Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Rough Times Ahead for Baseball

With the recent news that A-Rod is now officially linked to steroid use it pretty much confirms what baseball fans had been worrying about: the further decline of what was once America’s pastime.

But the steroid issue isn’t nearly as disturbing as what VE investigators have uncovered. It appears now that many players have been using robotic batters to do all of their batting.

“Once the steroid use scandal unfolded we found we just couldn’t move without them,” lamented one overweight ball player.

“I’ve got a cushy multi-year contract and a house with a tennis court and a trophy wife. I can’t afford to have bad statistics now!” another chew-filled ballplayer told us.

Yes, and to make matters worse, it would appear these robotic batters have been doing their bidding for awhile now. It’s gotten so bad that they don’t even bother disguising them.

“You try and hit a ball coming at you at 98mph! I need more steroids to react that fast!” a big hitter commented.

It would appear that as more and more out-of-shape professional ball players look toward robotic help even the fans are moving away from the shock.

“I think in the future there won’t be any real humans playing or watching.” The only important things left with baseball are the statistics and the baseball cards,” quoted one fan.

Indeed…rough times for baseball in the future!

42 comments:

lime said...

gees, soon we may just be playing it on nintendo! wait...

Matt-Man said...

It will take only half a season after the robots start playing that some of these modern marvels will be under investigation for using banned, performance enhancing microchips. Cheers VE!!

Nessa said...

Steroids in baseball occupies all of my thoughts, such a worrying subject. It has replaced my concern for starving orphans, homeless families, wars, plague...that's why it's called The Great American Pasttime

The Incredible Woody said...

You forgot the beer and hotdogs - those are important too!!

ReformingGeek said...

And I truly thought that the pitchers would have gone first.

Oh wait. We already have those. They are called batting cages....

Tsk. Tsk.

Kurt said...

Yes, but they program the robotic batters themselves. That takes skill.

VE said...

lime - You don't have a Wii, do you?

matt-man - Ha! Those enhanced microchips are illegal and they're ruining the sport!

nessa - I was going to worry about plague too but it just isn't as sexy as steroids...

incredible - The hot dogs are already fake. There's not a single bit of dog in any of them!

reforminggeek - Don't worry, some players are still fit enough to play left field...

kurt - I'll bet they have strong finger tendons...

Quirkyloon said...

Have you heard about Kevin Costner's recent attack by robot batters?

They want him to build them a field of dreams too!

Demanding robots!

Elizabeth said...

At least the roots won't go on strike!

VE said...

quirky - Just wait until the terminators show up. They always play very unsportsmanlike...

elizabeth - Who knows...look what the robot did in 2001 A Space Odyssey or Terminator or The Matrix...

Giggle Pixie said...

The shine is sure off that apple, huh? I used to love, love, love going to games in Chicago. Now I hardly think about the game anymore.

Megan said...

Robots scare me.

Jaime said...

A-Roid...We all knew the man had issues - I mean, he was sleeping with Madonna.

Gladys said...

I understand that Rosie from the Jetsons has just been signed to the Yankees. Hopefully she won't be busted for having high steroid laced hydraulic fluid.

Roy Scribner said...

I don't know, pretty soon they're all jacked-up on hydraulic fluid, and what have we gained?

freetheunicorns said...

Just wait until the WD-40 scandal breaks. Then what's going to happen to baseball?

VE said...

giggle pixie - What next...an apple pie recall?

megan - And they should!!!

jaime - Even robots wouldn't do that!

gladys - No matter how low things are...they can always go one step lower in values

roy - Well...the robot players don't ever have to retire...good for the stats and baseball cards!

freetheunicorns - Everything in the entire world boils down to either WD-40 or duct tape...

cathouse teri said...

I see you've been sniffing those markers again!

cathouse teri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cathouse teri said...

Oh wait... that was me...

VE said...

teri - Oh yes...I like the strawberry ones best...

Uncivil said...

My robotic fill in just left this comment!

Serena said...

The real problems will start when the robotic batters go on steroids.

Jeff said...

I'd be all for robotic baseball. Then maybe I wouldn't fall asleep during the games. (at least the ones here at the Metro-bore-dome.

The Self-Deprechaun said...

At the 7th inning stretch, instead of singing there will be lines of streroids and drugs to snort for the players and fans and the robots!

This is my prediction.

Alex L said...

Well you can all come and watch cricket, we dont take drugs. I PROMISE.

nursemyra said...

what is this thing called 'baseball' of which you speak?

:-)

Janna said...

I understand absolutely nothing about baseball, except it's got that thing that flies through the air, and you hit it with that other thing, and there's a net and women in short skirts and fuzzy balls and...

No, wait. That's tennis.

Ok, then baseball must be that other thing where there are all these ball shaped things and you have to hit them with this big wooden stick, and make them roll across the table and go into these holes called "pockets", and...

What? Pool?

Ok, I need a hint. Is ice involved? Pins and gutters? Goalies and pucks? Bread and butter? Cheerleaders and vodka?

Please don't make me watch ESPN.

VE said...

uncivil - He did a pretty good job too...not a lot of personality in it though...

serena - It never ends, does it?

jeff - Until they shut down witht he blue screen of death running to third base that is...

self-deprechaun - Can robots stretch?

alex - Don't even get me started on cricket! How can you not hit the ball with a bat that's wider than the country of Chile!

nursemyra - It's a pasttime for robots...

janna - It involves getting to home. Oh, wait that's my car. It involves scoring. Oh wait, that's my date. It involves hits. Oh wait, that's my blog. Oh never mind!

MJ said...

Totally figures...

Man, I wish pro sports players would just be happy that they get to play a friggin' game for a living...

VE said...

mj - Maybe they should stop keeping score and just play for FUN!

leelee said...

I recenlty heard a player quoted as saying: Arigato, Mr. Roboto!

doesn't THAT beat all!!!???!!!


HUGS!!!

VE said...

leelee - Coincidence? I think not!

Maureen said...

I'd watch baseball if Threepio and R2 were playing...

Alex L said...

Well, you dont have to deal with bounce in baseball, on the full is the easiest way to hit the ball.

VE said...

maureen - Now why does that not surprise me! ;)

alex - Oh yeah, well we don't have those silly sticks in the ground. Is the sport like a hybrid of crochet? ;)

Carla said...

Wish I could get some robot to do all my house work. If there were time left over after that, then he could play baseball.

VE said...

carla - See, as soon as you have robots, suddenly there are all these other priorities put on them...

Wow said...

Baseball is so yesterday

VE said...

wow - Yesterday is so the day before

Mrsupole said...

Okay, you said the robots are "hitting" the ball, but who is running around the bases?

And what is wrong with having a Wii, it just sits there and does nothing anyways. Something is wrong with it. It tries to make us do all the work. I think I need to beat it with that baseball bat.

VE said...

mrsupole - Remember those self propelling vacuums you just turn on and they vacuum everything? They've been modified and specialized for base running.