Thursday, February 26, 2009

Toys

It’s Theme Thursday again folks. This week’s theme is TOYS. And VE being an overgrown kid himself might have some ridiculous observations on this subject. Take a look…

Toys are subjective. Who hasn’t run into THIS reality?

It’s a great lesson. It’s imagination that makes the toy not the other way around. Not that there aren’t great toys out there. It’s that adults just keep mucking up the whole concept of toys. Case in point:

Yes I am afraid to report that there is an entire organization devoted to adult men who never grew up and still play with Legos. The problem is that they are adults now and they really don’t play nicely. Vanity, competition, obsession replace the curiosity, challenge and determination of a child. There are a few women that fall into this category too but they are rare. Women prefer to seek out males and destroy any self worth they start out with through subliminal and psychological tactics learned at a secret training facility on Venus. Updates are passed to them once a month during this PMS cover up routine. But I digress…

The other thing adults mess up is the whole marketing and distribution of toys. There are great toys out there…they just can’t make it to the toy shelves. Why? It’s because the damn shelves are full of endless variations of the same safe time-tested successful toys. How many damned versions of Scrabble do we need on the shelves?

- Regular scrabble
- Travel scrabble
- Deluxe scrabble (with the raised grid so the tiles don’t slide)
- Special Edition scrabble (with a rotating board)
- Stuttering Scrabble (600 extra tiles in the gagagagagagame)
And on…and on…and on….and on…

But even these aren’t the real killer of toy accessibility. No, that coveted title belongs to Monopoly! You can’t find anything but endless variations of Monopoly. Not only are there official version such as the National Parks Opoly or the NFL Opoly there are endless other ones too.
And on…
And on…
And on…
And on…
It’s so ridiculous that even VE himself has gotten in on the fun. I once made this version:

You can read about it here.

I’ll leave you with one interesting fact about Monopoly (I’ve mentioned this before for long time readers). Charles Darrow did not invent it during the depression. He STOLE it at that time from the Quakers. He even overlooked that the Quakers had misspelled Marvin Gardens on the board. Doh! To this day, the owners of Monopoly the game will not correct their history for accuracy. Look it up sometime…

62 comments:

Chris Wood said...

I'd have thought Stupidopoly and Bushopoly were the same thing, but ...

Ronda Laveen said...

I had no idea there were so many versions of the same game! Is there a "Go to Jail" in the Kiss-opoly game?

Matt-Man said...

I don't want to "look it up sometime", and you can't make me. Cheers!!

The Incredible Woody said...

Damn - you knew I would have to go and Google it before I could even comment!!

Kurt said...

You left out Pocket Scrabble - the best version of them all. It has been out of print for some time, but I managed to buy four of them on eBay.

Mrsupole said...

All those OPOLY's, it was really funny, I laughed at each one. Some of the things you came up with here were just great.

And yes, I guess my hubby would say that I have been to Venus and learned it all so well. Then I taught our daughters and then the granddaughters. I saved him the spaceship fare. It was a lot of money I saved him, so I do not know why he complains.

Great post. Very funopoly.

willow said...

Loved all the Opolies! And yes, the target audience always loves the big cardboard box most.

Candie Bracci said...

I really really enjoyed that.Well done.
And the Bushopoly...lol

Jaime said...

that subliminal and psychological warfare is FAR more challenging than building a life size statute of luke skywalker out of legos. and more fun.

lime said...

kiss-opoly? that's disturbing

JGH said...

I had no idea there were so many opolys!

So what do you think about the "Jr." versions of popular games like Monopoly and Scrabble that are out now?

Dee said...

I guess i'm one of the Dummies that purchased more than one version of the game scrabble.

freetheunicorns said...

Don't forget Scrabble Ebonics Edition.

VE said...

chris - One would think so but Bushopoly is much dumber and far more destructive

Ronda - I have a sneaky suspician they've all been there before...

matt-man - Come on now...you know you did right after you commented. You couldn't resist! Don't fool me!

mrsupole - The problem with those trips is you don't get frequent flyer miles. Guys want frequent flyer miles. We're cheap...unless it's for something we want.

willow - My grandfather used to repackage the same box of old toys every Christmas when I was really young and I fell for it every time

Candie - Thanks. The Bushopoly was just too tempting to not do!

jaime - See...more admissions of the truth! I knew it!

lime - It's all disturbing...

JGH - It's just kid manipulation with those Jr. games. Very sneaky of them...

dee - I hhhhoope you didididn't bbbbbuy the sttutttttters version

freetheunicorns - Ha! No, one shouldn't forget that!

Jaime said...

yes...and now that you've leaked the information about our secret venus training facility, you will have to be punished.

Quirkyloon said...

Oh I've been looking to replace our "opoly" game.

Great suggestions. Tough choice though. I've narrowed it down to "Kissopoly" and "Bibleopoly."

Yeah...real tough choice!

Ha!

Brian Miller said...

It saddens me to see toys sitting on shelves in adults houses. I wonder would they like to come out and play.

Monopoly it seems has become a monopoly.

VE said...

jaime - What if I trade you the guys secret Mars plans?

quirky - Ha! That's gonna be a tough choice indeed!

brian - Yes, monopoly became a self-fulfilling prophecy!

Sarah said...

"Updates are passed to them once a month during this PMS cover up routine." What woman broke the code and told you our secrets?! She has a target on her back!
:)

Maureen said...

Ha! Scrabble for Stutterererers is a game I would love to ppppppplplplpl try.

Elizabeth said...

Please tell me your kidding about the Lego compititions for grown men!

ReformingGeek said...

And here I was all confused about what to request for my birthday this year. Now there are too many choices of Opoly games. I love them!

Stupid-opoly will be bought for.....uh.....I'd better not say who's getting that one for their birthday!

As for how women rule the world, I missed out. I must not have known the password. Maybe it was SCRABBLE.

VE said...

sarah - VE's investigators have been on this one for years. What Amy Winehouse won't do for meth money...

maureen - okkkkkkay! hohohope you lllike it!

elizabeth - I wish I were kidding and though I actually didn't do any research I know of a person in my very own neighborhood that is in a lego club of some sort. I'm only speculating that there are competitions...it wouldn't surprise me in the least. But then again...nothing much surprises me any more.

VE said...

reforminggeek - You didn't get all the updates? You must be using a Mac...

Gladys said...

VE Aren't Bushopoloy and Oralopoly sister games?

Also and too...Speaking of Adults not growing up have you seen these women who are obsessed with these life-like dolls that costs thousands of dollars? They carry them everywhere and even put them in car seats and strollers?

Maybe if Octopussy would have gotten 14 of them then the state of California would only be out 14000 dollars instead of 14 million.

VE said...

gladys - I haven't seen Oralopoly but I suspect you might be right!! And I'm apparently not aware of these life like dolls. Perhaps I'll have to do my own research on those. Are they fully functional? ;)

Kanrei said...

The saddest thing was seen by me the other day: monopoly no longer has monopoly money! Visa has invaded Monopoly and you get a credit card now! WTF?

Giggle Pixie said...

I live in Indiana and I truly do NOT want that Farmopoly game. But maybe that's just me. Now the Chocolateopoly? I'll take two! lol

mouse (aka kimy) said...

tee hee....great post.....but really one can never have too many versions and types of scrabble!!

the quakers and monopoly...wow, there's a mind bending factoid!

The Hussy Housewife said...

Yeah and they also screw it up by putting to many twist ties on them. They over, over, over package the sons ^@$#$%!

Colette Amelia said...

wonderbar! hit the spot!

Nessa said...

I want a box. Oops, I guess I shouldn't say that in this economy.

VE said...

kan - Oh no! Say it isn't so? Remember when I rewrote the Life game here and swapped to a credit card? I was joking. I never really expected it to come to that!

giggle - Yeah, I suspect even farmers don't want that...they don't have time for games anyway; they work too long and are too tired to be playing that.

mouse - See, now I knew I would tap into the Scrabble fanatics sooner or later. It's a fine line to tread...this humor writing! ha ha

hussy housewife - Boy isn't that the truth? They used to have those things that you'd have to cut and everyone complained about those so they went with twisty ties and ugggh...I guess we got what we asked for there. Overpackaging is a waste. They should just have eggs rolling around in a big bin and let the toughest ones survive!

colette - Hit the spot? Great, there goes my insurance rate again! ;)

nessa - Yes, you should have stocked up on the good big boxes while the getting was good. Now you'll be stuck with a mid-size box...

moooooog35 said...

I usually play 'bushopoly' by myself watching Cinemax late at night.

Maybe I'm thinking of something different.

Megan said...

I admit to buying the offspring the Pokemon version. Those little pokemon game pieces are kinda cute. And they don't have the annoying voices that they do on the cartoon.

I don't believe there is a Kiss-opoly. I'm going to check...

VE said...

moooooog35 - Ha! You have wandering into the adult toy section I'm afraid...

megan - Ok, here's the thing...I invented and designed my very own Pokemon board game for my nephews because I didn't think anything in the Toy market sufficed what they were asking for. I researched it, designed it and made two prototypes. One for them for Christmas and one I kept. I was even in negotiations with Hasbro about it. I think I'll do a post on that.

Kanrei said...

Remember when I rewrote the Life game here and swapped to a credit card?

That would make it your fault then. THANKS VE!

Roy said...

Wow! That's a lot of Monopolies. And I love Bushopoly; I followed your link and read about it. I think Karl Rove's picture (or maybe Dick Cheney's) should replace the guy with the mustache and the tux on all the cards.

And you remind me that I forgot to include board games on my own post for the theme. I have a travel version of Othello that I'm thinking would've been very photogenic.

VE said...

Kan - I hate it when they steal our ideas! Just wait until they steal your movie/book plot you wrote about way back when. Damn them!

roy - Ha! Yes, Cheney's characture would make great card replacements for that. I should have thought of the idea midway through his carnage in office and I probably could have made some decent money actually doing it!

nursemyra said...

is there a mah jongopoly? I might be persuaded to give that a whirl...

Kris said...

My brother got a KISS make-up set for X-mas in 1980.

He never let me touch it.

VE said...

nursemyra - I haven't seen that one...but you know...it wouldn't surprise me at all if it is out there

kris - Did he ever use it? Did it come with a tongue extension for realism?

Jeff said...

I think you should invent a VEopoly or Blogopoly and have all our blogs as the properties. People could pay in comments and you could collect 200 extra site meter visits every time you pass Go. Stuff like that.

Ready?.... Invent!

Cinnamon said...

You can keep the Opolies- scrabble is for me :)

VE said...

jeff - Genius! I like IT. I'm gonna do it. Want to collaborate? It was your idea...

cinnamon - Another Scrabble die hard I see...

Uncivil said...

Holy Crapalopoly Batman?

Thinkinfyou said...

I don't think I've ever finished a full game of Monopoly. I was too busy having fun with my cardboard box!

subtorp77 said...

Grown guys playing with Legos. A friend of mine is President of a Rhode Island chapter of Hot Wheels. aged from mid-30's to over 80! Set up the tracks!

Serena said...

I'm so glad I'm still a kid at heart.:)

Cuppa Jo said...

I liked the little terrier token in Monopoly. The 1970s edition.

Mike said...

I like watching women play with THEIR toys.

colbymarshall said...

I am guilty of owning Dawgopoly (about University of Georgia, my alma mater) and the Disney monopoly. Sigh.

Janna said...

If you were a dog, you'd play butt-sniff-opoly.
Vegans can play tofu-opoly.
Mob informants can play cement-shoe-opoly.

Suddenly, Paint-dry-opoly doesn't sound so bad.

VE said...

uncivil - You said it Robin!

thinkinfyou - Good for you! Boxes are fun. And now in today's economy they are practical too.

subtorp77 - Yes...I do still have my case holder with my original Hot Wheels over at my Dad's house. But I no longer play with them...

serena - Break out the stuffed animals and Easy Bake oven!

cuppa jo - Yes, that was actually a good one. I always thought the iron was lame...

mike - Why does that not surprise me at all!

colby - Oh colby, colby, colby. I'm so disappointed. You've sold out to THE MAN! ha ha

janna - Ha! I don't think the dogs would actually play fair...they'd just eat the pieces.

Starrlight said...

I always thought Bush would be a natural for word search. He creates so many new ones!

yellojkt said...

I figured in Special Scrabble, all the words have to be three letters or less.

VE said...

starrlight - Yes, and I miss having that easy material for blogging. Now I have to work just a little harder...

yellojkt - I like it. Oh, 'like' is a four letter word...I lose.

Jeff said...

Sure I'll collaborate. You make it all up and I'll play. ;-)

VE said...

jeff - I thought so. You clearly belong in management....

leelee said...

I love the kid in the box. The box was always more fun..

Those lego guys freak me out...

HUGS!!

VE said...

leelee - The lego guy we have around here has anger issues. I don't think he ever got to have fun as a kid and even with all his legos now I don't think he knows how...

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