hours" and the Bill Clinton book in the adult section. Great job VE

Jaime said...

I thought it'd be fitting to leave a comment saying nothing at all... but apparently I'm required to say something here.

Bush's book should be a pop up. Anything would help to make him seem interesting.

VE said...

kan - Glad you caught that Academy bit...that makes me chuckle still

jaime - It's very difficult to say nothing at all. Years of practice. Pop up books are cutting edge for non-children books. The only one that has done well is: Catholic Priests: The Pop Up Book

Gladys said...

I thought that Penthouse was a pop-up book.

Oh and I can't wait to not read Obama, The First Seven Hours is he going to write Michelle The First Night?

Would it start "I was innocently sitting in my chair in the Lincoln bedroom when I felt a strange presence begin to remove my clothing. Who knew that Abe was such a good lover."

VE said...

gladys - Ha! Well Abe never lied you know...

Roy Scribner said...

I can't tell what's good vs what's crap, either. Of course, that's no reflection on my loyalty to your blog, VE!

Chris Wood said...

7 whole hours? I'm guessing that book must be a trilogy?

VE said...

roy - Good...you'll be ready to buy my regurgitated posts in convenient hard back edition!

chris - There are many a trilogy that are quite sellable. Looks at Lord of the Rings! Look at Harry Potter! Wait, that went a bit further didn't it...to SEVEN! See the coincidence?

Elizabeth said...

Ha ha! Too funny. And it sounds like your auther might work for Star magazine as well! :)

Megan said...

How does a book go 'straight to DVD?'

Quirkyloon said...

VE?!

You forgot the hyperlinks to those books!

Now, are you really gonna make me go to Amazon dot com?

I was so excited and anxious to click...and then there was...

NOTHING!

HA!

lime said...

seems to me clinton would have been the perfect candidate for one of those pop-up books.

leelee said...

Sorry I haven't been playing lately VE...FACEBOOK sucked me in..

funny post..

HUGS!!

Giggle Pixie said...

You nailed it, Bob is most definitely a man for the times! haha!

nursemyra said...

Has he done "Annabel Chong - the first 7 hours"?

VE said...

elizabeth - Star Magazine? Yeah, that's about the quality of today!

megan - Visually. And with no words

quirkyloon - Sorry, made up books are difficult to hyperlink! I suppose I could have made up some hyperlinks too!

lime - Clinton would be. The priests were...

leelee - Facebook? Unacceptible. You need to save face here first! ha ha

gail - All hail Bob

nursemyra - Yes...and there were three more hours after THAT! Ouch! Definitely goes to the adult section as well...

Dee said...

Charlie Gibson eat your heart out! VE in the house! Now there's an interview!!!

ReformingGeek said...

The first seven hours? That's barely enough time for any of them to find the toilet must less take a crap!

Or maybe it's enough time for Michelle to order new drapes from Wal*Mart.

dani c said...

Ya, I agrre .. We need a 7hr VE interview, now that would ROCK !!

Sornie said...

With so little to say, as you said, I feel like I'm in good company!

Serena said...

Seven works quite well for me.:)

The Incredible Woody said...

George Bush: The First Seven Hours was a pretty good read!

VE said...

dee - Watch out...I'm taking over the interviewing niche...

regorminggeek - Hey, it takes a long time to weed through their extensive drape selection...

dani - Imagine the nonsense that could occur from 7 hours with me!

sornie - And you are!!!

serena - Yes, we cannot be bothered with more than that.

incredible woody - It's riviting. Very existential...

The Self-Deprechaun said...

"VE: The first seven hours"

Is also in the adult dvd section.

True Story.

yellojkt said...

In the first seven hours of the Academy Awards, they don't even get to any of the good ones.

I am Arizona; a person, not a place. said...

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger......

That movie is a classic.

Janna said...

Pop-up books are nice, but it's also fun to have those paper doll things where you punch out the little paper clothes and dress the cardboard dolls...
We could put a ballerina outfit on Dubya, and dress Bill Clinton as a French maid.
If there was a paper VE doll, we could dress you in that male model fashion outfit you posted a couple weeks ago.

Beth said...

Will you interview me when I become a trendy author? I just have to find a new trend. Once blank books were done, I was screwed.

VE said...

self-deprechaun - Ha! Starring ScarJo of course...

yellojkt - So true. They're still working on Best Supporting Make Up Artist

arizona - Yes it is!!!

janna - I knew that fashion post would come back to bite me!!!

beth - I sure will. Yeah, too bad about the blank book one. Maybe you can do blank pop ups...I don't think they've combined yet.

Kurt said...

Bob is probably right that many people buy cleverly-titled books for friends as gifts, and the books never get opened.

VE said...

kurt - It's true! I got this zine once... ;)

Uncivil said...

Monica Lewinsky: The first seven cigars

Paris Hilton: The first seven gag reflexes

Rosie O'Donnell: the first seven years in a mexican prison camp with seven hundred dollar bills taped to her ass and she still couldn't get layed!

VE said...

uncivil - You are a natural at these books!

Alex L said...

The book doesn't have that annoying ticking clock like '24' does it?

Mrsupole said...

Am I the only one who is thinking; "Vegas anyone?" I love playing "Craps".

VE said...

alex - No but there's a recording of a kid repeatedly saying "I know I am, but what are you". Keeps readers from reading long enough to know there isn't any content in the book.

mrsupole - If I were to do any kind of gambling I think it would be craps. I'd have to be good at it...I take one every day!!!

colbymarshall said...

Nothing.

VE said...

colby - You got it!!!

Carla said...

So when is the coffee table version of your blog coming out.

VE said...

carla - When I hire that person with initiative. I've thought about it before. I figure I could sell three or four copies. Relatives have to buy them, it's a rule, right?